The 2 Live Crew and my childhood

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Back in 1989, I was 13 going on 14 the first time my ears experienced the wonderment that was “The 2 Love crew”. At that point, I was pretty much only listening to hip hop (shout out to my old “best of” Billy Joel and Beatles cassettes though). In terms of rap, I liked everything. My 8th grade binder was covered in the names of all the groups I loved. Everything from Big Daddy Kane to NWA to bullshit like Kid n’ Play. As much as I was a fan of the music, I was still a 13-year-old boy. Nothing made my pubescent mind happier than some good old-fashioned offensive and/or dirty entertainment. This could mean actual funny things like the stand up of Eddie murphy or just general rude and low brow shit like the 2 Live crew. The first song of theirs I heard was “Me so horny”. Like most rap from that time, I loved it. The version that they had a video for was clean , yet it still tickled my immature fancy. When word that their album “Nasty as they wanna be” (and the uproar is was causing) hit , I was all over it. Luckily, I didn’t live in some bumblefuck backwoods town where they carded kids when they bought cassettes with “parental advisory” stickers on them. I took the cassette home and lost my shit. What I heard was 5 songs in a row that would become my bible (of dirty sex raps) for the next year. From the jump, the album version of “Me so horny” was a total shock. I couldn’t get enough of these new and improved filthy lyrics. The “full metal jacket” intro still gives me chills to this day as it reminds me of that feeling of excitement I got upon pressing play on my stereo.

Next up was the song “Put her in the buck”.

This was an ode to the Crew’s favorite sexual position. I was very much a virgin at that point but , whatever, this shit was fascinating. In hindsight, I find it kinda funny that this dirty rap groups #1 position of choice is simply putting a girls legs on your shoulders. Go figure. I guess it makes sense. This was a much more innocent time. Before gagging and anal gaping were an everyday thing.
Following this song, was perhaps the most impactful song of all on my 13-year-old ears. “dick almighty”.

This song was a dedication to the power of the penis. Apparently, The 2 live crew were no strangers to women worshipping their totally awesome cocks. I’d say the one line that really fucked me up is when Fresh Kid Ice (the half asian dude who’s arm was in a sling for a better part of the 90’s) said
“It’s 15 inches long, 8 inches thick, last name almighty, first name is dick”. 15” by 8” !?!?!?!?! I was both baffled and horrified. Years later, I’m no longer horrified but still baffled how any fat and short , half asian dude could even claim such ridiculous size. But, at the time, that shit fucked with my head. I was midway through puberty and those were setting some fairly lofty standards to live up to.

Next up came “C’mon babe”. This song was just a “me so horny” type bragging song about fucking. The Crew’s specialty.

This song was slightly more aggressive. It mentioned anal sex as well as getting your butthole licked. It contained the wondrous art of “negging” (pick up artist style) a girl into some sex.
Basically , this was an advanced version of “Me so horny” for people in the know. At 13, I didn’t even know what to think of most of the shit they said in this song. At 33, I get it but, meh…they’re just kinda gross pushy dudes.

The final song in this 5 song barrage of retarded brilliance was the (at the time) hilarious “Dirty Nursery Rhymes).

This pre-dated Ice Cubes FAR superior “A gangsta’s fairytale“. At the time, this shit was just pure comic genius to me. What could be funnier than two learning disabled sex rappers from Florida pulling a low-level Andrew Dice Clay and turning all my favorite nursery rhymes on their ear? NOTHING. That is , until I got a little older and realized how completely unfunny and lame this song was, but whatever, it did the job back then.

The rest of the album was pretty terrible save for a few songs (“My 7 Bizzos” and the brilliantly titled “The Fuck Shop”) so I just ran those first 5 non-stop. I even sought out their older albums. To my dismay, they were completely terrible booty bass records with hardly any offensive sex raps. At least not compared to ANATWB. They were more like children’s stories for lonely frat boys.
A year later , they followed this landmark album (for all 13-year-old boys) with the kinda sorta politically charged “Banned in the USA”. After the shit storm ANATWB had started, this album was their answer to all the bannings , record burnings (Way to go Florida!) and negative criticism they had received. Unfortunately, it made for a generally lame album and , even one short year later, I had already somewhat grown out of them. Besides, with quality gangster rap hitting it’s stride, there really was no longer room for skill deficient rappers like Brother Marquis and Fresh Kid Ice. The next generation was here and they actually had talent, not just a filthy mouth and a microphone.
In the end, as easily as I could go back and roll my eyes at my youthful enjoyment of this album, it doesn’t take away that “As Nasty As They Wanna Be” is one of the more memorable albums of my youth. As much as “Done by the forces of nature” or “It takes a nation of millions…”. Obviously, it wasn’t BETTER than any of these albums (not even in the same stratosphere) , but it does stand out on some level to me when I think of my more formative years as a music listener. So, for that, I say thank you to Uncle Luke. Thanks for teaching me the wonders of “the buck” and that a penis the size of my very own forearm (in both length and width) is something all boys should strive to have one day. I’m still working on that one , but “The Buck” has served me well over the years.