Things that are wrong in the world V0l. 28

I just wanna preempt this whole thing by saying this could swerve dangerously into “Old man yells at cloud” territory. You know what I mean…

Some of you more loyal readers may not believe it, but I actually do try to be a little open minded when it comes to new music. Even if it’s not my cup of tea, I ,at least, try to understand why other people like it. Not so I can learn from it musically as much as I just have a natural curiosity towards how peoples minds work in respect to these types of things. So, while I may not be sitting around listening to the new Rihanna album (or whatever) I’m also not sitting around cursing it’s existence and pretending like things were so much better when Ashanti was in her place. However, there is one “genre” that baffles me. It’s the rap/country music hybrid. Now, to be clear, I get why it exists. I even get why it’s perhaps popular (is it popular?). It speaks to the two lowest common denominators of pop music. Rap and country. I love rap. You know that. But dumb rap made by people with no intention outside of pandering to half wits is second only to power pop country music in it’s absolute worthlessness. It is the Mcdonalds double down of music minus the guilty pleasure of it actually tasting kinda awesome.
Put those two together and , Voila! You have a genre of music that make Juggalo’s stop and think “Wow, that’s REALLY in bad taste”.

I think , for me, this all comes down to how we don’t really have defined scenes in pop music anymore. Remember when country dudes looked like country dudes? Remember when rappers and R&B singers didn’t dress the same? Hell, remember when rappers and Michael Jackson dressed differently? Still, that’s just surface stuff. Dressing in a particular way is just your image. I really don’t care about that outside of casually making fun of Justin Beiber’s ridiculous genie pants or maybe Wiz Kalifa wearing a fucking bolo tie. It becomes an issue when the music itself falls into this same trap of “everything must be for everyone”. People are so busy trying to fit as many genres into everything as they can, they overlook that it typically just results in technicolored sound vomit. Certain fusions do not need to exist. In fact, some of the worst music in our recent history has been the result of people thinking “hey maaaaaan, if we put this genre with this genre, what do you think would happen?!?”. Sometimes it works. But most times, it results in oil and water poured into a shit milkshake.

This all leads me to shit like “Country boy fresh”. This is by no means the first kind of music in this genre. I could pull plenty of hilariously bad examples of rap and country music clashing. Things like these:

and , of course, who could forget this recent magical song that made all of us join hands and chuckle in unity

Now those are TRULY terrible. I mean, jesus fucking christ. THese people sat in a studio with straight faces, wrote and recorded those songs. Listened to them a bunch of times, had the songs mixed and then had the songs mastered. ALL THAT SHIT HAPPENED and, at no point, did someone in either camp for either artist go “Uh, hey guys…I think this was a bad idea”. I mean, I’m sure once the two sides went their separate ways, and cashed their checks, they had a nice laugh about it while also subtlety making racist jokes about their duet partners to their friends…but still…this kinda shit is not okay.

I will say this though, the above videos are as bad as it gets. Sometimes, it leans more towards the rap side of things. They just take a that “country swag” and throw it in the mix of a fairly normal and terrible rap song. I blame Kid Rock. Partially cause he made this song that seemingly got the rap/country ball rolling as the Lynyrd Skynyrd of rap:

but also cause he introduced the world to Uncle Kracker, and no one needed that.

Listen, i realize , as I yell at this pretty nimbus cloud hovering above my head, that we live in a time where everyone is the same. We’re all on the internet. We all have access to the same things. Nothing is a well kept secret anymore and very few people like to differentiate between the nuances. But some things aren’t meant to be. I wrote a piece similar to this a few years back about how rap and rock music blended together simply doesn’t work most of the time. Sure, it has worked, but it typically doesn’t.
In the case of country and rap? It has NEVER worked. I’m sure some of you are gonna start pulling names out to disprove this simply cause that’s what people do on the internet But know this: I know that you know that I’m right. Anything you pull that disproves this will 100% have an asterisk by it cause you’re reaching. I’m not talking about white rappers from the south like Bubba Sparrx or Yelawolf. Just cause they’re country doesn’t mean they’re “country rap”. They’re just normal rap from the south that tip their hat to those roots, for better or for worse. I’m talking when country music people make rap music. I defy you to find a song in this genre that isn’t ear AIDS. You can’t. Because it doesn’t exist. I’d say it’s a problem but, luckily, the genre is so bad it never really picked up steam beyond a few songs drunken frat boys might sing at a keg party in Mississippi.
At least we can all sleep well knowing that.