Ready to be confused? Say hello to Spooky Black

A few days ago I got a text from someone saying (in all caps) “YOU HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT SPOOKY BLACK ON YOUR BLOG!!!”. I had no idea who Spooky Black was and wasn’t in a place i could watch a video so, I put it on hold for a little while. Hearing the name “Spooky Black”, your mind goes places. I heard it and thought one of two things, it’s a weirdo southern rapper (probably cause the name reminded me of this group “The spooks” from back in the day) OR it’s some terribly embarrassing internet thing that was gonna make me feel funny inside. Well, it turns out the latter was closer to the truth…but not how I expected it.

Wait…what? Now, if you’re one of my readers who does that thing of casually glancing at something, making up a shitty opinion on it and moving on, then please just keep it moving here. If you ONLY fuck with rap music, clearly this song will come on as white noise to you. However, for the rest of you, that’s pretty crazy, right? He’s basically an albino child in a collection of killer turtlenecks , filming in the forests of who the fuck knows where (and on a couch) that HAPPENS to have this awesome voice. On top of that, he’s seemingly got good beats. I mean, it’s no reinventing the wheel but it’s both very relevant to what’s current right now and just, overall, a pleasing listen. I mean, shit, I’m by no means a new R&B guy. I think some Frank Ocean and The Weeknd is pretty good. I won’t bump it (or this for that matter) but I see it’s worth without question. With Spooky Black…I’m at a loss. It’s pretty undeniably good for what it is.
Also, it should be added that he’s , in fact, from the U.S.A.. I think of all these surprises that’s the biggest one. I assumed he was from Sweden or some shit but, nope…he’s apparently from St. Paul, MN. This dude is breaking stereotypes all over the fucking place.
My question is “How is this not a bigger deal?”

Last year, I wrote a disparaging piece on the emergence of “Yung Lean”.
Well, not so much his personally, but his rabid fanbase and the internet machine that allows him to thrive. The response has been a non-stop trickling of angry Yung Lean fans who both don’t know how to read and love terrible music. With Yung Lean, we had a weirdo kid doing something that was unexpected so it caught peoples eye. A swedish (I forget if that’s what he was but who cares?) teenager rapping about his emotions badly over current sounding cloud rap beats. The thing was, he wasn’t particularly talented. He just happened to be doing it and, clearly, that was enough for people. With spooky black there are similarities. He’s doing something that seems unexpected and presenting it in a way that’s even less sensical. In fact, it’s downright ridiculous. I mean, he’s the whitest man alive and his name is fucking Spooky Black. If I saw him walking through the woods, I’d be terrified that I entered some sort of pimped out children in the corn type world and run the other way as fast as possible. That said, he can fucking sing. He really can. So, when’s it his turn?
It would be a shame for this guy to slip through the cracks cause people don’t take him seriously based on his insane image, meanwhile, the far less talented basically do the same thing and get kudos all over the place. So, hey, let’s make Spooky Black happen. That video should have like 8 million views already and he should be busy planning his first US super tour. I don’t see what’s holding him up…get on this internet.
His album is available on Bandcamp. I’m actually kinda digging it.
This is so weird, man.
Or just peep his tracks here…

Phat Friend year in review 2013

Wow, what a year it’s been? Remember that thing that happened? oh, and that other thing where that guy did stuff and people were all like “oohhhhhh!”. unforgettable. We will never be the same. Well, like every other blog on earth, it’s time for me to round this year up. Unlike those other blogs though, I’m not here to give you my top five albums and singles and blah blah blah cause , honestly, those lists read more like “The ten albums I heard enough of this year to have an opinion on”. If you read this blog with regularity, you probably know what I liked this year so it would be repetitive. Also, artist made music lists are the worst cause most of spend half the list putting albums our friends made that we barely even listened to. So forget all that. This is about this blog and the stuff that was on it this year. A huge “In case you missed it…”.
So, wasting no time, let’s get it covered.

Most read articles
This is a funny category cause it’s fueled by peoples creepy google habits. A few of these are here on their own merit but, let’s be honest, a few others are here cause people are looking for porn. To be clear, these are the columns I wrote this year that got the most hits.

Emily Ratajkowski will ruin my life

I hooked up with riff raff part 1 (of three)

Hey guys, let’s not make Yung Lean a thing, okay?

Porn star Questionnaire w/ Angel Del Ray

Talking about my cancelled shows in europe and passport problems

So, yeah…those got read A LOT this year. For better or worse. However, I have my own personal favorite things I wrote this year so here are my personal top 5 posts of the year. If you like reading hastily written rants/stories with questionable spelling and grammar, today is your lucky day. This blog is a great time waster and posts like these are the heart and soul of the operation.

My personal Top 5 Posts
You and your kids

My neighbor: Livin’ la vida loca

How to be an asshole online

The best/worst idea of all time

50 shades of shame

Free mixes!
I don’t do it as often as I used to but, every now and then, I’ll throw together a little compilation of music I love and give it away. Here are all of those I did this year. Free music! Download them again…for the first time!

My old 12’s Vol. 1

My old 12’s Vol. 2

A mix for the youth

Tony Bones: A look back at someone you’ve probably never heard of

The weekly columns
Listen, I gotta create content somehow. One of the ways I do that is by having columns that come back every week or two. Some more than others. Here are those columns with the most hits from this year.

Answers for Questions

Fuck marry kill

Ask Dr. Tony

Yay or nay

Music I released this year
Oh yeah…I make music for a living. And this year was actually pretty prolific. I produced a few full length albums and a few ep’s. I even made a short compilation of me rapping from when I was younger and gave it away on this blog (poor life choice on my part). So, here are all the albums I dropped this year and the info you need about them.

Illogic:After Capture Ep

Billy woods: Dour candy

Illogic: Capture the sun LP

Other Ep’s I did with Illogic

Blockhead: The Rapper

And that’s about it. Have a good new year and I’ll see you on the flip tip. Also, Don’t drink and drive, guys. Just drink.

What’s beef…or pork.

I got into a conversation with some people last week when one posed the question “If you could only have one for the rest of your life, would you eat Pork or Beef?”
Immediately , I thought beef was the clear answer. Not even close. But, as we discussed things more (no, we were not high) a decent case for pork was made. Decent enough for me to say “hey, I’mma waste some space on my blog with a poll about this…”
So, before you jump into your answer, consider a few things.
With beef you’re getting all these and more: all cuts of steak, brisket, pastrami, corned beef, hot dogs, tartare, burgers ect…
Seems like an open and shut case, right? Well, hold you fucking horses, brahh!!
With Pork you’re getting: Pork chops, Ribs (the better of the two types, I might add), ham, Pork belly and, most of all…BACON. Yes…that one word is what threw a stick in the spokes for me. Motherfucking bacon.

Now, to be honest, I still think beef is the clear choice here but I do think it’s closer than most people might think. So, I’m curious…what do you think? If you lived on an island and they had one type of animal to eat for the rest of your life, what would you want it to be? It can be prepared anyway and they can use the whole animal. While pigs and cows are the obvious choice, I threw in some other options for the sake of fairness and to cater to all the people out there with shitty taste.
I love both lamb and chicken but, let’s be honest, one lacks the variety of beef and Pork and the other is only as good as what’s on top of it.
Also, I left out seafood cause that’s a different beast all together…and it would probably win, somehow.
What do you think

Asap Rocky: Back and forth

A while back, ASAP Rocky and Danny Brown did a little sit down convo for where they basically just shot the shit and discussed topics such as fucking Kathy Griffin, groupies off twitter and smoking weed. It was amazing.
Here are two of the 5 parts but I suggest you watch them all.

Anyway, Noisey must have know they hit on something cause they basically gave ASAP Rocky an interview show. The result is Rocky talking to the likes of Snoop Lion, Riff Raff and Kathy Griffin. ASAP is a curious interviewer in the sense that he seems to not know much about anything but he’s also personable enough to keep the conversations rolling. It’s an interesting mix to say the least.
Cause I’m on the road and can’t be writing anything of value, today’s entry is simply these vids. Some entertaining shit right here. Enter the wormhole…
Let’s start with a truly bizarre and somewhat uncomfortable talk with Kathy Griffin

Snoop Lion (God I hate having to type that name out)

And how could we forget Riff Raff. These two seem like old friends.

There are some more out there if you really feel like digging deeper. Time well spent!

Poll: Which Danny Brown do you prefer?

Danny Brown is a rapper I’ve been following for as long as I can remember. In an age where rappers get quick fame via the internet but disappear just as quickly, Brown has actually been around for a while. He’s been dropping quality mix tapes and albums since 2007, so were talking the Myspace era. That’s a veteran in 2013 , as far as I’m concerned.
One interesting thing about Brown is his two very specific and extremely different styles that he often uses. He’s got the hyped up, screeching Danny Brown and the more calm (though it’s impossible for him to be truly calm), straight talk Danny Brown. The two almost seem like Jekyll and Hyde. His new album “Old” is dropping soon and I figured why not get a taste of what you guys are thinking about him right now. So, I have a simple question for you today: Which Danny brown do you prefer?
Here are some examples of both:

“Calm” Danny

Hyped Danny

So, what do youthink?

Tell me what you like?

census workers
This is kinda like a Phat Friend Census report. I can’t do it without you.
I do this blog for a few reasons. It’s fun. It gives me something other than music to focus on. It’s promotional without being annoying (at least, I hope that’s true). But , most of all, I do it for 100% free and for the people. Meaning you. With this in mind, I feel as if you should have some say in what I post. Granted, I am one man and there’s only so much i can do to fulfill your needs but sometimes a dude needs a little direction.
While feedback in the comments is always nice , it’s hard to get a grasp on what people are really enjoying. Like what columns have found a following and which ones are just kinda there to take up space. August is a fairly dead month in general so I’d be lying if I said content was easy to come by lately. So, as a way to both have content for this very day AND get a glimpse into what you, the readers, are partial to, I just wanted to throw this poll up. Please vote and lemme know what columns are doing it for you the most. AKA doing the most. If you’re not a regular reader and none of these names look familiar, feel free to skip over this one. I’ve made it so you can vote up to 3 times. Meaning, if you really like three of the columns, you can pick them all. If you only like 1, then you only need to vote for that one. The results could be a higher frequency of those features and maybe even less of the ones that don’t receive many votes.

In case you’re confused about some of the subjects, here are examples:
Answers for questions

Tim and I discuss music and stuff

Ask Dr. Tony


Yay or Nay?

Random rants about stuff written in a humorous manner

Promotional Blockhead related info

Movie Preview reviews

Demo Reviews

Things that are wrong with the world

Behind the scenes music related posts

Funny/personal stories about my life


Answers for questions Vol. 148

What’s crackin’,
I hope you had a lazy august week of doing nothing in particular. If not, tough break bro! Life’s a bitch.
Anyway, if you’ve got questions for me, send them my way. Either leave them in the comments below or email them to me at
This weeks questions have a certain feel to them. More random than usual and all over the place in general. Still, I’m sure you will learn a lot by reading them. That’s why we’re all here anyway, right?

If you were on death row, what would your last meal consist of?

That’s a tough call cause I’m very much an eater who doesn’t have a favorite food. It all depends on what I feel like. But I also have to take into consideration that I’m on death row. I know I’m about to die and I probably wouldn’t be super hungry. In fact, I’d imagine my stomach would be in knots in this scenario. So , if I’m ordering food at that moment, I’d probably end up getting a bagel or something. I’d imagine it would be like eating the day after a stomach flu. You gotta tread lightly before you can bust out the heavy stuff again. So, sadly, I’d get a toasted bagel with butter and probably not finish it cause I’d be shitting pants all day in fear and anxiety of my upcoming demise.

There are certain visual signs that indicate a lack of proper hygiene that we can ALL be guilty of as human beings. But apply the following to WOMEN only. Which of the following offends your eye set from greatest to least (please rank in that order)?

a) yellow teeth
b) greasy hair
c) noticeably visible whitehead (anywhere)
d) ear wax
e) visible blackheads on the nose
f) dirt under fingernails
g) hair in places there shouldn’t be hair (interpret that how you will)
h) that white crud on the corner of the mouth
i) eye crusties

Worst to least worst:
1)dirt under fingernails
This isn’t as bad as some of the others on the surface but it’s more telling. A girl with dirty fingernails has given up on life. If her fingernails look like that, imagine the travesty that is her vagina.
2)Yellow Teeth
I just equate that with bad breath and that shit is a deal breaker.
3) hair in places there shouldn’t be hair
No guy likes a Sasquatch. Luckily, this kind of thing is easily fixed but a girl that lets it run wild has issues.
4)that white crud on the corner of the mouth

If this is a constant thing with her, that’s a problem. That’s something coma patients worry about, not girls who have access to mirrors.
5)greasy hair
The thing about greasy hair is that it could just look moist. I can’t tell. But if it smells, that’s an issue.
6)Eye crusties
Like the white crud in the mouth thing, it’s gross. but it’s also fixed with simply wiping your eyes. It’s not like eye boogers regenerate with great speed.
7)noticeably visible whitehead (anywhere)
Everyone gets pimples. They go away. Anyone who is signing off on a girl over a pimple is a dickhead. Though a face full of zits is a major issue. especially for adults.
8)visible blackheads on the nose
I honestly don’t even really notice blackheads. Even when they are on me.

Who is your man-crush? And why?

Simon rex AKA dirt nasty. Love that dude. He’s funny, ridiculous and seemingly has the greatest life of all time. He’s a little famous and probably has money but also can fly under the radar enough to not have it bother his life. Every girl wants to bone him and he just seems like a chill dude in general. I respect that. He pretty much spends his days making vines, chilling with his boys, probably doing some drugs and hanging out with insanely hot women. I don’t know if I have a man crush on him as much as I just am jealous of his life…but, when you remove attraction from the equation, what else could I possibly base this off of?

if you had one day to live, what would you do with it?
Rape and murder, most likely.
Nah. This is a lot like the first question in that , hypothetically, I could give you a list of bullshit but, in reality, if this was a real thing, I’d be freaking out all day and waiting to die. Put it this way. Sometimes I have to get on incredibly early flights which mean, the night before, I have to go to bed super early. What inevitably happens the night prior to the flight is that I over think my sleep, get anxious about missing my alarm and I end up pulling an all-nighter. Now, if I’m bugging over something as trivial as missing a flight, imagine how my brain would pretty much explode if I knew this was the last day on the planet? I’m pretty sure I’d spend it with friends and family but be a complete basket case. No fun for anyone.

This dude sent in a bunch of rapid fire questions…Let’s burn through them.

1 – favorite r kelly single? video?


2 – whats the gem album of the last few years that you tried to get people to dig/listen to but they didn’t get into it for whatever reason?

I don’t really have friends I share music with like that any more. We’re all old and most of them don’t really give a fuck anymore. I can’t think of an album I liked that I actively tried putting anyone I actually know on to, let alone that they then rejected. I will say that I was underwhelmed by the reaction to T.shirt when I posted about him on my blog. That dude is dope.

3 – y2k hits. where are you living? how are you living? are you enjoying yourself? working your ass off? not enough hours in the day or couldn’t sleep enough no matter how hard you tried?

Is this question based in the past? I was alive and well in 2000. Working in a bakery 3 days a week and pretty much just fucking around with friends. I was making music but not making any money off it at that time. This question makes no sense, bro.

4 – blackstreet; thoughts?

They had a few joints but I’ve never owned a post 1980’s R&B album except for D’angelo and Frank ocean.

5 – favorite brand of headphones?

I’m not really a connoisseur of fine head phones. I pretty much use these shitty sony ear buds when I walk around with my I-pod and , in the studio, I prefer to use speakers.

6 – favorite joke that have withheld from meetings with your girlfriends parents?

Pretty much every joke. Who busts out jokes to their girlfriends parents?
Even if a I had a really good,clean one…why the fuck would I ever do that?

7 – top 3 things you are constantly forgetting/reminding yourself to do but still forget?
1)Take out the garbage 2)clean up tiny messes in the bathroom (beard hairs on the sink and stuff like that) 3)The word “pretentious” constantly slips my mind and that’s annoying cause I use it pretty often. I end up sitting there wracking my brain for the word at least twice a month.

8 – have you every had strawberry flavored whipped cream?

They make that? No. But I have had cotton candy vodka and it tasted like a willy wonka’s asshole.

9 – what is your dreamiest dessert?

I’ve been on this huge cookie kick lately. moist, warm chocolate chip cookie with a little sea salt on it , under some sort of brownie sundae type concoction would pretty much be perfect.

10 – favorite article of clothing youve ever owned? did you wear it? wear it too much? do you still own it?

I’ve had many favorite pieces of clothing over the years. unfortunately, styles change and and things fall apart so it’s hard to really say what was my favorite. Some highlights include:
1)My stetson cabbie hat. The one I wore in all my early press photos. i still own it and wear it on occasion but that was my go to for a decade.
2)My Girbaud jeans. I loved those jeans. They were so fucking baggy and awesome. Granted, I’d look like a clown in them now but , in the early/mid 90’s? I was killing it in them.
3)I had these baggy corduroy pants my freshman year of college that I loved. I wore them so much that they bottoms got completely frayed and they pretty much looked like shredded mops at the bottom of my legs. I loved those though.

Can you please depict how excited you are for the arrival of the royal baby? Please utilize examples of things you are more excited about than the arrival of the royal baby.

Obviously, this question was asked a while back and I’m just getting to it now. But, regardless, here are a list of things I’m more excited about than the birth of the royal baby:
1) Mild curiosity about when the new season of “The new girl” begins.
2)The prospect of a new Mcdonalds opening up about five blocks from my house. I’ll never go but it will be there and that’s a little more exciting than that baby to me.
3)Killing a silverfish.
4)Finishing that bag of baby carrots in my fridge before they go bad.
5)Getting a good nights sleep one of these days.
6)School coming back so the YMCA I go to will no longer be filled with fucking kids who have nothing to do but ruin my pick up basketball games.
7)I’m going to a birthday party in Queens next weekend. I’m more excited for that but, I’m also more excited about the drive there, which will be totally boring.
8)Eventually half watching a bunch of mediocre movies on cable in the near future.
9)Candy crush
10)Everything else on earth.

If you had to run for any U.S political office what would it be? As president you get the prestige of being the face/voice of the country, as VP you get to be important and have people bend over backwards for you without really doing much, as a member of congress you get to make a living off of being an asshole, as a local representative of sorts you get a little more power/money than the average person, therefor opening the door for some sexy mistresses. Obviously, this is so not real life. You’re not a political guy and because of that, imagining you in office is humorous in a way.

I’d take the one with the least responsibility. I have no interest in running anything so president, vice president and being in congress is out. I guess I’d be an alderman. I don’t even know what that it but it sounds like something I could do part-time and kinda bullshit my way though. It’s like being a “class president”. It’s more a title of fake prestige than anything of real value.

Dirt Nasty makes me wish I had Vine

Man, I don’t have an I-phone. I got an Android. While this phone is perfectly fine and I actually prefer it (it’s got a flip out keyboard cause I hate typing on screens) there are a few downsides. One being that, for the time being, I don’t get to be on Vine. I feel like that shit was made for me. You mean to tell me I can make 7 second videos all day? And they can be ridiculous? I’ve often been known to curse new social networks as they come out , until I eventually join them 4 years after they’re no longer cool but this one? I’d be all over it if I could.
I heard about Vine a while back and didn’t really give it a second thought. In my eyes it would end up being instagram that moves. Meaning endless 7 second cat videos , clips of sunsets and people filming their food while it sits on the plate. It wasn’t until I happened upon these youtube clips that really opened my eyes to how awesome Vine can be. Those clips were a “best/worst of” Dirt nasty AKA Simon Rex. Now, I’m sure many of you out there got no love for him (I’m assuming cause rap nerds tend to hate on funny rap related shit) and, yes, he’s admittedly very low brow and childish but, goddamn did these clips get me rolling. Obviously, these clips will not be for everyone but, for the rest of you, YOU’RE WELCOME.

But it’s not just him…
Let’s not forget about Riff Raff’s Vine. A little more abstract but still entertaining…

This dude Chris Delia is pretty funny too

Obviously , there is so much more but I GUESS I’LL NEVER KNOW CAUSE I HAVe A FUCKING ANDROID!!! WHY!!!!!!!!
Just kidding. Save you “first world problems” retort. I’m sure it’ll be on there in no time. And when it is, prepare for the most pointless and questionably funny videos you’ve ever witnessed.

My “Photos with fans” Initiative

Whenever I do shows, I take a bunch of pics with people who come to those shows. 10 out of 10 times I make an asshole face and the other person is kinda drunk. In other words, it’s a good time. So, I was thinking, it would be fun to have an album of all those pics on my facebook page
So, if you’ve got a pic with me from a show at any time in our lives, lemme have it. Either post it on my facebook wall or send it to me ( Be immortalized in the least impressive way possible…by standing next to my dumb ass at a show. Lemme have ’em…

Phat friend year in review 2012

Yeah yeah yeah..year end lists are played out and all that. Instead of just giving lists, I’d like to use this time to take a look back at the year that was this goddamn blog. My blog. This is like my second job that i never get paid for. I do it for the love, man.
Anyway, if you got endless time to kill, this should be right up your alley. Links, links and more links. Fun things to watch, read, download and rub your genitals up against. Enjoy.

Top Five most read articles
These are the things I wrote that, for some reason or another, got read the most. In some cases it was the actual content, in others, it was cause some big website retweeted them…and in the case of the “Fuck/marry/kill” I’m assuming it had something to do with google and a word I happened to use in it. That’s the only realistic explanation.
This is about my brief experience working with Lana Del Ray before she was Lana Del Ray. Easily the most read thing of the year and, to this day, I get emails from crazy Lana Del Ray fans asking me for anything else I may have done with her. Which is nothing. Sorry guys!
No clue why this was so popular…other than the game itself being so awesome.
This got linked to the website which is a huge website for stylish women. Thanks to my homegirl Jane Marie for that.
This was the most controversial thing I wrote all year apparently cause, to this day, it still gets new comments from butthurt losers in sandals. Although it’s probably not the case, I like to imagine most of the traffic to this consists of furiously bitter dudes in sandals checking if any other furiously bitter dudes in sandals have commented on the post.
I’d like to think this one got so many views cause it was so fucking awesome. Either that or Pedophiles googling game is slipping.

My personal favorites
These are the posts I wrote that I enjoyed the most. They may have slipped under the radar or just been not that interesting to people that weren’t me. Who knows? Whatever the case, give them a chance.
This is a recent one that is just me thinking back to some truly dumb shit I believed to be factual in my younger years. Very relatable stuff…kinda.
This was about how musicians all have to eat shit at some point as the opening act. It’s a brutal things but it’s also very necessary.
This is about the realities of being in the friendzone. Not surprisingly, it fucking sucks.
This is my ode to the faceless self promoters online and human spam machines.
This is a a look at the pussification of the human race that’s been going on over the last ten years. Make it stop.
This is a detailed breakdown of how I fell out of love with the music of the rapper Common. Shit’s deep, brah.

Mixtapes I made:

This year in Blockhead related free music::

Fun video related posts