Hi everyone. It’s been a while. Haven’t been posting much. I dunno…maybe summer makes me lazy.
Anyway, this is “Answers for Questions”. You ask me anything and I answer. Simple stuff. If you’d like to ask me stuff, I’d love that. People send all questions to email@example.com or leave them in the comment section below. Get weird.
Let’s check this weeks batch, shall we?
You’re trapped in a portapotty, having just taken an *enormous* dump. This is taking place during the zombie apocalypse and there is an angry horde just outside. How do you escape, using only what you have on you?
The crucial part here is that my dump was enormous. I mean…without dropping that extra weight, my escape would be futile. My escape would go like so: I’d wait till the zombie clamoring outside subsided a little, bust out the door as fast as possible and then be immediately killed by a horde of angry zombies cause there is no way anyone could escape that predicament. But at least i got one last enormous dumps off, right?
Has anything weird or crazy happened to you while eating a sandwich?
I witnessed a murder!
Just kidding. Nah man, outside of nearly choking to death cause I eat too fast, I can’t recall anything weird every happening while I was eating anything, let alone a sandwich.
You just found a stray cat in your closet and it just had kittens! Squash ’em?!
Good lord, no. Listen, I don’t like cats. This is something well documented. However, i’m not a psychotic person who gets off on killing animals either. If I found a bunch of kittens in my closet, I’d honestly probably first post something on facebook asking if anyone I know wants some free kittens. I can think of a few people off the top who’d take them. If that didn’t work, I’d extend the offer to strangers online. If that didn’t work? I’d burn my entire house down with me inside it cause it had been tainted by cats and there was no turning back.
How many times a day do you get asked to spare some change? Has there ever been a homeless person you just felt like you wanted to help out for any reason?
Depends how much I walk around but it’s certainly an every day thing. I honestly don’t even register it at this point in my life. I’ve given change to countless homeless people in my life. More so when I was younger and less tuned out to seeing it on the street.
I can’t say there has really been “special” homeless guys who I felt more of an obligation to help but there are the local guys you recognize that you tend to be more willing to give money to. There was this one guy who used to beg for near the place i grew up who was famous for saying “What’s the greatest nation? Do-nation!” and he had a bunch of funny signed as well. I always gave that guy something. Even named a song after him (“Dough Nation“).
For the basketball lover in you….Would you rather have lights-out shooting ability like Curry or dunking prowess like LaVine?
Oh shooting 100%. It ages better. I’m well past the point in my life where dunking matters at all but a jump shot is forever. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it might be worth it just to see the reactions on peoples faces when a nearly 40 year old man windmill dunks on someone in a pick up game but still…to be a lights out shooter is the dream for all basketball players.
Will you ever release an official list of where you get your samples from? There are some samples on ‘The Music Scene’ that I would absolutely love to know where they originated from, but a Google search does no good.
Helllllll no. That would be snitching on myself…also, I have no idea where most of those samples are from. I barely keep track (i have a system but I don’t think I was using it back when I made “The Music Scene”). But, yeah…no way. I’m not trying to open any doors where someone could sue me.
If New York was gonna be any flavor, which would it be and why?
Pastrami. Nah, just kidding.
hmmm…I mean, as cities go, NYC is everything. So, it would have to be a flavor that covers a lot of space. I’d say it would be that candy the girl eats in Willy Wonka that changes flavor as you go. I forget if that candy eventually kills that kid though…probably.