Hi there. Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. You guys ask me stuff and I answer. So simple. If you’d like to join the fun, PLEASE DO! Send me questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or just leave them in the comment section below. All I ask is you be creative. Be weird. It makes the column better for everyone. I generally don’t skip over any questions but something like “What inspires you?” is getting ignored. Gotta keep it interesting. Speaking of which, this week has some good ones in. Let’s check it out…
What is the scariest experience you’ve had in your life?
Well, there have been varying ones. Seeing people get shot was scary but not in the sense that I thought my life was in danger. It was just fucked up. Being robbed at gunpoint was scary but, again, I never actually felt like I was gonna die. I just gave up 8 bucks and it was over.
Honestly, and I think I’ve told this story before, the most scared I’ve ever been happened in Cape cod, Mass.
My parents had a summer home there and we would go every summer for a month or two. It was a house buried deep in the woods and all the walls were glass. At night, you couldn’t see through the glass at all. So, one night, I was there with my brother, one of my nieces and one of my nephews. There was a baby sitter there too even though I was around 11 at the time.
We were sitting in the living room, just watching tv when we heard a blood curdling scream. Like someone had just gotten their toe chopped off or something. That was followed by the sound of multiple feet stomping through the woods and mens voices, creaming at each other, then followed by the sound of a bunch of motorcycles tearing through the woods. Now, keep in mind, we can’t see shit outside, but our lights were on so anyone with sight could see into the house. Also, these sounds sounded like they were coming from 15 feet outside the house. They were so fucking vivid. and the crunching around in the woods and motorcycles keep going. We heard lots of yelling and what sounded like arguing. Hard to say but it was pretty fucking aggressive, whatever it was. Sufficed to say, we all were freaking out. The Baby sitter too. So, we ran upstairs to my parents bedroom (the only room with a lock on it) and locked ourselves in there. The baby sitter had the number to where my parents were and called them. Like they would come home from some art party 4 drinks deep and stop a motorcycle gang from killing us all. My nephew, who must have been around 4 years old at the time, started just vomiting out of fear. So that was awesome.
Eventually the sounds stopped, my parents came home and everything was fine but that hour or so of sheer terror in the woods was something I’ll never forget. Man…fuck nature.
As some back story, it turned out there was a biker gang who had a place down the road. I never found out what the blood curdling scream was but no bodies were found so i can only assume they were drunk and terrorizing the locals for shits and giggles. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you had to pick one band/performer at some point in history to see live in their full glory, who would it be? Any specific songs or albums? (mine would be the Talking Heads doing this song…
…if you’re interested, although Pink Floyd is a close second
Hmm…That’s a tough question. I’ve never been a huge fan of live music but I also think that’s because I like hip hop and, let’s face it, it’s just not that great live. That said, when I see old clips of certain bands/singers, there’s a purity to their performances that I feel like is lost today. It’s simple and understated. Like, seeing Stevie wonder in his prime would have been insane. But, I’mma go with Donny Hathaway, simply cause I think he’s pretty much got my favorite singing voice of all time and to see him live would be very special. I found THIS clip of just the audio and it gives me chills.
So… here are some tech related questions:
As you’re travelling just by yourself on tour, do you actually have a
backup plan, in case your gear gets stolen, corrupted or just breaks
down (dying the hardware death)? Is this something that frequently
concerns you? Do you carry backups? Do you have backups available online
(for the software), as hardware might be replaceable, if in luck?
I’m asking this, because I’ve been on both sides of the fence for more
than ten years now and with some combinations (especially software with
certain hardware, or cables) I tend to get super paranoid about by now.
This leads me to the next topic/ question:
What was your most horrible stage fuckup, as of now (hardware burning
up, software crashing irrevocably, destroying your session, or even the
venues’ hardware giving up on you)?
Oh great. Tech questions…my favorite 😦
I sometimes bring a hard drive with all the things I need on it but, even if that did work, I’d have to find another computer with abelton and I’d still lose a bunch of files cause some of the clips I use in my sets are simply not saved the right way.
But, generally, I don’t have a back up plan. I realize this is dumb but I can’t be traveling with two computers just in case. It does concern me but I honestly try to just not think about it. In fact, this just reminded me I need to buy a new computer.
One thing I’ve done before is recorded my live set in it entirety. I had it in a wav form and carried it on a flash drive so, worst cause, I could just play that and fake the rest but I’ve never had to actually do that. I’d feel shitty about doing that too but it would be my last resort.
I did have a computer die on me once while touring in russia. My shit just conked out and I was forced to do “dj sets” which was literally me just playing my songs on cdj’s to a crowd of disappointed people. But, hey, it’s all I could do. The promoters were not thrilled!
As for the second part, I haven’t had one of those technical meltdowns on stage yet. Knock on wood. Outside glitches and human error, I’ve been pretty lucky thus far with that.
What do you remember from your American History classes? Did you eat in class?
Nothing. I remember most of nothing from high school in general. Possibly cause i wasn’t paying attention in the first place. For me, school was about getting by. Retain enough info to pass the test and move on. When that’s done, that info got dumped and replaced by hip hop trivia or obliterated by booze, tv and girls. I was a TERRIBLE student. Not only did I not try in the slightest but I genuinely didn’t care about failing. Like, you know how some people have pride and that stops them from just totally throwing in the towel? I didn’t have that. To me, school meant nothing. Getting an f on a test didn’t make me feel bad about myself cause I knew how little I cared. I once got a 24 on multiple choice science final and hung in on my fridge. I somehow got through school though (I was naturally good at some subjects and just bullshitted/cheated my way through the rest) but it’s a wonder I even went to college, if not for just a year.
So, yeah…my knowledge of history is as basic as it comes. And , no, I didn’t eat in class. I doodled and spaced out.
you have to go on a cruise to the Bahamas with a famous comedian, musician, actor, and former president. They’re all coming with you and you’ll spend all of your time together. Who’s on your list? And what would you do to pass the time
Man, I don’t think I wanna take a trip with any of those types of people. Whole lotta misery and ego right there…
Comedian: Patrice O’neal.
He’s just the funniest person ever to me and he’s not a self hating , depressed comedian. He’d probably just diss the shit out of everyone there the entire time and I’d sit back and watch that happen.
Musician: Sammy Hagar
He makes his own tequila and I bet he knows all about that island life. I’m not the type of fan who has interest in meeting my heroes and recognize that most of them, in all reality, were probably very flawed human beings I wouldn’t wanna spend actual time with. So, I’ll go with sammy cause I’m not a fan and I don’t give a fuck about what he does. I bet he’s got some great stories though.
Actor: Jessica biel from like, 8 year ago
I don’t have much reverence for actors. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there are some incredibly talented people out there but it’s kinda like with musicians, I don’t need that curtain pulled back. So i choose Biel cause, well, she’s insanely hot and I’d like to see her on the beach. She seems pretty down to earth too and , honestly, I’d want a female there cause hagning out with 4 strange dudes doesn’t sound that fun to me.
I’m not a history buff and I don’t care about meeting some old president. Obama is EASILY the coolest president ever and I bet he’s be fun to chill with. at the very least, we could find a hoop on the island and play some basketball together. This is a vacation on an island, not a classroom. Why would I wanna sit around picking Abraham lincolns brain when I could literally be doing anything else. I could be eating some soft shell crab and drinking a Mojito. I’ll take that…with my dude, Obama.
What will be written on your tombstone vs. what you want to be written on your tombstone?
I don’t really ever think about it cause, you know, when I’m dead , I’m dead right? Not like I’ll come back and check up on that tombstone and be like “aww man…they didn’t even mention “daylight”!”. So, really, they can write whatever they want. “Here lies Tony Simon, He farted often and never understood the appeal of Star Wars” or “Here Lies Tony simon, He died…shit happens tho”
I’d imagine my tombstone will be no frills. Just my name and the dates of my life. Who knows, if I live long enough, maybe tombstones will be all futuristic and have LED recaps of my life’s greatest moments. Or maybe it will be that but they’ll use it as ad space. Like “Here lies Tony Simon 1976-2048: Buy Lexapro when you’re sad!”
The future is a magical place, guys.
Donald Trump, stripped of his power and wealth has to be sentenced. You’ve been appointed judge by powerful, ethical aliens that want humanity to carry out the task. All they tell you is that it has to be “educational for him, his supporters and everyone else watching”. You might be wondering if the aliens are testing you and humanity with the decision you make. What would you sentence him to?
I think I’d give him a “trading places” punishment. Make him live his life well below the poverty line with the same disadvantages those people have to deal with. See how he’d do with no money or power to fall back on. I’d assume he’d be dead within 3 weeks but, hey, that’s worth it to prove a point, right? Also,So that his supporters could be educated too, it would be filmed and made into a reality series that follows him through his awful fucking life.
I’d also do it in an unfamiliar place. He wouldn’t be broke in NYC. He’s be broke in the Ozark mountains or like some desolate shithole in the Nevada dessert where people die from scorpion stings on a weekly basis. A place where there is little or no hope to ever get out of that hole.
Yup…that would do the trick.