Dead giveaway’s to being a dipshit

I’m sure everyone has their own guidelines, but there are some of mine , along with the occasional exceptions to the rule.

The tucked in shirt:

Unless you really have to do it because of some sort of dress code, tucking your shirt in is pretty much unacceptable. Especially if said shirt is tucked into khakis.
Hey khaki guy.. cut loose…untuck that shit…and while you’re at it, take off those sandals you fucking pussy.

If you’re at some sort of waspy beach house party. While I still think you’re a dip shit, you’re also just playing the role.

Rocking Sketcher Sneakers:

By rocking Sketchers you’re basically saying, “I ALMOST don’t give a shit about what goes on my feet but I care just enough to go to a Sketchers store and spend money on kicks my mom wouldn’t even wear to power jog in.”

Exception: Children. Its not their fault. Their parents, however, should be reported to child services.
Payless shoes>>>>>>>Sketchers

Ogling EVERY girl on the street:

You ever see guys that lose their shit on the street over any half assed owner of a vagina that passes them? I understand staring at girls on the street. We all do it…but stopping dead in your tracks and doing a 180 turn followed by a sound effect like “daaaaaaaamn” every time any girl on the planet walks by is just ridiculous. What do you do when an actual hot girl walks by? Jerk off on the spot?

Exception: People who are actually willing to masturbate on the street.
It may be totally wrong but , hey, at least you’re going all out. If you’re gonna make such a lame statement over some solid 5, you might as well just go for it.

Owning a ferrari/lambourgini type car:

They’re tiny and the back seat can maybe fit a premature newborn…maybe. So they go fast…it’s not like you can ever really drive 195 miles an hour. Save the money and get a dick implant. It’s pretty much the same thing.

Exception: If you’re rich enough to collect cars and this is just one of the many pieces you have that sits in your garage, go for it. These kinda cars shouldn’t really be driven anyway.

Being the “Chatty Guy” While Waiting on a Line:

I was on line at the airport to get into Canada a while back. It was long and slow. Right in front of me was bro-ham who couldn’t shut his stupid mouth, he was talking to everyone like it was the first day of summer camp. Waiting can be brutal but waiting while listening to some Umbro short wearing cocksucker cracking Borat jokes is pretty much hell cubed. Sadly, I’m sure in some circles this guy is charming…but what’s worse then him?

Well, how bout…

Being that Guy’s Wing-man/Cheerleader:

Wherever you find the “outgoing talkative” guy, you will find the “quiet dork” who laughs at all of his jokes and thinks he’s “Craaazy” (in the coolest way possible). This is the guy who jerks off to the talkative guy’s stories of getting pussy and later tries to pass those same stories off as his own when he meets new people.

Exceptions: If someone is literally retarded, they obviously get a pass on this one. Otherwise, there are no exceptions.

White/asian people with dreadlocks

Do I really need to explain this one?

Exceptions: Outside of youthful stupidity, NONE.

Working Out all the Time:

This is more about the body builder types then girls who run on the treadmill. I support that fully. But to the body builders, what’s up with that? How fucking ripped do you need to be? What girl likes that? Outside of some jersey shore types, I don’t think I’ve ever met a girl who wanted to bone Lou Ferrigno or Schwarzenegger. It’s kinda in the same boat as the Lambourgini owners. It’s a cool idea on paper, but when fully executed you’re just flying a huge I-have-a-worthless-penis flag.

Exceptions: guy who will readily admit they have a microscopic penis and this is the only way to make themselves feel better. Honestly is a trait of the non-dipshit.

Guys who wear their hats like this:Photobucket

This dude I was sitting next to on a plane recently was rocking his shit like this. It was killing me on some OCD shit that I couldn’t just straighten it out. This type of hat positioning make no sense. Not only is it uncomfortable, it serves no logical purpose.
Hat to the front: shade.
Hat to the back (while still corny is not as bad as sideways): getting the brim out of your face or perhaps arm wrestling on some “Over the top” shit.
Hat to the side: Shading one of your ears?
Nope. shit is corn.

Exception: If you happen to be making fun of people who rock their hats like that.

Saying the Phrase “Party like a Rockstar”:

Way before that fucking awful song existed, I would cringe at the sound of that phrase. It’s the worst thing you can say. It’s an immediate deal breaker. If I had Jessica Beil, naked in bed, with the tip of my penis in her, and she said that, I’d recoil and be out (I’m completely lying but you gt the point) People who say “Party like a Rockstar” are pretty much the definition of “Douche”. Luckily, much like the song, that phrase has subsided over the past year or two. Unfortunately, motherfuckers have to eat so I don’t doubt there will be an equally terrible catch phrase like it coming in the very near future. May I suggest “who let the dogs out?” it’s got club banger written all over it.