Hello and welcome to “Ask Dr. Tony”. I’m here to help you with your lives problems and confusions. I’m not a licensed anything. I didn’t even graduate college but I’m honest, level headed and I don’t know you. Sometimes, you need to hear it from outside your circle for perspective.
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I’m in a dilemma. So an old friend’s BF was recently in an accident. She’s been a good friend for many years. They’ve been dating a few months but I only met the guy 3 or 4 times in passing, seems cool enough though, and by all accounts he is. Thing is, he doesn’t have insurance (even though in my country it’s pretty cheap) and she paid for most of the cost (she comes from a moneyed family, they support her financially). Now they are collecting funds to pay for the hospital bills and resulting minor surgery.
Normally I would, but I don’t feel inclined to donate in this case. I mean, shit, insurance is easy enough to come by. You just have to fill out some forms and pay your fee. And the treatment’s already been paid for. I would just be paying back by my friend, right? It’s not like the US where people go into massive debt from an accident. Then I would understand. I even offered up some legal help (used to be a lawyer) which was passed up. Why should I give any money???
Am I being a total dick here?
You’re not obligated to do anything you don’t want to and I doubt they expect you to. If you were to lend some money, it would strictly be out of the kindness of your heart and a nice gesture. Maybe I’m not clear on what is exactly going on here but it seems like a non-issue. You don’t want to donate money? Then don’t. You want to help? throw him some euros (I’m assuming that’s where you are). Pretty simple.
I see people do this in the states all the time. Like a friend has some crazy expensive surgery and posts about donations on facebook. Strangers give money out of sympathy. People even do it for operations on their pets sooooo….it’s not crazy . But like you said, in your country it sounds different. This persons life doesn’t seem like it will be ruined by you not giving some money to him. Do what you feel, brah.
What up Block,
Knowing what I do about you from your blog ( lifetime New Yorker, self-employed), on a surface level, I’m not sure you’re even qualified to answer this but sometimes an outside perspective is good so give it a shot anyway if you will.
I just recently accepted a job far away from family, friends and anything familiar. It’s a dream job, for me at least and is the sole reason I’ve moved. In this economy, its hard to do what you actually love even with a degree so I’m greatful, thankful, etc BUT…
(Matter of fact, based on that greatful statement above you might just tell me to suck it up.)
Anyways here’s my issue in a nutshell. I’m a fucking newb, yo!!! I’m very unexperienced and despite my being new its very clear to me that even when people are trying to be polite they are somewhat frustrated by having to explain shit that is obvious to them but falls into that not quite second hand nature yet category for me. I’ve been here just 3 weeks so yes, I know I have to give myself some time. But also, I know me being new us going to get old really quick. So what’s your advice? And also, do you think there’s an enormous percentage of people that are just dicks to newbs when they could just be like, “oh hey man, I understand. I was in your shoes once” Thanks
I would say it’s all part of the learning curve. It’s rare that people just start a brand new job and are killing it off that bat. 3 weeks isn’t shit. Time will pass, you will learn how things go and it will be second nature to you. If it’s not, you will get fired and there ya go.
As for people being dicks, yeah…they are all around us. Not just to new people but to everyone around them. Miserable fucks. I was thinking about that the other day. How it takes so much effort to be an asshole yet people go out of their way to do it. It boggles my mind. I can imagine being driven to that point by someone in particular but simply just treating every one around like dogshit, all the time? Who does that? WAY too many people and it doesn’t make sense. It’s so much work.
Any advice for redating an ex-girlfriend from like 10 years ago?
Yeah. Skip it.
I tried it once and it was a disaster.
Here’s what happens:
1)You break up with a person for valid reasons.
2)You remain civil and move on with your lives.
3)You both date other people.
4)Time passes and you guys see each other on occasion and things are “cool”.
5)more time passes and the familiarity you once shared still exists so , now, when you see each other you’re actually friends
6)you’re both single again and many years have passed
7)You see each other , as single people, and start to mistake that old comfort and familiarity as a spark.
8)You guys somehow approach the idea of trying to make it work.
9)You start to date and things go okay for a little bit until…
10) You are quickly reminded of why you broke up in the first place. People don’t change THAT much. This is still the same person who you very likely wanted to throw out of a moving bus ten years earlier
Now, there are obviously exceptions to this. Perhaps your relationship ended for reasons outside of both your control like bad timing or one of you moving far away. Perhaps the issue that made you break up (addiction, another person, etc…) has long since subsided. Maybe you two are simply in a better place to actually settle down. It’s possible. But, in my eyes, going back to the same well years later doesn’t help anyone. What you gotta do is remember the bad parts. We tend to focus on only the good when we fondly remember an ex who we still kinda like but, like i said, you broke up for a reason and people rarely change in those ways.
So, my hair has been thinning on top for the last year or so, and as a result I have to buzz it off every 3 or 4 days lest I look like Lebron James (not quite bald, but not NOT bald). Problem is, cutting my hair all the time is a real pain, and I still have enough hair that actually shaving bald would be even more of a pain (not to mention the ingrown hair problem). What should I do? Should I just suck it up and keep buzzing it every few days, go completely skin on top, or become a hat-guy and hope no one tries to take it off to see my ugly crown?
Bro, I understand deeply. I’ve been losing my hair since I was in my early 20’s. My process was super slow though so i was always confused with what to do. Luckily for me, I look good in hats and make rap music so that pretty much became my go to (obviously). Recently, I said “fuck it” , started shaving my head and prayed my head was a decent shape. Not totally bald and shiny (I think that looks wack on white dudes) but very short. Like a 1 setting on a electric razor. Gotta say…i love it. It was really freeing. And I only shave it like once every week and a half.
The thing is , you can rock it how you want. Shave it every few days if you want of shave it less frequently and just wear a hat for half the week. There’s no shame in that. I dunno how you look in these different stages of hair length but the bottom line of all this shit is that you wanna do what you feel most comfortable with. Whatever make you the least insecure. For me, it’s been hats. i realize that’s a cover up but, what can I say? I’m a vain person and I like that shit. So, yeah, just go with what feels right. Shaving your head isn’t THAT much of a hassle.I say suck it up and stay the course.
Side note, there is nothing worse than being a balding guy who wears a hat and being around a grabby ass girl who’s trying to take that hat off. It’s a nightmare. As a rule, girls should never touch a guys hat unless given permission. That’s a fucking violation. Take note, ladies. Watch those fucking hands!