Answers for Questions vol. 281


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Howdy yall, I’m back from an interesting weekend in Miami. Did a show at a festival and got offered DMT like 5 times. I politely declined cause, well, I’m old and not trying to do DMT anywhere, let alone with a bunch of random 20 year olds at a music festival. But, the thought as appreciated guys! It’s just not my thing.
Anyway, this Answers for Questions. You ask, I answer. I’m always in need of more questions so think of something weird and fire away. Send them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. Be creative. We’re 281 volumes deep here. Time to go off the script, if you know what I mean.
Okay, let’s check this weeks batch…

Say you think of all the people you’ve had sex with in your life. If you had never known any of them and had to go by a picture only, which % of them do you think you would swipe-left versus swipe-right? (does this question make sense??)
This is such a good question and one I have thought about a lot since joining tinder last year.
Here’s the thing, the nuances of attraction are often lost on tinder. Some girls will look amazing on there then be mediocre in real life while some look “meh” on there and then you see them in person are are shocked. There’s no telling these days. But, if I’m going off of just pictures of girls I’ve slept with in my entire life…I’d say I woulda swiped about 75% of the girls I’ve actually slept with. Funny thing is, there are a few in that 25% that I’d probably consider the hottest I’ve ever had but they just weren’t that photogenic or their attractiveness didn’t translate as much on film as it does in person. I mean, there are just some people you meet that you’re overwhelmingly attracted to. They don’t even need to be traditionally hot but they have “something”. A twinkle or maybe just pheromones. At the same time, an obviously pretty girl can become unattractive easily just by being lame or shitty. It works both ways.

People probably try to shake your hand or give you a dap at shows. Have you every been in a situation where you had major reservations about any individuals? Maybe you actually see them do something gross with their hands, or you just get a bad feeling about it, like you don’t know where they’ve been?

What do you think about the handshake custom? Is it good, or should we have already evolved to something better?

Nah, I haven’t had that Larry David moment where I see someone pick their nose then extend their hand to me. I will say that, after a show, where many hands have been shaken, I come back to the hotel and wash my hands. When that happens, I’m appalled but the dark shade of water I see being rinsed off onto the sink. People are filthy. I’m glad I’m not one of those purell addicted OCD types but I definitely try and not put my hands near my eyes or mouth until I’ve washed them, if I’ve been shaken random peoples hands.
As for the handshake custom, I think it’s a good greeting. Only thing is , every region has their own version. Out west the do the slap and bump. Out east , we give pounds. Middle america is a total dice roll. I never know what to expect so I’m often just opting for the proper old timey hand shake so there’s no confusion. If I had a dollar for every fist bump I’ve accidentally left hanging , I’d be rich enough to retire. I almost feel bad about it and never do it on purpose but, at the same time, I think the fist bump is corny in general so maybe I do do it on purpose.

What do you think about rappers rapping over vocal tracks on every single song when they play live? How is that acceptable for every song? Probably the worst offenders I have seen are LA The Darkman (he said his laptop was lost on the plane so he had to use a CD), Vince Staples (no excuse), Future (no excuse).

What about rappers lip synching? My friend made me watch a Tech N9ne DVD once, and I swear he was actually lip synching half the time. What’s up with that?

I think it’s pretty fucking lazy. We live in an era where making an instrumental version of your song should be a given. I know that Tyler the creator was the first guy I saw do it but I also think , at that time, he literally didn’t have foresight to think he’d ever perform those songs live so he didn’t make instrumental versions. I’m sure he does now. But dudes like Future? Come on man. You’re the biggest rapper on earth right now, surely someone got the instrumental tracks for you.
I’ve never seen lip syncing rapper before and I’ve heard Tech 9 is actually impressive live so perhaps he was so good , you assumed he was lip syncing? Cause dude is kind of a brilliant technical rapper.

I just remembered something from like 10 years ago. I was at a party and said something in conversation about a David Bowie song which I think is dope. Some other guy there who I wasn’t even talking to started popping off shit about David Bowie’s personal life and told me that I like “faggot music”. It seemed like they wanted to fight me for a minute, then they left the room just to get away from me like I had the flu or something.

When is the last time someone in real life ever sincerely talked shit to you about your taste in music? How can you even react to this?

I talk about my taste in music all the time. Definitely haven’t had someone tell me some shit I like is “faggot music” ever really. That dude seemed a touch, I dunno, misguided?
The only time I talk about music and get backlash in on here and twitter and, even then, I truly don’t take anything people say to me about it. I have a more, confident and snobby “get on my level” take on it. Like “Oh, these dudes are still into boring boom bap revivalist rap? Okay then…”.
But in real life? I don’t find many people talking shit to me about music taste…cause i got good taste! hahaha

If you had to play a song repeatedly for your neighbors to hear over and over and over again, which song would you choose?
I have one neighbor who blasts music all fucking day long. It’s a mix between gay dance music (he’s a gay dancer) and salsa (he’s latino). But it’s relentless and it’s literally never been a song I like ever. There was one point where it got so bad (music blasting from 9 am on a saturday until 2 am that night) where I got fed up and just put on a playlist of old gangsta rap, put my speakers up to his wall , blasted it and left my house. It was on for about 5 hours and when I got back, it was silent. He didn’t play shit the rest of that day. So, i felt a small victory. So, I guess my answer would be “Goin out like A G.O.” by the geto boys cause that’s what I set the playlist off with. That era of rap doesn’t have much low end to rattle the room but it’s got those mid frequencies that will seep through and get truly grating after a while.

Have you ever wiped your ass with your non-dominant hand? If not, are you willing to try? The reason I ask is because my friends have not tried it yet I feel as though it’s an experience. I recommended it to them and they refused. Who is at fault here?
Little know fact: I don’t wipe at all.
Just kidding.
Umm…i have actually done this when I had an injured right hand. Much like jerking off with your non-dominant hand it was a struggle. If truly does feel like someone else is wiping your ass, while your hand feels like it’s wiping a strangers ass. Not the most dope combo of sensations. When I did it, I was very careful and probably less thorough than I normally would be…but it got the job done.
Who’s at fault? No one. Why wipe with your off hand when you have a perfectly functional hand that you can trust? If it’s “for the experience” of it, I suppose but do we really need to experience that? it’s cleaning your asshole. Not exactly something you sit and savor. People climb mountains and go sky diving for the “experience”. Wiping your ass with your off hand isn’t exactly living life to the fullest.

In the last few months I’ve been interested, but mostly concerned with different examples of “Mandela Effects.” Most notably, my reality was kinda fucked when I learned that a personal childhood book series favorite, the BerenstEin Bears is actually spelled “BerenstAin Bears.” I’m kind of leaning towards dimensional timeline shifts and what not. Like it fucks me up some times and I have to get drunk. I peeped out some other examples that resonated with me but I’m mainly trippin on the Bears. I know you’re the level headed type.You familiar with this sort of shit? Do you even give a fuck? Thoughts, theories, fears, remedies?

I am the level headed type so it’s impossible for me to give a shit about any of these things. I’m also someone who’s a lazy speller so hearing the correct spelling for the “Berenstain bears” did nothing for me. I too thought they were a family of jewish bears but, hey, i guess not. My childhood is still intact despite this mild spelling issue. It’s not like we all just found out “Winnie the Pooh” was actually “Winnie the wet dump”. That would be a mind blower.
I’ll be honest, when the who B. Bears thing was unleashed I had no fucking clue what people were talking about it. I read an article and still didn’t get it. Seemed to me that people just kinda clung onto the relevance of the story cause it had to do with their childhood but, in reality, it was a spelling guffaw. Who cares?

3 thoughts on “Answers for Questions vol. 281

  1. Knicks vs Celtics
    Knicks:Walt Fraizer,Earl Monroe,Benard King,Melo,Ewing

    Celtics:Cousy,Pierce,Bird,Garnett,Russell

    Who wins in a 7 game series?

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