My favorite songs of the year

url
I usually do yearly round up of this blog, covering all the things I’ve written and the different music I’ve both covered and released. Not gonna lie…it all just seems like a huge undertaking that I don’t feel like doing at the moment. Perhaps I’ll get to it next week. Maybe not. Instead, I’m opting to just give you guys a folder of all my favorite songs from this year. A few people specifically asked me to do this and I don’t see why not.
Just a few caveats

1)Some of these may be over a year old but I listened to them a more THIS YEAR than last year so, you know, don’t be a stickler about that shit.
2)You will, very likely be disappointed in some of this list. If I know the people who read this blog, they have very particular taste. Well, we are all different and I’m not you. I purposely placed all the songs that I have a feeling people will hate at the end of the comp.So, when you hear that 50 cent song start? That’s when you know it may be time to sign out for some of you. I’d ideally like you guys to give those songs a chance and listen. Perhaps, try to understand why they are enjoyable but I’m not holding my breath.
3)I purposely left off the music by people I work with or I know well personally cause I felt like it. I hate seeing other peoples top ten lists and it basically looks like their contacts on their phone. I know a lot of great artists and they made a lot of great music this year. The music will keep coming from all of them, I assure you. So, Aesop, Open mike eagle, Marq Spekt, Run the Jewels, Billy Woods etc…You guys killed it this year and I can’t wait to see what ’16 holds for all of you.

It’s been a good year for rap. Versatile. I’ve enjoyed stuff from straight lyrical underground rap, to thugged out coke raps to trap shit that surprised me. I think that’s one thing I can say about the last 4 or 5 years. Every niche within the genre has it’s high and lows. It our job to discern what is and what isn’t good. But I would strongly advise against categorically dismissing certain types of rap music cause it doesn’t fit into the little box of interest you’ve created. Not only are you missing some good music but, trust me, in a few years you will look back and feel kinda dumb about being so stubborn over music. It’s music. It can be many things. If can make you think but it can also make your mind numb in a good way. So, with that said, here’s my top 25 list (in no specific order) , along with a folder of the songs. I have a feeling the download links won’t be up very long so get it while you can…
Link 1
Alternate Link
1)Lift me up-Vince staples
2)Untouchable-Pusha T
3)Huey- Earl Sweatshirt
4)Excuse- ASAP Rocky
5)Hold up- Tree
6)Burdoned- Bobby raps and Corbin
7)Day 93- Dr. Yen Lo (AKA Ka)
8)Sunday school dropout- Wiki feat Hak)
9)Top of the Whitney- Shirt
10)48th st- Your old Droog
11)Gas in my lung- Spark Master Tape
12)Auntie Pearls house- Golden rules
13)Jabar- DP
14)Meet the mets- Homeboy Sandman
15)Nah- JunglePussy
16)Shadows- Michael Christmas
17)Suede- NXWorries
18)Wold champion karate champion- Jon Wayne feat. Quelle Chris and Zeroh
19)I’m the man- 50 Cent
20)All about the sauce- Sauce Walka
21)Juggathon- Giftz
22)No tellin’- Drake
23)Rest in peace- Fat trel
24)G double O D- Swag Toof
25) White- Young Greatness

Yay or Nay: Jidenna, The rapper

560ac30a1900002f00fdea70
if you are even mildly aware of pop music this year, you’re probably familiar with Jidenna’s hit song “Classic man”. Taking the formula of Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy” but making it engaging and not terrible, this joint was everywhere. Hell, I even remixed it for fun. But here’s something I bet you didn’t know (I sure as hell didn’t): Jidenna raps. He’s not the first r&b guy to surprise us with that skill set. Chris brown did it. Even your man young BIEBZ has been heard spitting #barz. Let’s be honest, anyone can rap. It’s not rocket science. But what sets apart the good from the bad is something totally different.
So, I happened upon this Jidenna song/video the other day and was honestly kinda surprised…he can rap. Like…seriously. He’s not bad at all. I’m curious what you guys think. I don’t love the production but it does have a mood to it and it allows Jidenna to go in more than I ever would have thought possible. Check it:

Well, what do you think? (you can pick more than one choice)

Answers for questions vol. 270

Screen shot 2015-12-28 at 10.35.28 AM
Happy holidays everyone. Hope you got a gift that you liked or whatever.
This is “Answers for questions”. You ask, I answer. Right now, my question queue is running low. So, that means I need you guys to dig into your santa’s bag of gifts and ask me stuff. Go nuts.
Send questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or simply leave them in the comment section below. Seriously..tis the season to ask a motherfucker some random shit. I’ve long said that, once my question bag runs empty, it might be time to shut this whole things down. Don’t let that happen (unless you want to, in which case, carry on).
Here’s this weeks stash…

QUICK! I’ve been studying in NYC this past semester and I leave in about two weeks (mid/late-December). I wanted to try and do something in each borough before I left. Any recommendations? I currently have only driven through Queens and haven’t even stepped foot on Staten Island.

Ummm..it’s probably too late and , honestly, I’m a terrible tour guide. I think living here my whole life has made it hard to just give random ideas of what to do in the city. It’s like asking me “What’s your favorite line in a movie ever?”. How can I even begin to figure that out. Also, I don’t do much. I chill. I don’t go out to new clubs or check out art exhibits. I’m low key. On top of that, I don’t know shit about queens, the bronx or staten island. So, yeah…sorry…can’t be much help here. I can say that it’s okay to just skip Staten Island. Not that it has no merit but it’s probably not worth the boat ride unless you got something VERY particular you want to check out there. What that could possibly be? I have no clue. Unless you’re one of those wierdo’s who likes to see where your favorite rappers grew up and end up hanging out near fucked up projects just so you can take an instagram pic of the WU-tang mural.

back in college (early 2000s) i had a NES in my room and used to wreck both my roommates at super tecmo bowl. i was sovereign. then one night my roommate brought one of his homeboys over and that guy whipped the polecat piss out of me in super tecmo bowl. to the point i wanted to throw the controller and accuse him of cheating. it was like he stole a piece of my identity. so the question is: have you ever been “known” for something that’s part of your persona, and then come across someone who’s so much better at that thing that it ruins it for you?

Sure. I’ve had that reality check a few times (I’ve also given it to people as well, which feels great). In my case, it was ping pong. I’m pretty good at ping pong. But on a casual level. Like I’ve always been the best amongst my friends and shit like that. One time, I went to this ping pong “club”. A friend knew a friend and got me in. It wasn’t like olympic dudes but somewhat normal people playing (though there was one guy who apparently played in the olympics and he was playing people using his phone as a paddle. He was kicking everyones ass). I got matched up with some dumpy Puetro rican kid. He seemed harmless enough but, goddamn…I play a very spin heavy game. but this dude was throwing ungodly shit at me, the likes I had never even known possible. he demolished me. Not only that, I watched him get destroyed the next round. That was a rude awakening for me. Like, I never thought I was an elite talent in ping pong but I was confident that I was very good. Then , when you see how deep it really goes…man…it’s depressing.


What is your policy on tipping? Are you generous? A stickler? If you go to deli, do you tip? What about places were they literally just grab something for you, yet still have a tip jar out? What’s your criteria when determining a tip in a restaurant situation?

I tip at least 20% at restaurant. I prefer to pay cash and I’m impatient so if I end up paying more and it means I don’t have to wait for change, so be it. Only time that changes is if the service is truly awful or if the service is next level exceptional then I will react accordingly. But, 20% is the norm.
For other things, I’m a little more picky. I don’t go to coffee shops but I used to work in one. When I worked there, I never expected tips. So, in that sense, I don’t tip people who are just doing their job (and getting paid decently for it). If I’m a regular somewhere, have some familiarity with the workers, I always tip a buck and change in the jar but otherwise? Eh. Not so much.
I don’t tip at deli’s or bodegas cause who does that?
I tip delivery men about 3-4 bucks per delivery. I tip a cab driver 1-3 bucks unless it’s a long ass trip (like to the airport) then I add on a few more dollars.

what are you listening to these days?

Random shit. I have a playlist that I throw new music I like into and it’s pretty much all I listen to. I recently added joints from Wiki’s new album, some Pusha T shit, there’s a new 50 cent song I like, “Days with yen lo” still gets run, Vince staples, shirt.
Honestly, the majority of the stuff I listen to gets mentioned on this blog eventually.

ever considered making a “year end list” of your fav tracks?
I will probably do that in the next few days. Many of you will be confused and disappointed by said list.

The initials of your blog are PF (fact). Which made me think right away of PF Chang’s (the chinese restaurant chain). So here’s my question: if you could be any item on a chinese food menu, what would you be? And would you prefer to be eaten with chopsticks, reg. fork or other?
This is important.

I mean, I feel as though picking a food that’s going to be eaten is pretty arbitrary. Like if I’m lo mein or beef and broccoli, my fate remains the same. It’s not like it’s gonna be better to be chewed to death cause I’m a peking duck or if I’m sauteed bok choy.
But, ignoring that, I would want to be a steamed pork dumpling. Why? Cause they are my favorite. You could eat me with a fork or chop sticks but I’d almost prefer people use their hands. Let my brown grease drip all over your gluttonous fingers as you take me to my final resting place.

What’s one trend thats popular right now that you cant wrap your head around?
Hmm…Rapping into autotune. It makes me feel old cause I know it’s a big thing but…why? it sounds like shit. I get singing into it but rapping? It’s so fucking stupid. I’m not a fan of “extra” in general and that all just seems so extra.
Also, crazy lumberjack beards. It’s not that I don’t get them. I fully get them. As a man, it makes all the sense in the world. But what I don’t get it how much women love them. Like kissing one of those dudes must be like licking a bears asshole. But ,hey, i support them in some sense cause they promote manliness , which is a dying concept.

Not a particularly creative question, I’m just in a fatty eating mood right now!

What are you favorite types of…
-chips
-candy
-chocolate
-ice cream

God, I love junk food.
This question is pertinent to my interests.
Chips: I like to get those fancy off brand chips they have at obnoxious “health food” deli’s but, when it comes down to it, my favorite all time chips are ruffles sour cream and cheddar and tostido’s Lime tortilla chips. Those are what I can always go back to.

Candy: I like gummy candy. Gummy bears are the obvious choice. I don’t buy candy much anymore but, when I do, it’s gummy bears. Sometimes, I’ll branch out and get the gummy coke bottles.

Chocolate: I don’t like dark chocolate. Call me a heathen but fuck you are you bitter bullshit ass chocolate. Milk, ALL DAY. I fucking love a Skor bar. I may be the only man alive who does but, man, I love some chocolate covered toffee. In general, I like anything milk chocolate related. Only time I’m not into it is when it’s got nuts. Otherwise, I’m all over it. ALL OF IT.

Ice cream: I’m kinda boring. While I love me some talenti ice cream (the salted caramel is crazy), in general, I’m basic. I like strawberry or cookies and cream as my go to flavors. Also, green tea ice cream is my shit. There’s a place near my crib that makes earl grey ice cream and that shit is incredible.

I’d also like to add that chocolate chip cookies are my favorite thing on earth. That is all.

Christmas music for the REAL

6a010536b86d36970c0162fdaa5e1a970d
Let’s not kid ourselves. Holiday music is abysmal. You know it. I know it. Your friends and family know it. Aside from weird midwestern moms and people who get unusually aroused by tradition, I honestly don’t believe anyone truly enjoys it. At best, it simply reminds us that the holidays are here. The first moment I hear Mariah carey’s “All I want for christmas” wafting out of a storefronts doors in november, I know the season is here. Generally, when something is that bad, it’s at its best when being made fun of or spun in a different direction. So, I compiled a bunch of christmas songs I can fuck with. I left off a few classics (Run Dmc “Christmas in hollis”, grandma got run over by a reindeer (Fuck that song though), The run the jewels christmas song, etc….) and opted for the more obscure. So, here’s a playlist you can sneak on at your family christmas get together. Sit back and watch, as the face of anyone who is paying attention either gets filled with joy or becomes so enraged they kick over the tree and cancel christmas forever. Either way, you’re coming out on top.
So, ho ho ho…Enjoy.

Down load HERE
1)Albert King- Santa Clause wants some lovin’
2)Blowfly- The 12 lays of christmas
3)Clarence carter- Back door santa
4)Dr. Demento- I saw daddy kissing santa clause
5)Eazy-E- Merry muthafuckin’ Xmas
6)Kam- Holiday Madness
7)Ludacris- Ludacrismas
8)James Brown- Santa claus goes straight to the ghetto
9)Snoop dog- twas the night before christmas
10)Steel panther- Sexy santa
11)The Frogs-Here comes santa’s pussy
12)Tiny Tim- Santa has got the AIDS

Have an opinion! Pick your favorite.

funny-santa-claus-tombstone
Every now and then, there are periods of time when a ton of good music seems to pop out of nowhere. Months can go by, with me listening to the same shit I had been forever then, all of sudden, a whole new crop of songs and albums for me to dig my teeth into appear. Not gonna front, soundcloud has really upped the ante on this cause it seems like artists I check for release a new song for the hell of it every month or so.
Anyway, I often like to take the temperature of what you guys are fucking with. So here are 7 songs I’ve been fucking with (many of the artists are favorites of mine you should be very familiar with if you follow this blog), in both video and soundcloud form. I’m curious what you like the most. There’s a poll after the songs and I know how much people like voicing their opinions online. Well, now is you chance. Peep them and lemme know.

Wiki-Livin’ with my moms

Shirt-Queens to Hollywood

Mr. Muthafuckin’ eXquire-Gold mouth piranha

Michael Christmas- Look up/save the day

Your old droog-Basketball and seinfeld

Tree-D day

Fresh daily Feat Homeboy sandman- Bodybag

So, what’s your favorite of this batch? You can vote for more than one if you’re the indecisive type

Answers for questions vol. 269

hqdefault
Whattup everyone. Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. You ask, I respond accordingly. You got anything you wanna ask me? And i do mean anything…fire away. The only questions I’ve ever passed on were personal questions about other people and really boring questions I’ve answered already. Email me questions. Send them to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Get creative. Get weird.
Okay, let’s see what we got this week.

Do you feel the need to create music is outside of yourself? Are you visited by a “muse” from time to time, as some artists claim?

Nah. I’m very practical about how I make music. I sit down, get in a headspace to do it and execute. Sounds robotic and it is. If anything, I don’t buy that “muse” shit in general. I mean, I get that some people probably work that way but my guess would be that most people who speak of their work like that are full of shit or trying too hard. That said, I can see certainly how a person or event can inspire music without question but the idea of a “muse” is corny to me. Like “Hey, Cindy! Come stand in the room while I make this beat!”. It should also be noted that what I do is very different than, say, a guy who’s composing a piano concerto. So, in that sense, I could be talking entirely out of my ass.

You don’t strike me as the most sentimental, festive type of person haha, but what is your favorite holiday tradition from when you were a kid?

You are correct in that assumption. I don’t give a fuuuuuuuuuck about any holiday. In general, I’m not a fan of any old time traditions.
That said, I wasn’t always an ice hearted monster. Back in the day, the christmas stocking was my favorite thing ever. Even more than the actual presents I’d get from my family. Even thought those presents were always the “good shit” , the randomness of the stocking was my favorite. Like i would get chocolate, a tear away far side calendar and some random toy I never asked for. But i loved that shit. As i got older, i realized it was a way for my mom to push her health agenda’s on me. Like I’d get a certain kind of face wash or deodorant. Regardless, the surprise of what i would find in there was the best.
Nowadays, all I care about is the food. Obviously , seeing family is nice but it’s not like i never see them. Most of my family lives relatively close to the city (with a few exceptions) so seeing them for a holiday isn’t some major event. Food, son…all about the food.

Oh heyyy, nice to see Phat Friend back. How’d the touring go, do you feel human again yet?
I think I covered what touring on a bus was like last week so I won’t repeat it.
But the tour went well. Saw some real deep hippie spots. Like the type where, if you walk through the crowd, you can tell half of them use those toms of maine rock deodorants that don’t actually work. Aside from that, nice people though.
I was only gone for two weeks but it took me maybe 2 days to feel human again, once home. All i need to do is fall back into my routine. Which isn’t hard.

What are some of your favorite music videos (visually) from the mtv days?
Ohhh…tough question. Gotta think…There is a really a wide variety. some of them are songs I don’t even like but the videos were awesome.

Drop by The Pharcyde

Come to daddy By Aphex twin

Separate ways by Journey

What you see is what you get by Xzibit

Cry by Godly and creme

Hell yeah by Dead Prez

Human Behavior by Bjork

Smack my Bitch up by Prodigy

There are tons I’m forgetting but those all popped into my mind.

It’s been 11 years, what do you think of Ass Like That by Eminem?
I haven’t listened to it once in it entirety ever but i’m gonna assume it’s as bad, if not worse, as it was when it dropped. For a guy with the talent that Em has, he’s got some songs under his belt that rival anyone, in terms of “worst songs ever made”. He’s neck and neck with 1990’s Aerosmith.

I was listening to music by cavelight and I noticed that the beginning of Forrest crunk sound a lot like Drake’s Hotline bling. Is it just me or is the same sample? That’s all, lol. Have a nice day.
It’s just you. Definitely not the same sample. This is the hotline bling sample:

Awesome song. I’ve had it for a while and when i heard drake use it I was actually pretty psyched cause it’s not a sample I would fuck with but it’s really dope.

how many hats do you own? whats your criteria for buying a new one, are there any specific teams you would avoid?
Hmmm…I own about 8 or so but like 4 of those are well out of the rotation.
As for what kinda hats I buy, i’ve moved away from sports teams the last 3 or 4 years now. Nowadays I just look for kinda obscure hats that confuse people. Like, I rock this one I got in St. Petersburg, russia sometimes. I rock a Max Fish hat. that’s this bar I go to and it looks like a yankee hat but it isn’t. Basically, I’m trying to wear hats I don’t see everywhere.
When I did wear team hats, I stuck with only baseball teams and mostly old versions of the hats. Like the Orioles, the Brewers or the Padres. It wasn’t so much about the team as it was the design and colors.

Let’s talk Tinder (Female Edition)

man on a bed

A While back, I wrote of my experiences on tinder as a newly single man. Here is that article for reference. As a man, I know that what I experience on tinder is nothing compared to what girls go through. Shit, just the other day, a girl I know sent me a screencap of her Instagram dm’s and it was literally a bouquet of dick pics sent to her by strangers. It’s crazy. So, I asked my good buddy (and Rogglecast podcast partner) Pollyne AKA po_lite to give me an idea of what it’s like to be a lady on Tinder. Not only did she do that, but she bought photographic examples. God bless her heart. So, here’s Pollyne , Talking tinder…

LET’S TALK TINDER

I can give you one word to sum up Tinder for a woman, EXHAUSTING. Honestly, even the thought of writing about it is exhausting; must be why i conveniently forgot Tony asked me to give him a female perspective on it back in the summer.
I have deleted Tinder sooooooo many fuckin times; and not in the way that you delete the phone number of an unhealthy hook up but in the way that you eventually cut off the drunk guy at the bar, who comes in every week. I download it out of boredom thinking that maybe it will be interesting and within a few weeks i am so disappointed with it that i delete it to make space on my phone for a kim kardashian game or some other worthless app. Why i keep re-downloading is more about my desire for self harm but that’s a whole other post, perhaps something to ask Dr. Tony. So, if i can reign this in enough and focus on some basic reasons why i swipe left i may yet show you what it’s like for a lady on Tinder.
First off, this app is exhausting for women because our desires are naturally more complex than most men. We see Tinder very differently than men do. Look, I’m not an idiot, I know the intent of an app that shows you 5 pictures of someone with a stoopid tagline about how much they are free-wheelin good time havin, fun honky tonk types or whatever, but there are easy pitfalls for women on Tinder. We find ourselves either looking for someone who is our physical ideal or someone who can attracts us with their dynamic personality, because let’s face it, we are also innately more physically attractive than men. This is problematic for me because if i can shop for a fuck, or for love, I’m gonna go for the good stuff.
It might happen that i could meet a few of these tinder prospects out at a bar and be more forgiving for a night or two but if im in the comfort of my own home with my sweatpants on and my fantasies intact, sober and alert, I’m not going to go for fat Brad Pitt or a bald dude in a Capt America shirt two sizes too small for his santacon bod.
But Hey, even me, on my super judgmental throne, at home, will eventually get bored of being picky and say ‘what the hell’ to a shit load of people. Honestly, depending on the mood i’m in, i could right swipe a skinny, lonely, milk-toast ,teacher, pedophile-lookin muthafucka.
So here are some pics of people i’ve denied virtually and a few I’ve humiliated via Instagram. God bless their souls.

1. Unattractive Pic
wine spill
This is obviously the most common reason to reject someone. Tony touched on this and i dont understand why it happens so often but most people put up unflattering pictures of themselves. The nuance for women is that so many things can be deemed unattractive. Like a guy who posts only pics with girls in them to convince you that women will be seen with him, clearly wasted dudes, to a guy posing on a bed like he’s crouchin on a surfbort.

2. Overtly Athletic or Muscular Guys
skiing
The idea that a dude would make me engage in some extreme sport (any sport) on a date makes me get the heebie jeebies, and if a guy looks like he can bench press me, that sends the signal to my brain that he could also easily rape me or roll over onto me in his sleep and suffocate me to death. i’m not goin out like that.

3. Manicured Show Stoppers
soulful bracelets
Any guy that looks like he might stop traffic or has been on the Sex & the City tour is not going to get a positive reaction from me. I dont like the idea that a dude i’m hooking up with might spend more time putting his ensemble together than me or know more variations of the color orange than me.

4. Serial Killer Types
shirtless
You would be surprised at how many guys don’t even care to hide the fact that they would murder you if you went out with them.

5.Cut & Paste Messages
how was you wednesday
I’ve received multiple messages that look like they were copied off of dating one-liner books with the name of the woman he sent it to before me still in there. i have also received multiple messages with insane grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. It may seem harsh to judge someone on these things but when someone is this inattentive to reeling you in imagine how lazy the will be when goin down on you.

6. Guy Who Obviously Is in a Relationship
shirtless messy bed
Of course it’s possible to hide this but there are dudes on Tinder who are so obviously on a work trip in a hotel away from some sad woman who settled for him in high school/college/or the next cubicle over.

7. Guys Lying About Their Age
old guy
This happens tooooo much on here and is soooo absurd. I dont understand people who lie about their age but it’s not jsut for women anymore. hahaha. everyone is vain self hating and pathetic these days.

8. Soulful Musicians
guitar
When TV has exhausted a stereotype then it’s gonna look pretty silly in real life when you try to pose with your guitar lookin like some Jason Mraz type bitch. May as well just put up a pic of you bartending, it’s way more attractive.

9. Guys Trying to Impress
operation
Ummm Yeah you in that classy suit, you work in a suit shop, surgeon in the middle of operating…hmm isn’t that a lawsuit waiting to happen? Fireman leaving the scene of a fire with clear PTSD…yikes

10. Sleezebuckets
redneck
Obviously guys who look like they could be on the SNL skit with Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd who play two wild n crazy guys (look it up ignoramus) or a night at the roxbury or a mullet head redneck or skrillex lovers or pomade addicts are never going to put a woman at ease.
(pic of dude in plaid blazer and redneck mullet dude)

Putting a woman at ease; really that’s the whole trick to getting into a woman’s pants. make her feel attractive listen to what she says, make her feel comfortable, be slightly witty and if you can’t do that be really clean and you will get laid.
It’s not that difficult, and most women are not set on dying alone like me. Good luck fellas; Hang in there ladies!

jerk

Defending my tweets vol. 17

twitter2_3375790k
When 141 characters isn’t enough, you gotta air it out. These are old tweets of mine that I felt needed some expanding on. Sometimes I’m defending them, other times I’m just solidifying my point. All the time, I’m ranting like an asshole cause why not?

Screen shot 2015-12-16 at 9.48.08 AM

I feel as though , when a song gets huge on a pop level, the message of that song is often lost. All people care about it the catchiness of the hook and blindly singing along , word for word, without really even trying to capture the meaning of those lyrics. I can’t really blame anyone for that though. Pop music isn’t exactly known for having lyrics that matter in any way and I’m certainly no stranger to knowing every word to a song then realizing , 2 years later, it was actually about something.
In the case of “Hotline Bling”, we have an extremely catchy song. The kind drake tends to make. On the surface, it sounds like any other mournful r&b song about lost love. “Oh, I miss you girl, blah blah blah” but…no.
This is the song of a sociopath.
It’s basically a bitter man who got dumped (or the girl got fed up and finally left) so now he’s shitting on her for enjoying her life. All based under the guise that “Yo, remember when we used to fuck?”. Yeah, dude. Like how everyone who’s ever had any sort of relationship that involved sex fucked? Oh, like that? Yeah.
He’s over here talking about getting phone calls late at night meaning she’s coming over to smash like it’s some rare thing only married people do. Bruh, that’s everyone. It doesn’t make you or your dick special.
Later in the song he complains about how she’s out and about on the town, wearing less and chilling with new friends. Meanwhile, he’s Drake. This motherfucker isn’t sitting on his hands waiting for that hotline bling. He’s on tour, making millions of dollars and fucking whoever he wants on the planet. But noooooo, god forbid his hometown slam piece actually moves on from their faux relationship.
Yes, this song is deeper that it seems. Perhaps it’s social commentary? Perhaps Drake is playing the character of an awful guy with no perspective. Or, maybe, he’s just shitty about this kinda thing. The type of guy who gets upset when he hears how many guys a girl has fucked or the type who asks endless questions about a girls sexual history.
It’s funny cause I’m not one to really care about peoples intentions in lyrics. I don’t get outraged about anything. This is no different. I don’t give a fuck. It’s a catchy song that will be around for the next 30 years (sorry, but it’s true). However, IF I was one of those outrage types, I’d definitely look at this song as a slut shaming anthem. Just saying…

Screen shot 2015-04-01 at 10.16.45 AM

There’s an edible arrangements store near my house and it baffles me. For many reasons.
1)How did a company that specializes in covering old fruit with chocolate then giving it as gifts become so big?
2)I’ve never seen a soul inside this place and rent in my area is insane. Yet, it has been open for years. Surely they don’t get THAT many orders for yogurt covered cantaloupe to afford such a place. I understand it’s a large business but…come the fuck on. Mcdonalds have closed in this neighborhood but fucking Edible arrangements got legs?
3)Does anyone actually like this shit? It’s almost like an idea that everyone heard and was like “sure, why not?” but, in reality, if someone gave me an edible arrangements basket for any occasion, I’d think they were insane. On the list of “things to buy another person”, it’s right below used socks and an ab-roller.

I feel like we’ve been fooled. Or perhaps there is just a whole community of weirdo’s who rely on Edible arrangement as their go to gifts. People get married? The highest end Edible arrangement money can buy. Death in the family? Somber edible arrangement. Someones birthday at work? An edible arrangement with a candle shoved in a fucking candied apple. By the way, that’s how you know E.A. is some bullshit. When a candied apple, possibly the most bullshit treat in all the land, is your #1 stunner, you are a garbage business.

Screen shot 2015-12-16 at 9.43.37 AM

You can’t say anything online. Nothing. I mean, YOU CAN, but prepare for the feedback from everyone who has working fingers. This kinda thing used to be limited to when people would say outrageous things. Often people would be mining for a reaction. And, boy , did they get one.
But now? You can’t mention even the most simple things without the peanut gallery blowing hot loads of bullshit all over your face. Anything that has to do with food or health? Forget about it. I’ve tweeted about bacon before and had people leave links to articles about how pigs are treated on the farm. Dude, I just wanna eat some bacon. Let me live. No one asked for a guilt trip simply cause I mentioned the word bacon in a tweet. There’s always someone who feels lie it’s their job to inform the world of some shit we already know. Trust me, if that kinda thing bothered me that deeply, I wouldn’t eat bacon. But I do eat bacon so you can do the math on that one. (I expect that line to garner all sorts of links I won’t read. Go nut guys).
I once tweeted something about my hangover cure was that there is no hangover cure and people flooded me with their own fucking hangover cures. “Take a bong rip and eat a hot dog!” or “drink tons of water then take a big shit”. Hey guys, those things might help you feel a LITTLE better but it’s not a cure. If I have AIDS and smoking weed makes the pain less, it doesn’t mean I don’t have AIDS anymore. It just means slight relief for something that is still very present.
So, the other day, I wrote the above tweet. It was somewhat of a test. Knowing how people react to any sort of health related thing, I knew by tweeting about how people on the internet think they know everything then adding in “I think I also have a cold” at the end…it was bait. Bait that some of you thick skulled people ate up like it was your last meal. Half the comments were people joking around (as they should have been) the other were people earnestly trying to cure my cold via twitter and facebook. It’s sweet and I know your heart was in a good place but, goddamnit, learn to read. The entire tweet was shitting on that very act. It’s so simple but you cannot stop the internet. You can only hope to contain it. Kinda like AIDS.

Screen shot 2015-12-16 at 9.45.20 AM
My most recent tour was one that took place on a tour bus. Those types of tours are generally for big acts on long runs. This was no different. I was opening for Emancipator (What up, boizzz?) and they we’re in the midst of a 2.5 month Us tour that I hopped on for the last leg.
Now, I’ve done tour bus tours before. I’ve done van tours. I’ve done tours where I fly everywhere. But Bus tours are their own breed. For one, you live on a bus. There are no hotels. You leave after the shows. You sleep while the bus drives late at night. You live in a coffin like bed and share a small space with 8-12 other people (usually all men). It takes a little getting used to but, after a while, it normalizes. It’s like a frat house of wheels , no matter who is on the bus.
These buses are actually really nice sometimes. Tv’s, good sound systems, fridges, etc…they also have a bathroom. A bathroom you can only urinate in. Shitting is not allowed. So, here’s what happens.
You party a little the night before. You pass out. You wake up in the morning in a city you haven’t been to before. Your stomach starts roggling and alerts you “hey guy, time to take a shit…” but here’s the problem: There is nowhere to shit. Perhaps, you’re parked in a city where you can find a starbucks (I , personally, would find a diner, buy an egg and destroy their facilities). But, in some cities, there are no options. You can’t walk anywhere and you pretty much have to sit in the bus until the venue opens (anywhere from 2:30 to 4 pm). Meaning, you’re holding in this monster, urgent dump for , like, 4 hours. Just sitting there. Thinking about what it will be like when you finally get to release these demons. Eventually, the venue doors open, you rush to the bathroom (cause , trust me, you’re not the only one in a hurry) and you let it go. Angels circle you around the toilet, gently strumming their harps and blowing sweet air into your ears. The sound of violins waft through the room and the clouds clear and you once again feel human. I don’t believe in god but that’s about as close as it gets for me.

Yay or Nay? Joyner Lucas

IMG_2909
A common complaint a lot of you guys have when I post these “yay or nay?” rappers is “But he’s not really saying anything!”. It’s funny cause ,being a rapper and having a message or songs that were truly a concept, was once something a lot more people strived for. Any rapper worth his salt would have a song or two where they tried to take a deeper stance than just rapping about rap, bragging or talking about the dirt they do. That was a different time though. Things change. The value of rapping ,itself , has lessened. Some people still wanna hear #barz but mostly people are more into a song as a whole than a concept. The hook. The beat. Can they turn up to it. Basically, what I’m saying is, ain’t nobody got time for that thoughtful shit. At least that’s how it would seem.
I realize this mindset doesn’t represent everyone though. There are still people out there who seek substance in rap music. I honestly can’t even tell where I stand on that anymore cause part of me requires a little substance but the other can step back and take a song at face value, judging it from there. I feel like both sids of this coin are necessary. We need high and low brow. We need a song where someone digs deep into an idea as much as we need a song where some drunk guy just says whatever the fuck he wants but it sounds good. They both serve a purpose and have value.
I say all that to introduce Joyner Lucas, from Worchester, Mass. It’s been a while since I’ve seen a rapper this focused on concepts. Every song is a different topic. Some told from his perspective, some from someone else’s entirely. I gotta say, if nothing else, his dedication to working on ideas is impressive. And, luckily, he’s clearly intelligent enough to put these concepts off. I think , in the past, an issue I’ve had with conceptual rap song is that the artist isn’t quite smart enough to tackle the idea with the depth it deserves. Luckily, that doesn’t seem to be the case with Joyner.
Check it out…

So, what do you think? (you can vote for multiple answers)

Answers for Questions vol. 268

Screen shot 2015-12-14 at 10.43.17 AM
sup brahhh?
Welcome to another edition of “Answers for Questions”. You guys ask me anything and I tell you what’s up. I can always use more questions so don’t be shy. Fire away. Email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Be weird. Be creative. The time of “What inspires you?” type questions has long passed.
okay, let’s see what we got this week from you snarky bastards.

Do you have a thing for small mammals? Maybe you had one as a kid and your parents said it “ran away” while you were at school, but you were too quick for that nonsense and realized it must have died? Are you still hurting from that lie and expressing those feelings through stock photos on a mundane personal blog?

You got me. It’s actually a sexual thing. I just like small furry things in an erotic way. Sue me, bro!
Just kidding.
I simply like pictures of cute animals that aren’t cats or dogs. When I started doing this column for my blog, I decided posting a pic of a cute animal every week would lend to the continuity. In reality, I doubt I’d wanna even touch most of the animals whose pics I post (I’m allergic to lots of animals). But, in photo form? Those are my dudes. But thanks for reading so deeply into something that could not be more shallow.

So I’ve noticed that older countries tend to have (but not always) country capitals which are also their largest respective cities (Tokyo/Japan, Cairo/Egypt, Paris/France etc.) whereas newer countries tend to have capitals which are not (Canberra/Australia, Brasilia/Brasil, etc.). Anyways, how do you think NYC would be if it were also the nation’s capital? Like, if you took Washington D.C. and and almagamated it into your city?

I think it would be exactly the same. It would just be a title. It would be impossible to make NYC MORE a focal point of the USA so calling it a capital wouldn’t add or detract from that. It’s not like Albany was all of a sudden popping off cause it’s the capital of NY. It’s just a name.

If you had a son, what are the odds that his name would Kristaps Simon?
Pretty low. He would be Dominique Wilkens Simon, obviously.

I know you’ve talked before about in the past wanting to do an album that was just rappers rapping over your beats. Is that still something that interests you? Seems like you’ve got plenty of friends and associates who are great rappers to make it happen with. And if so, these days, who do you think you’d like to get on an album like that if you were to make it happen?

This is 100% something that interests me and I’m actually starting to put together a game plan to make such an album. Problem is wrangling the rappers. Obviously there are friends I’d have on it but the hard part would be reaching out of my friend zone and getting people I don’t know, who I want to work with. Because this is actually starting to happen, I don’t wanna give anything away but just know it’s in the works on some level.

would you ever go to a fan’s house or go out to eat/hang out/etc. with a fan if you had more than one day in any particular city (not talking about a girl wanting to get down)? I feel that could be horribly boring and uncomfortable or incredibly fun and you’d learn a lot about the city you’re in. Probably nothing in between. Do fans ask you that?

I don’t think I would just go chill with some random fan. That’s weird. I talk to people at my shows and hang out but I think it ends there. I get asked to go smoke weed all the time and I decline cause a)I don’t smoke weed b)I don’t wanna go anywhere with some random dudes I don’t know. At best , I’ll kick it with the promoters a bit or maybe some of the other artists on the bill.
But, if i was in a city for a few days with nothing to do? Who knows. Fortunately, that doesn’t really ever happen cause I’m rarely in a city for more than a night.

Q for a, have you noticed Aesop’s influence on any newer artists, examples?

And

Have you ever picked up on your own style being copied/paid homage to?

Sure. In my demo reviews I hear Aesop’s influence all over. Not so much his newer style but his older style. People try and sound like he did 15 years ago today. It’s kinda funny, actually.
As for people copying/paying homage to my style, I rarely see it. I mean, there are times here and there where a mood reminds me of my stuff but I have yet to head anyone that made me stop and be like “whoa…he sounds like me!”. I’ve met a lot of people who tell me I was a “huge influence” on them but when I hear the music, I don’t see the similarities…which is a good thing. Being influenced by someone should not mean “I sound like them”. It should mean you heard what they did and applied that to your own style.

Do you call yourself Blockhead because your head is blockish?

Yup. That’s the origin. When I was younger, I was a rapper and it was the era of self depreciating names. My head was always square (at least my jaw was), so I went with that and it stuck. Now my head is far more oval but such is life.

Does it bother you when Spotify puts up other artists with the name “blockhead” on your page? You have some weird old singles attributed to you….
Man, I go fucking nuts when I see that. Like, I straight up black out and start punching strangers.
Nah, I don’t even have spotify so I have no clue what’s there. Someone alerted me recently of one and I actually tweeted them, they responded and fixed it. So, hey, who gives a shit?
The thing about my moniker is that it’s somewhat common. There’s a some hardcore band from the DC area that’s been throwing shows for years that has somehow linked in with my bandsintown.com profile so I’d imagine more than a handful of people have seen them thinking they were gonna get me. Oops! Read the fine print guys and know the artist you’re listening to. If you hear a song on spotify with my name on but it’s some emo thrash japanese pop song, assume it’s not by me.