New Sir Jarlsberg video “Nectary” is upon us!

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It’s been a while since I posted a Sir Jarlsberg video but he just dropped a timely new video on Biggie’s B-day a few days ago that’s too good to not share.
In case you’re unfamiliar with Sir Jarlsberg, he’s a rapping man from the Medieval times who tells all sorts of tales and travels with a crew of merry misfits. A steed, a maiden, a gnome and a scumbag drunk, to name a few. In real life, Sir Jarlsberg is Jeremy Gibson , who was the other half of my old comedy group “The Party Fun Action Committee”, as well as the bassist in my side project The Mighty Jones.
It’s hard to really explain Sir Jarlsberg but I think it’s best if I just direct you to his Bandcamp page cause he’s got two albums of insane music , well as a bunch of loosies. If you’re into extremely weird, funny things…I can’t recommend this enough. He even did a posse cut featuring the voices of Aesop, Lateef the Tru Speaker, Kimya dawson, Myself and Baby Dayliner.

Annnnyway…Check out his new Video “Nectary”, which is a parody of Biggie’s “Juicy”…It’s pretty much everything.

While you’re here, check out his last video which is a demented ode to NYC public access tv from the 90’s

Pick your favorite song

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Let’s play a fun game. Below are 8 random songs. I enjoy them all on varying levels. Some are great, some are just okay. Some are very serious, some are funny. They come from all different regions and the genres of rap vary from NYC underground to southern mainstream to west coast gangster shit to straight up comedy rap. I’m curious what you guys think.
This kinda thing is always interesting to me cause i’m pretty sure I know what way you guys tend to lean, when it comes to music taste but, hey, sometimes you surprise me.
Which of these songs do you like the most?I’ve made a poll below the songs, so please vote. in fact, you can vote for as many of these as you want cause i understand picking just one might be hard.

What song is your favorite?

New Spark master Tape Is coming and so am I

Get it, “coming”? I should be spelling it with the “Cu” but I don’t wanna too gross in the headline.

So, I’m still on the road and don’t have time to write anything of length but , lucky me, a new Spark master Tape video just dropped and I’m so excited for this shit to drop. Why not share the joy…

Woooooo!
To all the people who don’t like it or don’t get it, namaste and all that good shit but I legit haven’t been this excited for an album in a long time.

New Video of The Mighty Jones live!

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Been a while since I’ve spoke about my group The Mighty Jones but now is as good a time as ever. If you’re unaware of what I’m talking about I implore you to check it out right HERE. It’s the music streaming as well all the places you can get it.
We recently recorded a live performance of a new song (yes, one that is not on the album) for Sofar, which is a cool thing where they bring new artists into a very intimate setting to play for a small audience. This particular video was filmed in a clothing store in Soho. It was definitely a good time so check out the new cut and , yeah, go buy that album cause it’s dope.

Feeling lazy. here are some funny outtakes

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I’m not gonna lie, I was brutally attacked by a lone mosquito last night. From 2 am to 6 am, this little asshole stung me continually in places like my knuckles, my neck and the calves. So, sufficed to say, i slept like shit. For that reason, i’m simply too tired to think of anything to write about today. I was gonna skip posting anything entirely today but then I fell into a blooper/outtake worm hole on youtube. I realized bloopers and outtakes from movies and tv shows are some of my favorite things ever and why not share them with you. Got some time to kill? Wanna laugh? Well, this should fulfill all your needs. Enjoy…

Current events: Let’s talk about these Youtube clips

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It’s been a fun week for ridiculous videos. I figured it might be enjoyable to watch some and take an in depth look at them. Sure, why not?
Let’s start with a clip that was all over my facebook wall: The case of the girl who “didn’t” have sex with all of the Wu-tang clan

Now, watching this clip, I have mixed feelings. For one, I don’t think this girl fucked every member of Wu-tang clan. That would be impossible. You’re telling me Cappadonna and Masta Killa really got in there? No way. I think the ex-boyfriend is being totally presumptive and assuming the worst. I’d even go as far to say as I bet there isn’t a girl on earth who has slept with EVERY Wu-tang member. 3 or 4 of them? Sure. 5 or 6 even. But all of them? Getting them together in a room would be hard enough. Add on they’re all there to have sex with the same woman and you’re looking at odds similar to lightening striking the same person three times.
That said, the girl in this video has a look in her face that I’ve seen before. The look of someone who is totally full of shit but still smugly happy with herself. She found her way onto the Wu-tang Tour bus and hung out until 7 AM. I’ve toured enough to know that, unless you’re old school buddies with artists, pg rated shit does not go down on tour buses or in hotels after 2 am. My guess? She smoked a ton of weed. She drank a ton of booze. She saw at least one penis and sperm was involved. Whether she had vaginal sex or just used other orifices , I can’t tell you. But if you put her on a lie detector test, I’m pretty sure she would know the answer to “What does inspectah decks dick taste like?”. I only say this cause groupies gonna groupie. She can play dumb and say “Oh, I was just hanging out as friends!” but these are rappers we’re talking about. Not spiritual folk musicians who just wanna talk about the cosmos. They’re not trying to build lasting friendships with random midwest groupies. They are there for business. Again, I’ve seen this all first hand over and over again. It’s simply how the game goes. If they legit want nothing sexual from these women they meet after shows, honestly, they’d bounce. They’d go to bed cause sleep is rare on tour and you get it when you can. If they’re loyal husbands, they go to bed even earlier. Wu-tang clan IS something to fuck with, if you’re a drunken blonde girl in ann arbor michigan at 4 am on a tour bus. Not judging her cause, hey, they’re legends. But , even though he took it too far, her ex man definitely has a case.
After all, it was “one of the greatest nights of her life”. I’ve had some great conversations in my time…but I’m pretty sure none of them hold up as the “greatest night” of anything. That time I jerked of Raekwon while the GZA watched and played chess, though? I’ll never forget it.

The second vid to talk about is the new Sir Jarlsberg video.
It’s an ode to NYC public access. I realize this is a reference that will be lost on many of you but, holy shit does he nail it. I grew up watching this kinda stuff and it’s pitch perfect.

It should be noted that this contains clips of some real public access stuff from the 80’s and 90’s. Just to give you a reference point. Also, I make an appearance , so there’s that too.

The third video is of Madonna kissing Drake at Coachella

Now, I’m not trying to write a think piece on this dumb kiss. Inappropriate public kisses BEEN madonnas thing forever. I more wanna talk about drakes reaction AKA did he just drake castor oil out of a homeless mans boot?
Now, he’s gone on record saying something like her lip balm was funky tasting. RIGGGHHHHTTTT. We all know that shit flavored lip balm that famous people use. Seeing that that is clearly not true, I wanna go through 10 possible theories of what happened
1)A moth ball fell out of her mouth into his.
2)He could taste the remnants of Vanilla Ice and Dennis Rodman.
3)The fact she wouldn’t let him touch her hair was a huge turn off to him as,it it known, drake loves nothing more than brushing girls hair.
4)She spat in his mouth.
If I can expand on this one a little…when I was 15 or 16, my first real girlfriend and I were making out. For some reason, she thought it would be funny to spit in my mouth. My reaction was not far off from Drake’s in this clip except I was furious. I dunno, seeing it unfold just bought back those feelings. It’s possible.
5)Drake’s current girl was there so he had to play it off like it was gross.
6)It was, in fact, gross cause madonna is old and disgusting now. His reaction was a natural “ewwwwww…”
7)Her dentures fell into his mouth
8)Drake is grossed out but not having a serious emotional connection withe very girl he ksises. Simply put, he felt vulnerable and that reaction was soul saying “Not cool, bro…she’s somebodies mother!”
9)She burped into his mouth
10)She had kabala breath.
It’s gotta be one or more of those. Hopefully a full investigation will take place so we can get to the bottom of this urgent matter.

Last ,but not least, this video of a russian kid doing a cover of a Linkin park/Jay-z song.

First off, has there been a worse idea ever in music that bringing
jay-Z and Linkin Park together? Probably but this was reallllly fucking bad. But, let’s push that to the side for now and discuss people who record cover song videos for youtube. Specifically, for rap songs.
What is wrong with you? Where did life go wrong for you? Why? How? Who did this to you and where did the bad man touch you?
I get it on some level. It’s like Karaoke , but alone with a go pro. It’s just further proof that we are living in a coddled and delusional time like no other. Everyone thinks they’re special and no one is telling them otherwise. Well, let me be the first to say it then. YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. NO ONE CARES. PEOPLE ARE LAUGHING AT YOU, NOT WITH YOU. Feel free to apply those statements to an and all things most people do on earth that involves someone else having to sit and watch them. I’ll include myself and my own career in there as well. I’m okay with that.

Meet the worst dude

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A while back, I wrote a post about “yellow fever“. I posted it here in 2010 but I think it was actually written around 2007-2008. So, to say it’s dated is an understatement. So dated, in fact, that I almost didn’t wanna link it but I feel as though it compliments what I’m gonna get into here a little. What i’m saying is that, while I do stand by the basic sentiment of the post, it’s also admittedly VERY rough around the edges and not primed for 2014. But, you get the point. So, please, read it with that in mind.
As I state in that article, certain white dudes obsessions with asian women (and ONLY asian women) have always been really telling. I recently was hipped to a pretty fucked up video that really just took this to another level.
Warning: If you are a female, this is going infuriate you. If you are a male with any decency, you will be bothered by this. If you’re a scum bag dude? You will probably drop everything you’re doing and buy tickets to Japan the second the video ends.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grV1iDns87s
In this clip, we see the shittiest of all the shitty white bro’s in skinny jeans with a body like Grover, giving a lecture to a group of dudes who probably secretly thought Elliot Rodger made some valid points. He basically explains to them how , as a white men, you can go to Japan and just go completely ham on the ladies. Fuck basic human interaction/right…just grab these girls by their heads, say something vaguely “japanese” to them and thrust their faces into your crotch. It’s seriously fucked up.
There really isn’t much more to say other than “WOW”. I guess I wanted to post this to spread it around cause it’s definitely one of these “This can’t be real life” moments.
Not sure who this guy is or how he gathered a whole group of people at whatever howard johnson’s banquet room this was filmed in but I can only assume he’s been shut down by now. I mean, surely the internet got a hold of this and began decimating his life. 4-chan exists for a reason. I’m am curious though so, if any of you have more info on him or this entire thing, please write in the comment section about it. Inquiring minds want to know…

This week in ridiculous rap: COMEUPOUTDAWAHTA by Gmcfosho

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This is a little different than the typical “Ridiculous rap” I tend to highlight in this column. While it’s possibly the most ridiculous rap ever, it’s also straddling that line of being so weird that it actually might be kinda “good”. Well, Good is a strong work. How bout “entertaining”? Like in a Wesley willis Kinda way.

While I do know the name of the man responsible for this song is Gmcfosho, I don’t know how much he’s kidding. In fact, I don’t know what his intentions were. That’s kinda par for the course for videos like this. As uninformed people watching this , we gotta decide “is this guy a comedic genius/savant or a mentally ill person?”. With the way youtube videos are nowadays, it can be pretty difficult to tell. Watching this, I think it’s clear the guy is in on the joke and the video itself is so wacky that I can’t imagine this is a IcejjFish situation of someone who is just wildly delusional. Aesthetically, This plays right into my wheelhouse cause it looks like something I might have seen on public access in the 90’s. I will always be a sucker for that style of terrible video.
Whatever the case, props to this dude for being as truly strange as he is. I feel like he’s an ode to Kool Keith , Tim & Eric and Lil’ B without even knowing it.