Upcoming shows! US and Europe!

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Hey everyone,
I’m about to hit the road and do some shows in select places over the next few months. You should come to my shows if you happen to live in the area cause…why the fuck not?
Here are my US dates this month with Lusine
blockhead_tour
And in November, I head out to Europe. I’ll have more info on these soon, but for now, this is your warning!

November 10th: Ghent, Belgium @Lux ballroom
November 11th London, UK @Red Gallery
November 12th Poznan, Poland @Project Lab
2 Days offfffff
November 16th Bratislava, Slovakia @Nu Spirit
November 17th Budapest,Hungary, @Ötkert,
November 18th Berlin, Germany @Yaam
November 19th Athens,Greece, @Six Dogs,

Notes from the Road- The European edition.

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It’ s been a minute since I left the US of A and did some dates overseas with DJ Cam. In the past, I’ve done little rundowns of my trips and pointed out the “quirks” of places that aren’t where I live. To be honest, I could do this kinda thing within the US but it’s generally more glaring on another continents. Thing is, I’ve covered most of these things. yes, the beds in some european hotels are seemingly built for Jockeys. Yes, the food in some countries is fucking weird. Yes, being in a place where you’re unsure of peoples ability to understand english is stifling for a dumb americans such as myself. These are all givens. So, with those out of the way, let’s take a look at my trip to Europe…and Israel (I’ll cover that later).

Berlin

I’ve played Berlin a few times and it’s a city I tend to enjoy. For some unknown reason, I always end up eating mexican food while I’m there. Of all the places on earth to eat mexican food, Germany makes no fucking sense. But, honestly, I’m a creature of comfort and when I see a genre of food in a foreign country that I can immediately recognize, I go for it like the pussy that I am. German Burritos are odd. Like lots of more “americanized” foods, european places tend to make the food as if their recipe was based entirely on a photo of that food. This burrito looked like a burrito. it didn’t taste bad or anything. It was just…off. Like the meat was minced into a pulp and served with an ice cream scooper and they used curried rice. Again, it wasn’t bad…it’s just wasn’t really what I expected. This same thing would occur again when I ate hamburgers in Kiev. They were cooked well done, had a tiny piece of meat and a bun big enough to make love to with a few friends on each side and never have your dicks touch. But that’s Kiev…This was Berlin. Anyway, I always like my time there but there was nothing out of the ordinary to discuss about the show or time there except my weird ass burrito.

Kiev

Going to Kiev I had a few reservations. I do not keep up on current events and , apparently, i know some people who also don’t keep up on current events but still feel compelled to let me know what’s going on in the Ukraine. From some people (european people) I had heard the warring had moved out of Kiev a long time ago and it was totally safe. From other people, I heard I’d be walking into a scene of “Call of duty” but with more Borsht. Turns out, the euro’s know best. Kiev was fine. Not only was it safe (My hotel was 2 blocks from where all the shit went down and that area literally looks like midtown manhattan during christmas) but the people were awesome and friendly. Aside from the questionable burger I mentioned above, this night and show were awesome. In my experience, Eastern European crowds go hard. All night. They dance. They yell. They’re drunk. That’s fine with me. It was here that I noticed a trend that would follow me throughout the rest of my dates overseas. Men. Dancing. Lots of men. All men. It’s the strangest thing. In the states, when i have people dancing, I’d say it’s generally 80% women and a few guys going in. Out here? It’s the opposite. The men of europe (and Tel aviv) get the fuck down. Sweating all over each other and dancing from beginning to end. It was insane. I’m not gonna lie. i’d much prefer to look down off stage and see a bunch of tits flopping around but I would never knock the dedication and exuberance of these fellas.

Linz, Austria

Linz is a small town an hour or two outside of Vienna. It’s adorable. The people are awesome and unlike many of the austrians I’ve met in VIenna. They’re a looser breed. That said, it’s still austria and it’s pretty mellow. It’s more of a “smoke a bowl and ride a bike” kinda place than a “Go see a show and have fun” kinda place. The hotel I was at was a few feet away from this statue. It was commemorating the bubonic plague that historically fucked europe in the ass many centuries ago.11043088_10152617316566781_473730357376188957_n

A plague statue is pretty real. It’s like a really ornate AIDs quilt or something. Oh, a highlight of this visit was talking to the girl who drove Cam and I around. I was telling her about to US and what cities to visit. Somehow, Baltimore came up and I was like “Well, it’s kinda dangerous” and she was like “Well, that’s okay though cause doesn’t everyone in the US have a gun?” and she wasn’t joking. That was precious. We really gotta work on our image.

Prague

Prague is pretty cool but I didn’t really get that much time there. It’s another one of those eastern euro countries where you routinely see 9’s working shit jobs and you can’t help but think there must be more in this world for a girl so pretty. Not that i would ever even consider doing so, but it’s places like prague where I get why a financially stable American would live there for a period of time, find his wife and take her home with him. Then, when they moved back, the wife would be a year or so into her marriage when she realized the dude she married is a fucking loser and every guy in the city she lives in would be willing to date her. Her street value would be realized. She’d eventually leave the guy who bought her to the states or just divorce him as soon as she had citizenship and live the life of a queen. She’d probably just be a waitress but whatever…it’s better than working in a toll booth in Prague.

Brussels

I love Brussels. Not much to say about it beyond that. Everything was good there. I’d say, of all the places I played, the men danced the hardest there.

Amsterdam

I hadn’t been to Amsterdam in over ten years. Not much has changed. It’s still full of bikes whizzing by you at every corner. Full of tourists and kinda filthy. I’m into it. I almost got hit with about 4 different types of wheeled machines at various times. It really keeps you on your toes. Anyway, I could go into the show and talk about that. it was awesome. The crowd was great and it made me feel good to be back there after all those years , knowing I still have love out there. But, I’d rather talk about the red light district. Dj Cam and I took a daytime stroll through it cause, why the fuck not? Now, I’m not sure what the hours are like for those ladies but I assume the more desirable women work the night shifts. These day shift hoes, though? Esssh….Now, to be fair, i saw some bangers. Legit hot girls with insane bodies, standing in windows waiting for any dude with 50 euro’s to fuck them. It’s really surreal to see as an outsider. You probably know what I’m talking about though cause I assume anyone who’s ever been to amsterdam has done this exact same stroll. But I wanted to bullet point a few things about the red light district.

1- The sad hookers As you walk down the skinny side streets, you see some girls standing, giving eyes to anyone walking by. They’re selling. But every 3rd or 4th girl will be sitting there looking like she’s completely miserable. Probably cause she’s a hooker. Just a guess. But it got me wondering if there were creeps out there who specifically went after the sad ones. The poor girl slumped over on her little stool, frowning as she sadly texts someone from her phone. I gotta think , without a doubt, that is some guys turn on. Man…guys are the worst.

2- Variety! From the looks of it, certain alley ways specialize in certain kinds of girls. There was the Fat black woman section where no lady was under 200 pounds and the skimpy lingerie they were wearing was being devoured by every crevice of fat their body created. I had the urge to wait to see a guy actually go in to one of those rooms and watch him come out. Just to see what his head space was like. Would he be proud? Ashamed? Relaxed? the whole thing was very curious to me. Aside from that area, there was Asian alley which was unfortunately placed right near transexual way. So close , in fact, it had Dj Cam and I questioning who did and did not have penis for the rest of the day. Lady boys can be quite confusing and I’d imagine there are more than a few drunken frat boys who have been out there looking for some asian girls and were surprised with a dick. Jokes on you, brah!

3- The prime spots Location, location, location! The hottest girls I saw where the ones on the main walk way. These girls were legit gorgeous. Like on some “WHY ARE YOU A HOOKER??!?!” shit. Seeing them, i assumed they were very busy. Do you think these ladies wish for busy days? Also, what’s the after sex cleaning ritual? I have so many questions that it would almost be worth it to pay the 50 euro’s just to interview them about it all. But, i’m cheap and fuck all that.

Just a few random thoughts about europe in general…

Why do all the street names have to be like 15 syllables? Getting directions is like entering a spelling bee. “Take a right on hieffwenenger then turn right brukenstrussel and you’ll see flurganwetzalnien road right there.”

I used to always think Americans held the title for being fat sacks of human garbage (and , to be clear, we do still hold the title) but don’t sleep on europe. It’s not all fashionable , lean people. Taking the trains exposed me to a different side of the people in certain areas. The Jerry Springer cast member looking side. It was actually nice to see.

Do you know how weird it is to not see a black person for a week? It didn’t even dawn on me until I was in brussels and noticed a few black dudes and I was like “holy shit…I forgot that this continent is white as fuck…”. It’s obvious but something that just sorta popped out at me.

I’m writing this on a train to Hamburg, Germany for my final show. in a day, i’ll be home and most likely sleep for about 48 hours. It’s been fun, europe…but, goddamn, you’re exhausting. Also, I’ll be doing a whole write up about Tel Aviv cause that trip definitely needed it’s own post. Stay tuned next week.

My trip to europe!!! Tales from the darkside.


So, as you may know, I was in Europe last week doing some shows. It was the first time I had been touring out there in over 7 years so I was pretty excited about getting back out there. However, what I was not excited about was the brutal jet lag and lack of sleep I’d be getting but, hey, those type of things are all part of this job and it’s better dealing with that once every few months than working in an office.

So, this here is going to be my rehash of the entire trip. Instead of mapping out the entire thing like some mind numbing slide show, I’m just gonna randomly talk about thinks I noticed, as well as a few things that happened. This will not be brief so , if you’re not a fan of words, just stop reading right here.

I’m a huge proponent of bullet points so, let’s roll with that…
Just to run it down:
First I went to Berlin. Then to Budapest, Lithuania, Moscow and St, Petersburg. I had two days in berlin and the rest of the places I was in for half a day each.
I like to preface all that I’m about to write by explaining that I’m admittedly a dumb american. I’m a fish out of water when i go down south so you can imagine me in a place where people are talking a different language. That said, I’ve also traveled more than most people. I’ve been to many , many cites all over the world. So, keep both of those things in mind. I know stuff and I’m always respectful of other places when I’m there but I’m also fairly ignorant and enjoy to make fun of peoples differences.

1)European babies/children are mad european

Before I even boarded the the plane, I saw all these little schnitzel eating mother fuckers running around. It’s funny cause the difference is so subtle yet so clear. While an american baby might be wearing some little t-shirt and sneaker combo, the euro baby will be wearing some swiss miss overalls and a tiny soccer jersey. I wanna say they were wearing wooded shoes but I’d be lying. But let’s just say they might has well have been. Ever heard a german baby speak? It’s fucking weird.

2)Food that has no business being in Germany
While in Berlin I was pretty much stranded. I mean, I could walk around but I didn’t know where the fuck I was or how to get around so I pretty much stayed within a close distance to my hotel. When it came time to eat, it was a hard choice. Eating in foreign countries is weird cause you can’t read the menu’s. So, what you end up doing is looking for places that have pictures on the walls so you can at least make sure you’re not gonna accidentally order dog dick soup in a jizz based creme fresh. The thing about european cuisine (low end cuisine) is that they like what they like. Some shit that is totally normal there may be something your mouth is simply not ready for. I mean, shit, have you seen their potato chips? They got flavors like “Tripe and chocolate”. So, Basically, you end up ordering what seems most familiar simply to be safe. This way of thinking bought me to eating a burrito in germany. How the fuck mexican food found it’s way to germany is beyond me. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a large mexican population ANYWHERE in europe, let alone Berlin. But, i said fuck it and ate there. You know what? It wasn’t terrible. It was better than taco bell but worse than Chipotle.
As for the sushi, I just avoided it. Something about german sushi just doesn’t sit right with me.

3)There is mad graffiti in Europe

It’s crazy how much there is. It’s everywhere and it seems like it never gets taken down. I asked a local about it and they told me that it’s simply too much work to take it all down so they just leave it be. This results in many parts of european cites looking like the background on the video game Double Dragon.

4)No one Jaywalks
Maybe it’s a new york thing but this bugged me out. People literally stood and waited for the lights to change to cross the streets, regardless of car activity. To me, that’s some next level shit. I followed suit though cause the last thing I need to do is get arrested for crossing the street in Germany.

5)Non-lesbian shaved head women everywhere

This is just specific to Germany but I saw tons of bald headed hoes. Not brute dykes or even punk rock nazi looking girls. Just normal , feminine ladies with shaved heads. It wasn’t a good look. I’ve said this before about things like shaved heads on ladies but if you look great with a shaved head, you’ll always look better with hair. Even if you can pull it off doesn’t make it better, it just means you can pull it off. But , hey, that’s the style out there so who am I to say anything.

6)The art of the backhanded compliment
i don’t know what it is about europeans but they are masters of the back handed compliment. Perhaps it’s cause of the language differences and they’re working with limited words but on more than one occasion I came across a dude who would tell me how much he liked my albums EXCEPT that one album he thinks was terrible. While I appreciate the honesty, I also didn’t ask for his opinion. On the other hand, in america, when a dude does that, he annoying presents it as him “being real” as opposed to him being ” a dipshit”.

7) I’m a dipshit
When I’m in a foreign country where everyone is speaking broken english to me, I have this thing where I find myself speaking broken english back to them. Like I’ll say “you come to show tonight, yes?”. It makes no fucking sense but I had to stop myself from doing it repeatedly over the course of the trip.
A similar thing that came up was when a stranger would just start talking to me in the native language and I’d just look at them and say “english”. Looking back, this is kinda rude. I found myself greeting everyone with a “Hello” just to put it out there that “hey, we got an ignorant american over here who hasn’t bothered even learning the most basic aspects of your native language”. I gotta say though, the “hello” worked pretty well.

8)The shit show
So, it’s the third day of our tour and we’re playing in Vilnius, Lithuania. A place I’ve never been to (I had also never heard of it prior to seeing the announced show dates). As we get to sound check, I open my computer. A computer, I might add , that is 100% how I do my live shows. I turn it on and the screen goes white…and stays white. Eventually, a little folder pops up in the middle of the screen with a “?” inside of is. I had never seen this before. I asked around the venue and eventually had a dude on his computer looking into ways to fix this. Nothing was working. The computer was dead. It was coming to a point where a solution had to be invented cause there was no way I was performing my live set that night. My tour buddy, DJ Cam, figured my only choice would be to do a dj set. Now, he was correct. Aside from canceling the next three shows and pissing off a lot of people while trapped in a land far, far away from home, a dj set was my only option. He was using Serato so all I had to do was load in all my albums into his computer and pick what songs to play. but here’s the thing, I’m not a DJ. I’ve “DJ’d” before but it didn’t involved mixing. It was just playing songs. So, I had to make do and “blend” songs the best I could. I did the show and it went as well as I could hope. Luckily , the crowd attending was more there just to party and didn’t really give a shit what I played.
The next day, we flew into Russia. I was told they had an apple store there and had faint hopes of maybe fixing this situation. Well, long story short, it didn’t happen and I had to finish the rest of the dates with a half baked DJ set. To the people who came, my apologies but it was that or nothing. To be honest, the show went over insanely well in Moscow. Like people were cheering and clapping whenever I did anything. I wish every show was like that. The St. Petersburg show was not received quite as well cause, apparently, the Andy Milonokis looking promoter was mad that I had promoted this as a “Live set”. he was also a cock sucker so i don’t really feel bad about it. The fans were great though.
I have since gotten home and it turned out what happened was the wire connecting my hard drive to my computer got fucked up. I went to Tek-Serve and got it fixed in five minutes (shout out to my boy paolo, who has saved my life more than once with the computers). Still, I was a panicky mess for a good 48 hours in a country where I could not have felt more isolated from the world as i know it. No fun.

9)All smiles

Not a lot of smiling going on in the streets of Russia. The people were nice but walking around the streets of Moscow will make you think smiling is a capitol offense. When I asked russians about this they just kinda shrugged and said “Yeah, it’s like that out here.”

10)Fear in Russia
I can’t front, i was a little shook in Russia. Not cause it was dangerous but cause I felt completely helpless there. Aside from not having a phone and also not having a working computer , it’s one of those places that i could see myself just vanishing in. Like, had I gotten separated from the group i was traveling with, you wouldn’t ever hear from me again. It reminded me of the time I was in a small upstate NY town where there was no phone service and everything closed at 8 pm. You break your leg at 8:15 in the forrest, you’re pretty much a dead man. In Russia, while it’s has millions of people everywhere, there’s a distinct feeling of “I don’t know if I belong here”. i’m speaking about just walking around. Like i said, the people were all very nice and it wasn’t a scary place at all (at least, not where I was). But between the language barrier and the fact they use a different alphabet, it was intimidating.

11) And the award for hottest girls goes too…

Lithuania?!?!? Yup. holy shit.
You know how people will often say that some of the hottest women in the world come from eastern europe? It’s for a reason. Not just Lithuania. Russia , in general, was no slouch either. I noticed that they tend to be taller and leaner than you’re typical american hot girl. More Model like. I’m not even really a huge fan of that look but their faces were undeniable. Some were blonde , some looked half asian, some looked like James Bond girlfriends. I didn’t even get to Prague but I’ve been told that’s the jewel of eastern europe. So, yeah, don’t sleep on Baltic broads.

12)Getting hit on in broken english
Even with a language barrier, groupies are universal. I had a few funny situations pop over over the week but , being the good boyfriend that I am, I kept it in my pants. Getting hit on by girls at shows in europe is very different then when it happens in the states. In the states, it’s very overt and almost kinda cheesy. It’s rushed flirting with a lot of dependency on “what are you up to after the show?”. But, if nothing else, it’s very succinct. In europe , however, it’s a whole different ball game. The trouble with speaking english leads the girls to say amazing shit like “I have the strong feelings about you” and they often mis-use the perfect word that would make someone think “Um, i think this girl is deeply in love with me” when , in reality, she just doesn’t know the word for “hook up”. It’s similar to the way europeans give backhanded compliments. It’s all due to the language barrier and a limited vocabulary. Either way, getting hit on in any language is fun but I got a kick out of hearing a russian girl trying to figure out a way to say she was down to get down.

13)Sleep no more/old people are the worst

My last show was in St. Petersburg and I had a 6 am flight that morning after the show. We got back to the hotel around 2 am and I had a cab coming to pick me up to take me to the airport at 3:45 am. So, sleeping wasn’t an option. I had been up since 8 that morning but there really was no choice. I had a 15 hour travel day ahead of me due to taking connecting flights from St, Petersburg to Frankfurt, Germany all the was back to NYC. It was one of those situations where I couldn’t even calculate how much time it would take cause of all the different timezones and the lay over. All I knew was I was leaving at 6 am and arriving back in NY at 11:30 am. Sounds like nothing right? WRONG.
The St. Petersburg airport was a mess. There were like 4 check points and it appeared that all the people on my flight to Frankfurt were a tourist group of american senior citizens. Not just any senior citizens, these were a bunch of back woods southern idiots who were wearing american flag hats and all had on name tags. Little known fact about old people: They don’t know how to do ANYTHING. You should have seen them at the automated check in. It might as well have been the fucking Monolith from “2001: A space odyssey). Every part of boarding a plane was like it just got invented right there. “wait, we get in a line? I don’t understand.”
Think “Lord of Flies” but much slower and with far less violence.
Old people do not give a fuck. I was in line, red eyed and in a general haze. These motherfuckers were just cutting in front of me like I didn’t exist. Old people are nothing if not entitled, especially when out of the united states. I realize you’re supposed to respect your elders but these people had crossed the line of being old into simply being burlap sacks of shit that consume food and air and get their powers from pictures of grand children.
The funniest thing to me about it is that these sheltered fossils , who probably happily live in small towns where Papa johns pizza is considered exotic cuisine, decide to take trip to a place so far out of their comfort zone that they can’t possibly enjoy it. Like how long must they have spent walking around Moscow looking for a place to get some chicken friend steak?
I sat behind them , listening to them complain about their grandkids and their plans for when they get home. It was depressing. Just being around them I realized that there’s a definitive cut off age for when I need to be alive till. And it’s before I become one of those pieces of shit.

Anyway, because I’m a moron, I don’t sleep well on planes and I ended up being awake for about 50 straight hours. I dunno if you’ve deprived yourself of that much sleep without involving meth or cocaine but it’s Preeeeeeety awesome. It’s thursday now and I’m finally starting to feel like a human again. What can i say. I love my job!

I would like to add that, despite the complaining here, I did have a good time. The shows all went well , especially considering what happened to my computer, and it’s always cool to see new places. Hopefully I’ll be making it out the Europe more often…and my computer won’t break. A man can dream.