Hello everyone. I hoped you enjoyed your labor day. I waited till the final weekend of the summer to actually step into the sun and now my legs and arms look like red hots. Awesome.
Anyway, this is where you guys send me questions and I answer them. Simple stuff. If you’d like to join the fun, please do! email me questions at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave the questions in the comment section below. Br creative. Get weird. It makes it more fun for both of us.
Here’s this weeks batch…

Hey blockhead I’m a huge fan of both your music as well as phatfriend and a question id like an answer to is what (in your opinion) was the most freakishly bizarre thing that you’ve seen, heard, or experienced while touring? Im sure its been asked a million times but I really appreciate a good what the fuck moment.

I’ve actually had a fairly tame touring existence. I think that has to do with me not really hitting the road extensively till i was in my later 20’s. I’ve also been in a relationship for most of that time so that kinda wipes out any crazy/funny groupie stories that might happen otherwise. I’m always envious of people in their early 20s who tour. That must be so much fucking fun.
The only stories that pop into mind are ones about safety in cities I was unfamiliar with.
This one time I played a show in Detroit. I was staying in a hotel about 5 blocks from the venue. Being someone who’s used to walking everywhere, this was great for me cause I didn’t have to deal with taking a cab or getting a ride to the show. i could just pack up and make it there on my own. So, I walk to do soundcheck around 4 pm. I Do that and just sorta kick it at the venue till it’s time for me to play. I was an opener so I finished my set around 10ish. I get paid and I’m all ready to walk back to the hotel but the people working there are like “NO!!!!!”. They literally wouldn’t let me walk 5 blocks cause it was night time in Detroit. I tried to make a case of “It’s all good, I’m from NYC and this is how we get around” but I had a dude stand in front of the door like “No man, we’re calling you a cab. Trust me on this one”. So, I drive back (it’s like a two minute drive) and the streets are empty. In my mind, I could easily have just walked back with no issue. The next day, I run into a dude who was also performing that night and apparently he had gotten robbed and punched in the face…in the stairwell of the hotel we were staying in. Fair play to you ,Detroit. You are terrifying. i will never question your safety precautions again.
The other time that I recall is playing in Milwaukee. I finished my set and couldn’t get a cab cause there were too many people already getting cabs outside the venue. So, I did the thing I’d do in NYC and just walk up a few blocks and try and intercept cabs before they hit the main strip. So, I wander into what looks like a suburban residential area. Like nice houses with lawns and shit. I’m kinda drunk so my attention isn’t exactly laser focused. Out of nowhere pops two crackheads. A guy and girl. They start chatting me up and I’m just sorta casually shooting the shit with them. I’m pretty much just waiting to see if a cab comes by while these two crackheads ask me crackhead like questions that are basically working their way towards asking me for a dollar. It’s a dance I’ve done before and it’s no different no matter what city you are in. 5 minutes into this conversation, a little clarity takes over and I realize I’m standing in the hood. I guess I was so oblivious cause, well, it’s Milwaukee…but nah, this was actually a totally fucked up ghetto I was chilling in, on the street , at 2 am with two crackheads. So, I told one of them “Hey man, you find me a cab, I’ll give you 5 bucks” (to be clear, the crackheads were not a threat. They were old, small and cracky). He dashes off and two minutes later a cab pulls up. I honestly have no clue how he did it. I gave him five bucks, wished him and his lady well and got the fuck out of there. Right before the cab pulled up, I looked down the block and saw a mass of people moving my way. they were too far to really see what the deal was but I could tell it was a group of 10-15 people. By the time the cab got there, they were maybe a black away. As I drove by them, I saw a group of drunk teenagers kicking over garbage cans and pretty much just fucking up everything they passed. Like a dust storm of trouble slowly destroying everything in it’s path. So, basically, that crackhead saved me from a possible incident. So, in a way, hooray for crack!

Why do the men of NYC catcall to the extent that they do? It’s in a league of its own (when you compare it to any other major city within an English speaking country that is)
Is it worse here? I’ve never noticed. Clearly, I’m a guy so it never happens to me (except on gay pride weekend) but it’s not something I really pay attention to. Like , i walk by construction workers every day and never see them say shit to women. This in no way means I don’t think it happens (I know for a fact it does) but you’d think , if it was a prevalent ,I’d see it with some frequency. What I do see all the time is scum bags kicking it to girls on the street from their cars. That’s the worst. That and dudes who just creepily stare a hole into girl when they walk by them. I mean, shit, I look at girls when I walk around but I’m at least subtle about it. A quick glance and maybe a head turn if I wanna see the backside. But Some dudes will straight up stop walking and stare at a girl like she’s on fire. The funniest is when I see a gross middle aged dude stare at a wildly mediocre looking girl like that. That’s some “i just got outta jail” shit.
but why is NYC the worst about this? Probably cause it’s the most walkable city in the US and it’s full of people. That alone is gonna make any social interaction more common. Especially ones involving scum bag degenerates.

do have a least favorite follower? Be it twitter, Facebook etc

Like one person you’re like “holy fuck I hate this person “?

I don’t think I can pinpoint one person. I have a bunch of twitter and facebook followers who annoy me. Some say snarky shit for no reason (and aren’t funny). Some do that thing where they just reiterate a joke you just made right back to you. Others are just straight up weirdos who tweet cryptic nonsense at you all the time. Those people scare me a little cause they seem very unhinged. I’m a fan of sanity online so anytime someone comes at me from a weirdo angle, I tend to want that person to go away.
I think what happens is that I’m pretty accessible on those sites and people see I joke around so they assume they can fuck with me like they know me. Problem with that is , they don’t know me and that kinda shit talking (playful or not) doesn’t translate on the internet. It would be different if we were friends and had that familiarity but we are actually total strangers so it doesn’t work like that. I can’t tell when someone is being an asshole or just kidding. And cause there are so many real assholes online, I just assume people are being the worst at all times.
Also, anyone who has ever seriously said “first world problems!” to me after I tweeted a joke, I hate you so fucking much. Not only cause that’s a corny thing to point out on the internet (first world thing right there) but it just shows a lack of creative thought in how you go about interacting with people. Especially strangers online. Basically, it’s something dickheads say to make themselves feel better by trying to make others feel like shit. Fuck that. If you’re following me on any social network, there’s a 95% chance you’re chilling comfortably in the first world.

Which t-shirt slogan do you think best embodies the angle of your average bro on tinder?

I’m not on tinder so it’s hard to say but, from what I’ve seen, it’s more douche bags than people who can’t speak correct english. So, I think I’d say the “Phat Dong” shirt is most indicative of tinder Culture. A bunch of dudes looking for the quickest possible route inside a strangers vagina. Dudes who wear shirts that reference their dicks generally aren’t the classiest fellows.

Hypothetical question: If sampling became completely outlawed, or for some strange and unimaginable reason it simply didn’t exist any more… Would you attempted to make non sample based music? or just bite the bullet and give up music?

I mean, it’s getting close to that point, isn’t it? People can still sample but making money with that kinda music is basically a wash.
To answer the question, i would be extremely bummed but I think I would push ahead. What I’d probably do would be align myself with some good studio musicians and just “produce” in the old timey sense of the word. I’d do the drums and whatnot but pretty much orchestrate the rest. It would certainly make creating music a pain in the ass and far more complicated but it would be better than nothing.

Howdy. Shout out to Boise, ID. I played a show there for the first time this past weekend and you guys are more than just potatoes. Also, I’m playing in Asheville this upcoming sunday at the Asheville music hall. That’s right, a sunday show in Asheville! Be about it!
Anywaaaay,
Welcome to this weeks edition of “Answers for questions”. That thing where you ask shit and I answer it. If you’d like to be a part of the magic and feel like you have a unique question to ask (about ANYTHING) , throw it my way. Either email it to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave the question in the comment section below.
This weeks batch of questions is really good. Lots of variety and lots of info. Thanks to all those who contributed. Let’s do it.

entertainment can serve a great purpose. however, where does it cease to be entertainment and continues on as stupidity?

How’s that college philosophy class treating you?
Anyway, entertainment is what you make it. A stupid person is going to go about absorbing entertainment stupidly. Meanwhile, an intelligent person can watch the exact same shows the dumb ass watches and actually get something out of it.
I recently got put on to the instagram account of of this teenage girl from Ohio. She’s a tubby juggalo and her entire account is her taking selfies (many of them of her holding drugs) and her comparing her self to Beyonce even though she actually looks like Honey boo-boo’s mom (I forget the account name though…someone out there probably knows her from this description). Anyway she had like 25k followers. Half of them see her pics and are like “You go girl! Juggalos 4 lyfe!”. The other half are people who are amused by how insane this girl is who leave comments like “Lol!” and tag their friends in the comment section. Are the latter people stupid? Nope. Snobby hipsters, perhaps but not stupid.
So, my point is, entertainment is only as stupid as the person enjoying it. It really just depends on what side of the fence you’re on. Fortunately, stupid people don’t tend to think about shit like that so everyone feels good about themselves. AMERICA!

I saw a comment on Reddit talking about the people who used to be regulars in an AOL hiphop chatroom and was curious if you had any interesting stories or if it had much impact on your career?

Do you browse any internet hip-hop communities? (I think this has been asked before)

Oh man I was allllll up in message boards in the mid 90’s. Specifically, rec.music.hip.hop and Alt.rap. Those are two that I posted in daily and actually met a decent amount of people through. I didn’t frequent the chat rooms much but, the few times I did, I kicked it with some of the Atoms family dudes and i think Despot was there too.
As for funny stories, I was a total asshole on those message boards. A know it all, NYC hip hop head purist who would argue with anyone who disagree with me. Shocking, I know. I wouldn’t say I was a troll cause I actually meant what I wrote but I definitely was a willing participant in telling people they were wrong. That said, I was funny and some people agreed with me so it’s not like i was a hated character. I was just an extreme. I got into it with tons of people , including Sole and Pedestrian from Anticon. That said, Sole and I actually used to AIM sometimes so it wasn’t any major beef. Just two rap nerds arguing. The three of us got into a huge argument right before “Dear Elpee” came out. I forget what it was about and how it started but I recall Sole shitting on NYC hip hop and telling me anyone from his block could serve any new yorker (My recollection is EXTREMELY foggy of this so take this all with a grain of salt). That infuriated me and we got in this long back a forth about NYC Versus suburban rap. It was long winded and dumb and , in the end, I think we were both losers. Another funny thing I recall was Aim-ing with Sole before I had ever known what he looked like and I made a joke about “Hey, it’s cool you’re from Maine, it’s not like you’re a dude with a red headed pony tail” and he was like “actually, I am a guy with a red headed pony tail…” Then we proceeded to go back and forth for a while cause I thought he was fucking with me. When in finally saw a picture of him I almost died laughing. Awwwwkward!
I was on those boards for years and that’s where I started getting Aesop’s name out there. I actually sold his first cd’s directly of those message boards. Eventually , he got really popular and I started getting a little notoriety as well. Because of this notoriety, I found it harder for me to be a total asshole online cause talking shit about my peers (and those above me) was not a good look. So, i pretty much just stopped posting. It didn’t hurt that a new breed of posters had joined and they sucked so it made my departure a little easier.
As for current hip hop communities, the only one I fuck with is philaflava.com. I love that place. Though, I don’t really use it for hip hop. They have a bunch of different forums that cover various topics. Lots of funny posters and people who are up on new shit. That said, I’d advise against joining it if you’re at all sensitive or are someone who’s likely to feed into being trolled. Newcomers often have it rough over there.

I think it’s hilarious how artists who are on social media a lot these days (such as yourself) tend to get a lot of “when are you going to come back to this-and-this-city?” or “please please come play in so-and-so town!” from fans. As if the only thing stopping you from playing at a show is getting off of your couch and gracing them with your presence in whatever town/city they live in lolololol. What would you like to clear up for these people?

I would LOVE to clear this up cause it never fucking ends.
Here’s how getting shows work:
You get booked where there are offers. Meaning, if I get an decent offer to play in that city and the logistics work out, I go play that show. I don’t pick where I get to play. At best, i have the right to say “nah, I don’t wanna do that show” but that literally only happens when I either have prior obligations or it’s a travel issue. Most of the time, getting shows is in the hands of local promoters. If you live in, say, detroit and you’re wondering why I never play there, it is because no one ever asks me to. This could be due to lack of fan base there, no good market history in that area or simply none of the local promoters in that area are fans of mine and/or think I could make them money. No one’s trying to lose money here and it costs money to get me to play.
Another common thing people do is , when they see I’m playing at a city somewhat close to them, they ask “Hey, since you’re playing San fran, why don’t you come play in Arcata the day after?”. The thing with that is that shows need months of preparation. You can’t just do an impromptu show and actually get people there (and get paid, which is a crucial element of me ever leaving my house).
So, yeah if you’re one of those people on twitter or facebook who’s complained about me not coming to your city (or country), do something about it. Get promoters on it.
Here’s my booking agents info:
North america-Chris@autonomousmusic.org
europe-Lothar@dailyoperation-agency.com
Make it happen guys, cause all I can do is accept offers and show up.

If you had presidential power for a day (i.e: the power to change a facet of society), what would you change?
It can be as arbitrary as a “no socks and sandals“ law, or as controversial as foreign involvement.
Maybe a bit of both? Anyhoo what would you do President Block?

I’m so far removed from politics that this is a tough one to answer. On some real shit, I’d definitely try to move towards environmental issues cause I’ve been watching way too many things lately basically saying the world is gonna end in like 150 years cause of climate change and the rise in sea levels. Again, I’m very much not involved in causes or , really, anything…but if I had power beyond holding a picket sign and “liking” some link on facebook, I’d look into that pronto.
On some more petty shit, I’d definitely put in a “No open toed shoes for men in walking cities” law that would basically cause the country to explode. Also, I’d begin the war on pettiness. Similar to the war on terrorism, in that it’s impossible to win, I’d do it just to shine a light on how pathetic people who are petty really are. Presidential style. It would be worth it just for the state of the union speech alone.

What type of “ask dr. tony” advice would you hypothetically impart to Hannibal Burress’ fictional character on Broad City? Have you seen that kind of ‘fuck buddy zone, but in reverse’ type situation in your real life with friends?

Oh man, I legit feel bad for him on that show. He’s pretty much the most likable person ever. The advice I’d give him would be to keep riding it out. He does EVERYTHING right and , eventually, that’s either gonna flick a switch in the girl or she’ll end it. Unfortunately, I think that a dude in the fuck buddy zone with a girl like the one he’s dealing with, it kind of a lost cause but , if he really wants to be with her, he might as well just see it through. In the mean time, enjoy the no strings attached sex!
As for real life, no. I have never seen that. I’ve HEARD about it via girls who were talking about guys they’re fucking but I’ve never known a guy who was all hurt up cause his booty call wouldn’t be his girlfriend. I don’t doubt they exist but maybe they just keep that shit to themselves. As they should. Get a grip , dude.

The following question may make it seem like I’m super stoned, but that’s not true!
Okay - > Pretend that you have been flashforwarded into the future roughly 13 years from today. And shit in our world has become off the walls mad bananas… One quaint little example is that “the man” is now requiring all citizens to officially replace one letter in both their first and last legal names with a special character, for digitized identification purposes. (Kind of like how a number of logins have password parameters that require at least one special character nowadays). To illustrate further - you may have heard of a guy named “Ian Bavitz” - So, using his name, it could be a legal change along the lines of I@n Ba^itz or perhaps %an &avitz, for example. But what would you choose, given the following options??

(You need to pick 2…one for your first name and one for your last name)

So, you weren’t high when you wrote this? I believe you. Contrary to popular belief, some people are able to have random dumb thoughts completely sober. I know I’m capable of it.

I think I’d go with “T*ny $imon” cause it’s the least confusing AND who doesn’t want a dollar sign in their name. Ke$ha didn’t ruin it for everyone.

Oh, side note, if you’ve been reading this blog for a while you may be familiar with “sir Jarlsberg“. He’s the other half of Party Fun Action Committee and he’s insane. He’s playing a show in Brooklyn this wednesday and I can’t stress enough how awesome his live show is. If you live in the area, come down and check him out.
https://www.facebook.com/events/262929313880297/

What’s up? Another week…more snow out here for us east coast folks. These new timberlands I got are getting some serious run and it’s all thanks to that cunt mother nature. Did I say cunt? I meant twat. She’s a real twat.
Anyway, this is that thing where you guy send me questions to answer. As you will see from today’s crop, they can literally be about anything. I accept all comers (pause).
If you’d like to ask me something, fire away. Either email it to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Get creative. The better the questions, the better the answers.
And with that, let’s go…

You seem as though you have natural athletic abilities. Like you can pick up most sports quite quickly. Were there any sports your parents put you onto as a child that you just really sucked at? Do you think this has influenced the opinions that you have about sports in this day and age?

I’m one of those people who is decent at most sports but never great. I’m coordinated and have good hand eye but I’m also never the best in the room at anything. Growing up I played a little soccer, little league for like 8 years, tennis and tons of basketball. I wanted to play all these games so it was never a case of being forced to join by my parents.
I can’t say I’ve ever straight up sucked at any sport. I mean, I don’t Ice Skate so I’d clearly be shitty at hockey. I never got to play football much but, the few times I have, I was pretty good at it (for a beginner. I could catch a ball and run). Of the sports I played, Soccer was definitely my weak spot. Though,I’d say that had as much to do with my skill level as how much I truly hated the sport. I hated playing it and, to this day, I hate watching it. It bores the living shit out of me. So, sure, that influenced my taste of it but it’s kinda one of those “chicken and the egg” situations. Do I hate soccer cause I wasn’t great at it or was i not great at it cause I hate it? I suppose we’ll never know. But one thing is for certain, I’m not a fan of that game on any level.

If you were forced to legally change your name to something ridiculous, and use the name for all intents and purposes, which one of these would you choose? “Optimus Prime Jr.”, “Bruce Wayne AKA The Batman” or “Luke Skywalker III”

Well, “Blockhead” would be pretty ridiculous but I’d never do that. Shit, what aging hip hop guy doesn’t somewhat regret the alias they’ve chosen in their youth as they near their 40’s?
I think , of the three names given, I’d choose Luke Skywalker III. Not cause I’m a star wars buff (In fact, I don’t give a remote shit about the entire existence of that stuff) but cause, at least, I’d have a partially normal first name. People could call me “Luke” and it wouldn’t be embarrassing. The same could be said for “Bruce Wayne AKA The Batman” but I’m not trying to be know as “Bruce”. And , even if someone learned my whole name and was like “wait, you’re real name is Luke Skywalker III?!?!!” I could be like “yeah, I have this blog and people ask me questions. This one person asked me a random question about a hypothetical forced name changing and I chose this name…the next day, it was real…weird, right?”. It actually would make for a great conversation starter. Thanks!

Do you ever do the whole KNOCK ON WOOD aka TOUCH WOOD thing? It’s weird because I don’t consider myself to be a superstitious person at all otherwise, but I catch myself doing that in certain situations and I think most people I know occasionally do it too.

Yes! I’m in the exact same boat. I’m not superstitious as all but that one has hung around from childhood. I’ll even knock on no-wood shit which I hear is bad luck. But, on the bright side, knocking on anything is actually completely arbitrary so I think it’s all good. I also do this one where , on the first day of every month you say “Rabbit rabbit rabbit” and that’s supposed to bring you good luck. My mom taught me that one when I was a kid. I honestly think she might have made it up though. Sufficed to say, there have been many absolutely shitty months that I’ve started by saying that so I dunno how effective it is.

how picky are you about cleaning up noise from dirty samples? Your stuff sounds pretty clean most of the time, but some producers tend to leave in lots of vinyl noise. Does this even affect you anymore?

I’m only picky when I think it effects the quality of the beat. A little vinyl crackle can be awesome sounding. But if it’s so much that it makes the sound I’m using unclear, then I either try and use filters to fix it or throw it away. I’ve definitely had those sophie’s choice moments with a great sample that was just too muffled to use. That’s always a heart breaker.

Which subway station in Manhattan elicits the best or funniest memories to you? And which station do you hate the most?

Is there really a “best” subway station? I mean, they’re all just kinda there. Any fun I’ve had involving subways has generally been inside trains , not waiting for them. And even that “fun” was probably just me and friends joking around that could have occurred anywhere. So, there’s definitely no favorite train station. However, least favorite is easy…the 68th street stop off the 6 line. That was where I used to get off to go to high school. It was a mish mash of working folks, upper east side assholes, hunter college students, and kids from Julia Richman public high school. My school was a small private school down the block from Julia Richman and, obviously, they were not fond of us. We had a security guard with a loaded gun that stood outside the school all day. (Side note:he was a low life. with a gun. Around children.) But, the reason that train station will always be my least favorite was cause, one halloween, the Julia Richman Kids decided it would be fun to fill balloons with Nair and throw them at people. I dunno if you’ve ever seen someone get hit in the head with a nair balloon but it’s not what’s hot in the streets. Actually, correction…it’s literally hot. In your hair. It was like a mini vietnam in that train station. People running around in tears with nair burning their skin and hair. I got away from it clean (only a little got on my jacket) but I was lucky. That shit was a nightmare and I’ll forever think of that when I think of that train station.

Dear blockhead, after reading this blog for almost a year now I have only one question, where the fuck are the unicorns?

In your inner minds eye. And in bed with your mom.

How’s your fantasy basketball team doing this year?

This could not be a more timely question as I just suffered the worst loss of my fantasy ball career last week and , also , one that most people could care less about so I’ll keep it brief.
My team is the fucking worst. Yet, thanks to some lucky scheduling, I was in first place until this week. I drafted D. Rose as my first pick and he went down so that pretty much set the tone for my entire season. Currently, I have a team of under performing bums (beal, evan turner, batum, bosh, korver, brandon knight to name a few) who shoot like 35% on a good day. Without a doubt, in the 10 years I’ve been playing fantasy basketball, the worst team I’ve ever had by leaps and bounds. It’s truly soul crushing, considering how much time I put into it and how much I fucking love it. My team is basically the fantasy version of the Knicks.

Could you marry a girl who has had sex with one of your good friends? If not, could you even date her for that matter?

I feel like this question has come up a few times but I can’t recall if it was here or in real life. Anyway, my answer is sure. I don’t give a shit about a girls past. I’ve dated girls that have boned friends of mine and vice versa. It’s only a problem if you make it a problem. I don’t possess that insecure jealousy gene that makes men lose their minds over things like that. Shit happens. People be fuckin’. I only see it as a problem if that person seriously dated a friend. Then it’s crossing some boundaries. But just sex? Who cares. If you do you’re really just saying “I’m an insecure dip shit who also think every girl I like should be a virgin”. I understand that there’s the visual aspect of it, the curiosity about how it went down and the need to know what really happened but ,if you actually love a girl, that kinda stuff shouldn’t even phase you. I suppose , if the friend she fucked is still trying to be a scum bag and hit it or rub that fact in your face, that would be an issue too. But, i dunno…you got a friend like that you shouldn’t be friends with him anyway.
People need to stop being so hung up on sex and the things people did before them. I feel like it’s left over puritan bullshit from our ancestors that has found a way into existing centuries past when it should have faded away. So, basically, follow your heart, bros.

Tally ho! Also, tally hoes.
How’s life? all’s good over here. Gearing up for a thanksgiving trip to my girls families crib. So, I got that going for me.
Anyway, this is that thing where I answer any and all questions you send me. If you’d like to be a part of the process and , thus, fortify your role as a great person who contributes to society, please send me questions. Leave them in the comments or email them to me at: Phatfriendblog@gmail.com
Everything is anonymous so don’t worry your NSA fearing little heart.
So, let’s see what we got this week…

What types of fights do you get in with your girlfriend? How often do you guys “fight”? When you first started “dating” (I know you mentioned you took it at a mad slow pace), did either of you have stupid fights where you try and end it because you’d get scared ‘n stuff? I’ve done that a lot when I’d start to develop feels when I’m starting to see someone and would get scared bc I’m starting to feel vulnerable and am scared that they’ll peace out on me — I mean, I’m pretty smart, talented, and accomplished a lot so far in my life, but MAN am I weird and can be super difficult. I feel like the smarter you are the more difficult you’ll be — but maybe that’s because you’re just more complicated, ya know?

My girl and I almost never fight. Neither of us are that type. We’re both pretty easy going and , generally, not looking for combat. Basically, we’re both really passive , which makes for very little friction , in that way.
We do bicker occasionally about dumb little things but more the way any two people who live together would. Things concerning the house being clean and not leaving crap all over the place, etc…
I don’t think couples fight cause they’re more complicated or more intelligent. What intelligent person would want to fight with their significant other? That seems counterproductive to the ultimate goal of “getting along”. I think couples fight cause someone is usually either insecure or unhappy. Some people are also just naturally combative and, the more comfortable with another person they get, the more that side feels free to flourish. Which is too bad for that other person!

Have you ever been caught masturbating? By parents, family, friends, gf?
Yes and no. I haven’t actually been caught in the act but, when I was like 14, I was in bed watching tv, scratching my nuts and my mom walked in. She was like “Oh! sorry!” and then fled the scene. So, in a way, I might as well have been caught even though I wasn’t. I forget if I even bothered explaining myself to her or I just let it go. Either way it woulda seemed like I was lying. And, to her credit, she probably walked in during one of those rare moments when I wasn’t masturbating. At 14, that was a pretty common time passer.
When I was in college, my roommate and I were best friends. We had known each other since kindergarten and arranged the living situation. We were close enough friends where a game evolved where the goal would be to catch the other jerking off and ruin their day. I never got caught cause I wasn’t dumb and always locked the door. My friend wasn’t so savvy. But, the thing is, even when he locked the door, I’d sometimes catch him cause I’d quietly turn the knob and , if it was locked, I’d know he was caught in the act. So I’d put the key and bust the door open in one fluid motion. It was admittedly a strange game but catching someone jerking off is fucking hilarious. So much shame on display and, the best part, they don’t get to finish, which is also funny. Though, he did kick me out a few times and made me wait outside for him to finish…which was strangely gross feeling.

What are the stats on your site? How many hits do you get a day/week? What entries get the most hits?

My daily hits range from 1,000 on a terrible day (saturdays when i don’t post are usually my worst day) to 3,000 on a good day. As far as entries that get the most hits, anything involving porn or riff raff. Those two things are the golden ticket to site hits. It’s sad but true. Also, the Lana del ray write up I wrote a few years ago still gets steady readers.
Anytime something I post gets linked on Reddit.com, I also get an influx of hits as well.
It’s funny, I’m a guy who loves stats. As a kid, I used to play the early nintendo video games and keep detailed stats for all the players. This is like that but all futuristic.

What are the weirdest search terms that have led people to your site?
(Maybe you could make that a weekly post if you’re bored/lazy.)

The search terms people find my site by are fucking ridiculous. Almost all of the are porn related and it truly gives a glimpse into the mind of how pathetic most dudes are who are googling stuff. Here’s a screen cap of the top searches that led people to my blog…I might add that I have no clue how these searches actually landed the here but, hey, readers are readers, right?

The funniest shit about these searches to me is that it’s as if these dudes don’t realize porn sites exist where you can type any word in to a search engine and 50 porn clips will pop up. These are clearly come amateur masturbators. Mad pathetic, yo.

What are the major differences in your approach to producing for instrumental albums versus beats for rappers?

This is a question I get asked in interviews a lot. Whenever I answer it,I feel as if the person asking is expecting like two separate processes but, in reality, I do the same shit either way. When I make a beat, I make that beat. It’s got changes and multiple parts ready to go. If a rapper picks it, I sequence all those parts around his vocals. If I use it for an instrumental track, I simply fill in the blanks left by no vocalist with other sounds and samples. But the process is identical. I’m basically building a song either way.

Do you get any money for working on your blog?

That’s a rich concept. I wish but, no, I do this 100% for the love of the game and cause, honestly, I enjoy doing it. Being an “Artist” with no real schedule is awesome but , sometimes, you do need structure in your life. This blog kinda forces me to have some. It also is a great way to vent or rant about dumb shit that really doesn’t matter. It’s fun. If I could get paid for this (substantially) that would be awesome but I never came into this thinking that would ever be a reality. I’ve gotten asked about people putting ads up here but, honestly, I don’t need that 30 bucks (or whatever it is) per month. I’m good.

I blow glass for a living and was working a late night, when my friend whom I work with invited me to a gallery/music hangout, aka hipster mecca dubbed “the venture compound” right around the block. I came to a place where multiple tvs playing sleepy hollow on rewind, with random junk from all around who knows where, dantily decorated around this downtown st.petersburg crackhouse looking venue. Where I learned of a new sound/concept or even (very loosely used here) “music” called “noise” which is pretty much a bunch of reverb from the sound system playing multiple songs/sounds. I imagine u have a common idea or maybe even heard it as the popularity is growing. In my opinion. …its pretty funny watching these kids mesmerized in these meaningless, stupid, pointless, no rhythmic sounds. It makes me want to go listen to Mozart in the loudest possible way, just to reassure myself the entire world isn’t totally moronic sheep. So my question is, how do you feel about this new concept of…I dk how to put it… sounds/music. Have you been to a show? Or do u have absolutely no idea as to what I’m talking about? Do you think its another stupid fad? Am I just a cynical asshole? Or i guess I’m just getting older. If u haven’t heard it I’ll send you a link. Overall how does this make you feel? I went back to work about 45 minutes later in utter disbelief and thought, if theres anyone’s opinion I’d like to hear, is one of my favorite artist who (in your case) happens to be the most brutally honest in opinions.

I have seen a noise show or two in my time…not my scene. It’s been around since the 80’s , I believe. I mean…the genre title says it all. It’s noise. I feel as if it’s music for people who reject the concept of music. There’s no explanation that can sell me that kinda music is enjoyable. I don’t care how you deconstruct it. It’s one note…or a tone…that just hums with slight variations. I mean, perhaps there is a drug tailor made for that kinda sound but I definitely don’t do it.
I actually have an awkward story about a noise show I saw. I was Djing at this bar in chinatown once and they had a small stage there where people performed earlier in the night. I got there around 9 (I think I started djing at 9:30) and there were two dudes on the stage with their heads down, slumped over their guitars, turning knobs on peddles. They were two chubby guys wearing all black. Like, imagine if you took trench coat mafia guys out of their trench coats and made them eat Wendy’s for 4 months. They looked like that. Anyway, they were playing noise or whatever it’s called and I was sitting there just kinda baffled. They had maybe 4 friends there watching them and a person I believe was one of their mothers. That part killed me cause all i could think about was what their mom must have been thinking watching her tubby son make what’s basically feedback for 35 minutes in a shitty empty bar in chinatown. When they finished I went to go set up the DJ stuff and didn’t really pay them any mind. As I was doing that, I hear a voice say “Tony?” and it was one of the Noise guys. Turns out we went to high school together. I wish I had a transcript of that conversation cause I really would like to remember how I politely danced around me thinking his music was awful and, at the same time, him probably judging me for making hip hop stuff. Different worlds, I suppose.
But, yeah, that shit ain’t music. If it were, my bellowing furnace would be a world famous Noise rock star.