I need your help


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It’s a brand new year everyone. Time to shake of the dust of 2015 and let your hair down.
If you don’t know, this blog is a one man show. I wake up, write whatever it is i’m gonna write then post it. Why? I have no idea. Some of you seem to like it and it definitely gives me something to do in the mornings before I eat.
Anyway, a big part of the blog (i refuse to call it a website) is give and take. For many of my reoccurring columns, I need you guys to participate. So, this post is basically a call to arms. In order for the blog to work…I need you guys.
Okay? Cool. Now , here’s where you help me.
I need things.
If you have any of the following things, you can email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com of leave them in the comments section.

1)Ask Dr. Tony questions
If you got some problems in life that your shitty friends and family aren’t helping you with? Why not ask me? I’ll be honest and offer a new perspective. They can be about anything. Also, it’s always anonymous so don’t worry about your privacy being jeopardized.

2)Answers for questions
As always…i need these. Be creative. Be weird. think outside the box. And ask me literally anything. I’ve rejected maybe 3 questions over the last 6 years and only cause they were asking me to talk about other peoples personal lives.

3)Any ideas of things I should write about?
You think you got an idea that might work? throw it my way. Or, how about are you a person who’s into some weird shit that wants to be interviewed about it? Let’s talk. past interview subjects have been girls who fucked riff raff and guys who sucked their own dick. So, you know…I’m open to suggestions.

4)Demos
I write demo reviews. I need more to review. There are rules though.
1)The header on the email must say “Demo review”
2)If you’ve already submitted, DO NOT submit again. You had your fun now it’s other people’s turn. This includes producers working with new rappers.
3)Send me ONE SONG. Pick your song that is your favorite or the one that best exemplifies your music and shoot it over here. I’m not going to listen to your whole ep.
4)This time around, I’ll only be accepting songs that can be heard via a link. So, no loose mp3′s or myspace pages. I want soundcloud, bandcamp or you can even upload it to an upload site (like divshare.com, hulkshare ect…) that allows the songs to stream. Basically, the streaming part is crucial. If this is something you cannot do, you probably shouldn’t be sending me music in the first place. I also accept youtube video links but, seriously, how you gonna have that be your only form of streaming music online. Soundcloud is free. just sign up and put a song up there.
5)Demo MUST contain original production. I don’t want mixtapes of you rapping over other peoples tracks. I want actual songs. About once a week, I review something only to find out it’s some rare madlib track the person jacked. If you send me something, I want it to 100% be made by you. Sampling is sampling but taking another person finished rap beat and calling it your own is not okay.
6)budding producers: don’t just send me some random beat you made. I want a finished product. If your shit is called “Untitled beat” I will throw it right in the trash. If you made a beat but it’s just drums and a loop, i don’t want it. i want something you’d consider a song that can stand on it’s own. A rap beat with a subtle change does not a song make.

That’s about it for the rules. But there’s more…You must also accept that I will be reviewing your music honestly. I don’t know you. You aren’t my homeboy. I may write some shit you don’t wanna hear/accept. Just know it’s possible you will not be happy with the review. Butthurt responses will be clowned on properly. Trust me, I’m as familiar with internet criticism as any person who makes music for a living. It sucks but it’s part of the deal. After all, you’re sending me your music so I can review it. what else do you expect? By submitting, you’re pretty much agreeing to possibly being let down.
It should also be noted that , genre wise, I’m a rap guy. I like rap music. This can work both for and against you people sending me rap as I will be highly critical of it but there’s also a chance I might actually like it. If it were up to me, I’d ONLY review rap demos. Where as with other genres (particularly instrumental music and electronic type shit) I don’t really listen to that kinda stuff. Feel free to send it but just know my ceiling of enjoyment for that kind of music is typically pretty low. Ironic, I know…but it’s the reality of things.

That’s about it. This blog is a labor of love but I’d be lying if I said i wasn’t running out of content. If you’re a faithful reader or even a casual reader…throw me a bone so I can keep this going. If nothing else, i give you something to read while taking a shit and that has value in this world, goddamnit.

14 thoughts on “I need your help

  1. Ask Dr. Tony:

    I have a friend who’s married to a girl from south america who moved to america to be with him (met through high school foreign exchange). if things don’t work out, she would want to leave america and return to her family. he has admitted to her that he has feelings for another girl — who he spends lots of time with — but that he would never cheat on his wife. recently, while talking clumsily about some philosophical concept he posed the question “if a man cheats on his wife, is it wrong if it brings him and his mistress more happiness than it brings his wife sadness?”

    who do i ask what questions of/tell what things to? all three people involved are fairly recent (four months) friends of mine, but we’ve been spending ~3 days a week together and i work with the wife most days of the week.

    Ask Dr. Tony:

    You mentioned that in college you missed lots of sexual opportunities. I recognize myself has being in a similar position (as in: why did we just sit on her bed and giggle for forty five minutes while making extended eye contact? oh wait sex). how does one break out of this obvious young-man’s pattern?

    you talking about specific albums song-by-song tends to go over incredibly well (more so than your general updates). is that something you might be interested in doing more regularly to generate more content?

    wild stories also do well, and i imagine that, being forty, being a musician, living in new york, having enjoyed partying from a young age, you’ve probably got some crazy ones — especially ones where other musicians make cameos (Aesop Rock).

    also i feel like, at some point, you mentioned maybe doing a podcast with him a la Rogglecast when he comes back to New York. maybe that could be a thing. maybe you never said that and i just now made it up on accident.

    questions:

    does new york’s sex culture seem different from other places, so far as you can tell? i’ve had many friends (from ages 20-40) characterize the general social climate of the city as very thirsty.

    while you don’t really enjoy listening to contemporary hip-hop instrumental stuff (like you, FlyLo, et al make), do you enjoy them when they’re rapped over? what makes that kind of song good to you? do you ever get bored of what is the consistently old(er)-school sounding east coast instrumental aesthetic?

    how does one attend NYU graduate school (happening v soon) and not be despised by all?

    what’s your holiday experience generally like?

    i’ve been reading the blog daily for about three year and have learned a fuckton about rap from it. truly essential. also rogglecast makes me feel like i have more interesting friends than i actually do (most early 20s people, myself probably included, are pretty dull).

    hope this helps!

  2. I’ve been thinking about buying a sampler and a drum kit but it’s so damn expensive. I love instrumental hip hop beats and I especially love finding them on vinyl. I was considering giving it a shot, but do you have any advise on what type of gear to get or a cheap way to get into making this type of music?

  3. Do you have stories behind you songs? NYC bounce is the one I think of most. In my story it is a guy chasing the dream in NYC. He is bright and excited for his big break. But as the song goes on he discovers the realities of making it it not only the big city, but also in entertainment. As the city chews him up and spits him out, the song ends with the city calling out to it’s next victim. Did I really over think that? I can see the animation for a video for that song.

  4. Wait, if I send you my “untitled beat” online how are you going to throw it in the trash? I assume you’d not listen to it and burn it onto a CD and then throw it in the trash right?

  5. Question for antsirs:

    For the rest of your life would you rather:

    a) have to speak in a fake british accent and end every single sentence you say/write with the word “nigga.” example: “hi can i take your order?” “yes i fancy a slice of pepperoni, nigga.” if you fail to do either of these things your dick catches on fire.

    b) be R.A. the Rugged Man’s roommate and share a bunk bed with him (you get to choose the top or bottom). You would also have a 2-seater toilet and only be able to poop when he poops, sharing the same bathroom.

    c) give a homeless guy a blowjob once a year.

  6. Dr T, have you ever had a friend that you tried to politely cut ties with who just did not go away? And advice on terminating an exhausting bro-bro friendship that just won’t die quietly?

  7. Q for a

    What are some of your favorite names of porn films? Strictly talking about the name, regardless of subject matter. Have their been any films name after hip hop artists/albums that you’ve come across?

  8. Can you see yourself ever dating a woman who is REALLY in to any of this nerdy stuff? Like maybe not all at once, but she REALLY likes a few things from the list? What are your general thoughts on these hobbies for an adult, be it a man or woman?

    Video Games
    Science Fiction or Fantasy movies
    Comic Books
    Collecting toys
    Card Games (Magic the Gathering, Yugioh)
    Board Games (The new complicated ones that no one has ever heard of.)
    Renaissance Fairs
    LARPing (Live action role-play)
    Cosplay (Dressing up like characters from movies, comics.)
    Collecting crystals

  9. How many 7 year olds do you think you could take in a fight at once?

    If you could only eat meat from one animal for the rest of your life, which are you going with?

    Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck, or a hundred duck-sized horses?

    How much would someone have to pay you to go an entire year with no internet or TV?

    Same question, but to live in a cabin with no electricity or running water? You’ve got enough food/water for the year, and it’s warm enough that you won’t freeze, but you have nothing else.

    If you went to jail, would you kill a pedophile to keep from being raped if you had to chose one of the two?

    Forced to chose at gunpoint, would you punch a 10 year old girl in the face full strength, or drown the world’s cutest puppy?

    If you had to fuck a non human, what animal would you choose?

  10. Q for A:
    – What would you do if making music for a living stopped paying the bills? / Do you have a retirement fund?
    – What wouldwould your job have been if you couldn’t make music for a living?
    – You seem pretty laid back. What irritates you the most on a daily basis?
    – Do you have a favorite country to visit while touring?
    – If you had to go on a 2 week vacation with Adele where would you go?
    – Who are some of your favorite visual artists?

    Article ideas:
    Your writing is pretty entertaining, honestly if you just told some good stories that would be awesome. Like that one about the worst show ever (at the festival where you didn’t even play and they didn’t wanna hear rap). Maybe some funny stories from when you were younger; drugs, girls, crazy situations, weird people you’ve encountered, etc.

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