Fuck/Marry/Kill Vol 48

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It’s been a while but i think we are all ready for a new edition of “Fuck/marry/kill”. All of us except those people who get really mad about it write scathing personal facebook messages to me. To those people i say, you really should just not read this blog. It’s not for you. But for the others? Hi! you know the game. It’s dumb. Frat guys play it. Clearly, this is not meant to be taken seriously so, just a heads up.
If you have any good ideas for me to f/m/k, leave them in the comment section. Get creative. After all, this is volume 48. We’ve covered many bases here.

F/M/K: a molly girl, cokehead, or weed chick?

Kill: Cokehead
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This was fairly easy for me. While people on Molly can be kind of…umm…gross to be around (I don’t even mean sexually, I mean just cracked out looking) coke girls are that plus the addition of being annoying. I once had a girl stop, mid sex, to do a bump of coke. No bueno, dude. Not only are they annoying but talking to them and dealing with their microscopic attention spans is just the worst. I realize there are many girls who do coke and actually get horny and then have sex , so i suppose that’s a “good” thing but to me? If i can avoid that scene in general, I will.
The thing about coke heads is that , once the ball is rolling with that shit (for that night, or whatever) it becomes the only focus. And I’d never wanna play second fiddle to that bullshit.

Fuck: Molly girl
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While the molly girl can be similar to the coke girl she’s also much sweeter and friendly. Coke is a “me, me, me!” drug. Molly just makes you wanna lay around and rub things and you feel great. I could deal with that. Even though, in reality, I kinda doubt I could even have sex on Molly, this isn’t about me. So, perhaps, I wouldn’t even be on that shit. Who knows?

Marry: Weed chick
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For many of you, this was the obvious choice. In fact, the idea of marrying a weed girl probably is a dream come true to some of you. Personally, i don’t smoke weed and I think “weed culture” is pretty corny. I’m all for people smoking it if they want to but like all obsessions similar to it (wine, coffee, etc…) people really go a little far with it. So, to me, the idea of marrying a girl who wants to sit around talking about different weed strains and the healing powers of cannabis oil all day is only slightly more appealing that chilling with cokehead girl.
All that said, if it’s just a girl who gets stoned all the time, that’s fine. I can’t totally deal with that. Sounds pretty mellow, actually and think of all the food we’d eat!

The carb F/M/K: rice, pasta, bread

Marry:Bread
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I would actually marry bread. Like, if it were legal. Why not? I know you gluten free people are horrified by that statement but I don’t have your little fucking problem and bread is the best. Honestly, there are so many things you can do with bread but I don’t even need to list them. A freshly baked loaf of bread with butter would have won this off the bat. I don’t even need to get into the world of sandwiches. Hell, french onion soup even can come to the party. Goddamn it bread…I love you so much it hurts.

Fuck: Rice
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Kill: Pasta
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I’m gonna do these two together cause they are so close.
I almost felt like rice was gonna have to go but then I realized I eat way more rice than I do Pasta. Here’s the thing, I love pasta. I think, in general, it tastes better and it’s the part of better meals than rice. However, I’m at that age where I gotta watch what I eat on some level. Meaning I can’t be stuffing bowls of ravioli in my face with any regularity. If anything, Pasta is for special occasions for me. So, yes, I prefer pasta to rice but my lifestyle does not.
Meanwhile, with rice, that’s pretty much all asian food. That’s latin food. I don’t know why my brain doesn’t think rice is as bad as pasta but i do know that when I finish a hearty plate of pasta I feel like I need to sit in a wheelchair for a few hours and when I eat some rice dish, it’s never that debilitating.
This is one of those rare f/m/k’s where you gotta kill what you love for your own good. Cause, man, if i sat around fucking pasta all day? I’d be a mess.

F/M/K: Brandy / Mya / Amerie

Marry: Amerie
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Bro…If I were to remake that movie “Weird science” , starring me as the those two virgin nerds, when it came time to cut up all the magazines and construct the perfect women, I’d skip the buffalo bill style of taking eyes from here, a nose from there and lips from there. I would just find a picture of Amerie’s face and that would be all i needed. It’s my shit. Why she didn’t become as big as Rihanna I’ll never know. I realize it sounds I’m basing my decision to marry her entirely on her face but I also like that she never became a super star diva. She’s probably humble and has a good head on her shoulders because of it. And if she doesn’t? I’ll just stare at her face all day anyway.
I think what I’m saying is, if any of you look like Amerie, Holler.

Fuck: Mya

FILE - In this April 22, 2008, file photo, singer Mya attends "Le Reve: Indulge the Dream, Play 4 Parkinson's Casino Gala" benefit in New York. Mya will join the cast of the ninth season of reality dance competition, "Dancing With The Stars," premiering Sept. 21, 2009, on ABC.  (AP Photo/Evan Agostini, file)

FILE – In this April 22, 2008, file photo, singer Mya attends “Le Reve: Indulge the Dream, Play 4 Parkinson’s Casino Gala” benefit in New York. Mya will join the cast of the ninth season of reality dance competition, “Dancing With The Stars,” premiering Sept. 21, 2009, on ABC. (AP Photo/Evan Agostini, file)


It’s funny about Mya. I’ve always felt she was overrated. Dudes talked about her like she was the hottest girl ever. I thought she was pretty but, you know, nothing too crazy. Then I realized her appeal is that she’s like the pretty girl you go to school with. She grows on you. After a month of sitting near her in class you realize she’s probably the sexiest person on earth and you can’t even explain it. It’s probably cause she’s nice to you and let’s you borrow her eraser when you don’t have one. You’re a huge dork, btw.
When you’re older, a girl like Mya is more like a good friends girlfriend or a friend of you ex who you get to know and secretly fall in love with. You can never be with her but, goddamn, you still day dream about killing all obstacles, in your dreams, while you sadly masturbate to them.

Kill: Brandy
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She’s boring. She was always the goody two shoes kind. Her brother is Ray J, which means that bloodline is tainted anyway.
I think brandy is very pretty. Always have but it’s kind of a Taylor Swift situation with her cause she just can’t be sexy. It’s just not her nature. There is something very church-y about her. Put her in sexy clothing, she looks wrong. She’s probably very sweet but, i dunno…her competition is simply too strong. Hell, I always picked Monica over her back in “The boy is mine” days and things don’t really change.

F/m/k-Sense of sight, Sense of taste, Sense of hearing

Kill: Sense of taste
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This is the worst one i’ve ever had to do. Like, each of these things represents something I truly love. Taste…food. I love food. So very very much. It’s one of the great joys in life for me. I’m a frugal man but I will spend major money on a meal if I know it’s good. However, the other side to killing my sense of taste is that, eating makes me fat. delicious food is never that healthy. So, in a way, if I were to not taste anything, I could finally be truly healthy. I’d eat all that organic horseshit that people love that has like 15 calories per pound. It wouldn’t matter. Food would literally just be fuel and I would need the bare minimum. So, i chose to kill this for the health reasons. It still hurts though.

Fuck:Sight
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This is hard. I want sight all the time. Not only so i can watch all the things I watch (movies, tv, reading, girls) but basketball. I play basketball 3 times a week and , without sight, that’s a wrap. Again, something I truly love being stripped away from me. But, i guess if i can “fuck” sight then I can see it once in a while. it’s better than nothing. Again, these options are pure fucking evil.

Marry: Hearing
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I mean, shit, it’s my livelihood. Sure, making beats blind would be hard but if stevie wonder can do what he did, I can figure out how to do something infinitely easier without seeing a computer screen. Beyond that, I need to hear things all the time anyway. Music. I need music. conversation. I need that too. Being blind would be the worst but at least, with the sense of hearing, I feel like I wouldn’t have to live inside my own head as a deaf person. I’m not trying to base what i do on the vibrations of the earth, bro.

Yay or Nay: NxWorries

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This dude Anderson Paak has had quite a couple of years. He’s all over the place. From working with underground dudes like Jon Wayne to pretty much stealing the spotlight on Dr Dre’s “Compton” album. It’s pretty cool to see someone able to play both those roles with success. He’s a singer who kinda raps but more so just sings in a rappish manner. It’s hard to put my finger on but it’s pretty addictive once you catch the mood.
He recently dropped an EP with producer Knxwledge on stones throw under the group name NxWorries. I’m fucking with it. Curious what you guys think…
This first video is just so damn likable, I can’t see this one getting bad feedback but you soulless bastards have surprised me in the past.

So, what do you think?

Answers for Questions Vol. 267

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Hello hello…
Welcome to “Answers for Questions”. You guys ask me stuff and I answer it. I’m an open book (within reason) so fire away. If you wanna ask me a question (or questions) email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or simply leave the question in the comment section below. Be creative. Don’t be basic. The better the questions, the better the answer. You can do it. I believe in you, bro (or lady).
Let’s see what we got this week…

I feel like you’ve already answered this question (sorry), but have you considered writing a humorous book or anything?

I wasn’t sure if your blog was meant for you to just vent as needed, or if you genuinely enjoy writing.

I haven’t really given it that much thought , to be honest. I mean, it would be a fun thing to think about but the reality of actually writing a piece of fiction is something I’m not sure I could really do. If someone wanted to compile stuff I have already wrote as “essays” and do some MAJOR editing , that might be cool but I wouldn’t even know where to start with that.
I do this blog partially cause I like writing, partially for me to vent through, partially to put forth a more pure image of me as a person (as opposed to just my music that might have people thinking I’m some depressed shut in) and as means to give my day a little extra structure. Not having a typical “job”, it would be easy for me to fall into all sorts of shitty habits so writing this blog helps me keep things at least a little orderly.

What’s your opinion of people around the age of Vince Staples who prefer the 90s hip hop he said he doesn’t care about? I came up on the early 2000’s stuff he did (and still think there’s some very good stuff from that time) but since high school have always gravitated more towards the boom bap stuff from your era.

It doesn’t really make a difference to me. That’s my era so I’ll always be connected to it. But what some 23 year old thinks about it? That’s on them. I’m not mad if you like it and not mad if you don’t. What Staples said about it didn’t bother me at all. I felt the same way when i was a kid about the rap that came before the stuff I grew up on.
I do think that, as rap fans, we should embrace it all. I’m not saying we need to like everything (that’s ridiculous) but people get caught up in “their thing” and act like it’s not okay to like Big daddy kane, rare project blowed shit and Drake at the same time. It’s all music with good qualities to it. It’s when people become dismissive that I take issue. I feel like young people, in general, have that attitude. Like “If it’s not what I like, it’s stupid!”. I’m sure i was the same way when I was that age too though so it’s all part of the growing up process.
I liken people who are young liking old rap to how I feel about soul music. I didn’t grow up listening to that stuff but it does speak to me. There’s an authenticity and earnestness to it. Old rap is similar. At the same time, a lot of it sounds incredibly dated and I can’t even listen to some artists I used to worship. But , I suppose, that’s life.

Hey Block,
I’m visiting New York, specifically Brooklyn, for the very first time in 2 weeks. Being a huge fan of Hip Hop and movies, NY has been my number 1 U.S. destination for some time and I’m finally doing it. I’m not a big touristy kind of guy and don’t want my time there to be typical. What would you recommend I do/see/eat while I’m there (5 days total)? Thanks.

I’m terrible at giving advice about what to do in NYC for a few reasons.
I don’t do much. I’m removed from any scene where i could tell you where to go and have fun. I don’t particularly like going to shows and the things I do socially aren’t exactly anything I’d recommend to tourists. All I could really steer you towards is food ideas but even that it a daunting process.
Only thing i can really say is walk around. Everywhere. If you go to Manhattan and you’re not going for museums or Central park, stay below 14th st. Not much to see north of there. But walk around the village, the east village, soho, the lower east side.
I’m not a brooklyn guy really so I won’t be much help there. I mean, I hang out there frequently but it’s not my home base. Sorry for the shitty answer but it’s kinda like asking someone “What’s you favorite albums of all time?”. it’s just too much to process and consider to give clear and thoughtful answers.

What’s the longest distance you’ve walked through Manhattan at a time, from where to where?
I walked from the west village to the upper east side. 14th st and 7th to 92 and first ave.
This happened during the last blackout. My girl and I were stranded downtown with not heat or power. There were no cabs or trains and the buses were fucked cause people were waiting hours just to get a ride 15 blocks in any direction. So, a friend of my girl offered for us to come stay with her for a few days, until the power came back. She lived on the upper east side so we trekked all the way up there. That was like, I dunno, 5+ miles? The walk to like 3 hours at least. It was crazy though cause there were tons of other people all doing the same thing like it was a pilgrimage towards the light. We were walking up second ave and everything was totally dark until 47th street where, all of a sudden, there was power everywhere. On one block it was a zombietown and across the street it was like nothing happened. Man, that shit was crazy.

Ok, so here’s a question for you…

What blogs are you checking for this day, hiphop or otherwise? I feel like a lot of the blogs that I used to be into a few years back have died out and I see that many of the links on your blogroll are less than active… anyone I should be up on?

I don’t really read any blogs with regularity. I check links here and there if the topic looks interesting. I’ll peep passion of the weiss on occasion. Steady Bloggin’ was a pretty good source of new music when it was up and running. I’ll look at What would tyler durdon do , but just for dumb celebrity gossip and jokes. Hmm…Yeah…I don’t really pay attention to blogs though. I’m barely literate so that may have something to do with it as well.

You have an extremely unique sound when it comes to your music, if you were an alchemist making a beat what would be the 5 ingredients you would include?
Heart, soul, elbow grease, the memory of your fallen soldiers and oregano.
Just kidding.
Man…this is tough.
1)A good foundational sample
Something I can build off of that has something to it that makes me want to listen to it repetitively .
2)Bassline
You gotta have that low end in there. Some people move away from baselines and just use the 808’s as the low end of a song and that can work great but I’ve always been partial to something more melodic.
3)drums
Duh. Beats need drums. Not every track has to be some boom bap shit and sometimes less is more but the drums are the backbone of any track I make
4)Changes
I’ve always felt just looping some shit and adding drums is kinda lazy and makes for boring tracks. I like to have multiple facets to every beat I make. Change ups that can take the track in various directions.
5)a feeling
This is hard to explain but, ideally , you want the track to grab the listers ear. I’d be full of shit to say every track I make possesses this quality but it’s crucial to a good track. Sometimes you try and it just sorta misses the mark. But when I make a beat i want something in there that makes a person feel something.

I was just watching a Louie episode where his 10 year old daughter leaves the apartment and Louie freaks out and calls the cops. As a kid in Manhattan were you allowed to roam and ‘be back by dinner’? Obviously different parts of the city are more residential/safe.

While different parts of the city are more safe, the thing about NYC is that even it’s residential areas are not that residential. There are businesses everywhere. It’s not like other cities where you turn a corner and the next 10 blocks are strictly homes. So, because of that, there’s generally more activity going on at all times. Some hoods are more quiet and things don’t pop off after 9 pm but it’s called the city that never sleeps for a reason.
As for my youth, I was given a pretty long rope. I also wasn’t particularly one to go out looking to get into mischievous shit. I stayed in the neighborhood and would just bounce around from friends houses to where we’d hang out (parks, pool halls, deli’s that had video games in them).
When i was very young, there was a scourge of kidnappings in my area that scared the shit out of me (my parents seemed less worried than I was) so i was always very hyper aware of where I was and who was around me. I think that fear actually kept me closer to home for a few years.
But, in general, I could go out but I’d have to be home for dinner and my parents would need to know where I was prior to that. I think that’s typical.

The Mighty Jones now available all over

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I know you guys are probably tired of me harping about this Mighty Jones project but now it’s finally available every where.
You can get it on Itunes: http://itunes.apple.com/album/id1064075021
Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/Gone-Long-Mighty-Jones/dp/B018UPM82E/ref=sr_1_1?s=dmusic&ie=UTF8&qid=1449211493&sr=1-1-mp3-albums-bar-strip-0&keywords=The+Mighty+Jones
And spotify (no link for that but you know how search engines work)
Please support this album if you like it. It’s a labor of love that we worked very hard on and are putting it out ourself with no press or label. We do it for you guys, guys.
Of course , you can still buy/listen to it on Bandcamp

and Soundcloud as well

Like our facebook page too:https://www.facebook.com/themightyjonesband/

and if you’re in the NYC area, we are playing our release show at Union pool in Brooklyn this saturday (December 5th). We go on at 10:30. Come see it unfold!

Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 50

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Hello and welcome to “Ask Dr. Tony”. I’m here to help you with your lives problems and confusions. I’m not a licensed anything. I didn’t even graduate college but I’m honest, level headed and I don’t know you. Sometimes, you need to hear it from outside your circle for perspective.
If you have any problems that need to be addressed, need advice of any sort, shoot me a question. Send it to phatfriendblog@gmail.com Or you can leave it in the comment section below. This is all anonymous. I may make fun of you a little but the end game is to help the best I, a niche rap producer who has no horse in this race, can. Walk with me…

Block,

I’m in a dilemma. So an old friend’s BF was recently in an accident. She’s been a good friend for many years. They’ve been dating a few months but I only met the guy 3 or 4 times in passing, seems cool enough though, and by all accounts he is. Thing is, he doesn’t have insurance (even though in my country it’s pretty cheap) and she paid for most of the cost (she comes from a moneyed family, they support her financially). Now they are collecting funds to pay for the hospital bills and resulting minor surgery.

Normally I would, but I don’t feel inclined to donate in this case. I mean, shit, insurance is easy enough to come by. You just have to fill out some forms and pay your fee. And the treatment’s already been paid for. I would just be paying back by my friend, right? It’s not like the US where people go into massive debt from an accident. Then I would understand. I even offered up some legal help (used to be a lawyer) which was passed up. Why should I give any money???

Am I being a total dick here?

You’re not obligated to do anything you don’t want to and I doubt they expect you to. If you were to lend some money, it would strictly be out of the kindness of your heart and a nice gesture. Maybe I’m not clear on what is exactly going on here but it seems like a non-issue. You don’t want to donate money? Then don’t. You want to help? throw him some euros (I’m assuming that’s where you are). Pretty simple.

I see people do this in the states all the time. Like a friend has some crazy expensive surgery and posts about donations on facebook. Strangers give money out of sympathy. People even do it for operations on their pets sooooo….it’s not crazy . But like you said, in your country it sounds different. This persons life doesn’t seem like it will be ruined by you not giving some money to him. Do what you feel, brah.

What up Block,

Knowing what I do about you from your blog ( lifetime New Yorker, self-employed), on a surface level, I’m not sure you’re even qualified to answer this but sometimes an outside perspective is good so give it a shot anyway if you will.

I just recently accepted a job far away from family, friends and anything familiar. It’s a dream job, for me at least and is the sole reason I’ve moved. In this economy, its hard to do what you actually love even with a degree so I’m greatful, thankful, etc BUT…

(Matter of fact, based on that greatful statement above you might just tell me to suck it up.)

Anyways here’s my issue in a nutshell. I’m a fucking newb, yo!!! I’m very unexperienced and despite my being new its very clear to me that even when people are trying to be polite they are somewhat frustrated by having to explain shit that is obvious to them but falls into that not quite second hand nature yet category for me. I’ve been here just 3 weeks so yes, I know I have to give myself some time. But also, I know me being new us going to get old really quick. So what’s your advice? And also, do you think there’s an enormous percentage of people that are just dicks to newbs when they could just be like, “oh hey man, I understand. I was in your shoes once” Thanks

I would say it’s all part of the learning curve. It’s rare that people just start a brand new job and are killing it off that bat. 3 weeks isn’t shit. Time will pass, you will learn how things go and it will be second nature to you. If it’s not, you will get fired and there ya go.
As for people being dicks, yeah…they are all around us. Not just to new people but to everyone around them. Miserable fucks. I was thinking about that the other day. How it takes so much effort to be an asshole yet people go out of their way to do it. It boggles my mind. I can imagine being driven to that point by someone in particular but simply just treating every one around like dogshit, all the time? Who does that? WAY too many people and it doesn’t make sense. It’s so much work.

Dr T,

Any advice for redating an ex-girlfriend from like 10 years ago?

Yeah. Skip it.
I tried it once and it was a disaster.
Here’s what happens:
1)You break up with a person for valid reasons.
2)You remain civil and move on with your lives.
3)You both date other people.
4)Time passes and you guys see each other on occasion and things are “cool”.
5)more time passes and the familiarity you once shared still exists so , now, when you see each other you’re actually friends
6)you’re both single again and many years have passed
7)You see each other , as single people, and start to mistake that old comfort and familiarity as a spark.
8)You guys somehow approach the idea of trying to make it work.
9)You start to date and things go okay for a little bit until…
10) You are quickly reminded of why you broke up in the first place. People don’t change THAT much. This is still the same person who you very likely wanted to throw out of a moving bus ten years earlier

Now, there are obviously exceptions to this. Perhaps your relationship ended for reasons outside of both your control like bad timing or one of you moving far away. Perhaps the issue that made you break up (addiction, another person, etc…) has long since subsided. Maybe you two are simply in a better place to actually settle down. It’s possible. But, in my eyes, going back to the same well years later doesn’t help anyone. What you gotta do is remember the bad parts. We tend to focus on only the good when we fondly remember an ex who we still kinda like but, like i said, you broke up for a reason and people rarely change in those ways.

So, my hair has been thinning on top for the last year or so, and as a result I have to buzz it off every 3 or 4 days lest I look like Lebron James (not quite bald, but not NOT bald). Problem is, cutting my hair all the time is a real pain, and I still have enough hair that actually shaving bald would be even more of a pain (not to mention the ingrown hair problem). What should I do? Should I just suck it up and keep buzzing it every few days, go completely skin on top, or become a hat-guy and hope no one tries to take it off to see my ugly crown?

Bro, I understand deeply. I’ve been losing my hair since I was in my early 20’s. My process was super slow though so i was always confused with what to do. Luckily for me, I look good in hats and make rap music so that pretty much became my go to (obviously). Recently, I said “fuck it” , started shaving my head and prayed my head was a decent shape. Not totally bald and shiny (I think that looks wack on white dudes) but very short. Like a 1 setting on a electric razor. Gotta say…i love it. It was really freeing. And I only shave it like once every week and a half.
The thing is , you can rock it how you want. Shave it every few days if you want of shave it less frequently and just wear a hat for half the week. There’s no shame in that. I dunno how you look in these different stages of hair length but the bottom line of all this shit is that you wanna do what you feel most comfortable with. Whatever make you the least insecure. For me, it’s been hats. i realize that’s a cover up but, what can I say? I’m a vain person and I like that shit. So, yeah, just go with what feels right. Shaving your head isn’t THAT much of a hassle.I say suck it up and stay the course.
Side note, there is nothing worse than being a balding guy who wears a hat and being around a grabby ass girl who’s trying to take that hat off. It’s a nightmare. As a rule, girls should never touch a guys hat unless given permission. That’s a fucking violation. Take note, ladies. Watch those fucking hands!

The next level of marriage

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I’m not a “marriage” person. I think the whole concept is pretty antiquated. I’m not saying it doesn’t work for some people but, in 2015, the idea that it is still the expected path for all people to take is kind of silly to me. That said, it’s still good to see people ,who couldn’t marry, get the right to do so if they please. With all the forward steps it’s taken, I think we’re ready for the final step to happen. No, not marrying your cat (sorry, losers) dog, or other animal. What I’m talking about here is different. It came to me one drunken night hanging out with one of my closest friends. We had often talked about jokingly just pretending to be gay and marrying each other just for the benefits. Like that Adam Sandler movie with Paul Blart. Not only would it be bringing together two incomes, better health insurance and a bigger place to live for both of us but we’d have what we both really want anyway: freedom to live the life we both want to live.

Thing is, we didn’t know the rules of gay marriage. Like, how does one “prove” they’re actually a gay couple? Are there tests? Do they make you fellate one another in the office? I’m assuming not cause, you know, that would be ridiculous. But, if it’s just a “how well do you know your spouse?” test, surely most good friends could pass that easily. There’s got to be something cause, otherwise, I would assume straight people would be gaming the system with this idea since gay marriage was legalized. Whatever the case, it got me thinking and the fact we are two heterosexual males should not stop us from being together. We love each other. It’s a bro-love but it’s still the same love (word to macklemore). So, what if “bro-marriage” existed? (as well as the female equivalent , of course). Basically, you wanna marry your best friend of the same sex, whom you have no sexual interest in whatsoever? Then do it. Now, THAT is something I can get behind.

Of course, there are some hurdles that would arise. First is that damn, “sanctity of marriage” horseshit that republicans and christians always harp on. It’s a nice idea….if it were the dust bowl era but in 2015, marriage has very little sanctity. It’s been pissed on, shit on and flipped on it’s ass. Not because gay people can do it now but cause it’s seemingly a disposable act. People get divorced at a higher rate now than ever. People cheat. People get married for green cards. Most commonly, people get married cause “it’s the right thing to do” and cause of tradition even though they both know it’s probably not the best idea. Basically, it’s a farce. So, that angle doesn’t work for me. Hell, the only reason we can’t marry animals is cause they can’t verbalize the word “yes”. Trust me, people will be marrying their parrots in the next 20 years. Only parrots though…maybe dolphins. We’ll see…

The second hurdle is the idea of a marriage not being official until consummated. Now, THIS will be a problem for the bro-wedding movement. It is crazy that, in the old, archaic and puritanical laws of marriage “You be fuckin’!” is a major tenant. As the bro wedding is based entirely on deep friendship, there will be no fucking. Perhaps a “both in the room, jerking off at the same time while not looking at each other” amendment could be added? That could work. I feel like, if you bust a nut in a room with someone, you’re clearly pretty close. I would also like to point out, to the people who think the no sex part is a deal breaker, have you met or spoken to married couples? They have less sex than anyone. So using sex as a meter of love is bullshit. And trust me, within the marriage of bro’s, there will be plenty of sex….just not with each other. And that there is the best part about being bro-married. My husband wouldn’t give a shit if I don’t come home all night. My husband wouldn’t give a shit if I left without telling him where I’m going. Why? Cause he’s my homeboy and we don’t give a fuck. Sure, we’d have plans together. Go out on the town (ladies love two married bro’s) , see movies, get meals together. All the shit married couples do…except we’d be happy all the time. Sure, he might get pissed if i don’t invite him to come play basketball with me but we’d get past that, cause we’re two dudes and none of that shit matters. Who’s to say that kind of love is less real than your mother and fathers? Not me. Cause, chances are, your mom and dad hate each other just as much as they love each other. In that sense, a bro-marriage is superior. I could never hate my dude. I may get mad or annoyed by him but you know that feeling when you’ve been with someone forever and they walk in the room and you’re like “ughhh” in your head? WOULD NEVER HAPPEN.
Then the topic of children might pop up. Well, duh. We could adopt. or not. I don’t really give a shit. But I’m sure there are some bro’s out there who’d be all about it. Sure, that baby might grow up to be a hyperactive slob lacking any feminine touch but isn’t it more about the love of the parents. Love is love, right? Two gay man can raise an amazing chid. Surely two straight guys can do the same. Male/female assholes raise kids all the time so i don’t see a difference. Good parents are going to be god parents regardless of sex or the nature of their relationship.

So, what do you say America? Are we ready? When’s the first rally to legalize straight, same sex marriage? I’ll be the first guy in line, linking arms with my bro, until we can hear the words “I now pronounce you husband and husband, you my give a strong pound to your partner” as i throw the bouquet like a hail mary pass into the rafters of the non-denominational event center we rented out. Life would finally be right. Can we live?
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The Mighty Jones Album “Gone Long” is here!

tmjpiano
Man, this has been a long time coming. You guys have no idea.
Probably cause you don’t even know what I’m talking about. The Mighty Jones. This is a project I’ve been working on for what feels like forever. It started over ten years ago. It was me, Joanna Erdos (The midnight show), Jeremy Gibson (Sir Jarlsberg. The moon rabbits, PFAC) and Pierre Michelle (Guitarist and vocalist). All four of us were friends who worked in different kinds of music, who united to try to do something a little different. Right as the ball got rolling, tragedy struck and Pierre passed away due to a terribly unfortunate freak accident. We were all devastated and , obviously, any thought of making music was put on the back burner. A few years passed and Joanna and I felt we should try again. Jeremy was still down and we added the guitar prowess of Damien Paris (The giraffes and the guy who plays all the instruments on all my solo albums). So we began working and writing. We had some old songs we had done that were unfinished works but I gave them away here. These are those demos. Check them out. They’re rough and unmixed but this is where it all started.
http://www.mediafire.com/download/cxb5snbsnzuszkl/Mighty+Jones+Demo%27s.zip
“Blow my mind” features some vocals we had salvaged of Pierre’s and remains the only Mighty Jones track he ever got featured on.

Well, flash forward about 10 years and it’s finally time. Since then, we’ve added the endlessly talented Bay Li Mckeithan (The Skins) as a second vocalist to round out the group to 5 people. Due to scheduling, life and general disarray, our album has taken way longer than it has any right to take. BUT IT’S HERE. It’s called “Gone Long” (for obvious reasons) and it’s ten tracks of psych/soul hip hop with female vocals. I’m sure you can listen to it and draw some comparisons but, for me, I wouldn’t know where to start. It’s not Portishead. It’s not Fiona apple. It’s not the sneaker pimps (lol). But it’s something.
The album is available on bandcamp right now and will be available at many other digital outlets in the near future. But for now? Bandcamp is it. You can purchase it there or simply just stream it. I should say that we are putting this out 100% on our own. No label. No press. Nothing. This has been a complete labor of love and something all the members of the group took a lot of time and pride in. We hope you like it…And, if you do, spread the word cause that’s better than any blog write up we could ever ask for.

Or, if you’re more of  soundcloud kinda person…

On I-tunes:https://itunes.apple.com/album/id1064075021

On Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B018UPM82E?ie=UTF8&keywords=The%20Mighty%20Jones&qid=1449211493&ref_=sr_1_1&s=dmusic&sr=1-1-mp3-albums-bar-strip-0

It’s also on Spotify so go check it out however you listen to music!

 

It should also be noted that, while this album took forever to make and release, we’ve been working on new music for a while so a follow up won’t be that far behind. So, new shit is in the works!

Okay, thanks for listening and enjoy.