Let’s try something different. This is an experiment. Normally, this is where I single handed dole out advice to my readers concerning their failing love lives/over acting hormones. Now, that’s all good and shit but I understand, sometimes you need to give a different perspective. For this, I bought in my buddy Regan to give a feminine take on this weeks questions. Now, Regan isn’t your typical girl. in fact, she think more like a man than a lot of dudes I know but still, she has a vagina so it counts.
I purposely have no read her answers before writing mine. If they’re super similar, that’s why. However, I have a strange feeling heer answers are gonna be more harsh than mine…But that’s part of the fun I suppose.
As always, send me more questions of the intimate nature to firstname.lastname@example.org. I’m here to help. Now…let the experiment begin!
SO the story goes something like, i work at a record store and in my city there is 3 of this chain of record store, if the staff are competent(i am) then they work at multiple stores. so i would occasionally work with this girl at her “home” store and i always thought she was cool but didnt think to do anything about it cause im not that confident. anyways, some things moved around and she is now the manager and i am the assistant manager at the same store. after about 2-3 weeks of working together everyday i had it bad. we would flirt at work constantly and hang out occasionally outside of work. one night after hanging out she texted me and asked if i liked her, i really wanted to play it cool but i figured since she had her suspicions i would get it out. so i spilt my guts without being to over bearing, she said she was really flattered but things couldnt work out because of the current situation. meaning we work together and she just broke up with her dead beat boyfriend. now in no way did i want to be a rebound so thats fine. i just dont know where to go from here i really like her alot, more than i have liked a girl in a long long time. and on top of everything she said she use to have a huge crush on me before we started working together full time a year or so ago. the problem im having is i see her everyday so i never get the chance to get it out of my system, i just like her more and more everyday. and people we work with tell me its obvious she likes me or feels something for me too. so please help dr.tony cause im fucking lost on this.
I gotta say, it would seem like she does in fact like you. Perhaps she likes you too much and doesn’t want you to be a rebound guy? I dunno…but what kind of asshole would flat out ask someone if they like them, if they themselves had no interest in that person? Basically, she’s either an ego maniac in need of an emotional refillor she’s feeling you.
My advice would be to play it cool but, when you get a chance, get drunk with her and see what happens. Getting drunk always loosens the inhibitions and, if she’s actually into it, she won’t be able to say no. If she does say no, you’re saving yourself time and effort on a girl who’s most likely a dipshit.
Also, I’d warn you against being so nice about it. I mean, don’t be a dick but there’s a chance she’s using you as an emotional tampon cause she knows she’s got that power over you. That’s the type of thing a girl can hold over your head forever if you let her and you’ll be stuck in the friendzone until you’re at her wedding. Just be careful about that.
Ugh. This is how a nice guy becomes a womanizer.
Here’s the thing: nine times out of ten, when a girl gets done in by some douchebag, the first thing she is going to do is gravitate to any passing attraction that happens to be in her orbit. Its ointment. if she wasn’t 100% sure of your feelings…likely because your shyness made you appear aloof, out of her own need to feel pretty/desired/better she gave you just enough to get you to validate her, and bugged out when she realized your feelings were more than she was prepared to return.
I also think that, if you are a guy that operates more from emotions than the biological imperative to answer to your boner, you are going to be keenly aware of how chuckleheaded most girls are, and when you find one that is somewhat less so, she gets placed on a pedestal on which she hasn’t proved herself worthy to stand.
That said, the verbal diarreah love declaration only works in movies. In reality, it freaks most people out. Perhaps this was just the universe trying to teach you that lesson. I am not so hardened as to not think its sweet. Its good to have an open heart, but stupid, self-hatey bitches will leave you with a bleeding one. When the weird dopamine rush of romantic torment wears away, and you actually see that for what it was. (and, likely, how annoying she actually is on a day to day basis) you are going to wonder what in the living hell you were thinking. Furthermore, when you actually meet someone and it clicks, and you realize its supposed to be easy, you will never put yourself through this bullshit again. Not to sound like the biggest misogynist to ever own a vagina BUT She is a chick, at the end of the day, the world is full of them…maybe even one or two that are actually worth your affection.
me and this girl never met and i already know she likes me from a different source, how should i go about having sex with her no strings attached?
Dr. Tony: I’m gonna overlook the “Never met” part cause I don’t even know how that works. Like, if you’ve never spoken how does she “like” you? I think that means she’s attracted to you, in which case all this is moot cause that sexual attraction off the bat and fucking is first and foremost in that situation.
So, for fun, let’s pretend that you actually know her a little as I’m sure plenty of dudes can relate to this situation.
This is a highly delicate situation and it will definitely not end well…but there are things you can do to make this happen. Part of it depends on what kind of girl she is. If she’s the type who stands by her morals believes in a dating code, then it’s not happening. However, if she’s the type who thinks that she can change a guys mind by having sex with him over time, then you’ll get a few months out of it before both her and the situation blow p in your face.
BAsically, what you need to do is just be honest with her. Weird, right? Yeah…if you hook up with her and anything serious comes up, just say you’re not looking for anything serious. Depending on if she’s a girl a or girl b type, she’ll either leave or continue. If she continues, just keep being honest. She may like you but she also got ears and brain. Deep down, she assumes her pussy is special so , eventually, you’ll cave in and become her man. Assuming you won’t, she’ll eventually freak out and stop dealing with you. I hope you like crying! and yelling! and being told you’re an asshole! cause it’s coming.
So, if you’re willing to put up with that for a few months of casual sex with a girl who wants anything but casual sex, go for it.
You’ve never met…but someone said she likes you? If she saw you in passng and couldn’t approach you, or worse, trolled your facebook through a friend and thought you were cute, I have to doubt that its just in a wanting your balls on her chin kind of way. Girls, in this day and age, who are straight down to fuck, come out and say it. Sex is easy enough for most girls to come by that if that’s all they are in for, they are not going to hide behind anyone else, or hesitate even a little to get it.
Now, you can be a total asshole, run some clever game, get her down on your dick and dis her, but as, you’ve never met her, you don’t know what kind of drama/bunny boiling/series of scrotal staph infections that might be inviting. She is a chick, see my answer to #1.
7-8 months ago i told u about this girl living far from me and if i should be patient and try and whatever… and u said i shouldn’t if i’m not not cause yeah, distance sucks.
i didn’t know what to do and i was just kinda taking it easy and waiting to see things clearly but knowing that it wasn’t a good idea and kinda over. whatever, she was writing me and saying that she wanted to see me and spend time with me.. etc. and suddenly stopped writing and i guessed she just met another guy. i’m sure of this even if i never asked her. the thing is that that’s totally ok, as we were not really together, it could have happened to me too. the thing is that she never explained and just started ignoring me. the fuck is this. that was like 3 or 4 months ago and it’s fine and i’ve been dating random girls too but i don’t know why i am so angry now and i feel like writing an e-mail and telling her that she is a bitch. i know it’s a bad idea but she deserves to hear that she is been fucking rude. i know too that everything wasn’t that serious as in the distance easy to misinterpret feelings, but being polite and clear to the person should be the most important, dude i started dating her in 2008 and now, although i’ve been with many other girls in the meantime, i feel like an idiot.
i know i’m being fucking random and childish but sometimes it’s just like this
sorry for my english too hey
Honestly, dude, you gotta just take the loss on here. I’m sure if the tables were turned you’d do the same thing. I don’t think she stopped contacting you cause she thinks your a piece of shit. It’s more likely cause she’s either extremely wrapped up in the dude she’s seeing (lots of girls get blinders on when they fall in love) or she thinks talking to you about it will be awkward. Writing an angry letter about something like this is understandable but it’s always regrettable.
Maybe you’re pissed off cause she was the one who stepped away first? That would make sense. Whatever the case, it’s another fantastic example of why long distance relationships don’t work. My advice would be to walk it off and more on.
you are angry because, for whatever reason there was more of a connection, sexual or otherwise, with her, than there has been with any of the girls who came after. Maybe you are also a little spun and insecure because now you have no way of confirming whether or not it was ever truly mutual. It hurts and it sucks when someone important peaces out with no explanation, but that is definitley more a factor of her not knowing how to deal with difficult situations than it is a measure of your importance in her life.
You put a lot of time and energy into her, and your pride has made you swallow your real feelings about it, and as such, it has festered and become insidious.
An email catalogue of her dumb-cuntyness may seem like the thing that will sate that anger but trust me, all you’ll be doing is giving her a reason to spend a week having a “pay attention to me!” pity party. She will whip out her phone and read that shit to her friends every chance she gets, tell everyone her ex is psycho, parlay her guilt into feigned fear and offense while,deep down, loving that she had you that hung up.
She may respond, perhaps even apologetically, but it will never be what you are hoping for. You’ve been ruminating, she hasn’t. She didn’t give you an explanation because she probably didn’t have one. Sometimes people just don’t know what the fuck they want or what they are doing. Sometimes they just do whatever was easiest…in this case dating someone convienient to her and avoiding your reaction to it.
I would say write the email, get all your feelings out where they are tangible, and dont send it. Rant and rave as much as you would if she were reading it, but make it a draft and put it away. Come back to it in some months, and if you still feel that you need to address it, see the irrationality of that anger and find a way to say your peace that is articulate, calm, and effective without the need for her ever to respond.
If you do that, she very probably will.
-You know, or, like just date girls that hit all the benchmarks of her physical insecurities and plaster your facebook with their pictures, that way, when she inevitably stalks, she leaves sans a significant chunk of her self esteem…
…only to siphon it back out of some poor sucker who works at a record store….
A little more about Regan:
She hosts the Brooklyn Mutt Show which happens at the Brooklyn Lyceum March 23rd/24th
Also, she is on facebook…and she’s not shy.
Also, for a bonus round of me giving awesome advice to ladies, peep this article I did for Cultistzine.com