Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 54


Malachi-Love-Fake-Doctor-Florida
Hello everyone. I’m not a doctor but I play one on the internet. I’m here to help you with the problems in your life. Love, family, jobs, friends…all that shit. Why me? Umm…I don’t really know. I’m pretty honest and level headed so , what’s the worst thing that could happen? Bad advice. I’m still better than your stupid friends. So, if you have any problems that need tending to, please write me! Let’s try and figure things out. Send me questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below.

So I’m just curious to hear your thoughts on why men lead women on after break ups. I was fuck buddies with my ex for about 6 months before we became boyfriend and girlfriend. We were “official” for about 7 months he’s 29 and I’m 25. We broke up after I found out that he was cheating on me. We have been broken up for about four months now and have been hooking up. What I don’t get is why he keeps leading me on, other than me letting him of course. He tells me things like not to see other people. I’ve asked him once if he thought that we would ever get back together and his response was “I can’t tell you that because I don’t know what the future holds” Admittedly I know I’m a dumb ass girl for even bothering with this guy. Known fact. Cover your ears! But I’m in love with him. To me it almost seems like he wants to have fun, fuck other chicks and save me for later. It’s always been a really sexual relationship. Could the pussy be having him say shit like don’t see other people? Or is it an ego thing? Does this guy give a fuck at all? He did real up with me. So why is it so difficult for him to tell me he doesn’t want me? ….This is hilarious. I’m cracking up just typing this bullshit. Go easy on me Block!

Well…yes, you’re being stupid. But, at the same time, it’s not totally your fault. You know exactly whats going on but you keep reading into his mixed messages. Your love of him is blinding you to the reality of the situation. Does he care about you? Probably a little. Does he like having sex with you? Definitely. Does he wanna be with you for real at any point? I doubt it.
Here’s why men keep girls around after breaks ups
1)Sex
It’s comfortable, it’s familiar and…it’s sex. Unless a guy truly doesn’t like having sex with a girl, why would he stop if it’s there for the taking? The only think that would stop him are getting involved with someone he ACTUALLY likes or losing interest on his own. From the sound of it, you can’t stop yourself from sleeping with him and he wants to keep you on the roster. It’s fucked up but those two things play into each other perfectly.
2)control
This is the fucked up part. He doesn’t want to date you seriously but he wants you to be his and only his. It’s entirely an ego thing and he might not even be doing in consciously. He wants his cake and to eat it too. He wants freedom to fuck other girls but you’re like his property that can’t see other people. Sounds unfair, right? Well…yeah. That’s why what you’re doing is bullshit. I would bet good money if you stopped giving it up to him, he’s start being on your shit a lot more. Or, if you started fucking other guys without caring if he found out, it would rattle him. All ego. all the time.
3)He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings
Here’s the other side of the coin. When you ask him stuff like “Will we ever be together?” and he gives you some wishy washy answer, that’s a “no”. If he was really undecided he would maybe say something like “I could see it happening”. There would be a glimmer of maybe. But “I dunno what the future holds!” is a way for him to keep you around and, at the same time, not flatly say “no” so he doesn’t make you feel like shit. Keep in mind, this kind of coddling of your feelings is not being done cause he’s a great guy. It’s cause he doesn’t wanna deal with the reality of what he really thinks. If he says “Nah, we will never be together” , he risks losing a steady sex partner who he does enjoy spending some times with. Clearly, you’re more than a booty call, less than a girlfriend. That’s a sweet spot for many guys and a nightmare for many girls.
So, yeah…he wants you but he doesn’t want you. It sounds to me like a ceiling for where your relationship can go has been set and it’s lower than what you desire. So, for your own self interest, it’s probably wise to get out of this one. unless you can accept it for just casual sex with someone you’re comfortable with, it’s not gonna work. Cause it doesn’t sound like he’s gonna stop doing him anytime soon.

Hi,

I’ve got a dysfunctional family situation. I’m 26, my parents have been split up for over a decade, and my bro is 17. My bro lives with our mom who is possibly borderline and definitely in the top 5% of worst mothers (emotional vampire, hysterical and manipulative, “nobody-takes-care-of-me”). He’s grown up with this and with our mom’s dysfunctional relationship to an alcoholic and with our mom’s giving in to my bro’s every whim. Needless to say, this hasn’t been the best influence on his character and now he’s spoiled rotten. Meanwhile, our dad has been spending weekends and weeknights with him since they split, and has also remarried a great lady.

At our dad’s, my bro acts a drama queen and says our dad’s wife isn’t his family, our dad is choosing her over him, etc… all in front of our dad’s wife and all while seeing how this hurts our dad, which doesn’t get him to stop. Our dad’s wife is hurt by this and sees no way out, but doesn’t want to deprive my dad of time with his son. So I guess the dilemma is, our dad doesn’t want to lose his happiness with his wife, but doesn’t want to lose touch with my bro either. I personally think tough love is in order here… but at the same time, my bro would turn to our mom and become more of a shitty human being. Needless to say, our mom is only a negative influence and can’t be reasoned with. I’ve offered my bro to stay with me, but I think he’s (not wrongly) afraid of the hell she would raise if he tried.

I know this is heavy but any outside perspective?

This is a tough one. Cause you got so many factors. The main one that pops out to me, outside of your mom being an asshole, is that your brother is 17. And , by nature, 17 year olds are selfish and somewhat self destructive. Add in that your mom and him have this unhealthy and co-dependent relationship and that just adds fuel to the fire. The thing about throwing tough love at someone who’s also spoiled is that it probably won’t work. At least not immediately. Because he has an option to just go back to your mom, someone telling him to not act like a little dickhead and respect his step mom really won’t put much fear in him. At best, it’s the type of thing that will resonate later. Perhaps, down the line, he will realize that he’s being a problem and take some responsibility for his actions. That’s a maybe though. After all, he is a teenager who is spoiled.
I honestly feel bad for your dad and I’m also curious why he only gets weekends when your mom seems to be a mess. If your dad is reasonable (and it sounds like he is) all he can do is weather the storm and hope your bro matures to a point where he can see things a little clearer. The thing that worries me is that, from the sound of it, your moms behavior might just be engrained in him cause, well, that’s how parenting works. Kids pick up on traits and they become a part of them. That’s why neurotic parents make Neurotic kids. Sadly, your bro seems like he may have a tough road ahead. I suppose the best thing you can do is try and reason with him and hope it sinks in eventually. Also, get him to a shrink. Sounds like he needs it.

I’m going to keep this context as concise as possible. I was supposed to work Camp Bisco last year, however, unfortunately I fucked up some crunchy bits in my foot. Because of complications with that injury I didn’t ride up to Montage Mountain with my girlfriend(now ex) and her cousin. Instead I rode up with a friend of my best friend’s whom I had never met. Amazing group of people to say the least! So mayhem and love as usual for festival.. But fast forward to Tipper. I had no ticket, a wounded paw and zero rubber left on the ends of my crutches. On my way to Tipper I bumped into this girl. I know this sounds gooey and romantic, but it felt like stars collided when I saw her. Beauty is subjective, much like success.. And in my little reality here, I have never seen such a cute vessel holding such a old, powerful soul! I mean this energy was like when a supermassive star collapses and emits gamma radiation that is said to touch the ‘ends’ of the universe. Instead of a scattered explosion, the light leaves the supernova in a form of a beam or column. That burst could wipe the atmosphere away and cook everything on earth instantly. I’m saying that she is powerful and her beam went head on with my beam and I swear for a millisecond we had no physical form. I couldn’t talk to this girl though because I was in a relationship. I mean I could converse with her in small bits, but I couldn’t say the things I wanted to say. I didn’t know what I wanted to say either! Haha. So we start jamming to Tipper after finding a nice seat high on the natural amphitheater of a hill. I don’t know how to explain this, but this girl and I could communicate telepathically. She confirmed this recently after giving me her side of this story! She described me as this bearded guy on crutches. She was standing behind me for the whole set. This cosmic fish said that when she looked at me I would turn around we would communicate. Not with spoken words though. So Tipper ends and my phone is dead and this girl is hanging out with some guy she met. We part ways and I accepted that if that energy was meant to be in my life, then there is no way in hell I can do anything to stop it. I broke up my girlfriend months later just before Halloween. Fast forward to Okeechobee Music Festival in Okeechobee Florida. I’m staffed at the festival and that now ex girlfriend shows up. And based on the characters involved in the synopsis of my recent love life, guess who shows up with my ex! You guessed it, you blockhead, you! The cosmic fish. It was her birthday and I really want to go into detail about all the things that happened over the course of Okeechobee, but this shit is getting long. Honestly I’m not sure if I have any questions. Or any answers haha. We’ll grab some rewskis tonight maybe and I’ll share the details.

I feel as though I can’t rush a flower to bloom. Other than manipulating light cycles, but that’s a different goal. I don’t really have a kwestyon lol. I would like any advice on this that you can offer and I think I just needed to get a lot of it out.

Cool story, bro.
I understood like 3/5 of this but it sounds to me like you were high as fuck and met a girl. Congrats!
Advice? umm…do less drugs when you write a question to a blog that is, in fact, not a question at all. That’s the best advice i could ever give you.

Yo Doc. Been holding this one in for a bit cuz, to be completely honest I’m a pussy. This one should be a bit interesting or at least a nice diversion from these goddamn relationship problems.
First, a little background on me (I’ll make this short.) I’m in my latter half of my sophmore year at high school, from the burbs. I also have 100% no vision whatsoever. Physically. My eyeballs are completely useless, aside from crying, which is pretty rare for me. Now that that’s out of the way, we’re at the meat and potatoes. Basically, I’m completely detached from my peers. I don’t really have that many friends. In my oppinion, most of the people in my school act like a bunch of idiots. They have there priorities screwed up completely. I go on facebook and see chicks post shit about how they “don’t need” there exes more than enough times a day to convince me that they’re emo and completely full of shit. They look for more materialistic things in guys/things that don’t really matter in the long run, like a dude’s popularity, what sport they play, shit like that. The few relationships I’ve had range from disasterous to meh. In the beginning, I went out with a bunch of gross chicks, because I didn’t know how to pick up on stuff like that yet. The one decent girl I dated (by that i mean looks, if that makes any sense) ditched me because, oh, you know, people being assholes and talking trash about her dating me is so important, rite? It fucked me up for a while, but i got over it. On the bro side of things, I can’t really relate to any of the dudes my age. There are ones that I’m cool with enough to shoot the shit with when I see them around. But there into sports, video games, or just stuff that I really don’t know much about. The only dude I’d call a friend without hesitation is the guy I do music with, who is from Ohio. We had common interests, opinions on things, and thats how we bonded. But on the flipside of all that, I’ll be the last to say that I’m perfect. I’d say it all started back when I started having hearing issues. Or maybe things just clicked in my brain that the world is far from a perfect place, probably a combo of both. Back in elementary school, I was the complete opposite of my current self, I used to go to people’s houses to chill all the time. But the year that everything changed and my hearing started acting up, I became more aware of things, I had access to the internet and was able to learn things that I didn’t know without it, like how fucked up society can be That was also the time I really started getting into music seriously. I definetly got angry around that time. Seclusive. But I didn’t know it at the time, I was so wrapped up in studying music equipment/production. I even quit band, which i regret now. I became quiet, shy, insecure, selfconscious. I’m not really good with accepting help from people either, I hate that shit, and I’m sure people can tell. I’ve been told that people think I am angry. Thankfully, all that is a lot better than what it used to be. A lot of people in my circle tell me that I’m a bit more mature than the people my age. I feel like I am on some level for sure, but what I don’t know is: 1: Do I need to get out of my basement for once and do things and get a better perspective on life or 2: Do I judge people too harshly? And by that, should I not be so quick to write a person off and give them a chance? Everyone that’s gotten to know me (which is mostly girls) told me that they thought I would be mean but that I’m actually not, that i’m smart, funny, all that good quality shit. I came here for nothing but blunt honesty, so for real, enlighten me.

Well, first off you being blind and having hearing issues is clearly at the forefront of all this. OF COURSE you’re gonna feel like you don’t belong. There is no way you won’t feel insecure about, well, everything when you have those issues. On top of that, you’re a teenager so you’re already super emotional to begin with. Eventually, those feelings of insecurity and not belonging turn to resent and judgement. Especially of others who are just living their lives like normal teenagers. Sure, they may be basic and into shit you don’t care about but if you’re writing people off cause they like sports or video games, you’re really not giving anyone a chance. I mean, I get the mind set. We all go through that at your age. If it’s not jocks it’s nerds. It’s all just typical teenaged shit that doesn’t really matter.
It sounds to me like you’ve been dealt a shitty hand and , understandably, you’re withdrawing socially. I’d probably react the same way. The best perspective I can give you is that , as important and crucial as these years seem to you right now, your life hasn’t even begun yet. High school is nothing. In fact, many of the people who see thriving in it are peaking in their lives. Trust me when i say you don’t wanna peak in your teens. Just keep doing what you’re doing. You have a passion for music? Follow that. Eventually it will put in you a place with other like minded people and your world will open up a bit. But, to answer your questions
1)Yes, you need to get out of your basement.
2)Yes, you judge people too harshly.

Lucky for you, these things are easy to fix. Simply leave your basement and don’t forget that , when you’r being hyper judgmental of people, it’s usually out of insecurity. So, really, it’s on you.

3 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 54

  1. Holy hell on earth. I realize the entry about the festivals and all that is probably trolling you, but reading 3 or 4 sentences made me laugh by how fucking ridiculous it was, and then the next few sentences made me want to punch my own face bloody because holy fucking hell on earth. I might hurt myself after skimming the rest of it.

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