Hi there everyone.
How you been? i’ve been traveling so this is the first time I’ve had a chance to write anything for this blog in a week. You know how that shit go…
Anyway, this is answers for questions. You ask me stuff and I answer it. You got a questions you wanna ask me? Go nuts. Get weird. be inventive. Send it to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave it in the comment section. I’m always taking submissions so don’t hesitate.
Okay, let’s see this weeks batch…it’s an interesting one.

Good idea or a bad one?
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/09/14/1410717265818_wps_2_Some_places_have_lanes_fo.jpg

Fucking brilliant idea.
You know, walking with your head down , buried in your phone, is one of those things I both detest but , shamefully, will sometimes do. I try my best to not do it. I’ll often stop walking and step to the side just to make sure I don’t do it but nobodies perfect…it happens. The two lane sidewalk thing would fix all of that. In general, I feel we need two lanes for slow walkers who are just floating through life not giving a fuck about other peoples time and space so, yeah, I’m all in on this one. Thank you, China.

Would you rather get a kick in the dick every week for a year straight or never take a nap again in your life?
Oh faithful reader, you thought you had a good one here but you were mistaken.
Without question, I chose the latter. Why, you ask? CAUSE I CAN’T NAP ANYWAY.
Yup, I never nap. Ever. I have a serious problem falling asleep during the day and, at best, I can shut my eyes for a few hours but still be kind of awake. It’s a struggle and I’m certainly jealous of people who have that life skill but this may be the one situations where it actually feels like an advantage for me. You’re basically asking “Would you rather get kicked in the dick every week for a year or continue living your life exactly as it is?”. I think the answer is clear.

When did you know you were straight? Hetero. Serious question.
I mean, everybody at SOME point has probably been like “Hey that guy is really attractive… do I… ? Am I… should I try…?” and then either tried it and realized (either way), or just KNEW. What’s your story?

I don’t think I ever questioned it that deeply. When I came of age where I started being attracted to girls, I was straight. So, I guess I just knew. At the same time, being straight doesn’t mean I can’t look at a dude and recognize he’s good looking. The two things are not mutual at all. Now, if I look at that same guy and think “He’s a good looking guy…I wonder what it would be like to make out with him?” that’s something different but, for me, it was always like “Yup, that guy looks like he probably gets a ton of pussy”.
Also, when I say I never though about it, that’s a generational thing. Sexual identity wasn’t the same as it is today. When i hear high school/college kids talk about their sexual identity today, it blows my mind. It’s as if simply being a straight dude is looked upon as boring and lame. Like I’ve heard all these caveats like “Well, I identify as straight but I have bi sexual leanings and I’m sapiosexual” and that’s coming out the mouth of a fucking 16 year old. My generation simply wasn’t concerned/aware of those kinda of things. Granted, being a gay kid back then was also probably a nightmare so it’s not a bad thing that the tides have turned. But there is a part of me that feels a lot of these kids don’t really know what they are yet and are just saying whatever they feel is cool. I’m very happy that people have more freedom now to live as they want to but teenagers are still teenagers and, you know, teenagers are stupid and full of shit in general. Not their fault though…they’re teenagers.

I don’t know if you already wrote about friendzone but I ask you this: Is it possible to get out of the friendzone or we friendzoned guys are condamned to ethernity?

Is it possible? Sure. “anything is possible”. I’ve had sex with girls I was friendzoned by and it was always a mess afterwards. Like, it finally happens and you’re all excited but, at that point, you’re no longer obsessing over it like you were back when you were locked in that box. It also generally happens after the crush has waned. Like, if a girl seriously has you in the friendzone, you’re not gonna get out of it anytime soon. She’s made the decision that that’s where you stand with her and nothing you can do will change that. Only time can shift things. Not to mention, when it happened to me, I felt pangs of resentment towards the girl after like “Oh, NOW it’s okay?” Which is ridiculous but I was also pretty young and petty so I suppose it goes with the territory.
So, yeah, you could get out but , chances are if you’re really there, by the time you get out, it won’t matter much to you anyway. I guess you could call it bad timing.

You’re a guy who loves food. What are some of your go-to items? What ethnic/regional cuisines are your favorites, and which ones can you not get down with? Are you mainly a meat entree kinda guy, or do you have some favorite vegetarian dishes too?

I do love food and I pretty much eat it all. I am a meat guy and , in general, my main dish will include some sort of dead animal in it. beef and lamb are my go to but I also love pork and chicken so I tend to keep it pretty versatile when ordering meals.
As for ethnic/regional…I eat tons of middle eastern food, japanese, italian, etc…There’s very few regions I don’t like. One thing I’m not crazy about is Thai food. I mean, it’s good and I’ll eat it no problem but it’s definitely never something I seek out. I’m not a huge fan of mixing sweet with meats and I also have a cap on how spicy I can take food so Thai food often kinda plays into my disinterests.
I don’t generally eat anything specifically vegetarian but I do like veggies…especially when they’re next to some meat.

I had a strong experience with your music last night. What did you do this weekend?

Well, I’m sitting in a hotel in montreal right now writing this. I played shows with Eliot Lipp in NYC and Burlington this weekend. I’m tired, mildly hungover and regretting that 3 am kabab I had last night.
Today, we drive back to NYC then head down south to finish our tour dates for this week. Moving and shaking, brah.

Whats the most unpleasant interaction you’v had with another celebrity?
Probably the time marky mark spat in my mouth while we were kissing.
Just kidding.
Hmm…lemme think. I honestly have never been one to try and talk to famous people. My early experiences with it were such that I think I learned that some famous people are assholes/don’t wanna be bothered. I’ve never had a celebrity flat out do anything awful to me. Steve Guttenberg once played out me and my friends outside a club in the mid 90’s but that was actually awesome. We were clowning him cause, well, he was Steve guttenberg but then he walked by us and a girl asked him what he was doing. he looked at us and said “I think I’m gonna hang with these guys!” then laughed and got into a limo with 4 models. He shut us right the fuck up.

The only unpleasant experience I can think of is one I’ve mentioned here before…but I met Q-tip on the street when I was like 15. He wasn’t even famous yet. This was before “Low end Theory” had even dropped. My friend and I went up to him and he gave me the most “yeah whatever son…” pound I’ve ever had in my life. It was just super dismissive and made me feel like shit for even saying a word to him. But that’s as bad as it’s been. Th secret is to not put yourself out there too much for celebrities cause, in general, they don’t give a fuck about meeting you and that is how you taint your idealized version of your heroes.

Would you rather have sex with a mermaid or a reverse-mermaid?
I suppose it depends what the head game is like, right? i can’t exactly bone some gills.
At the same time, as much as I like a beautiful ass, I doubt I would be into boning one connected to a fish head. I’mma take the normal mermaid just cause the other way would be to weird.

Sup yo.
Welcome to another edition of “Answers for Questions”. you guys ask, i answer. I can always use more questions so don’t be shy. Fire away. Send any questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Be weird. Be creative. It helps make this column more readable.

Also, I will be heading out on tour tomorrow with Eliot Lipp. East coast, west coast and some southern dates as well. For more info on that, here are the dates in one nifty flyer:

It also means I’ll be slacking on this blog for a few weeks so, you know, if that’s the type of shit you care about…my bad, b. Duty calls. hopefully I’ll find time to fire off a few updates a week but who knows?

I am in the worst fucking female slump in my life. Real shit, I’m either getting no love, or it’s some lead you on/bait and switch bullshit. My question is, have you ever been in an extended slump with the ladies, and if so, how did you get out of it?

I’ve had one truly long slump in my adult life (6 months) and it was due to me trying to get over a girl. So, in a way, it was self imposed. At first is was me not even trying and having no interest but, as that part waned, I just found myself out of synch in general, when it came to meeting girls. During that time, I must have been emanating “loser”. It was in my 20’s and it was like a perfect storm of no pussy. My ex deaded me. All my regular hook ups got boyfriends. All my friends were in relationships and the internet was not what it is today. It seemed hopeless. I’d like to say there was something I specifically did to get me out of it but that’s not true. Truth is, I met a girl who was down to hook up with me and I hooked up with her. There was no pep talk or self help maneuver. It simply finally happened. i will say this though…getting that action put me right back in the game. Like, that following week, the flood gates burst open and it was like a whole new ballgame. It’s funny to think about cause the scent of desperation must really be a real thing to girls. I think the best way to get out of a slump is cross your fingers and hope you find a girl with a shitty sense of smell.

How do you keep from eating terribly while on tour? I imagine it is easy to get fat living that lifestyle.
I don’t…i eat like shit on tour. Especially if I’m flying a lot. My recent tour in europe had me having a meal a day in an airport for 10 days. You where it’s hard to eat healthy? Airports. Especially when you lack any self control and figure “eh, fuck it…” when deciding on meals. Sure, i could get a gross airport salad and a banana for lunch but…fuck that…I’m eating another burger cause it’s there and being in a airport is torture enough.
I’ve been on some tours where you eat healthier than others. Tours that are driven definitely make that possible. Stops at whole foods and all that shit. It also depends where you’re touring. Down south or the midwest is always gonna be harder to find healthy food that isn’t gross while touring the coasts are a little easier.
In general, I just try to eat GOOD food. I love food more than…well…anything…so, when I’m in a city, i want to eat a good version of whatever that city is known for. BBQ, Sushi, a local sandwich, etc…
It’s not healthy but neither is being sad cause you’re hungry all day. That said, it is a wonder i’m not the fattest man on earth at this point.

Do guys really cum in to gym socks, then keep those socks around under their bed so they can use them again later? Or is that just a thing from the movies? Why? Doesn’t this cause more problems than it solves? Soooo gross!

I’ve never done that in my life cause I’m not a savage. More than that, i’m aware of these things called “tissues”. They’re great. It’s , soft, thin paper made for collecting unwanted fluids from the human body. They even can be flushed down the toilet. It’s truly a great time to be alive during a time when tissues are available to wipe cum off of things with.
I’m sure some people bust nuts in socks. Seems like some shit you do when you’re in high school, disgusting and too lazy to simply not cum in a sock. That was never my bag though .

Do you think that Common & Laura Dern are really dating or is this just a baseless rumor? I hope it’s true haha.

What? Is that true? I haven’t seen a thing about it but, judging from Commons choice in pants the last 5 years, it’s totally plausible.

How do you view the impact that soundcloud has had on the music industry? Both as a musician who posts new content and as a listener who is able to connect with fans of music you like yourself. Do you find that you are better able to reach prospective fans, or do you think it promotes a sort of “tunnel vision” sequestering you to a specific genre of both music and people?

As an artist, I have no problem with Soundcloud. I wish I had made a profile sooner, to be honest. It’s simply a great way to share music. It also is cool cause sometimes you need a platform to just put random shit out. Not things you wanna sell or not full albums. Just a song or remix here and there to keep fans paying attention between projects. Gotta keep them appetites whet.
As a fan, I love it cause many of the artists I fuck with are fairly obscure but have soundcloud pages they are diligent about. So, i get to hear new music by artists I like all the time. That’s a pretty cool concept, compared to the days of simply waiting on albums or guest appearances.
The music industry is so far beyond a point where sales matter that a site like soundcloud isn’t hurting anyone. It’s promotion. There are tons of artists who got a name off of there and now have sustainable careers.
As for the “Tunnel vision” point, I don’t quite understand. There are all sorts of artists on there. Every type of music. If you wanna find some polka on soundcloud, you can. If you want norwegian death metal, it’s there too. So, really, it doesn’t promote tunnel vision at all. That’s entirely up to the person using it.

I don’t watch reality television (it just isn’t something I find very interesting), so I’m in no position to assess them, but after x-number of years being on tv, there are still people who incessantly bash on the Kardashians. I’m wondering what you think of people who shit on the Kardashians as if they murder babies for a living?

Here’s the thing about the kardashians…they are awful. Like, really…with the exception of Khloe, they all just seem like despicable , vapid human beings who are a glaring example of many of the things wrong with american culture. So, i get why people have such vitriol towards them. That said…it’s out fault they’re successful so , perhaps, we should look inward a little and take some of the blame. No one makes people watch that show, buy their products and put money in their pockets. If people stopped caring, they would go away. Like, when’s the last time you saw paris hilton on TV? Sure, she’s still rich but no one is giving her money for being on TV at this point. For every kardashian, there’s some other person just like them who didn’t blow up. Like that weird blonde teenager who married that old dude then got a few shows on VH1. She’s basically doing porn at this point cause people care so little and she needs to make money. That could have easily been Kim Kardashian but it wasn’t…So here we are. Well done, guys!

Hey Block, big fan here. Do you spend much time pondering some of the bigger questions in life? Such as: why are we here? how did existence come to be? does anything matter?
Never. Like, literally, not ever. What’s the point? I don’t have an answer. No one does. I try not to spend time thinking about things of that nature that I have no control over. To be honest, I’m not even curious. We’e born, we live, we die. That’s about it. Sure, we’re all beings and have our own minds. We live our lives differently etc…but why are we here? Cause our parents fucked…and their parents fucked…and their parents fucked X100000000.
Instead of worrying about that kinda shit, I’d rather just try and be a decent person while I’m here. It’s really that simple.

Howdy yall, I’m back from an interesting weekend in Miami. Did a show at a festival and got offered DMT like 5 times. I politely declined cause, well, I’m old and not trying to do DMT anywhere, let alone with a bunch of random 20 year olds at a music festival. But, the thought as appreciated guys! It’s just not my thing.
Anyway, this Answers for Questions. You ask, I answer. I’m always in need of more questions so think of something weird and fire away. Send them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. Be creative. We’re 281 volumes deep here. Time to go off the script, if you know what I mean.
Okay, let’s check this weeks batch…

Say you think of all the people you’ve had sex with in your life. If you had never known any of them and had to go by a picture only, which % of them do you think you would swipe-left versus swipe-right? (does this question make sense??)
This is such a good question and one I have thought about a lot since joining tinder last year.
Here’s the thing, the nuances of attraction are often lost on tinder. Some girls will look amazing on there then be mediocre in real life while some look “meh” on there and then you see them in person are are shocked. There’s no telling these days. But, if I’m going off of just pictures of girls I’ve slept with in my entire life…I’d say I woulda swiped about 75% of the girls I’ve actually slept with. Funny thing is, there are a few in that 25% that I’d probably consider the hottest I’ve ever had but they just weren’t that photogenic or their attractiveness didn’t translate as much on film as it does in person. I mean, there are just some people you meet that you’re overwhelmingly attracted to. They don’t even need to be traditionally hot but they have “something”. A twinkle or maybe just pheromones. At the same time, an obviously pretty girl can become unattractive easily just by being lame or shitty. It works both ways.

People probably try to shake your hand or give you a dap at shows. Have you every been in a situation where you had major reservations about any individuals? Maybe you actually see them do something gross with their hands, or you just get a bad feeling about it, like you don’t know where they’ve been?

What do you think about the handshake custom? Is it good, or should we have already evolved to something better?

Nah, I haven’t had that Larry David moment where I see someone pick their nose then extend their hand to me. I will say that, after a show, where many hands have been shaken, I come back to the hotel and wash my hands. When that happens, I’m appalled but the dark shade of water I see being rinsed off onto the sink. People are filthy. I’m glad I’m not one of those purell addicted OCD types but I definitely try and not put my hands near my eyes or mouth until I’ve washed them, if I’ve been shaken random peoples hands.
As for the handshake custom, I think it’s a good greeting. Only thing is , every region has their own version. Out west the do the slap and bump. Out east , we give pounds. Middle america is a total dice roll. I never know what to expect so I’m often just opting for the proper old timey hand shake so there’s no confusion. If I had a dollar for every fist bump I’ve accidentally left hanging , I’d be rich enough to retire. I almost feel bad about it and never do it on purpose but, at the same time, I think the fist bump is corny in general so maybe I do do it on purpose.

What do you think about rappers rapping over vocal tracks on every single song when they play live? How is that acceptable for every song? Probably the worst offenders I have seen are LA The Darkman (he said his laptop was lost on the plane so he had to use a CD), Vince Staples (no excuse), Future (no excuse).

What about rappers lip synching? My friend made me watch a Tech N9ne DVD once, and I swear he was actually lip synching half the time. What’s up with that?

I think it’s pretty fucking lazy. We live in an era where making an instrumental version of your song should be a given. I know that Tyler the creator was the first guy I saw do it but I also think , at that time, he literally didn’t have foresight to think he’d ever perform those songs live so he didn’t make instrumental versions. I’m sure he does now. But dudes like Future? Come on man. You’re the biggest rapper on earth right now, surely someone got the instrumental tracks for you.
I’ve never seen lip syncing rapper before and I’ve heard Tech 9 is actually impressive live so perhaps he was so good , you assumed he was lip syncing? Cause dude is kind of a brilliant technical rapper.

I just remembered something from like 10 years ago. I was at a party and said something in conversation about a David Bowie song which I think is dope. Some other guy there who I wasn’t even talking to started popping off shit about David Bowie’s personal life and told me that I like “faggot music”. It seemed like they wanted to fight me for a minute, then they left the room just to get away from me like I had the flu or something.

When is the last time someone in real life ever sincerely talked shit to you about your taste in music? How can you even react to this?

I talk about my taste in music all the time. Definitely haven’t had someone tell me some shit I like is “faggot music” ever really. That dude seemed a touch, I dunno, misguided?
The only time I talk about music and get backlash in on here and twitter and, even then, I truly don’t take anything people say to me about it. I have a more, confident and snobby “get on my level” take on it. Like “Oh, these dudes are still into boring boom bap revivalist rap? Okay then…”.
But in real life? I don’t find many people talking shit to me about music taste…cause i got good taste! hahaha

If you had to play a song repeatedly for your neighbors to hear over and over and over again, which song would you choose?
I have one neighbor who blasts music all fucking day long. It’s a mix between gay dance music (he’s a gay dancer) and salsa (he’s latino). But it’s relentless and it’s literally never been a song I like ever. There was one point where it got so bad (music blasting from 9 am on a saturday until 2 am that night) where I got fed up and just put on a playlist of old gangsta rap, put my speakers up to his wall , blasted it and left my house. It was on for about 5 hours and when I got back, it was silent. He didn’t play shit the rest of that day. So, i felt a small victory. So, I guess my answer would be “Goin out like A G.O.” by the geto boys cause that’s what I set the playlist off with. That era of rap doesn’t have much low end to rattle the room but it’s got those mid frequencies that will seep through and get truly grating after a while.

Have you ever wiped your ass with your non-dominant hand? If not, are you willing to try? The reason I ask is because my friends have not tried it yet I feel as though it’s an experience. I recommended it to them and they refused. Who is at fault here?
Little know fact: I don’t wipe at all.
Just kidding.
Umm…i have actually done this when I had an injured right hand. Much like jerking off with your non-dominant hand it was a struggle. If truly does feel like someone else is wiping your ass, while your hand feels like it’s wiping a strangers ass. Not the most dope combo of sensations. When I did it, I was very careful and probably less thorough than I normally would be…but it got the job done.
Who’s at fault? No one. Why wipe with your off hand when you have a perfectly functional hand that you can trust? If it’s “for the experience” of it, I suppose but do we really need to experience that? it’s cleaning your asshole. Not exactly something you sit and savor. People climb mountains and go sky diving for the “experience”. Wiping your ass with your off hand isn’t exactly living life to the fullest.

In the last few months I’ve been interested, but mostly concerned with different examples of “Mandela Effects.” Most notably, my reality was kinda fucked when I learned that a personal childhood book series favorite, the BerenstEin Bears is actually spelled “BerenstAin Bears.” I’m kind of leaning towards dimensional timeline shifts and what not. Like it fucks me up some times and I have to get drunk. I peeped out some other examples that resonated with me but I’m mainly trippin on the Bears. I know you’re the level headed type.You familiar with this sort of shit? Do you even give a fuck? Thoughts, theories, fears, remedies?

I am the level headed type so it’s impossible for me to give a shit about any of these things. I’m also someone who’s a lazy speller so hearing the correct spelling for the “Berenstain bears” did nothing for me. I too thought they were a family of jewish bears but, hey, i guess not. My childhood is still intact despite this mild spelling issue. It’s not like we all just found out “Winnie the Pooh” was actually “Winnie the wet dump”. That would be a mind blower.
I’ll be honest, when the who B. Bears thing was unleashed I had no fucking clue what people were talking about it. I read an article and still didn’t get it. Seemed to me that people just kinda clung onto the relevance of the story cause it had to do with their childhood but, in reality, it was a spelling guffaw. Who cares?