Ask Dr. Tony Vol 16

What’s up? The doctor is back with that advice that will one day save your life. Well, not really but perhaps I can at least give you some perspective on your shitty love life. As always, I’m not a licensed anything but I do have an uncanny ability to give you the honest truth (as I see it) in respect to your romantic debacles. If you have more relationship questions, email me them at Send them whenever as I’m always taking submissions.
Anyway, on with this weeks bag of issues.

ok, here’s what i’m dealing with….i was in a relationship with this girl from a little before new years until the end of march. we were started off as friends of friends until she sent me an email that said she wanted to hang out exclusively. at first i was on the fence, bc i wasn’t entirely attracted to her, but ended up hangin out with her anyway. she’s a cool chick! great taste in music, outgoing personality, really sweet….well, we ended up smoochin and cuddlin after a month or 2 and started dating. she became really attached, said how much she was falling for me, and was always very affectionate. i’m a little wary about falling for people so quick, so i wasn’t as into it as she was….but as time went on i felt myself drawing closer. SO here we are, luvvy dubby and shit for a few months, things are going swimmingly…i like her a lot at this point (really close to loving her)….until one day she decides she isn’t happy with me. it seemed completely spontanious! she literally uttered those words “i love you” for the first time just a couple nights before introducing this epiphany to me! needless to say, she broke up with me a few days later and i was left heartbroken. we didn’t see or speak to each other for about a month. we hung out together w/ some mutual friends one day, and that was ok. we didn’t interact so much, but i was fine with it. i think about her a lot tho, and i told her (my intention wasn’t to get her back). and she gave me the usual “chinup!” rundown.
so here’s where the situation gets a little sticky….we have a mutual friend that was moving to michigan, and i’m pretty tight with this dude. he hung out at my place a few days before he left. well, apparantly, my ex moved WITH him! i found out a few weeks after the fact from somebody else. i was shocked, confused, hurt, upset, and most of all just down right pissed off. i kind of went off on her and said some things i probably shouldn’t have said (quote: called her a heartless bitch) and it’s just been boggling my mind.
so here’s the question… i have the right to be mad??? i kind of feel like an asshole. from an outside perspective, they’re doing no wrong. they’re both really happy in a new place, and that’s a good thing. all’s fair in love in war, right? but people still get hurt. i’m hurting pretty bad. i was thinking about calling him mono-a-mono to just talk about the situation. i’m very pro Bro’s over ho’s, but that’s kind of a dick thing to do to your homie, aint it? and also i should be happy for my ex because she’s happy, right? BUT she did kind of fuck me over….twice….2nd time feeling a little worse than the 1st…. i don’t know dr. Tony, how would you feel??

Dude, you have the right to feel however you wanna feel. If you want to never talk to either of those people again, you’re justified. If you want to be the bigger man and just move on without making any drastic declarations about how this all hurt you, then you can do that too.It really depends if you’re a grudge holder type. But regardless of that, you 100% have the right to feel like you got shit on here. There’s obviously more to this story than you know and I’m guessing, if you found out, that stirring of rejection and anger will probably explode into full on rage. Something isn’t sitting right with me about this and all I did was read two paragraphs.

If this girl was THAT serious about you, something pretty intense must have happened for her to just drop everything and bounce with that other dude. I don’t wanna say that kind of thing is unheard of but it’s certainly rare. That is, of course, unless there’s more of a history between the two than you are aware of. Whatever it is, it’s gonna suck when you hear the truth about. But beyond that, you might of dodged a bullet cause any girl willing to drop everything and move all of a sudden is lacking in some serious logic and definitely is only thinking about herself.

I’m all for being the bigger man in this situation but no rationalizing of “bro’s before hoe’s” is gonna make you feel okay about this. You got played. The only way you should feel is shitty.

I’m in my late twenties, been in a relationship for over four years and it’s something I definitely could see turning into marriage. I’ve never been a socially awkward guy and never had an issue talking to girls, I also know I’m a good looking guy at least at this point in life before time and alcohol catch up to me. The Girl I’m with is cool, hot, and shares a lot of similar interests with me as well being able to hang out with the guys and not be annoying, not to mention being able to put up with me being a moody bastard.

Long story short, before my current relationship I had dated a girl for quite awhile, was a complete mess of a relationship that drug on too long (Last yr of high school-First couple years of college) and about half way through college I broke it off. I had a good year and a half as a single guy before hooking up with current girl and never thought much of it. Even when I was single I would hook up with girls but for whatever reason I never really went too far with any of them (except for one 1 night stand) even though I easily could have. Basically once I figured out I could hook up with the random girl I lost interest and most of it didn’t go much further than making out, etc.

After doing this for a awhile I started dating current girl and for years as far as I was concerned I had a pretty awesome relationship and never considered the fact that I should be out slaying hoodrats or else I would be filled with anguish and regret in my later years. Most of my friends (maybe cause I live in a major city?) are similar to what you’ve described, they’ve hooked up with a ton of girls (though my friends have zero standards and have banged tons of more than questionable broads that I’d never even think of hooking up with if I was single)

So considering this long ass, novel like story, is there something wrong with me and am I gonna horribly regret this decision later in life? Should I get out of the relationship now and hook up with as many girls as possible or something? I definitely see the appeal of the other side, but I’d hate to throw away something great for just random hook ups. At the same time I don’t wanna be one of those guys who ends up cheating on his wife/girlfriend constantly because he feels like he missed out on something when he was younger.

It’s clear you’re a relationship guy. You’re not the same breed as a typical guy who just wants to get his dick wet. Because of this, I don’t see any reason to break up with a girl just to sew your wild oats. Your oats ain’t that wild, bro. Sure, there will be times when you’re married and bored and all you can think about is that girl you should have fucked but the reality of it is that you’re not that type of guy. And, in my experience, guys like that don’t do well under those “single guy” circumstances. They fuck a few randoms, are never really comfortable with it and end up settling down with someone fairly quickly.
Put it this way…You know those types of girls who ALWAYS have a boyfriend? Like they break up and then talk about how excited they are to be single but, within a month, they’re “In love” again? You’re the guy version of that. There’s nothing wrong with it but you can’t turn that into an international playboy. Honestly, you should be relieved. Most dudes I know in relationships , regardless of how many girls they bedded prior to that relationship, are in a constant state of regret about what could have happened and what would be happening if they were single. To not have that as a prominent thing in your life, I’d say you’re one of the lucky ones.

I am sending this super late b/c I LITERALLY cannot sleep…I’m shook.

(I’m gonna try & make this as short as possible)

Ok, so I’m in a committed monogamous (to my knowledge anyway) w/ the most amazing man. Nigga is perfect and I am totally in love w/ him.
Anyway, I just recently met his friends. Well, turns out I used to fuck one of his best friends…often. This was roughly 4 years ago.
His friend was visibly like “wtf this bitch” when he saw me, but he didn’t say anything to me or my SO about our fling or w/e you wanna call it.
I did not know they were friends & honestly, if I had known they were friends…I would’ve never gotten involved with my SO b/c being known as a homie hopper is not the move you know?
I’m one of those honesty is the best policy type of chicks BUT I know how men’s egos/pride are & all my guy friends are like “don’t say shit” or “he gon dump you yo, I would dump you” or if he asks you, “deny deny deny!”
Obviously, my question is should I tell my SO or carry the secret to my grave?
And how should the conversation go? Should I have a convo w/ his friend first or should they both be present?
If you were in this situation, would you want to know/would you forgive your girlfriend?
Your advice is greatly appreciated!! ❤

This is tricky cause there are a lot of variables. Is the current man the jealous type? Some dudes are either totally rattled by shit like this or it doesn’t phase them. If he seems like the type who would be horrified by hearing this, I suppose you can’t really tell him. However, if he’s not a bitch made , insecure kinda dude, than it might be for the better cause , if you guys stay together, he might find out on his own eventually.
I’d say you should contact the friend and fuck him more…just kidding. But I do think you should contact the friend and ask him what he thinks. See if he’s comfortable with it. If not, than you know it’s a secret that will keep and it’s safe to lock it away. If he’s okay with you telling him, then you should do it. It’s best to just air that kinda thing out sometimes.

Just a word of advice, if you do tell him, be mindful of how you do it. Don’t make a huge deal about it. The more of a “I have to tell you something serious” moment you make it, the harsher is gonna seem. I’m not saying just mention it in passing but downplaying it is the route to go. If he wants details, be vague. He doesn’t need to know you fucked the dude 59 times. Just assure him that it was a long time ago and he’s all that matters now.
You’re right about male insecurity and beyond telling him about how his friends dick is bigger, something like this will inevitably tap into his ego…you just gotta hope he’s the type of dude who can handle it. But, considering this all happened before you knew him, if he gets really upset, fuck that dude. If he cares about you, he will just accept it, deal with it and move on.
No guy should be naive enough to think there were no dicks before him and no guy should get mad at those dicks as long as they remain in the past. If he cares more about his pride because someone he knows also had sex with you than he does your relationship, it’s a pretty shitty relationship.

So I crossed the forbidden “friend zone” line. I’ve been friends with this girl for 7 years. We did everything together, all the time. We slept in the same bed many times, but never cuddled or anything like that, mostly just tickling and play fighting. I always wanted to kiss her, but never thought I would and I was completely fine with being her best friend.

Last winter when she came home for the holidays is when things changed. One night we went to a club, where my car was broken into and her laptop was stolen. All her pictures and 400 gigs of music was lost (I told her all the time to back that shit up). She was vulnerable and I was there to comfort her. We ended up going back to my house, split a bottle of wine and just cuddled all night. We both knew things changed between us, but I still didn’t really think anything would happen between us.

Then last week, we were hanging out and when she left we flirtatiously alluded to us being together through texting. I kind of took this as my “in” to make a move. Two days later I was at her house. When I had to leave, I called her outside to say bye. I walked up to her and put my hands on her face, but she pulled away because her front door was open and her dad was watching t.v. close by so we went out more. She was saying this is too quick and she wants to go slow. I said we can start slow with a kiss, so she pulled her hair back and lifted her chin and I kissed her. I left right after, she then texted me she was COMPLETELY SHOCKED and had no idea what just happened. She was flustered and said no one has ever surprised her like that.

Later that same night at about 10 she asked me if I wanted to get a beer with her. So, we met at a hookah bar and smoked and drank. We acted as if nothing happened earlier that day, we were laughing and joking just as much as ever. We left and went to Taco Bell to eat and hang out in her car. At about 3am I decided to get out and “leave”. I went to her door and opened it. She knew what was coming and was hesitant. She was nervous, so I pulled her out and we kissed again. We ended up making out in the back seat of her car till 6am. We both thought this is crazy and the one thing you’re not supposed to do with your best friend. She’s nervous and scared about this whole situation, and I have no idea how to handle it because I’ve never even seen others in this predicament. Both of us haven’t been in serious relationships in about 4 years.

This is completely new territory for me and my plan is to just go as slow as she wants and not force anything. Or should I? Should I wait for her to figure out what she really wants?

50 shades of grey ass dude…Those make out descriptions were HAWT!
This is a tough one cause I don’t get a 100% feeling that she’s signed on for the ride. Granted, I’m just going off what you wrote but her hesitance makes me think she’s mulling it over. This could honestly go either way. I get it though. As close friends , turning a friendship into a relationship is tricky. It could all backfire and you’d both be out of a friend…but, on the same note, it’s kinda impossible to truly be friends with someone who you desire more than just a friendship from. I mean, you can do it, but there will always be that cloud of rejection and inequality in the relationship.

Because I feel like she’s undecided, you should definitely take it slow. As slow as she wants you to take it. I’m guessing she needs to get her bearings and figure out where she stands in all of this. The shock of you actually viewing her like that and not just your pal probably confused her a bit.

All in all, be patient but also don’t get your hopes up. The friendzone transition is never easy and rarely works out how people envision it to. Also avoid Taco Bell if you’re gonna be hooking up all night.

Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 15

Good day everyone. Have a seat on my couch. Tell me of your romantic failings. This is a safe place.
As always, I’m not a licensed anything, so take every word I say with a grain of salt. That said, I’m usually sort of right. If you’ve got more questions or need advice, send them to me at I will make it all better.

My ex and I broke up about 7 months ago and have had zero contact since then until just recently. I often questioned her morality and sensed that she was and always had been a lying cunt.
She had some serious daddy issues, as in, never had one, and for the last 5 or so years of her life went literally right from one relationship to the next. This happened with the guy before me, and even though she claimed not to be seeing anyone upon us breaking up, came to find out that she intact did have a boyfriend shortly after. Cunt.
Like I said, no contact for 7 months and out of the blue recently, she texts me saying, “I know you hate me, but I hope you are doing well.”
My first though was, bitch, followed by if she REALLY hoped I was doing well, why not sooner when I was still torn up about this shit?
She’s not the nice kind of girl unless its toward something that will fully benefit her, the true definition of a cunt. Yet, I still think about her often, all cuntyness aside, and a part of me wishes I was still with her.
It’s hard to recognize the shitty aspects of a person when things are good, but when they’re bad, every little cunty aspect of her personality was brought to my attention. It was a constant struggle between absolutely despising this bitch but also loving her more than anything. Now I sound like the nutjob.
I guess my question is, why would she text me if she knew that I hated her, which I do and as far as I know, has/had a boyfriend. I did respond and opted to fully be an asshole basically telling her to leave me the fuck alone.
Should I have taken a different route since I still obviously care about her for some sick fucking reason?
Thanks Dr. Tony

Wow. So, uh, she’s a cunt, huh?

Dude, you sound beyond butthurt over this girl. I know breaking up can be brutal and some of these wounds take time to heal but it’s been 7 months and you obviously knew the girl was not the one for you. You should probably be thanking your lucky stars it’s over cause , had you stayed with her, I’m pretty sure she’s be walking all over you right now.

As for the question, it could be a few reasons.
1)She could be feeling guilty and just wants every thing to be “okay” between you two. I certainly can relate to the idea of wanting all my former relationships to be civil. Perhaps she was opening the door for a greater apology? I really don’t know how/why your relationship initially ended, but gauging from your vitriol towards her, I’ll just assume she tied you down and fucked your entire family in front of you while your pet cat was cooking in a microwave.

2)She could be on the outs with her new man and, as you said, she always has a boyfriend. Perhaps she hasn’t had time to set up her next relationship so she’s going with what she knows. You were the last guy before her current man and she figures, at worst, she can buy some time with you and no be alone when the inevitable break up happens. If this is the case, you could either ignore her (WHICH YOU SHOULD) or milk her vindictively for sex for as long as she lets you, until she finds her new man and breaks your heart again. I dunno why, but I get a feeling a big part of why you like her so much is cause you and her have/had great sexual chemistry or something. That’s the type of thing that will keep a dude in a shitty relationship with a person he knows is wrong for him. I could definitely be wrong, but it’s a hunch.

3)She could earnestly be asking how you are out of real human compassion. EH…it’s possible, right?

Whatever the case, I think your answer was the best idea. Sounds like she’s a toxic force in your life who still has some grip on your emotions. It’s best to just shut the door on that one and keep it moving.

So, Dr.Tony, since you seem like a knowledgeable man, and since I met you the other night, I thought that maybe you could help me out.
Earlier in the school year, I have to admit I was kind of a weirdo. I wasn’t like a creep or anything, I just had a problem fitting in. The big problem was I tried to be…different.
Well since then I’ve normal’d up, and I’ve got some good friends. The only real problem is that it left a lasting impression on the women.
Now note, I’m not going for the dumb ho’s, I’m more into the cute ones, but, I kinda want to be able to rest assured that nobody has any real problems with me anymore. Any advice?

I think this is the type of thing that takes time. You can’t just switch up your style one day and expect people to accept that. Trying to be different is part of growing up and finding your niche but when people do so in an over the top fashion, it screams of huge insecurity issues and makes them look like a poser. You’re still really young though and this will all change. Ideally, you should stop trying to impress (or whatever) the people who are gonna think of you as that same weirdo and just move on to different social circles. Get a fresh start. Just be sure to not try too hard to be “Something” cause all this could just end up repeating itself. A cliche as it sounds, be yourself. If you haven’t figured out what that is yet, just don’t force in on yourself. Have some patience.

yo doc
so I got class with this one chick. its a small group communication class and were in the same group. shes sorta cute but nothing to write home about. she was dating some dude for four years, but they broke up. shes a big fan of dessa from doomtree. she wasnt real flirty in class, but we talked a lot, particularly about music. she had tickets to see dessa on 420 for her and her bf, but since hes past tense she asked me to go with her, but wanted me to drive. so I go to pick her up, and shes already got a new bf. some cat ive seen her with around school. shit was weak, but she was mad flirty at the concert. shes also been progressively more flirty in class. is she a slut? I mean, it took her like a week to get over that 4 year relationship. did i get played for a ride to the show? would you guess im friend zoned or is she trying to hit it?

Here are the facts: you’re in college, which means you’re young. She just got out of a four year relationship at that same young age, which means she’s probably never been really single as an adult. She quickly got into a new relationship.
From where I stand, I read it as she’s doing the rebound thing with whoever the new bf is. After 4 years of commitment and , in that time, becoming an adult, she might be realizing the freedom she has. It’s all contextual but I get a feeling she’s figuring out that , if she’s single, she can do whatever she wants and she might be ready to have some fun. Was she flirting with you? Probably. Are you friend zoned? I doubt it. The way I see it, you will probably have a chance to get with her down the line. If you even want to (which I’m not quite clear that you do). All that said, she’s not a slut. She’s a girl who’s been sleeping with the same dude for 4 years who’s probably coming to terms with the idea that she can have as much or as little sex as she wants with as many or few partners as she likes. It’s an awakening of sorts.
You know how people always speak of their crazy years in college? This is the beginning of that. So, you can be a part of it or not. Ride or die, bro.

When I’m going up the stairs after getting off the subway, I tend to be in a mass of people like anyone else. Sometimes the woman in front of me well, smells kinda good. I dunno. It’s not like I’m sniffing for a nice smelling female or anything, but we tend to be just mashed together on the stairs and one can notice smells like that. So, the thing is, if she smells good, well sometimes I kind of inhale again through my nose, a little stronger this time. KEEP IN MIND: I’m not being creepy or weird, or stuffing my face in the back of her blouse. Honestly, I’m 100% sure no one notices me doing this, I don’t change body language, or anything like that. I just kinda “go for seconds” without adjusting my movement in any way. I’ve explained this scenario to some people who say this is on some serial killer weirdness-type shit. I venture that the act is a passive one, hurts no one, although I agree that it IS kinda weird. I’ve never gone for thirds really, if you’re wondering. And it’s not like this is jerkoff material. It’s just a random, private small thing that I noticed that I do sometimes. Is this fucking completely batshit insane and weird? Should I make a point to NOT smell the person directly in front of me? Is this some kind of bizarre intrusion, even though no one else can really notice it? Just weigh in if you don’t mind.

As a person who’s taken the train his entire life, I think you may be walking a little close to people in general. It’s a subway station. It stinks. You’d have to be WAY too close to a person to be able to admire the scent. I’d understand if you did this in a packed subway car, but on the stairs? You’re literally an ass sniffer.
Now, is this weird? Yeah. Is harmful? Not really. It’s funny cause I’m just imagining a dude closing his eyes and inhaling on a girls neck with a creepy satisfied look in his eyes. Like a commercial for fabreeze or something.

Just know, ten years down the line when you’re sewing together the skin of the 7 women you killed, this was the starting point. If nothing else, I know you will preserve their scent.

Ive got a Dr Tony one for ya,
MY boy was dating this fine but crAAAzy 19 year old a while ago, long story short he fell completely in love with her and she just didnt give a shit. One halloween when we were all hanging out he ended up passing out, i was macking it to his gf’s friend who she brought along in his living room. Anyway she ended up coming out mid bang and joined in, SCORE! we were all rolling and I feel bad about it but but really how could I say no. we never talk about it and she ends up hookin up with another of his friends later on (a few weeks) then they break up. Fast forward a year or so and shes trying to get back with him, hes talking to me about how he loves her and he knows she only cheated on her once and asking my advice. Should I tell him that no shes a filthy slut and we had a threesome while they were dating, MY gut tells me no! God No! But he should def not date her again, and he wont listen to my advice otherwise ( ive tried telling him to just leave her be, shes craazy) what would u do?

Hmmm…that’s tough. I mean, you’re kinda damned if you do, damned if you don’t. You could tell him, and he’d probably diss her but he’d also probably be furious at you too. I mean, he knows she’s cheated on him once already so it would appear his mind is made up. Sometimes, you gotta just let a dude flounder in this situation. It’s not like they’re gonna get back together and it’s gonna work. The foundation of their relationship is already tarnished so it’s only a matter of time before it falls apart again. So, I guess I’m saying, take the cowards route and just keep your mouth shut. Hell, he might find out anyway. Explain yourself then. The bottom line is there is apparently nothing you can say to this dude to sway him away from this girl. Let him learn the hard way.

Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 13

What’s up everyone.
Here’s another installment of the best advice you could ever ask for. I’ll be honest…I’ll try to not to flower shit up too much cause life simply isn’t black and white. I also have no background or education in this sort of thing so, you know, take it all with a grain of salt. I mean, if you’re really basing serious life choices on my opinion, you got problems beyond anything I can fix.
ANYHOO, Send me more questions like this to my email: or in the comments below. Despite what I wrote above, i think i do give decent perspective and, really, I’m here to help…

Dr. Tony,

I have a problem you might not’ve encountered in a number of years. I’m 19, in my first year of college. Like any fresh-out-of-highschooler, i was disappointed when college turned out not to be the nonstop fuckfest that we all thought it would be. Fast forward one semester and I’m still a virgin, though i’ve gotten a BJ/HJ here or there. ANYWHO, I ask out this asian girl that I’ve gone on a few dates with, and we start to date. So we’re going out for about a month, and she’s gone down on me a few times, and all is well, yet every time we get “intimate”, I notice that she WON’T take her shirt of (she says she’s ‘self conscious’), and she WON’T let me do anything to her. Finally I decide to skip the hurdles and go straight for the finish line. Needless to say, I get completely rejected (we’re talking Tyson Chandler rejection). She tells me that, and I quote, she “wants to lose her virginity to the man she’s going to marry”. Keep in mind that she isn’t zealously religious at all. At this point it’s taking every ounce of my spirit to a.) stifle laughter at such a naive statement and b.) resist the urge to get up, walk out, and never return. I assure her that it’s o.k., because it’s not like i’m going to tell her off for not bending to my penis’ will, but this is where the problem lies. Wanting to keep your v-card was understandable in the early years of high school, but WE’RE 19 FUCKING YEARS OLD. I really like this girl, but she’s obviously not the girl I’m going to marry, so I mean what’s the point if not to get through this year together and occasionally fool around? I don’t want to break up with her over something so petty, but is this a legitimate dealbreaker, if her values and mine clash at such a personal level? Or could this be her way of making me work harder for it? This all happened last night, so it’s a bit of an emergency here doc. Any advice/perspective would be awesome.

Sounds to me like she wants a commitment and holding out on vaginal entrance is how she plans to get it. Virgins, both male and female, often have skewed view of the importance of sex. They put it on a pedestal cause they don’t “Get it”. Sure, some stick to their guns after they’ve had it but, in most cases, they realize that sex is fun and why stop yourself from having fun? This same girl may be fucking 4 guys a month within 3 years. You never know.

Also, 19 is pretty young. So it’s understandable that she might still have these values and take this kinda shit very seriously. Sure, most people lose their V-card by then but some girls are gonna wanna hold on to it. In your case, this all depends on how long you wanna wait and how big of a scum bag you wanna be about it.
here are your options as i see them:
1)Tell her you appreciate her honesty and respect her choice but that this isn’t gonna work for you , as you a 19 year old male virgin who doesn’t want to remain a virgin until he’s in love.
2)Lie to her and say everything she wants to hear , date her and shit until she lets you hit it. Then , once you hit it, you can either keep hitting it and getting in deeper into this terrible lie or back off, leaving her feeling like complete shit and regretting every decision she’s ever made. (this is all assuming she actually likes you, which I don’t know if I’m even sold on. This could be one of those situations where she’s just gassing you up, but if the right dude came along, she’d fuck him immediately. You never know)
3)Settle in for the long haul and wife her. You’ll eventually get the sex. I don’t recommend this one at all though, cause you’re 19.

Basically, I’d say you need to break up with her nicely cause you’re head is obviously looking for sex and her head is elsewhere. There will be more pussy in your life. I promise. If you can get one blow job, you can get ten. Be patient. Girls don’t like pushy/desperate virgins. Play it cool and the vagina will find it way to you.

He’s the story. I met this girl at a party few months ago. Didn’t pay any attention to her, even found her stupid (and still do). I was talking to with people and she’s been around for a while, listening to the conversation but not talking much. The thing is that 4 or 5 times she had intense sights to me that I still don’t explain. Didn’t pay much attention to that at the moment, but I noticed.
One thing I have to tell is that the only acquaintane we have in common is pretty much of a douchebag I don’t like.
Few weeks later we met again and that time we talked for hours. She seemed interessed and amused by what I said, and we had lots of interests in common. In fact she didn’t talked that much, but a good listener. I didn’t find her smart or anything but I was drunk and she seemed to like listening to my bullshit.
I had to leave the party and sais bye, at that moment she seemed sad to see me leaving. She looked like a kid seeing his lovy puppy go away, sincerely. That’s when I had that feeling I still don’t explain. Few hours I was thinking of her… a lot !
Sometimes I think I’m a fool and that I misinterpret “signs”… sometimes I think there’s something.
I randomly ran into her in the street few weeks ago. She saw me but acted like she didn’t (brief eye contact and fast head turn, you know what i mean).
I eventually texted her to get some news with no response.
Now here I am, going nowhere, couldn’t be more happy than getting her out of my mind. And I’m pretty sure that if I’d got her, I’d have dumped her.
If only eternal sunshine of the spotless man was not fiction, I’d not write you…

So, what to do ?

You do nothing. Your interest in her is based 100% on conquest and ego due to the fact she kinda blew you off. There was a definite window there and you didn’t take it, so it’s gone now. That doesn’t mean the window is forever shut (perhaps she’s got a man now or something) but who really cares? A girl you kinda sorta wanted to fuck and discard didn’t call you back…get over it.

In a healthy relationship, what percentage of importance would you give to emotional vs. physical attraction? (100% emotional being in the deep friendzone and 100% physical being fuckbuddies)

I think that depends on the couple. I’ve seen couples who are 85% sexually driven who’s relationships are horror movies but they stay together for like 4 years cause the sex keeps them there. At the same time, I’ve seen people who basically become best friends and the sex vanishes but they end up getting married.

I look at this way…sex is important. But actually getting along with the person you’re committed to is even more important. This is a person you have to be able to communicate with, hang out with, joke around with, make life decisions with…The fucking is just one aspect. I’d say anywhere between 70%-60% of it should be friendship. Cause,eventually, the sex is gonna wane and then what do you have? That’s why you see old ass couple shuffling down the street hand in hand. It’s not cause they’re still fucking…it’s cause they’re each others best friends.
It’s also the reason I advise people to stay single for as long as possible. Get all your fucking out of the way so, when it’s tim to settle down, your dick/vagina isn’t clouding your judgement as far as what kinda partner you choose.

Dr. Tony,

This might be a little different from your regular “should I hit it or not?” questions…

I work an office job. I met this girl (Girl 1) at work, and have known her for about 4 years now. I used to consider her a “friend”, even though I kept it strictly work-only. When we met, she let on right away that she was interested, and used to drop hints for me to ask her out. She started to creep me out though, because she seemed really needy, and I could tell that she was stalking me on Myspace, from some conversations we had. So I would always come up with an excuse not to hang out. I never found her even remotely bonerable either. She is about 12 years older than me, one of those holier-than-thou vegetarian, hybrid car types, and overweight. (I know that makes me sound like an asshole, but I usually go for short, thick girls).

2 years after we met… She started dating some guy from work. I was happy that she was off my nuts, and everything was good. One day, on my lunch break, I was pulling through a drive-thru, and I see dude walking into the restaurant with a different girl (Girl 2) from work. They see me, I see them, and I don’t give a shit. I went back to work, and Girl 1 confronts me about it, asking “did you see my boyfriend in the parking lot with Girl 2 at that restaurant?” It turns out, she was spying on them the whole time, hiding in the bushes. She was too ashamed to admit that she was spying, so she wanted to use me as an excuse, in order to call out her boyfriend. I told her “I don’t think so…My visions bad…I can’t see too well”. I didn’t want to get wrapped up in some bullshit with 3 coworkers.

2 years later… She is still dating the same guy. She just got one of her coworkers fired, because he “wasn’t a team player”, and she has been bragging about it. I took that guys old job, because it was a good raise, but now I have to work on a small team with her. Ever since I refused to rat out her boyfriend, she has been a complete bitch. She ignores me if I say “hi”. She refuses to acknowledge most work-related things I say, except to correct me, or call out my mistakes in public, especially in front of Management. She is holding a grudge against me, and I think she will jump at an opportunity to get me fired next.

Blockhead, how do you put bitches in their place? Can I make some sort of peace offering to this animal, or is there a better angle to play?

Man…that sucks. She sounds like a disaster of a person. I’m always very fearful of people who let pettiness dictate their lives.
I think you’ve played everything right thus far. Not snitching about that dude was a good play cause, hey, it’s none of your business.
I think the best thing you can do is play it cool. Kill her with kindness. I’m not saying flirt with her but I’m also saying to soften up your vibe around her. I realize she’s being the irrational cunt here but I’m afriad that’s just how irrational cunts are. Eventually, if your nice enough she’ll have no choice but to at least be somewhat pleasant back.
So, while you’re doing this, you might also wanna collect evidence of her behavior. If she does something unprofessional, write it down. That bragging about getting the dude fired would be a prime example…that’s some fucked up shit and the fact she’s dumb enough to publicly vocalize that she did it leads me to believe she’s a fucking idiot who probably spills all sorts of beans…probably cause she’s insecure, but with power. A dangerous combo if there ever was one.
So, yeah, just watch your own back and create a little file to defend yourself with if that time ever comes. Hell, throwing in her making “advances” at you can’t hurt either. If she’s a shitty as you make her sound, I’m sure other people in the office would have your back.

Ask Dr. Tony Vol 11 (W/ Special female point of view)

Let’s try something different. This is an experiment. Normally, this is where I single handed dole out advice to my readers concerning their failing love lives/over acting hormones. Now, that’s all good and shit but I understand, sometimes you need to give a different perspective. For this, I bought in my buddy Regan to give a feminine take on this weeks questions. Now, Regan isn’t your typical girl. in fact, she think more like a man than a lot of dudes I know but still, she has a vagina so it counts.
I purposely have no read her answers before writing mine. If they’re super similar, that’s why. However, I have a strange feeling heer answers are gonna be more harsh than mine…But that’s part of the fun I suppose.
As always, send me more questions of the intimate nature to I’m here to help. Now…let the experiment begin!

Question 1:
SO the story goes something like, i work at a record store and in my city there is 3 of this chain of record store, if the staff are competent(i am) then they work at multiple stores. so i would occasionally work with this girl at her “home” store and i always thought she was cool but didnt think to do anything about it cause im not that confident. anyways, some things moved around and she is now the manager and i am the assistant manager at the same store. after about 2-3 weeks of working together everyday i had it bad. we would flirt at work constantly and hang out occasionally outside of work. one night after hanging out she texted me and asked if i liked her, i really wanted to play it cool but i figured since she had her suspicions i would get it out. so i spilt my guts without being to over bearing, she said she was really flattered but things couldnt work out because of the current situation. meaning we work together and she just broke up with her dead beat boyfriend. now in no way did i want to be a rebound so thats fine. i just dont know where to go from here i really like her alot, more than i have liked a girl in a long long time. and on top of everything she said she use to have a huge crush on me before we started working together full time a year or so ago. the problem im having is i see her everyday so i never get the chance to get it out of my system, i just like her more and more everyday. and people we work with tell me its obvious she likes me or feels something for me too. so please help dr.tony cause im fucking lost on this.

Dr. Tony:
I gotta say, it would seem like she does in fact like you. Perhaps she likes you too much and doesn’t want you to be a rebound guy? I dunno…but what kind of asshole would flat out ask someone if they like them, if they themselves had no interest in that person? Basically, she’s either an ego maniac in need of an emotional refillor she’s feeling you.
My advice would be to play it cool but, when you get a chance, get drunk with her and see what happens. Getting drunk always loosens the inhibitions and, if she’s actually into it, she won’t be able to say no. If she does say no, you’re saving yourself time and effort on a girl who’s most likely a dipshit.
Also, I’d warn you against being so nice about it. I mean, don’t be a dick but there’s a chance she’s using you as an emotional tampon cause she knows she’s got that power over you. That’s the type of thing a girl can hold over your head forever if you let her and you’ll be stuck in the friendzone until you’re at her wedding. Just be careful about that.

Dr. Regan:
Ugh. This is how a nice guy becomes a womanizer.
Here’s the thing: nine times out of ten, when a girl gets done in by some douchebag, the first thing she is going to do is gravitate to any passing attraction that happens to be in her orbit. Its ointment. if she wasn’t 100% sure of your feelings…likely because your shyness made you appear aloof, out of her own need to feel pretty/desired/better she gave you just enough to get you to validate her, and bugged out when she realized your feelings were more than she was prepared to return.
I also think that, if you are a guy that operates more from emotions than the biological imperative to answer to your boner, you are going to be keenly aware of how chuckleheaded most girls are, and when you find one that is somewhat less so, she gets placed on a pedestal on which she hasn’t proved herself worthy to stand.
That said, the verbal diarreah love declaration only works in movies. In reality, it freaks most people out. Perhaps this was just the universe trying to teach you that lesson. I am not so hardened as to not think its sweet. Its good to have an open heart, but stupid, self-hatey bitches will leave you with a bleeding one. When the weird dopamine rush of romantic torment wears away, and you actually see that for what it was. (and, likely, how annoying she actually is on a day to day basis) you are going to wonder what in the living hell you were thinking. Furthermore, when you actually meet someone and it clicks, and you realize its supposed to be easy, you will never put yourself through this bullshit again. Not to sound like the biggest misogynist to ever own a vagina BUT She is a chick, at the end of the day, the world is full of them…maybe even one or two that are actually worth your affection.

me and this girl never met and i already know she likes me from a different source, how should i go about having sex with her no strings attached?

Dr. Tony: I’m gonna overlook the “Never met” part cause I don’t even know how that works. Like, if you’ve never spoken how does she “like” you? I think that means she’s attracted to you, in which case all this is moot cause that sexual attraction off the bat and fucking is first and foremost in that situation.
So, for fun, let’s pretend that you actually know her a little as I’m sure plenty of dudes can relate to this situation.
This is a highly delicate situation and it will definitely not end well…but there are things you can do to make this happen. Part of it depends on what kind of girl she is. If she’s the type who stands by her morals believes in a dating code, then it’s not happening. However, if she’s the type who thinks that she can change a guys mind by having sex with him over time, then you’ll get a few months out of it before both her and the situation blow p in your face.
BAsically, what you need to do is just be honest with her. Weird, right? Yeah…if you hook up with her and anything serious comes up, just say you’re not looking for anything serious. Depending on if she’s a girl a or girl b type, she’ll either leave or continue. If she continues, just keep being honest. She may like you but she also got ears and brain. Deep down, she assumes her pussy is special so , eventually, you’ll cave in and become her man. Assuming you won’t, she’ll eventually freak out and stop dealing with you. I hope you like crying! and yelling! and being told you’re an asshole! cause it’s coming.
So, if you’re willing to put up with that for a few months of casual sex with a girl who wants anything but casual sex, go for it.

Dr. Regan:
you don’t.
You’ve never met…but someone said she likes you? If she saw you in passng and couldn’t approach you, or worse, trolled your facebook through a friend and thought you were cute, I have to doubt that its just in a wanting your balls on her chin kind of way. Girls, in this day and age, who are straight down to fuck, come out and say it. Sex is easy enough for most girls to come by that if that’s all they are in for, they are not going to hide behind anyone else, or hesitate even a little to get it.
Now, you can be a total asshole, run some clever game, get her down on your dick and dis her, but as, you’ve never met her, you don’t know what kind of drama/bunny boiling/series of scrotal staph infections that might be inviting. She is a chick, see my answer to #1.

7-8 months ago i told u about this girl living far from me and if i should be patient and try and whatever… and u said i shouldn’t if i’m not not cause yeah, distance sucks.
i didn’t know what to do and i was just kinda taking it easy and waiting to see things clearly but knowing that it wasn’t a good idea and kinda over. whatever, she was writing me and saying that she wanted to see me and spend time with me.. etc. and suddenly stopped writing and i guessed she just met another guy. i’m sure of this even if i never asked her. the thing is that that’s totally ok, as we were not really together, it could have happened to me too. the thing is that she never explained and just started ignoring me. the fuck is this. that was like 3 or 4 months ago and it’s fine and i’ve been dating random girls too but i don’t know why i am so angry now and i feel like writing an e-mail and telling her that she is a bitch. i know it’s a bad idea but she deserves to hear that she is been fucking rude. i know too that everything wasn’t that serious as in the distance easy to misinterpret feelings, but being polite and clear to the person should be the most important, dude i started dating her in 2008 and now, although i’ve been with many other girls in the meantime, i feel like an idiot.

i know i’m being fucking random and childish but sometimes it’s just like this
sorry for my english too hey

Dr. Tony:
Honestly, dude, you gotta just take the loss on here. I’m sure if the tables were turned you’d do the same thing. I don’t think she stopped contacting you cause she thinks your a piece of shit. It’s more likely cause she’s either extremely wrapped up in the dude she’s seeing (lots of girls get blinders on when they fall in love) or she thinks talking to you about it will be awkward. Writing an angry letter about something like this is understandable but it’s always regrettable.
Maybe you’re pissed off cause she was the one who stepped away first? That would make sense. Whatever the case, it’s another fantastic example of why long distance relationships don’t work. My advice would be to walk it off and more on.

Dr. Regan:
you are angry because, for whatever reason there was more of a connection, sexual or otherwise, with her, than there has been with any of the girls who came after. Maybe you are also a little spun and insecure because now you have no way of confirming whether or not it was ever truly mutual. It hurts and it sucks when someone important peaces out with no explanation, but that is definitley more a factor of her not knowing how to deal with difficult situations than it is a measure of your importance in her life.
You put a lot of time and energy into her, and your pride has made you swallow your real feelings about it, and as such, it has festered and become insidious.
An email catalogue of her dumb-cuntyness may seem like  the thing that will sate that anger but trust me, all you’ll be doing is giving her a reason to spend a week having a “pay attention to me!” pity party. She will whip out her phone and read that shit to her friends every chance she gets, tell everyone her ex is psycho, parlay her guilt into feigned fear and offense while,deep down, loving that she had you that hung up.
She may respond, perhaps even apologetically, but it will never be what you are hoping for. You’ve been ruminating, she hasn’t. She didn’t give you an explanation because she probably didn’t have one. Sometimes people just don’t know what the fuck they want or what they are doing. Sometimes they just do whatever was easiest…in this case dating someone convienient to her and avoiding your reaction to it.
I would say write the email, get all your feelings out where they are tangible, and dont send it. Rant and rave as much as you would if she were reading it, but make it a draft and put it away. Come back to it in some months, and if you still feel that you need to address it, see the irrationality of that anger and find a way to say your peace that is articulate, calm, and effective without the need for her ever to respond.
If you do that, she very probably will.
-You know, or, like just date girls that hit all the benchmarks of her physical insecurities and plaster your facebook with their pictures, that way, when she inevitably stalks, she leaves sans a significant chunk of her self esteem…

…only to siphon it back out of some poor sucker who works at a record store….

A little more about Regan:
She hosts the Brooklyn Mutt Show which happens at the Brooklyn Lyceum March 23rd/24th

Also, she is on facebook…and she’s not shy.\

Also, for a bonus round of me giving awesome advice to ladies, peep this article I did for

Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 9

After a lengthy hiatus, the doctor is back. Here to lead you down a path of righteousness laid out to you by the high power. Not really. I’m just here to give you my opinion on questions you sent me concerning matters of the heart. As I’ve said before, I’m not a licensed anything…but I do tend to be honest and think somewhat logically. So, there’s always that. Anyway, send me more questions like these to My door is always open.

Hi there,
Ok,so ive met this girl about 3 weeks ago in a small club,i was a kinda drunk dunno if she was also,we kissed and stuff and she left me her phone number.It past 2 weeks and i didnt called her back cause i thought i saw her 1 day with some other guy who was a friend of mine and i didnt wanted to get involved in that.So after 2 weeks at 11pm i get this msg on my phone saying hello and asked me if i wanna go at her place cause she’s alone and she needs company.I texted her asking if she’s not my friends girlfriend and she told me she didnt knew him or he’s name.So i just considered i was drunk that night and maybe i confused her with someone else which probably i did.Ok so i go to her place,obviosly this was an invitation for sex.I was a bit nervous cause i rly liked this girl and im not much good in the sack specialy when im sober.So i arrived at her place but dunno what happend,we started talking personal things but nothing happend sexualy.I havent seen her since 3 weeks ago when i was drunk and now she looked even better.And honestly i didnt wanted to screw up with this one.I’ve been with decent amout of girls but this one is diferent.Ok so that knight we talked,watched a movie,etc.She told me she was looking for smth serious and needs love,about her school bla bla bla.I went home in the morning,on my way home thinking that i was such an idiot and she’ll definetly won’t contact me anymore.But after 1 day at 3-4 AM in the morning i get texted and was smth like “your eyes are telling me smth,sry for texting u this early”.I didnt knew how to react to that so i just texted her “i dont know what to say but i was thinking of u and what u told me the other knight”,and later some metaphor about eyes.Dunno if it was the right thing to do,she didnt texted back but i know i got her attention somehow.Ok the thing is i dunno if i should share my feelings or not.I did that before and it doesnt work all the time,its to early for that shit and not all girls want “that lover” tipe.But maybe if i stay like this and dont tell her shit she will think that im not interested in her that much.Or is the posibility that she does know my friend and this is some kind of frame but that sounds a bit crazy and maybe im just paranoid.I think this situation is very easy to handle and i usualy dont act like this,dunno whats happening.Sry for the wall of text,and for my bad english,just wanted to give u the info about what’s going on

I’m so happy to read english is not your first language. I was getting sad while reading that whole thing like “oh man, this dude didn’t graduate grade school”. Phew…
now, for you question…To be honest, I’m not really clear what the question is. All i can really do is observe the situation. First off, you met her at a club once. It’s cool to like a girl off the bat like that but let’s not get crazy. The night of emotional bonding certainly changes that but you seemed to be going into even meeting up with her like you were already in it for the long haul. To that, I’d say slow down. There’s no rush.
Secondly, and this may be due to the translation of what you wrote being off, but there’s something unhealthy to me about how you two have been communicating. Like random 3 am texts that evolve into to poetry flirting? I mean, that’s all good…but , to me, it just makes me think she’s a little out of it.
Those things considered, it does seem like she likes you. I’d stop over analyzing it so much and just let it play out naturally. You wanna talk to her? call her. Don’t turn this into unnecessary game playing. Also I highly doubt this is a set up by your friend who you think is dating her. That would be both way too elaborate and downright insane.

i dated this guy (guy A) last year who was really great and i liked a lot for a couple of months. we had the same interests and always had fun together. i shortly ended it with him because he was terrible at communicating and had a wandering eye (and dick). it was an amicable break-up though and because we got along so well otherwise, we stayed friends.

a few months later, i met his best friend (guy B) from his home town when he came to visit. we INSTANTLY bonded and became great friends. it started out friendly, but we ended up hooking up (fuck buddy style, not romantically) the next time he came to visit. at this point, i see and keep in touch with guy B way more than guy A. aside from the occasional text, i really only have contact with guy A when guy B comes to visit him here. guy B and i had this unspoken understanding that we’d never be a couple though because it just would not work. guy A is oblivious to all of this.

this year, i started dating my boyfriend who i’m still currently in a relationship with. i hadn’t stopped to talking to guy A or guy B at all, but it was always strictly platonic… until the last time guy B came to visit last month. during his four day visit, we spent two days together. during the one day guy B and i spend alone together, he tells me that he’s in love with me even though he knows about my boyfriend and that we probably could never make it work anyway we tried. he went back home and we’ve only spoken maybe once since he left. our friendship is clearly not the same.

after guy B left, guy A (who’s currently living with his girlfriend of over a year) started to text me on a regular basis. super platonic, we just end up talking about what we’ve been up to and we start to become good friends again. i sent him a link to my boyfriend’s music at some point which he was really impressed with and made him want to meet him. they eventually meet and get along really well, bonding over just about everything. guy A texts me after we leave and tells me how much he loves my boyfriend, which is awesome. i love hanging out with them both and am super excited about them getting along so well. however, within the last week or so, guy A has been sending me increasingly flirty texts that eventually lead up to the “i think i’m in love with you” text. WHY?!?! guy A now seems relentless in wanting to be with me despite our significant others, but i just want to be his friend. oh, i’d also like to add that neither guy A nor guy B has any idea about each other’s feelings for me. it’s just all around fucking awkward.

SO… now i have three dudes who are in love with me (geez, this makes me sound like a total cunt), but only one who i am in love with and the other two, i want to keep good friendships with.

1. what the fuck do i do? can i salvage any kind of friendship with these guys despite their feelings for me?
2. do i tell guy A and guy B that they are in love with the same girl or do i let them figure it out for themselves? is there a possibility they just won’t ever know?
3. do i tell my boyfriend that two of my favorite people, who i always speak highly of, are in love with me? or would that just fuck things up worse?

Someone’s either got a magic pussy or you live in a really small town! Either way, congrats.
let’s answer these in order:
1)No. You cannot be friends with these dudes. I know your heart is telling you you can, but you cannot. These guys have agendas and they involve breaking you up with your man. Even if it’s not meant in a malicious way, that’s where it’s headed. I’m afraid you just gotta let them go. OR, if you slightly more dubious, keep them on the back burner if you feel like your current relationship isn’t “the one”. Regardless, at the moment you gotta not play into these guys romantic advances.

2)Eh, that’s not your problem. For all you know, they’re just orchestrating a super intense threesome starring you as “The middle”. But, on the real, they’re homeeboys. That’s between them. Besides, you’re not dating either of them so who gives a shit?

3)That will 100% make things worse. I’m sure he already assumes something is up (in the general sense of “I bet she’s at least made out with these guys) cause most dudes are presumptuous of his girls male friends. It’s rare they haven’t hooked up on some level. Telling him will only stir the pot and play into his insecurities. It’s like bragging. If he asks why those guys don’t hang anymore (which he won’t) , just tell him they were acting stupid. If he really wants to know more and asks for me detials (which he won’t) then you can get into it depending on how he questions you. But i say, leave it alone.

whats with girls asking to be cum on. I have been with a few girls that have asked me to pull out and finish on them (stomach, chest, what have you) and I dont get it. I find no pleasure in pulling out and rubbing one out on a girl, I can do that at home with lotion. I dont see what, if any, pleasure the girls find in it. I like to shower after sex too but, do girls actually enjoy that?

Well, I’m no girl but I have theories. First off, not all girls like being cum on. In fact, most just settle for it. But, I know what you’re talking about so lemme think about it.
Trust this has nothing to do with how much girls “love jizz” cause that’s simply just some made up shit that guys wish for. It’s more about pleasing the man and doing something for us. Contrary to what you think about it, I think most dudes are fans of blowing loads on a girls body. We’re a visual bunch. Busting off on to a girl is a great finale to sex. It’s like saying “ta-dah!” , with your penis.
I don’t think most girls particularly love it, but it’s some hot horny shit they can get into once the ball is rolling. I’m pretty sure no girl is masturbating to the thought of some guy hunched over her , nutting in her face. If she is, she should either call her dad or go visit his tombstone and get to the bottom of that.
As for showing after sex, that’s on a person to person basis. With me, it depends on how sweaty I am. If I’m sweaty, then I want to shower…at least rinse off. Some people just lay there baking in their own filth. You never know. But don’t feel weird if you feel like you need to clean off a little after fucking. One thing I’ve found girls do actually love is showering with you after sex. It’s all the emotional coddling of cuddling but with water.

Quick question. Is there a set number of years between two peoples age before its weird for them to hook up? For instance I am 32, I work at a bar, and this 23 year old keeps coming in that wants to go out. Is that too much of an age gap? I am not trying to make her my girl or anything, just don’t want to be some dirty old man.

I think I may have covered this before so I’ll be brief. If we’re just talking sex here, once she’s 21 , all bets are off. If you’re 38 and can fuck a 21 year old, go for it. I mean, proceed with caution, but do what you gotta do. However, if you actually date her, you’re a total creep. That’s the very short version of that answer.

What kind of advice can you give a female about rebound relations? Is it better to just suffer through the annoying pain of getting dumped until you don’t feel so emotionally drained, or should a gal jump back on her horse and just ride bareback into the rebound sunset with wild abandon?

Rebounds are rebounds for a reason. I’m a supporter of them. They enable the girl to move on and also zone out for a bit from being a depressed mess after getting dissed. After getting dumped, girls tend to be pretty high strung and emotional. This can lead to all sorts of bad choices, ranging from being a pathetic mess towards the guy that dumped them, with hopes of getting him back (which never works) to fucking the worst people possible (which tends to only make things worse). A nice rebound kinda centers all that. Sure, you don’t wanna marry this rebound dude and , very likely, you’re thinking about other stuff wen you two are fucking but it’s a step in the right direction. Cause women are so often driven by emotion the rebound guy is great cause it’s a time when they can just turn all that craziness off for a second. The rebound guy is usually a decent person who , under different circumstances, might be datable to that girl. But , due to timing, he’s just there to fill that hole.

Although, I’d like to throw a warning out there that if you’re a serial dater, there is no such thing as a rebound guy. That’s just your next boyfriend. I fucking hate serial daters cause they tend to be needy and self involved…so don’t be like that. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your freedom and being alone.

On a side note, for the fellas, the only downside is if the dude who’s the rebound guy doesn’t realize that’s what he is and he’s some sucker for love type who thinks he’s met his soul mate. That dude has no chance. But, if it’s a normal guy, being a rebound guy is awesome cause you get to have sex with a girl who’s never gonna flip that emotional mess switch on you. Also, you are the recipient of having sex with someone who’s very likely been bored within their relationship for awhile and you’re “new”. So that’s always fun.

Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 8

Hello everyone. I’m back with some terrible advice. Something I’ve forgotten to do in these recent posts is stress that I’m not a licensed anything. There is no medical background to any of this advice so , if you take it and your life ends up in squalor, don’t come looking to sue my ass. You’re the moron taking advice from a hip hop producers blog. That said, i think I’m usually on point and fair so, take that for what it is as well.
Also, I’m running low on questions! Send me new ones. If you got problems of a romantic nature, need a mans perspective on some girly issue you got going on, or need me to tell you to shit or get off the pot, let’s do this…
email questions to me at
And, on with the program…

I am currently having this crazy internal struggle as to whether I should let this girl know I have feelings for her. Here are the problems I have with this;

A) She’s my best friend and I really don’t want to ruin that if theirs no chance of us being in a relationship.

B) She has made it known that she does not want to be involved in a relationship of any sort at the time. ( I have an inside source that has confirmed this )

C) She’s 19 and I’m 24, yeah I know.

The other thing is that she may very well know how I feel already ( told a friend of hers in a drunken rant ) and is just trying to ignore it so we can keep on the same page as we are right now. I may also be completely over analyzing everything.

Basically, What would you do (sans marc summers)? Logic tells me that I should wait until shes a bit older and has a more mature head on her shoulders. But I also know logic plays no roll in these things.

It’s pretty clear that all signs point to leaving it alone. From what I gather, there has been nothing she’s done that would make you think what you two have is anything more than a friendship. I think your instincts are right in thinking she’s aware of it (they usually are) and ignoring it.
It sucks but sometimes you just gotta take the loss in these kind of situations. Not every girl is gonna like every guy that likes her. In fact, they usually prefer the guy that doesn’t like them. Especially young girls.
So, feel free to give it some time. Maybe she’ll come around but , the reality is , she might not and probably won’t. Unless you get rich and famous…then you can piss in her eyes and she’ll thank you.
The more pressing question here is why is your “best friend” a 19 year old girl? That sounds fucking terrible.

there’s this girl in my class who is soooooo hot but she is 20 (i’m 25)… and yeah.. she is actually retarded. still, i just wanna fuck her but i don’t think we could even be friends… and i have to see her everyday till one of us is done with the college.

i don’t really give a fuck about it, as i know i don’t like her and she is 5 years younger than me, have nothing to share with her, etc… but i’m scared that one of these days i will be drunk and it will just happen… should i keep avoiding it or just go for it???

thx Mr Dr Love!!!

This depends on a few things.
1)Does she “like” you. meaning, if you fucked her would she want more out of it.
2)How well do you handle slightly awkward situations?

If she has a legit crush on you, you fuck her and then don’t date her, it’ll be a bad scene for a little bit. but, eventually , all parties will move on. Its not like she’s gonna sit there stewing over that drunken mistake she made in her freshman year for the entirety of college. She’ll get older, wiser, fuck tons of other dudes and forget you ever dogged her out in the first place. Sure, you won’t be friends but, like you said, that’s not really an option anyway.
My advice would be to not be afraid to do it but , once the deed is done, be respectful of her feelings, This doesn’t mean date her out of guilt but be straight up with her. For all you know, you could have just landed the worlds greatest booty call. For all you know, she thinks you’re a disgusting pig. You’ll never really know until you do it.
Basically, go for it but don’t be a dick about it afterwards. Honesty in these kind of situations in the great equalizer cause , if you’ve never lied to them, everything is out in the open and harder to misunderstand.

At the moment I’m single and having a tough time meeting girls. It’s kind of hard to admit this, but I met my ex-girlfriend on a dating website. So I was wondering if should take the same route and join one of those stupid sites again to try to find girls. I have the hardest time just meeting girls when I go out and I only have guy friends so the chance of meeting a girl thru my friends or going out is close to non-existant. So my question is what do you recommend I should do to meet girls? I don’t want to meet a girl at a club or a bar because that only means that that girl wants to be out and about and clubbing all the time and that’s not my type of girl. Or should I just stick to randomly trying to meet somebody online? Sorry that this question/commentary makes close to no sense but I just want to know what you would do to try to meet new girls.

There was a time when meeting people on the internet was considered the “dungeons and dragons” of pussy getting. However, I’d say that stigma is long gone at this point. Everyone meets people online nowadays. Whether it be chatting up some girl you met once on facebook , hooking up with strangers from craig’s list or dating people off of So, I’d say have no shame in jumping right back into that. You sound like someone who has very particular interests (IE: you’re not a party guy/very social) so a dating website seems perfect for you. Don’t have any shame in that.
I’m probably older than you but I have a bunch of friends who are on those things and they do well for themselves…and I know a few girls on them as well who are legitimately attractive/cool so it’s not like you’re sifting through pages of psychotic narwhal’s.

I could make this story long as hell but ill keep to to a paragraph. So I met this girl about 4 years ago through one of my guy friends. We hung out a time or two and got drunk one night and hooked up in her dorm room. It was an awkward morning because I honestly had no interest in this girl other than being a friend and was well wayyy to drunk and was thinking with my dick. So she called me the next day and asked if I could come over and talk. When I got there she ranted for like 20 min about how much she liked me and wanted to know how I felt. I felt teriible telling her that I saw her as nothing more than a friend but I didnt want to lead her on anymore than I already had. Well she got pissed and started crying and got way depressed and quit talking to me for a while. Then she text me one day a few months and we started hanging out again as friends and then all the sudden she tells me she still really likes me and asks if I like her. I said I saw her only as a friend still, she responded with, I dont think I can be your friend anymore cause I like you to much and you dont like me back. So i was like ahh ok. I ended up quitting my job a little bit later and bought a VW bus and drove it around the country for a few months and then moved to south dakota and chicago and then phoenix. While i was doing all this moving we kept in touch and she actually came out to see me in south dakota. And pretty much told me the same thing she always has when she was heading back home.. I cant do this anymore i like you to much and its killing me that you dont feel the same. Blah blah blah..So we had been talking for quite a few months recently and bout a month ago she text me and gave this shpeeel about a bunch of girl shit and said she couldnt talk to me anymore…the usual..Well i moved to Portland since that last text convo and just yesterday she text me again asking if we could catch up and what not and then called me. I ignored everything.. She is a cool girl to hang out with and is a good friend and we have quite a few mutual friends and she actually talks to my mom too. Now my question is..should I just not respond to anything and hope she gets over me. Or respond and see what happends?

Damn bro. She’s obsessed. I mean, is there any chance she’s gonna see you and not start telling you she loves you? Probably not. I’ve never been a big proponent of straight up ignoring people you’re friends with but you do have to set the record straight with her once and for all. Because she obviously can’t handle being in the same room with you without becoming a mess, I’d suggest an email. Instead of her constantly giving you the emotional ultimatum , you give her one. Be like “listen, we’re good friends but i feel like as long as you have feelings for me, this cannot work a a friendship”. Obviously, flower that sentence up a little and make it nicer but that’s the gist.After all, what do you really have to lose? If she were to never contact you again, I’m pretty sure life would go on just fine.
To be honest, you guys met through a one night stand and your whole relationship has apparently been based on her chasing you. That doesn’t sound like much of a friendship. It sounds like a a pathetic girl and a dude who’s trying to do the right thing but also doesn’t mind having his ego stroked. Be honest. She’s not a “good friend”. She’s a girl you fucked who like you way more that you like her. Cutting her off will be in both of your best interests. Just try and do it with some sympathy.

Ask Dr. Tony Vol 6

Hello everyone. I was just shining my nobel peace prize for “Best pussy advice”. I’m pretty proud. As always, I must tell you that I’m not a certified anything and this advice is completely just a dude talking. But, i think I’m usually not far off so, take it as you will.
If you have more questions of these nature, email me them at My door is always open.

This hasn’t happened recently, but I kinda thought it was gonna go down. Sometimes you’ll meet a bitch and shit will get wack kind of quick, and when you introduce her to your friends she acts all over it and above it or whatever…then when the situation between you is deaded between the two of you, she starts trying to kick it with your social group. What do you do? Ignore her and let it ride? Hate? Find new friends? Cry?

This can be tricky. Cause she could be coming at you from a few different angles.
1)She wants to fuck your friends more than you.
Straight up, you may have been the guy that got her in but you were nothing more than the key to the door of the party. When it’s all said and done, she might fuck like three of your boys and end up dating one of them seriously. So, depending on if you like her or not, you might just have to keep it moving. Treat her like a non-entity. In other words, deal with it.
2)She genuinely wants to be friends with your friends
Girls do this weird thing where they actually want to be buddies with guys they just meet. This is fine but they ignore the fact that, if they are even remotely attractive, the guys are just trying to fuck them. Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that your group of friends are all really cool guys. This girl may be used to a lower caliber of dude. Like all the guys she hung out with before your crew were corn balls who listened to Dave Matthews and did Borat impressions still. Then she meets a group of funny, fun guys and all of a sudden, she’s enamored. Either way, she’ll probably end up fucking three of your boys and dating one so, again,

i’ve been on 3 dates with this girl and things are progressing towards me getting my penis wet. but last time, she told me that she used to be really depressed and cut herself. now, i’m caught between my upper instinct to bolt and my lower instinct to stick it out (she is pretty dope). i have no previous experience in this area and could use your expert advice in the matter. she apparently doesn’t do it any longer, but is this kind of baggage ever not a huge deal? peace.

Girls with emotional problems are something I , personally, have always avoided. THe second I see that sign of “oh, this bitch is kinda crazy” , it would be a wrap. But that’s me. Some dudes love that crazy shit. I’m sure the sex is great.
The thing is, there is a chance that all of that is in the past. If she was a cutter like 10 years ago but stopped, maybe she’s past it. Or maybe she still does it and just isn’t telling you cause, you know, that shit is the mark of being a pretty unstable mess. Once a mess, always a mess. I’d venture to guess some shit happened to her earlier in life that led to her being a cutter. If that’s the case (which I’d imagine you won’t find out any time soon), then her depression will likely come back and she will definitely be a handful to deal with. If you’re just in this to fuck, be a better man and bow out. If you actually like her, prepare yourself for what may be a highly involved, emotional relationship.
Whatever you do, don’t fuck her just to fuck her and then diss her cold. I’m guessing she’s a touch fragile and that kinda shit can really fuck up a girl’s head. But who knows, maybe she’s one of those slutty goth types who wants to drink blood while you bang her with a blindfold on.

Hello there. Block, here’s my problem: i cant cum during intercourse. Backstory: i was a virgin until the age of 25. Naturally, i jerked it A LOT and i never had a problem reaching climax (in fact, i was nervous that I’d only last 30 seconds when i had my first time). Sometime last summer i finally got it goin with an amazing girl. The first time we had sex, we were really drunk and i didnt cum, thinking if had to be the alcohol. But over the course of 7 months (the entirety of our relationship) i kept having the same problem. This wasnt the cause of the end of the relationship, but i know it didnt help. Fast forward to now, ive been with 5 other girls since our break-up and i STILL have the same problem. What do i do?

I gotta think this is all in your head. I only say that cause you are able to jerk off and bust. Honestly, what you’re going through sounds a lot like what tons of girls go through who can achieve orgasm during sex. While some girls get in their own heads too much some just aren’t capable. Well, you are a man so it’s certainly not that you’re incapable.
Some dudes take a looooong time to bust. It’s just how they’re wired. I feel like maybe your issue is that you’re only comfortable in your own hand. After all, it’s all you knew for the first 25 years of your life. Have you tried pulling out and finishing off with your hand? That can be lots of fun. Especially if you’re fucking one of those girls who likes getting jizzed on.
I feel like this problem will fix itself once you start fucking another girl on the regular who you like and trust. That way you can vocalize your worries about this problem and not feel vulnerable and self conscious about it.
On the bright side of things, if you think about it, this problem also makes you an unstoppable sex machine. While most dudes are starting and stopping to keep from busting, you can just go on and on. That might get tiring for a girl after a while but, all things considered, you can basically be a living and breathing fucking machine that never breaks. So you have that. Remember, if you’re wearing a condom, you can always fake the orgasm. I think it’s lame to do but that’s always an option.

Alright, Love Doctor, lets test your abilities to hand out good advice.
So I am in college, but I am a little older than most still in college
(26). I went to a school out west for a year, and had absolutely NO
trouble pulling girls. However, now I am back on the East Coast in
school, and it is the complete opposite. When I was in the West, it was
easy, because there were so many more girls than guys, and basically if
you were just a decent guy then girls would realize you weren’t ONLY
trying to get in their pants and boom you could get in their pants (or
date them, whatever). Not sure if it is because I am in the Bible Belt
which somehow makes girls who aren’t even very religious harder to get
with, or if it is just girls were easier out west but regardless the
issue is getting old. To tell you a little bit about myself, I can be
pretty socially abnormal. It takes me longer than your average person
to feel close to/trust anyone whether it be a friend or a girl I am
interested in, but when I get comfortable with a person I can be as
open, loving, friendly blah blah blah, as anyone else but it takes me a
little longer to get there; which can pose some issues when trying to be
smooth and what not. Also, I am not one to lie/mislead/misrepresent
myself to ladies about my feelings or myself in order to get with them
in any capacity; sometimes I wonder if it may be easier that way.

So I recently started the Fall semester and this girl who I had never
seen before was in two of my classes. She has been going to this
school, but just got into the same major as me. I am not sure what it
is about her, but I was instantly drawn to this girl. The best way I
can describe it is we seem to have a similar style, appreciation in
music, and there is just something I can’t put my finger on, and it
isn’t just that she is sexy as hell. Without sounding too kraft, its
like I know who she is, more so than you would your average person you
just laid eyes on. We have spoken a few times, and there was no problem
there. Some people I know are friends with her, and one of them told me
she wasn’t worth the effort, based on what one of his friends said to
him. I don’t care about that though, I want to make this girl, my
girl, straight up. Not like I know a ton about her, but I can’t shake
this feeling like me and her would mesh really well. Recently like
within the passed few days, she added me on Facebook; I wasn’t going to
add her because I wanted to try and get to know her away from Facebook
first. She seems like she might be somewhat interested in me, based on
some body language stuff I have picked up on and the fact that I wasn’t
expecting her to add me on Facebook, but then again she could have just
added me to be a friend or something; I don’t know. I am awful at
reading girls, and honestly have the social skills of a vampire, and not
the True Blood kind. With this in mind, can you somehow give me an
idiots guide to the best way to get her. Like I need an extensive
answer, because the girl getting social skills that most guys take for
granted, I don’t have. Last year I thought this other girl was
interested in me, and for good reason, she kept texting me and asking me
questions that seemed like questions a girl would ask if she was
interested and trying to get to know you. But nope apparently it was
just her trying to be friends. Not that I care about that happening, it
turned out she was one of those girls who plays grown up, but carries on
with her friends like they are on the “Real World” or some other reality
TV show. I bring that up, because it was awkward, and I don’t want to
come off like that to this girl. I need help love doctor, help me get
this girl. Remember, answer the question like you are telling an alien
who doesn’t understand how to make these things happen. Don’t get me
wrong, I’ve been with a decent amount of ladies, but have no clue what
it is I did or didn’t do that got their attention in a good way. If
you need more info to help me, I’ll be glad to give it. Thanks.

Nice novel, bro.
Okay, so this girl you like is now your facebook friend. You talk to her in class sometimes and she’s flirty. Because you’re a bit of a social retard, I would use the opportunity of being facebook friends with her and try and get the initial flirtation stuff out of the way via the written word. Everyone is more charming when they write stuff down cause they can edit themselves. Now, don’t write some weird long winded “I like you!” message. Just be funny and mildly flirtatious. DO NOT be that creep that “Likes” all her pics and don’t leave “You look so beautiful”comments under her beach pictures. Just leave witty comments here and there. Be playful. If nothing else, it’ll make you seem like you’re not a creep , that you’re kinda funny and that you’re noticing her. This kind of interaction can snowball in a way. Not meaning , you comment on everything she does , but she will gain more familiarity with you as a person just through these stupid little comments you are leaving. Maybe you’ll leave a video on her page that you think she’ll like. All the while, maintaining you’re actual real life relationship with nice conversation and slight flirting. I can’t stress the slight flirting enough cause things like this can easily devolve into the friendship zone. You must keep an air about yourself that you’re a slightly sexual being. Being that sucker for love “aw shucks” type of nice guy is fine but it won’t get you laid with girls in their early 20’s.
Eventually, you can get to a point where you invite her to a thing your going to. Very casually. It’s a group setting. It’s not a date. But you’ll both be there. Hopefully, you’ll both be drunk and you can make out with her. That’s how these thing work when you’re not a forward kinda guy.
Oh , you could also use her facebook on some stalker shit and track where she goes to party and just show up there (with friends, don’t be that lone wolf creep). Basically, the quicker you put yourself in a social situation with her, the better chance you have. Booze doesn’t hurt either. For all you know she’s got a crush on you too and is just waiting for a chance to make it happen.

Ask Dr. Tony Volume 5

Good day to all of you. The Doctor is in. Still here, giving unwarranted advice about situations I know next to nothing about. This week includes a question so fucking long , I was almost not gonna use it. However, it covers territory that I feel is quite relatable to pretty much every girl ever who’s dated a lazy guy who doesn’t give a shit.
Please send my more personal problems/questions at
It’s always anonymous and my advice is usually as spot on as it can be , considering I don’t know you or the people you’re talking about.
anyway, on with the session…

What’s your stance on workplace dating? i’m digging this girl I work
with – BUT she’s just freelancing – so the plan is to wait it out
until her (indefinite) freelance is up, so i get the date minus the
workplace dramas. I’m getting increasingly impatient though. Should i
just go for it or wait it out?

I think Workplace dating depends. Some people can handle it. Some can’t. It also depends on the intentions of both the people. In order for it to work, you must both be on the same page. If she just wants to fuck once in a while and you’re in love, it’s not gonna work. Not only just that , it’s gonna be a mess.
I was talking to a friend about this the other day. Jobs are one place where it seems like the playing fields even. Whenever I see a terrible looking dude with an attractive girl, I assume he’s either rich or worked at a job with her for years. It’s that thing where, when you see people every day, you lose perspective on how they actually look and begin to base your view of them on their actual personality. This leads to people hooking up who would probably not even look at each other in an actual casual social setting. I’ve certainly pined for 5’s that I’ve worked with , only to realize years later that the girl was in fact, mediocre in every way. It’s just how working closely with people works. You find ways to be attracted to what’s in your close proximity.

But i digress, your situation is slightly different cause the girl is a temp. I’d say by all means , go for it. Worst case, she rejects you, things are awkward for a few weeks and she vanishes. However, I only give this advice assuming you’re not a vindictive asshole. If she does reject you or you guy hang out and it doesn’t work, you gotta back the fuck off and not be a creep about it. OR, if you do get with her, fuck her and decide you’re not into it, you gotta handle that delicately. Basically, it’s all on you and how you act to make this thing work on any level. So, yeah, don’t be a dipshit.

Dear Blockhead,

I was in a relationship with my boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) for almost three years. I tried to be happy with him but I always felt like something was missing. But being a typical girl, I convinced myself that I was content and ran the thought out of my mind. Obviously I was never able to escape it. Don’t get me wrong, he is a wonderful and kind person, we share many of the same interests, humor, and are content doing nothing together. But it seemed like that was the extent of our relationship. I have always been an ambitious person. I love to travel, go on adventures, try new things, and I am constantly going back to school. That is where we differ the most. He smokes a lot of weed, doesn’t have a driver’s license, no passport, an unsteady job and plays a lot of videogames. I would say he is a meat and potatoes type of guy, not easily open to trying new things at all. Communication is another aspect that we were never able to agree upon. I am a very open, emotionally driven individual and I can’t just bottle of my feelings. If there is something I am concerned about, I put it on the table so we can talk about it and hopefully work it out. He is the total opposite. He gets frustrated easily, brushes important problems under the carpet, and accuses me of ‘being negative’, ‘bitching’, or ‘nagging’ when there is something I feel the need to discuss. Is that not what a relationship is all about? Two people in a partnership who are able to communicate with just a glance? If only. Anyhow, talking to him was like pulling teeth or talking to a wall so after awhile I began to bottle up my feelings as well. Prior to that I tried sitting him down, writing it to him, being blunt, any possible way I could think of so he could just hear me. It seemed like it was no use.

Because of his lack of driver’s license, I had to drive us around constantly. I was always the designated driver, of course. Because of his unsteady work, I started having to pay more and more. I am usually a generous person and wouldn’t bat an eye at paying for things, but he rarely said thank you and I began to feel like I was being taken for granted. I was a mother, a taxi and then a bank machine on top of that. There came a point in time where he had to move out of his place, and into his Mother’s little one bedroom apartment in order to save some money for a damage deposit and whatnot. This was supposed to be a temporary living situation, two weeks to a month tops. He has been there for five months now. Living on her couch, because the company he works for (his Father’s company) was in the shits. Not once in this time span has he tried to look for a place, a new job, to better his life. He has expressed his discontentment with his life on several occasions, yet never did a thing to change it. Why didn’t he move in with me, you ask? For one thing, he is messy as messy can be. So! As soon as he moved into his Mom’s place, we started seeing each other less and less. I started working night shifts a few days a week, he didn’t feel like taking public transit out to see me, and I didn’t feel like hanging out in his Mom’s space all the time. This is when deeper problems arose. We fought constantly because I felt like we weren’t seen each other enough. I would send him a message or call him and he wouldn’t get back to me until the next day or a day and a half later. I felt chastised because I spoke up, and knew this was not normal. I found out he had been going to a pub regularly, made some new friends there. I found out because he pocket dialed me a couple times and heard him talking to some people in the background. I felt like something just wasn’t right, and one day while he was sleeping on the couch his phone went off and I picked it up and saw he had a message from a girl I never heard of. So…. I checked it. And she had invited him out to the pub to watch a playoff hockey game with her. When he woke up I confronted him about it and told him it was inappropriate that he was exchanging numbers with girls in bars. Of course he turned it around on me and just got angry because I looked at his message. The next weekend we were supposed to hang out but he said he was tired and was just going to have dinner and play some videogames. The day after, he ended up coming over and left his phone out again. So I checked it… again. Something in my gut was telling me something was wrong. He was acting strange (and I had an ex who cheated on me badly before). Sure enough, another girl had messaged him “Are you as hung over as I am today babe?”. Obviously I was enraged. Not only had I expressed how I felt about getting girl’s numbers, but he told me he was staying in the night before. So i gave him a chance to admit it. I asked what he ended up doing the night before. He stuck to his original story and said “not a whole lot, just had dinner and chilled.” Bullshit. I blew up and of course he had some bullshit story for me that was a complete fabrication. “Oh well, I was getting weed from my hookup and he doesn’t have a phone so I had to message this girl. And I had dinner at the pub, and she’s a regular there, so we had a pitcher and some shots.” RIGHT. So I broke up with him on the spot. But then panicked later on and we ended up getting back together.

From then on, we began to have trust issues. I gave him the benefit of the doubt until that point but that was it for me. Our relationship went consistently downhill after that and I became terribly unhappy. Our sex life dwindled down to nothing, as well. I expressed my unhappiness on several occasions, I tried to work on things but I started to realize it was a one sided effort. We drifted apart, seeing each other less. It was a battle to get him to even call or text back in the same day. So a few weeks prior to our break up, I am sorry to say that I gave up. I stopped trying. And it was only then that I noticed him perk up and start to call more often. But it was too late. I tried to accept him for who he is. I couldn’t so I tried to give him the loving push I thought he needed but I learned that you cannot change a person. And as much as I still loved and cared for him, I let him go. Apparently it was a major shock to him, in fact the term he used was ‘blindsided’. I don’t see how could not have seen it coming. So two weeks elapsed and at first he kept his distance. But I think it began to settle in that we were actually broken up about a week in. This is when he began to text and call. He begged for me back, professed his love for me along with many different apologies, finally acknowledged his wrongdoings and vowed to change. Now the question is, is that even possible? If he does change, would it make a difference for me? Could I be with him after everything we have been through? Or are we just far too different to be in a working relationship? The thought of it is so depressing. This is a person who I am still so fond of. I miss his companionship and reflect on the good times we had together and it makes me upset. He thinks I am throwing something good away, and that we can be happy. I just don’t have the heart to cut off contact completely, so I don’t know what to do. I love him to pieces but I think.. I hope there might be someone more compatible for me out there. And I worry if I would be settling if I took him back. I know people don’t change overnight. So am I actually willing to wait for him to deal with his self-proclaimed internal issues? So, Blockhead.. I apologize for this monster of a letter. I think once I started going my mind just started spitting out all these pent up thoughts. I am sure there is much more I could have included, and perhaps some of his is irrelevant. I just want to be happy. I want him to find happiness. And I don’t want this painful breakup to drag out any more. Although I have a feeling, it will..

Thank you for your time, I hope you will actually read this.

Wow that was obscenely long. I appreciate the question, but let’s keep these to under 10,000 words.
So much to cover here, lemme break it down into bullet points
1)He’s a piece of shit.
First things first. This is a fact. He’s not a bad person, but he’s extremely typical of how dudes get. I think that the way he was in the beginning of the relationship (mr. awesome) blindsided you into thinking the way he was acting later was a phase. but, sadly, this is how he actually is. At least as a boyfriend. I’m sure he’s a good guy or whatever but once a boyfriend stops giving a shit about being a boyfriend, it’s never good for the girl.

2)He’s probably depressed
I’m not shrink but all things point to him being pretty fucking depressed. I don’t blame him. He lives on his moms couch, smokes weed all day, barely works and has (had) a girlfriend he obviously is in no condition to maintain, try to talk to him about shit he doesn’t even wanna think about.
I’d say his trips to the bar are the only thing keeping him sane. It’s probably the only place he goes where he feels like he has any worth at all.

3)You are a doormat
It’s not your fault. You’ve be betrayed before. It’s par for the course. You’re a caring person who’s giving this dude enough chances. you’re holding on to a memory of a person you once knew every time you envision him in your life. But , if he gets back in, he will restart the cycle and walk all over you. Like I mentioned before, he’s in no position to have a girl friend right now. His life is way too fucked up. It’s sounds like he’s a cast member of “Winter’s bone”. AT BEST, he should be fucking bummy skanks at the local watering hole. That’s the pinnacle for this guy, until he gets back on his feet (if he ever does). Basically, his downward spiral is not you problem.

4)Phone checking never ends well
Phone checking is ill cause , if you’re checking it , you straight up don’t trust the dude. And chances are, if you don’t trust him, there’s a reason for that. Sure, you got cheated on before so you’re sensors are sensitive but the real reason you checked is cause you were suspicious of this guy.
On the other hand, you’re invading his private territory. As guilty as he is, you’re out of line as well. THis may be drastic but if you’re in a relationship when hacking into facebooks/emails or reading old texts is a thing, then you should just break up. Already, the trust is fucked up. Sure, there are some people who do that shit right away (and those people deserve to die alone with 9 cats in a one bedroom apartment) but for normal people in healthy relationships, you just don’t do that. i understand how trust issues and overall insecurity play into this but recognize, if he was the right guy, you’d be past all that by now.

5)DO NOT get back with him
You know this. Even after the book you wrote me I can tell it was just you wanting someone else to tell you what you already know. Not only is he not changing, he’s probably gonna get worse. It’s not like he’s gonna wake up one day and just decide to be this awesome boyfriend, get an apartment ,a new job and life will be perfect. That takes time and most likely won’t really ever happen anyway.
So, cut it off. He’s only coming back to you cause he’s a fucking loser with nothing else going on in his life. You’re literally just there to be a sponge for his sorrows, neediness and sperm. Don’t be that sponge.

hey, i’d love your advice/opinion about a situation i’m going through right now.
i dated this guy for a whole year (09 -10) and we did a distance thing the whole time between two different cities, but he ended up moving to go to Uni a couple of states away in Fall ’10 (after giving me a nice ol’ diamond) and he had a meltdown and said he couldn’t do distance at the moment. i give the guy space and we this summer rolls around and we were inseparable, but we established that we were just going to enjoy the summer w/o worrying about anything.
the bro talks about a future with me all the time: wedding shit, living together shit, having kids and pets shit; but the problem is, he won’t ask me out again/won’t commit because he says he wants to focus on his studies and doesn’t want to get involved with anyone. he says the time isn’t right right now.

i know that you’re usually supposed to take bro talk at face value, but what the fuck do you think is going on, Uncle Tony? 😦

Hmm…either he’s an evil dude or he actually means what he says.
Let’s look at the two sides,
He’s Evil:
If he’s evil then he’s just doing this to keep you around for his own amusement. He fills your head with talks of weddings and and babies as a mean to keep you locked in. But , when he goes back to school, he’s fucking everything that moves and not even thinking about you. he’s a sociopath with no remorse who may very likely one day try to talk you into a threesome.


He’s just being realistic

Long distance relationship are a mess. He might have every intention of being with you down the line (a few years) but trying to maintain a relationship that way is not only annoying, but tiresome. It’s wears thin on what might have otherwise been a perfect match. So, perhaps, he’s thinking that it’s better to just see what happens. He could have every intention of being with you eventually.
The real question is, are you willing to wait? This will mean you will be holding him in your back pocket for the time being. Every dude you meet, he will be looming over you , stopping you from moving forward like you might if you were totally free of him. It’s basically vaginal handcuffs. So, if you feel that deeply about him, believe he’s earnest and are willing to wait, then do it. If you have doubts , then don’t waste your time.
I’m a middle of the road kinda guy so I’d say just see what happens. It could work out great. You never know. But if the weight of the situation is too much, you can always hit the eject button. Even then, it could still happen down the line.

Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 2

As you may know, I love getting my Dr. Phil on. Not actually watching that crap but the “giving unwarranted advice to strangers” part. This past week I got a bunch of relationship questions for my “Answers for questions” section of this blog. I got so many, I figured it might be wise to separate them (if only for this week) into a section of their own. Yes, an advice column. Dear Abby, motherfuckers. SO, let’s see what help I can be. I should warn you all that I have no background in anything and this is all opinion based on nothing. I will say, I’ve been told I give good honest advice by many different people but I feel like thats about at reliable a referral as asking a homeless guy where the best sushi is.
Whatever, take the advice for what it is…FACTS!

(oh and if you got more of these or basic questions send them to my email or leave them in the comments below)

Scenario, I’ve chopped it up to a couple of my friends (male/female) but I’d like to have an unbiased opinion…

You have a friend, female friend, very close on a non sexual way.. You know she likes you and would like to date the fuck out of you, but you rather keep the friendship because youre just not that attracted to her, she lives with it. She has a younger sister that you do like, your friend knows you like her and shes not that cool with it, so you dont wanna fuck around that area because you know your friend will tear to smithereens. BUT one day you go out with the sister, you get drunk, you make out with her, you’re great with that happening but for some reason or another, it doesnt work out.. You keep it moving, you’re still cool with both of them.
Months later, you go out with your friend, you get drunk, you make out with her. You knew it was the worst of decitions because she is still kind of emmotionally interested and you´re not up for it. So after the making out day, you talk it out, notice the girl is totally attached but you still aren’t.. So you explain that and its kinda cool but she still has hopes.
Out of the blue, the sister starts getting in touch again, you chill with her often but as friends, and you start gettin attracted again…… What the fuck do you do?

Well, In a perfect world , you’d just fuck the sister with no cares in for your friends feelings. I mean you wouldn’t be the first guy to pull that shit. But, alas, we do not live in a perfect world. If you really do have strong “friendship feelings” (A claim i’m a tiny bit suspect of) for this girl than it’s best to ignore the advances of her little sister. Not only will it create rifts between you and your friend, but also the two sisters. For all we know, this could be some competitive power trip going on between the two of them. Avoid that shit. The last thing you wanna get involved with is some crazy inter-sister beef that’s probably been brewing since they were in diapers.
The real question here is Why did you ever make out with your friend? I get that you were drunk but I’m not buying that as an excuse for this. If you really had NO interest in her like that, you wouldn’t do it. Regardless of how drunk you are. Was it a pity make out? That part just seems strange to me. I’ve got plenty of homegirls who I would never make out with on my drunkest night simply cause my brain has been wired to not ever want to make out with them. I’m just saying. What’s that all about? And if you truly were that drunk and lost hold of what you were doing, a brief warning: Avoid gay bars. Some of those dudes are crafty and they will seduce a dude that has no control over himself. I look forward to that follow up letter.

i’m finding myself in a usuall dilemma i guess and i want to hear an advice from an obviosly proficient person. i am a german so excuse me for my lack of english.

Since a couple of weeks i’m dating a pretty and quite intelligent girl. We are not really on the same “thinking basis”, yet there is no problem to communicate. we don’t find ourselves in unpleasent situations and i really like to make out with her. yet i always got a feeling that she is not really a girl i want to be in a relationship with, i’m not really in love i guess. we live in the same town.

on the other side i met a girl in amsterdam a while ago. we just met one night at a birthday party, talked and had fun, nothing really special. Since then we chat a lot and i really much like her, in a way you can like a girl through chatting. i hope i’m not a nerd so, but it really makes fun. I think that we kinda connect pretty well (she is from greece and pretty attractive by the way). In two weeks she wants to visit me in germany for two days.

If i would be that cool guy i always pretend i am i probably wouldn’t mind the situation. I really like the girl from greece (just because of chatting with her !!) and i really really want to make out with her, but i don’t really see a chance that we could somehow be together since she’s living in amsterdam.

dou you got an adive for me?

BORK! Love this broken english ass letter. Seriously.
Okay, on to the question.
I don’t see the big problem here. It seems like you’re in a “hook up” relationship with the first girl and the other might have some substance. The “Hook up” relationship can be whatever you want it to be. You could end it tomorrow or drag it out for a few months for fun. If you two are really not on the same page, she’ll eventually figure it out.Just don’t make any broad voal commitments and you’re good. Never lose an opportunity over something that’s not that solid to begin with.

This reminds me of when I was in college. I was a sucker. Straight up. I was 18 and if I hooked up with a girl I liked, it got pitiful real quick. So, on the last day of school, I hooked up with this girl I had been feeling all year. In my moronic head, this meant we were together on some level even though I was dropping out of school and she lived in a different state over 7 hours away. She came to visit me once in the city that summer and that was enough to hold me over (in terms of thinking I was in some sort of relationship). That summer, I was working in a record store and one of my co-workers was this beautiful , awesome girl who was feeling me. Pretty much my ideal girl. We’d flirt but I always held back cause of this out of town girl.She threw me all sorts of hints and signs and I just ignored them. To this day I kick myself over that idiotic decision. Don’t be like me. Get’em all while you can. If you like that girl from out of town, go for it. The casual hook up girls will come and go. And if both these things fall through, who gives a shit? I’m assuming you’re pretty young . Trust me, there’s plenty more out there for you. And you can do much more than just “Make out”.

i have this friend angie. i’ve known her for about 2 years now. she has been with her boyfriend for 4 of those years.
in the last few months we’ve started to hang out more and more. she is extremely flirty. she has said everything from
“why aren’t you more aggressive with me? you know like whip out your cock and slap me in the face with it.” to
“i bet you’re the type of guy who asks if the girl is ok while you’re fucking” (she thinks about me having sex! come on!)

anyways, when i’ve tried to call her out on being really hands on and flirty she always says she is loyal to her boyfriend
and would never cheat on him. this last saturday, we shared a crepe with whipped cream. we were eating off the same plate.
i know this must sound extremely faggy and lame coming from a guy but am i tripping or do i need to just tell her to break up with
her boyfriend? my only concern is if i ask her to do it, she might stop hanging out with me.

on top of all of this shit, i often find her complaining about her boyfriend. like he didn’t do anything for her for valentine’s day and she
was pretty bummed on that, etc…

anyways, let me know what you think. maybe i should stop torturing myself is what i’m always thinking but she is fucking hot
and really fun to hang out with.

Sounds to me like
a)She’s a flirty piece of shit.
b)She’s setting the table to break up with her man and needs a new guy on stand by until she does.

My advice to you is: Wait it out. But also, don’t expect a relationship out of this. The best thing that can happen is that she’ll break up with her man and you’ll fuck her a bunch. IF that sounds like a good deal, then hold tight until the inevitable break up happens. Just don’t focus all your attention on her. Keep her around the same way she’s keeping you around. A back pocket option int he future.
Certain girls are crazy flirts but do so cause they know it’s a sure fire way of keeping a guy around. She knows you wanna hit it and she’s banking on all this teasing as a way to keep you in the fold. What it really comes down to is how patient you are. If this is getting overwhelming and you can’t handle being around her, then speak up. Put it out there. If she rejects you, stop hanging with her. It’s better for both of you and, down the line, when they do inevitably break up, I wouldn’t be surprised if she reached out to you on some level.

One thing I will say is that there are few things hotter that sex after years of sexual tension and muted desire. If you do finally get it, be careful cause you might accidentally fuck her to death with all that pent up aggression. Wear a condom, bro.

Know this guy since I was 15 (we’re 28 now) and always had a thing for each other. It never worked out back then, we were too young, shy then kind of drifted apart. Thanks to the miracle of social networking we reconnected a year and a half ago.

We fell for it hard and I moved into his house right away. Things were pretty ok, I loved him like mad, but he had some issues. He is really insecure and he’s pretty much a hoarder. Things I had no idea about when we were kids. When I moved in I cleaned his house top to bottom, made four trips to the dump for him (because he doesn’t drive). But he never participated in keeping the house up and I eventually just started to give up.

Around the same time he lost his job and I ended up losing my license. I had to take a bus to work which took up 6 hours of my day because his house was way out in the boonies. I fell into a depression and told him I needed to move to be closer to work. He owned his home so moving with me was not an option. I thought if we took a step back he could work on his shit and I could mine. Being so insecure he got really mad and we just ended up breaking up.

I’ve been out of his house for two months but we’ve still kept in contact. He’s brought me flowers, cupcakes and books and shit to my work to declare his love for me and wants me back. I’ve been in a good place as of late and was starting to really want to be with him again. So just the other day I asked if he wanted to come over and bone (more romantically of course). He said he wasn’t able to do that because it would fuck him up and blah, blah. I told him that it wasn’t just the sex and that I wanted to start working on the relationship.

Then said he doesn’t want that anymore, when literally three days before he said that I was the one he wanted and and he would be here for me. Confused, I asked what changed so suddenly. And asked if he met someone else. He said he had been on a date but it didn’t go anywhere. So I accepted what he had to say and decided to put him behind me.

That same night he came over unannounced and declared his love for me once again and convinced me that this was what I really wanted and we decided to work it out. We stayed up all night and talked and had great sex. He woke up and left work, then an hour later he text me saying that he couldn’t do it. No real explanation, just couldn’t do it.

Did he feel too rejected by me? Do you think there is someone else? I don’t get it and he’s not giving me answers. Why would a man act like this?

Hmm…First off, I feel like you’ve hit the Jackpot as far as deadbeat boyfriends. I dunno if it’s your thing to want to “fix” and “take care” of people but that shit is never a healthy reason to be with someone. Even if you do love the dude, recognize that getting back into this may be a life long project that will never be finished.
I obviously don’t know this dude but judging from what you said, he’s got some mental health issues. He’s a hoarder and he’s severely depressed. I feel like his constant back and forth between wanting you and being done with you is probably just manic swings bought on by his condition. I understand that you guys have a history together and your feelings are real but I also feel like it’s best you just move on. You’re too young to become a nurse for a mental patient. He needs help that you can’t provide. Perhaps you could try and push him in that direction. His non-commitment to how he feels is unsettling and I doubt it’ll change anytime soon.
If not mental disorder, this may be the case:
Judging from his whole “I’m not ready” stance when you invited him over for sex, that just may be the truth. He knows he can’t handle seeing you without everything being back to how it was. But , he eventually broke down and saw you and did what he knew he’d do (which was make a connection and have sex). The next day, he reminded himself that it’s not in his best interests to hang with you at this point in his life, thus the second blow off.

I dunno. Shitty situation but I can’t stress enough how little fun dealing with a depressed person is in the context of a relationship. If I were you, I’m get to stepping and focus in on some new dude with problems that you can try and fix.

Ask me about old rap

Phat Friend reader Rough Cut recently bought up how I’m kind of an asshole when it comes to fondly remembering older hip hop ( Examples: CL smooth was not a good rapper, Digable planets debut album is boring and I don’t really like The Roots even though, for all intents and purposes, they’re very good at what they do). He is not wrong. He also had an idea where I write a post about old albums and artists and rating them accordingly. This seems like a far too overwhelming task as I wouldn’t even know where to begin. Instead, this post can work as a forum for you to ask me my opinion on any older rappers and albums. Let’s keep it between 1988-2000. That’s really where i feel I have concrete opinions. I promise to be completely honest.
So, using the comments section below, ask away…I’m an open book.

Also, If this goes well, I may extend the idea to other “question” type blogs. This could range anywhere from advice to personal info. Who knows…it could be fun.