Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 29


Hello everyone. It’s time once again for me to dole out some of that good old advice about life and love. I’m not a doctor and I dropped out of school my freshman year of college but I sure as hell give better advice than your stupid homeboy/girl who’s trying to salvage your frail ego.
So, if you feel the need for some help from a third party with no stake in anything other than being honest, holler at your boy. Email me questions at:
phatfriendblog@gmail.com
or leave them in the comment section below. There are always anonymous so it’s a safe place to totally reveal you most deepest and darkest secrets to the internet.
Alrighty, lets get into it…

Hey Tony,

So you seem very wise and mature in the dating realm, and thus I am reaching out to you with my boy problems. I started dating this guy a little over a month ago, and things seemed to be going really well. We decided since we were both going to be traveling the next few months that we wouldn’t be exclusive. I was cool with this, and things continued to go pretty smoothly. He went out of town and we texted a lot. When he came back we ended up having sex, and things seemed fine afterwards. He texted me the next day, and the day after that I asked him if he’d want to hang out. He said he had plans but he’d let me know. I didn’t hear from him between the next few days before my flight, even though he knew I was leaving for six weeks. The night before I left I texted him seeing what was up. Later on in our conversation he apologized for not having seen me before I left, and I said that I wished he would’ve said something earlier since it had kind of confused me. He apologized and said he wasn’t trying to mindfuck me and the conversation kinda ended with me just saying things were fine. The next morning he texted me again saying he didn’t feel good about the way we left things and asked me if I could talk. We weren’t able to meet up so we just ended up texting. He said he didn’t want me to think he had bad intentions and that he wanted to stay in touch while I was gone and that he hoped I wasn’t too upset. I basically responded saying that everything was okay, I just wasn’t sure where we stood after we had sex, since he had kind of lost touch and didn’t try to see me before I left. Basically, we left things on good terms, but I haven’t heard from him in a couple of days now. My questions, are then, I guess, what is your interpretation on this whole situation Block? Am I blowing things out of proportion? Was I expecting too much after a month of dating? Is he an asshole? Busy? A busy asshole?

He sounds to me like he doesn’t really know what to do with himself. There’s something about a non-commital relationship that can be confusing to a man. Cause, in a way, you’re giving him a free pass. He gets to be both single and have you at the same time. So, basically, he’s single. I’m not saying he was out fucking a different girl every night or even fucking any other girls but that freedom he was allowed can turn something that might be a little more black and white into a grey area.
Now, he certainly just could have been busy the entire time but I’m of the school of thought that, if you wanna see someone, you can always make time. Unless he’s working 90 hour work weeks and lives far away, it should never be impossible to connect with someone you want to see. Hell, I’ve seen people who work those kind of hours still make time for people.
So, this leads me to believe the guy you were/are dealing with simply is/was unsure of the whole thing. Possibly cause he knew there was a cap on it, with you leaving. It’s possible he really did/does like you but didn’t want to get too involved cause he knew you were not sticking around. personally, when i was ever in a situation like that, I’d liken to it as a godsend cause it was like you could just have all the good parts of a relationship then the person would go away before shit got annoying. Granted, I was an asshole when I was single. Still, this guy pulling back as opposed to not just having as much sex as possible with you before you leave actually leads me to think he’s not an asshole. He’s probably more sensitive and aware of his feelings. Or he was fucking tons of other girls. I suppose we’ll never know, will we?

What are you thoughts on texting vs. calling girls? I’ve had a few instances recently when girls have taken hours or days to respond to a text and there end up being a lot of mixed signals. Isn’t texting kind of a step back technologically? I find a lot of the confusion that arises during a text conversation could be cleared up by a quick phone call. Should young people try picking up the damn phone for once instead of using it like a telegram?

Texting is a gift and a curse.
On the bright side, it’s revolutionized flirting and how people interact in general. I often lament about how I wish texting was a thing when I was in high school cause I’m way better at typing than I am at speaking which would have led to an exponential growth in my teenaged sex life.
However, for the reasons you mentioned and more , texting is probably the worst thing to happen to human interaction in our lifetime. It’s gotten to the point where people are appalled when they get a phone call. I’ve got friends who ONLY respond to texts. I get it though. I HATE talking on the phone. There are like 4 people I enjoy talking to on the phone and they all live in other cities. But , sometimes, people just have to suck it up and make a phone call. There are some situations that can’t be conveyed properly with the short handed written word. I can’t tell you the amount of times relationships have been hurt by people misunderstanding texts or people who text in a certain way tactlessly infuriating people without even knowing it. The problem with texting all the time , when dealing with the opposite sex, is that not everyone is good with words. Some people are downright retarded. Whether it be that they can’t convey a clear thought or they just have a particular tone to how they write that confuses people…some people just need to stop all that and pick up a fucking phone so they can eliminate any confusion. Especially if you’re having a serious talk. No one should break up over texts. Booty call terminations maybe…but nothing deeper than that.
Sadly, I fear this is only gonna get worse and I foresee a time in the future where people will cease talking altogether. We will just sit around dinner tables instant messaging the other people at the table. Eye contact will only be made right before they share a first kiss but will soon be followed two people having sex while sexting and sending each other text photos of the very sex they are having at that moment. A world destroying astroid can’t come soon enough.

My gf and I have been dating for two years, there was a period that I went off the deep end with the booze and drugs and lost a considerable amount of her trust. She started second guessing anything I did with other friends (male and female especially) or where and how I would spend my free time. We’ve managed to patch up most of the issues we had since I got sober (go figure) about 6 months ago. Now we joke, at times, about how paranoid she was and some of the sketchy shit I did to get her to that point. She was recently contacted by her ex-boyfriend (“The asshole with a small penis” she calls him) and decided to go out with him to catch up over drinks.When she told me I said “Okaaay? Well have fun but If he’s such an asshole,why spend more time with him?” I’m not really the jealous/insecure type but I find it rather odd that she would do this. Maybe it’s just foreign to me because I’ve never maintained a relationship after a breakup aside from the occasional hate sex booty call.She said that they got along fine as friends and she just wants to see how he’s been.She’s very faithful and is completely trustworthy but I could use an outsider’s opinion on what her motivation might be.

I don’t think it’s a big deal. I have ex-girlfriends I’m still cool with who i would have a meal with devoid of any foul intentions. Granted, I wouldn’t be super psyched to do it but it also wouldn’t be the end of the world. I think part of people doing these sorts of things is a basic curiosity we have about the people in our past. Sure, some people will do these kinda things with a faint flicker in the back of their minds that , maybe, there’s some thing still there. But I’d guess that, in general, it’s just like two old friends meeting up.
I do find it odd that she would even want to see this guy she openly dissed to you but, then again, her calling her ex “the little dick asshole” might just be something she did just to make you feel more secure about her past relationships. For all you know, he was the love of her life and his dick looked like a baguette. I mean, she dated him and is willing to see him again, how big an asshole could he have been?
regardless, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Just keep an eye on her that night and if she starts acting distant or weird the following days after that, then get suspicious. Also, if she comes home complaining about him in a petty way…like a girl who was perhaps dissed or is butt hurt, that’s a tiny red flag that he might still have some sort of grip on her. I say this cause, if she was truly over it, she probably wouldn’t give a shit.

I have only slept with my wife. Growing up, I was a total “sucker for love” kind of dude (mostly due to being strictly raised Catholic… thanks for that, parents!). Instead of realizing I was young and should have been smashing whoever I could, I was in a bunch of long-term relationships and full-on sex just didn’t really happen except with my wife. We dated on and off and she slept with other people because she was smart and took advantage of being a virile youth. We got back together eventually and things were awesome, so we got hitched.

While I still want to use a time machine and go slap the shit out of my younger self for being a total pussy, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m probably only going to sleep with my wife for the rest of my life, and my relationship with her (and the sex) is cool enough for me to be OK with that. I knew this would be the reality before I decided to marry her. However, I am obviously still attracted to other girls. No plans to act on it at all (not going to screw up my good life now to get back at my idiot younger self), but I have a question:

You’re a dude who seems to have done OK with a variety of different girls and you’re in what I assume to be a monogamous long-term relationship. Do you still have a big urge to bone a huge number of girls, or is that something that you’ve gotten out of your system? I guess I’m just trying to figure out what is human nature vs. regrets about wasted youth.

Hey dude, guess what? IT NEVER GOES AWAY. I don’t think there is a man alive who thinks “Well, I’m totally satisfied with my sex life prior to my wife!”. As men, our lives are shrouded in regret about sex we should have had. That goes from the guy who only slept with his wife (AKA YOU) to Hugh Hefner. It’s simply an unavoidable fact. I had a fun time as single person. I look back on it fondly but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish I had been even more active than I was. While that thought might make my girlfriend want to vomit blood it’s simply how we, as men, are wired. Hell, I’m sure girls feel the same way. Just not as grossly as men. A dude will sit around pondering the night he opted to not fuck some low life girl he met at a bar who probably had hepatitis Z with great regret simply cause we feel we may have missed out on an experience. It’s just how we are as hunters and gatherers. That doesn’t only apply to food and life necessities. It applies to memories and ego fuel.
So, yeah man, it’s not just you. It’s everyone. Rest easy that, even if you had fucked tons of girls as a single guy, you’d still be ogling that girl that works at starbucks like a creep and wondering what her underwear looks like. It’s human nature AND regrets. They go hand in hand.

Ask Dr. Tony Vol 27


Hello again!
The Dr. is once again in and this week is a special “all questions from ladies” edition. I didn’t plan it like that but, apparently, hoes got questions this week.
If you’re new to this column, it’s pretty simple. Readers send me questions about their shitty love lives and I try my best to give them an honest perspective. No point in me lying. I don’t know you people and have absolutely no stake in your lives. So, this is all unfiltered advice from a man with no background in anything remotely clinical.
If this sounds like something you might be interested in , please email me any questions of the heart you may have. Send them to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. It’s all anonymous so don’t hold back. Also, I’m running low on questions so, if you like this column, send me more. I can’t do this without questions.
Anyway, here’s this week debacles.

Hey i just broke up with my lover becos of my weight issue everytime we walk togeather people make gest of us and due to this fact i broke up with him and without telling him the main reason why i did so and now my conscience is judging me wht do i do

First off, from one person with terrible spelling skills and even worse grammar to another , get it together. Did you write this while free falling from a crashing plane?
Secondly, calling someone your “lover” is just plain creepy. But, more than that, there is a difference between a “lover” and a boyfriend. If this person was literally just your lover, then I assume all you guys shared was something sexual. If that’s the case, you’re allowed to break that off whenever you want. In fact, sparing that person’s feelings by not saying “Hey fattie, I broke up with you fat ass cause your a fat fat ass!” is definitely a nice move. If this is a person you were actually involved with on a deeper level, while it may sting and paint you as a shallow piece of shit, a little honesty might be a good idea. Now keep in mind, this is me telling you to do that. I can’t say I’d actually do that myself cause, damn, that’s cold blooded. But on paper, it seems like the right thing to do.
But beyond all that vague advice I just gave, are you really gonna break up with someone cause of that other people think? I mean, if his fatness bothers you, then that’s one thing but if it’s the jokes made by strangers fueling your break up, who gives a shit? Also, do you like in an 80’s movie locker room or something? This dude would have to be EXTREMELY obese for people (strangers!) to feel comfortable enough to openly mock in public and, even then, who does that in 2013?
Maybe you like fat dudes? If so, I say enjoy it. I was talking to a friend the other day about how awesome it would be to have a fetish where you were attracted to people that other people might not typically be into. Like, to be into fat girls? Holy shit! I’d have my pick of the litter. And, beyond that, they’re generally nicer people than skinny people. But, unfortunately, genetics wired me (and most other people) differently. Oh well…maybe in another lifetime.

For the past year I haven’t had the best luck on the “dating” scene. Every guy I met either is a dick or I find something stupid wrong with them. For example: there was creepy dude with a rapist vibe who yelled at our waitress, the military guy who left me in a fucking corner for four hours while he went off with his friends on our date, and the guy who secretly had a boyfriend when he got with me. Not girlfriend, boyfriend. Wtf. On the flipside, the guys who are really into me I end up thinking they’re too feminine, slightly too old, are a little too chubby, have hips like a woman, or some ridiculous shit like that. I’m at a point where I’m just like AHHHHH what is wrong with me! Is it weird to be picky like that and want someone who meets all the criteria I’d like? Or do you think that’s impossible? I honestly wish I was less superficial and would just go for the nice chubby guy for once. In fact, one recently asked me about and I enjoy talking to him but I’ve yet to agree to go out because I’m afraid the date will be awkward and I won’t be as attracted to him (I think he’s cute but I kinda psych myself out just waiting for a dude to have flaws). Plus, my friends are probably more superficial than I am and I’m afraid they wouldn’t approve. Yeah, fuck them. So, basically, I need an opinion if I should be less picky, or advice on how to be less picky so I can go for the guys who are actually nice to me. Or do I keep waiting for someone super hot and nice? Would you date someone that lacks in one area if they make up for it in another? I feel like I’m in such a dating slump. Dating sucks, but I’m past the point where I can just hook up with a guy and call it a day. Also, I know I have probably have some issues.

I’m afraid no person can force themselves to be less superficial. I mean, they can try…but at their core they’re always gonna feel like they’re settling. You are attracted to what you’re attracted to. I know a ton of girls who are in their 30’s and single right now , dating well below their standards cause they’re trying to give it all a chance. While that’s valiant of them, I also think it’s leading them towards being unhappy cause they will most likely settle for the wrong dude. I suppose , for many women, the fear of being alone is way scarier than the fear of being with the wrong guy. Which is crazy but, hey, do you ladies.
While part of this is high standards (or petty grievances) I gotta think there is an element of you putting walls up. I dunno what happened to you in the past (if you’ve been routinely fucked over, cheated on or your dad was an asshole) but it’s not uncommon for people who’ve been through that kinda shit to put up a forcefield.
That or you have a fucked up radar that only makes you attracted to shitheads , unavailable men and lunatics. You wouldn’t be the first girl with that problem.
Another thing that you might wanna take stock in is yourself. Are you hot? Really? People always talk about having high standards but I feel like the often overlook their own pay grade. Maybe you’re dating mediocre looking guys cause you are in fact also mediocre. I’m not firing shots at you specifically (as I don’t know you or what you look like) but part of dating is having grasp of your range. When i was single, I knew there were girls that were out of my league. So, I didn’t bother with them. I have a feeling this is more of a guy problem than a girl problem though so it may be off base a little. Still, I’ve seen some 3’s turndown handsome charming guys on some “As if!” shit and it blows my mind. Basically, all I’m saying is a little honest self awareness never hurt anyone.

Blockhead! It’s the year 2013 and i’m a 21 year old virgin. Should I be proud? ashamed? I’m not ugly nor the “saving myself until marriage” type of girl.. Just waiting till I meet a guy I actually wouldn’t mind having sex with.
What are your thoughts on virgins nowadays?
Is there an age limit where it’s like “Holy shit just get it over with already!” ?
What’s the difference between male/female virgins?
Have any friends who are still virgins?

I don’t think you should be proud or ashamed. Holding on to your virginity for non-religious reasons is one of those things that I tend to think the person doing it makes too big a deal about. It either becomes a badge of honor or a scarlet letter (but a scarlet letter of purity shame). In both cases, I personally think it’s stupid. You wanna wait to meet the person of your dreams before you have sex? Good for you. Good luck. Just understand that , when it comes down to it, sex isn’t THAT important. Sure, it’s how we as a human race continue but it’s also something fun that people do for no reason. It’s like eating fine food. We don’t have to do it and we don’t need it…we could eat millet all day and drink enriched yogurt paste to survive. But, instead, every now and then, you want something that you enjoy.
I might also add that there’s a good chance that the guy you give it away to won’t be the guy you end up with. And for your sake, I hope not cause , if you enjoy sex, you’re gonna wanna try it with multiple people.
I’m not saying go out and fuck the first guy who buys you a drink but don’t hold on to your virginity just cause of some fairy tale ideals you’ve created. When your comfortable with the idea, have sex. It’s pretty simple. And, it’s the type of thing that once you are enjoying , you’ll wonder why you ever waited past 10th grade. This was all advice given to you by a person who does not have a daughter, clearly. If i did , this entire answer would be “Stay a virgin forever! daddy loves you!”.
As for the other questions, 21 isn’t that old to still be a virgin. I’d say things get dicey for women towards the late 20’s. If I meet a normal girl who is a virgin and 28 years old, I assume she’s got issues. As for men, If you haven’t fucked by 25, there is either something wrong with you or you’re really not trying. I say this cause , as men, we (for the most part) actively pursue sex. Sure, there are going to be plenty of older male virgins who read this who are wildly offended and will say shit like “Sex isn’t this or that…blah blah blah” but know that those dudes are either simply not into the idea of sex at all or scared of vagina. Also, a 35 year old male virgin talking about sex like he knows what’s going on is one of the sadder things you will encounter. That said, I guarantee someone will be butthurt about this in the comments section of this post. Also know that while they certainly do exist, they are not the majority. Sorry guys. You aren’t. But, by all means, go on living that life if it makes you happy. Don’t have sex on my account.
And, no, I don’t have any friends who are virgins. I’m 36. That would be fucking weird.

A few weeks ago I went out with my friend just for one drink but then, surprise surprise, we ended up going to a night club. Anyway I was a bit drunk, but not too much. I was dancing on the dance floor and then this guy came up and started dancing with me. I didn’t even see what he looked like but kept on dancing. Then I guess I went for a cigarette and left the guy there. At one point of the evening I spontaneously hugged some one from behind on the bar counter and it turned out it was the same guy I had been dancing with. We talked for a while but then I decided it was time for me to go home. We hadn’t even introduced ourselves to each others, but then the next morning I got a text message and it was from him. So he had unraveled my name and number. We agreed that he would come pick me up and we would go to the seaside. We ended up spending five hours together and then he returned me to my home. After a half an hour he sent me a message to tell me good night. The next three days he texted me every evening to ask me how my day had been and stuff. On the fourth day we were both out drinking with our own friends and the he came to the same bar where I was, just because he wanted to see me. We exchanged our first kiss on that evening and had a good time and left at the same time. Then he asked me if I wanted to come spend the night with him. I hesitated for a while and told him that I was afraid of just being a bandaid (he has broken up with his girlfriend after two years about a month ago, at that time it had been just two to three weeks) and he told me it’s nothing like that. I also told him that I didn’t want it to be all about sex, so he said it didn’t have to and that he just wanted to spend the night with me, it didn’t matter if we had sex or not. He had been living together with this ex girlfriend and after the break up he went back to living with his parents. I didn’t want to see his parents in the morning and told him so, so he asked me if I wanted to go to their cottage. It was fine by me so we took a cab and went there. Things got pretty hot when we went to bed and you know.. I had a really good time with him and he told me he likes me. The first time he said it I just answered that it was nice to hear it. Then the other time he said: “seriously, I really like you” and then I said it back to him. I was really happy ’cause it has been a loooong time since someone has told me that. The next morning we walked to his house (it was about 1,5 miles away from their cottage) to get the car and he drove me back to my house. After a couple of hours he sent me a text asking if my parents had asked me about where I had been for the night and stuff. We texted the whole day but the next day I didn’t hear anything from him before I asked him where he was (we were both drinking with our friends again). Then my friends and I went to the same night club I had met him for the first time and he was there too. I saw him and said hi but he was acting like he didn’t even notice me. I got really sad and angry because well, I thought he had got what he wanted from me and I didn’t matter anymore. Then at some point of the evening we went for a cigarette and I asked him why he was acting like that. He didn’t seem to think he had done something wrong (he was quite drunk) and then I decided not to care and to go get wasted too. I didn’t see him after that except for when it was time to leave and I was hanging outside the bar with my friends. I went to talk to him again and then we decided to go get some food and he came over at my place. We ended up having sex again. I asked him to leave before my parents woke up and he left at 7:30 AM. The next day we met again and went for a ride outside the town. We didn’t really talk about what had happened last night and it kind of bothered me but I thought it was better not to talk about it, I really don’t know why.. Since then he hasn’t texted me on his own initiative, only to answer my texts. I called him once last week to ask him what he was doing but he said he is very busy with his work for a few days and we agreed that he would call me when he had time for me. For the weekend I was out of town but he called me on saturday/sunday night. We were both drunk then and he asked me where I was, I told him I was out of town and he asked me if I would call him when I was back in town. Since I hadn’t heard of him at all for a few days I told him I didn’t know if I wanted to call him at all anymore and he sounded really angry ’cause I said so and hung up the phone. For a few minutes I was like “what have I done, I don’t want this to end like this” and decided to call him. He answered and we started talking. I told him that I hadn’t expected anything of him, since he had broken up lately but that I was a bit confused ’cause he hadn’t been in touch with me anymore since he had been texting me every evening before that. He told me that he really has been busy with his work and that he hasn’t had time for anything else than his work. He also told me that he had been thinking about me and thinking about texting me but he didn’t know why he hadn’t. He said he is not fully recovered from the break up yet but that he still likes me. I told him that my biggest concern is if he has some other girls in the picture at the same time and he told me that he hasn’t been seeing anyone else than me. I have trust issues since the last time I went out with somebody, we had agreed not to date anyone else but he had betrayed me and dated several other girls on the side. I told him that too. It’s really sad that I can’t trust this guy because he hasn’t done anything for me not to trust him but still… I told him my feelings and that we didn’t have any rush and could take things slow and see each others like just once a week. We wouldn’t have to mix our friends or anything and the only thing we would have together was the time we would spend with each others. We didn’t end up having a conclusion to the situation and now it’s been four days and I haven’t heard of him. I haven’t called him or texted him or anything, ’cause I thought I’d give him some time and space. I was thinking about texting him next week when it has been closer to two weeks of not hearing anything about him, unless he gets in touch with me. I’m just really confused and don’t know what’s going on here. I don’t think I’ve been doing anything really wrong here so please help me, is he just playing with me or what the hell? I don’t necessarily want to start a relationship with him or anything, but it would be nice to have someone in the picture. Just someone to casually hang out with. But just one. Should I just let this go or try to take it easy and see where it leads?

If you text anything like you write, perhaps his texting plan couldn’t handle a relationship with you? Just kidding (kind of).
To be honest, I think your original worrisome thought of “he just got out of a relationship” was spot on. It sounds to me like he doesn’t know what he really wants and , most likely, goes through different mind sets on a weekly basis. He knows he wants to have sex with you…but he also just got out of a relationship and you guys already talking about relationship-esque stuff is probably a big turn off. It’s without a doubt partially his fault that he’s in this position as he was the one sending sweet texts and willing to take it relatively slow. You were really just following his lead. but, to be blunt, he was also trying to close the deal with a new girl for the first time since a long break up. It’s possible he doesn’t know how to be a gentlemanly scum bag yet.
My guess is that all he wants is simplicity. No arguments. No talks about “us”. Just something fun and casual. That’s all any guy who just got out of a relationship wants. I doubt he’s looking for a new girlfriend this soon (though, it wouldn’t be unheard of). So, he most likely just felt the need to create some space between you too to temper any grand ideas you might have concerning your relationships future. I’m not sure if that means he’s put a cap on how far the relationship could go or if he just actually needs time but, whatever it is, I’d say it’s safe to just leave the keys in his hands. If he calls, react accordingly. If he doesn’t, fuck him (not literally). But, more than anything, if this is not what you want, remove yourself from the equation. It’s way too early to be getting upset with a guy when you’re not even in a committed relationship. You’ve got nothing to lose by simply asking him straight up where you stand with each other.

Ask Dr. Tony vol. 26


Ahhhh…It’s time once again for another installment of “Ask Dr. Tony”.
As always, This is where you, the readers, ask my advice on your fucked up love lives. While I’m not a professional in the slightest, I have been know to give honest advice from a very particular viewpoint (Male, mid 30’s, realist, curmudgeon). If you are in need of such advice, do not hesitate to ask me anything. Send questions to my email: phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave the questions in the comment section below. Either way it’s all anonymous (as far as the readers are concerned , at least) so this is a safe place…to humiliate yourself , your friends and your lovers.
This weeks questions are all different but they seem to dance around the same topics. Trust, fidelity and insecurity. While they’re not all related specifically, they’re all major issues in many relationships. So, um, good luck with all that shit. I’ll do what I can…

Dear Dr. Tony,

I recently started dating a guy who is head over heels for me, which he tells me every day.

He’s pretty much everything I want: smart, hilarious, successful, considerate, generous, exciting, confident, respectful, and doesn’t give a fuuuucccckkk. Plus we have insane chemistry and he’s got all the other surface stuff I like (tall, sexy, good in bed, amazing cook, great style). We are similar in nature and values, both want a family, and come from similar backgrounds. I am really happy with him and feel lucky that I met this guy. It took me a few months to finally go on a date with him, but when I finally did we clicked instantly, ended whatever else was going on with other people, and have been together since. He professed his feelings for me soon after, introduced me to his parents, and talks about us in the future. For him, he’s all in. For me, I’m taking my time truly opening up to him because I have a problem with the relationship.

The problem is that he is 7 years younger than me. I’m 36 and he’s 29. Up until this year I never truly felt ready to settle down, but I’m at the natural age where people start thinking about starting a family and all that. Not necessarily with my current boyfriend, but in general. I know from experience that guys need to put their penises in all kinds of people before they start to settle down (mostly because you guys get tired after about 35). I adore him but I’m scared of opening up to someone who will likely realize I’m too old for him. I don’t want to break up with him, but I can’t help but feel like if things were to work out I would be robbing this guy of more experience and I wonder if that would haunt us later down the line. Or am I being ridiculous and love is love?

I’d like to first point out that, while mens libido does begin to wane a little at 35, that doesn’t mean we don’t still want to stick out dicks into everything. I’m rpetty sure that urge lasts well into seniority. Basically , committing to a relationship is acknowledging you won’t do that anymore ,even though your natural instinct is to do it until the seed is spread far and wide. So, if you’re worrying about that and how you’re taking it away his golden years of pussy domination, it’s pointless. It’s like feeling bad for putting a tiger on an all tofu diet. If that tiger is willing to go along with it, it’s really on the tiger.
Anyway, it sounds to me like you’re making excuses and looking for reasons to maybe end this. 29 isn’t a child. Most americans are married with two kids by that age. Granted, most americans are fucking idiots but still…if this dude is all in and not showing signs of letting up, you denying him cause you think he might want to go get more ass one day is just stifling your own well being.
I look at this three ways. On one hand maybe he’s one of those dudes what genuinely wants to settle down with a girl he loves. Those guys do exist. Age isn’t an issue for those guys.
Or he’s a guy who, while he does love you, will hit a wall down the line and things will go astray once he realizes he’s in his early 30’s and married (or whatever) to a women in her 40’s. But, then again maybe he likes older girls? You never know.
Or, he’s somewhere in between (this is what I think most guys are like) and he’s all in but you never know what will happen. Very few things are foolproof in like and relationships are not one of them. So, I say ride it out. worst case you scenario you break up in a year cause it didn’t work out but you could also get married , have a kid and be totally happy. Sabotaging a relationship over things you perceive might possibly happen is just that, sabotage. So, fall back and the let things happen as they do.

Dr. Tony: Do you think more people are cheating than admit it? I’m honestly starting to lose faith in monogamy. I say this because I was with my ex boyfriend for kinda a long time and, regrettably, cheated on him. I felt pretty bad but it became easier each time and he never found out. Also, the guys I cheated with never felt bad for messing with a girl they knew had a girlfriend. I know that sounds horrible but it was when I just started college and my inner slut came out. For now I’m not dating because I’m still not sure if I can be monogamous. The fact that he never found out made me really think “Hey, how many other people are getting away with this shit?”. I mean, ideally we’d all be perfect partners and never even look at another person but it’s human nature to be attracted to people. Now, I’m about to sound like an even more horrible person here but I’ve also been in situations where guys who’ve had girlfriends have hooked up with me. I guess I feel that it’s their problem if I’m the single one but I’m not completely without a conscious, when I see pictures of these couples on Facebook or hang out with them at parties I honestly feel bad. The thing is, these guys seems to not even feel bad about cheating, in fact they even asked to meet up again. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were sleeping with even more women as well. I’ve also been in threesome situations with girls who wanted to give their boyfriend that opportunity to, I guess, get some urges out of them. Is there hope for relationships? Or are the majority of people just assholes who want to be fucked? It’s this dilemma that keeps me from dating again.

Lots of topics to cover here so this may jump around a little.
Off the bat, you sound young. I don’t mean that figuratively (or in a mean way). I mean it sounds like you’re 22 or something. Because of that, I feel like cheating is way more prevalent for you. This is because most young relationships are bullshit. I’m not belittling the feelings young lovers have for one another but , at that age, you’re most likely not emotionally evolved enough to be in a serious relationship. It’s also because your hormones are running wild and there are nothing but options college/post college. When you’re that age, there really aren’t consequences to cheating other than hurting peoples feelings. In general, there aren’t kids, money or a joint living situation involved. So, I’d imagine it’s easier to rationalize cheating to your conscience. While there is certainly an sociopathic element to it, it’s also often just people in bad relationships lashing out OR simply people with a wandering eye and slightly loose morals.

That said, I think, in general, cheating is pretty common. It’s one of those DNA things. People either do or they don’t. Some people have a built in thing that makes them feel so guilty they can’t imagine doing it. Others don’t even blink at the idea of getting their dick sucked and coming home to their happy relationship like nothing happened. I’ve cheated and been cheated on and , in both cases, I was very young. But, once I reached around 30 I kinda decided that wasn’t something I’d do again. Cause anything that’s serious at this age actually has some weight to it, as opposed to two 20 year olds who fuck each other and smoke weed together and call themselves a “couple”.

I’d lend your zeal for cheating to (most likely) being young and not being with the right person. A lot of the time, that’s all it takes. My advice would be don’t get into relationships you’re not sure you wanna be in. There’s nothing wrong with being a sexually active single person. You can do that shit for years if it suits you. You’re only a slut if you feel like a slut. In fact, I encourage everyone to be like that until they’re found someone who actually is right for them.

Lastly, the whole “I give up on dating” bullshit I always hear from girls is comical. I realize very few of them say it with any real intent but it’s corny. Like you motherfuckers ever stop looking. No dude has ever said “I just can’t handle dating anymore!” cause we don’t even think about it like that. Dating is like a series of experiments that people use to find the right solution. There’s a lot of trial and error. In your case, it involves fucking everyone with no regard but that’s still just part of the process. At some point, it’ll all calm down and make sense.
I understand how frustrating it can be but don’t kid yourself like you’re about to take vows of celibacy and become a lady monk or some shit cause you can’t stop cheating. We both know that two weeks will pass , whatever guilt you have will settle and you’ll be back in the bar or on social networks or wherever flirting with some guy you think is cute. The cycle never ends until you actually meet the right person.

Block you answer a lot of life’s problems so here’s another one, and maybe I just need reassurance of my position. But the girl I’m dating pretty seriously has started hanging out with this dude. They smoke together, shoot pool, etc. I’ve only had the “pleasure” of meeting this dude once, and it was after I got off work and my gf had spent the day drinking with him and his friend. You see what I’m getting at, he invites her to parties and etc etc. she hangs out with him when I’m at work but never hits him up lookin for the party or whatever when I’m with her. He obviously wants her and I explained this to her but she says that’s his problem and she’s just hanging out with him cuz no one else is around during the day or whatever. I guess by the time you actually respond to this I’ll most likely have made an effort to hang out with him or argued it out with my girlfriend but what’s your opinion on this, i don’t even know if I really think she’s cheating but she’s at the very least a hypocrite as she probably would flip out if I hung out w a recent ex or something similar. And I explained all of this to her, as well as the fact that she’s making certain impressions on me due to her actions, as well as feeding the fire of this dude thinking he has a chance, which if he’s not banging my girlfriend I actually pity him, having been strung along before. There has to be a question mark somewhere so I guess what would you do in my position block?

Your girl sounds like a piece of shit. There’s something to be said for girls in relationships hanging out with old male friends. Male friends who were around a long time that have established their relationship with them. There’s a whole other side of things though when a “new” male friend pops up. Now, there’s no question this dude is trying or currently fucking your girlfriend. Guys simply don’t just suddenly buddy up with attractive girls simply to have some dope hang seshes. So, off the bat, you know his intentions are shitty.
With your girl, it gets slightly more complicated though. I don’t know if it’s cause some of them delusional or if they’re just lying but girls will swear up and down that they only are “friends” with a guy who is clearly angling to fuck them. While those two things can co-exist, them fronting like the guy would never go there is where I would start to lose my mind. The thing is, I don’t believe girls are that blind. In fact, I know they aren’t. They know when they’re being flirted with and they know when a guy wants to hit it. They know this cause they spend their entire life after they’re period drops fending off men who are trying to fuck them. So, I call bullshit on your girl if she’s playing dumb to any of them.
Also, the whole “you never hang with him” thing is a definite red flag. Her excuse of just hanging out with him cause that’s all she can do is bullshit. Add in that they’re spending the day drinking and smoking together and I’d bet a generous amount of money you’ve kissed her mouth post head session with that guy. I’m sorry dude…but all indicators point to that clearly being the case.
If, somehow, he’s actually not hooking up with her and just hanging for fun, you gotta question her regardless. Girlfriends having male friends is fine. But there’s a line of appropriate behavior that’s being crossed when she spends all day getting fucked up with some other dude. To me, that makes her seem like someone who’s just using this guy for his attention and may reflect on her feeling like she’s not getting enough from you. Who knows?
But, whatever the case, this shit needs to be addressed right away. I know it sucks to be the sucker who confronts his girl about this kinda thing cause it’s a very insecure action but, from what you’ve told me, she’s given you ample reasons to be concerned.
Just be prepare for her lies cause , much like the winter in Game of Thrones, they’re coming.

Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 22


Love, love love…You won’t find much in here but that’s kinda the point.
Hi, I’m Dr. Tony. I’m here to answer any questions you may have concerning your love life or lack thereof. If you’ve got any questions that need answering or if you just need an adults opinions on your childish relationship issues, holler at me…
send me questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below.
The doctor is in…

I know how you’ve touched on teenage love and how it’s a motherfucker, but what are your thoughts on high school couples splitting up just because they’re going to college in different places. I know love is pretty stupid at this age, but isn’t it kind of shitty that something like this can end an otherwise healthy relationship?

I think it’s somewhat necessary. While there are people out there who fell in love with their high school sweethearts , married them and lived happily ever after, there are way more people fell in love, got married and ended up hating each other 5 years later while also realizing they have floundered a good piece of their youth.
Granted, with divorce rates, the same could be said about any long term relationship. Bottom line is the odds are not in anyone’s favor. Add on both participants being teenagers and it’s even worse.
I think a thing that often get swept under the table when discussing this kind of situation is the FACT that long distance relationships are terrible. I mean, even people who have gotten out of them unscathed would attest to them just not being a fully functional relationship. So, if you take two teenagers who are all of sudden thrown into a new social existence full of booze, new people and freedom, the chances of them holding on to the teenaged love is pretty slim. It’s no ones fault. It’s just how it is.
I think I like poke fun at teenaged love cause it’s something you can only understand once you’re well out of it. I’ve been there. I remember thinking life could not go on over some girl or thinking how much every feeling I had mattered. Well, 15 plus years later and that shit is comical to me. I realize this is just something we all have to figure out for ourselves but, if you can, just take my word for it. It’ll at least save you a little time and anguish.

Yo, sup, I got a question for dr. Tony.
I’ve been dating this girl for more than four years now and I’m 100% percent sure she’s the right one for me. Our personalities match great, she really can’t get me mad, we have fun together, she gives me the space I need, she is really cute with hot body, sex is still fantastic and improving even after all this time,…I could go on, but you get the point. There isn’t a thing on her that would bother me too much and after all this time i know her pretty well. So, the problem is this. I’m in my mid twenties, in the prime of my life and I’m a handsome mothafucka (not trying to brag, I just never had problems getting girls, mostly hot ones, some grenades also, but fuck it:)), I work out regularly and I am not ready to say goodbye to all the other girls. I am attracted to them, I check them out on the streets and I want to bang them. I never cheated in my life and I don’t know it it would be the right thing to do here, but I also don’t want to end this great relationship because of a year or two of single action, which I would eventually get tired of and I would be back to square one, trying to find another long term girl again and it would be hard to do. There are a lot of great girls to have sex with, but not nearly as many good ones to be with them long term. So what should I do? I feel that my time is running out and this are definitely my best years right now. My single friends are having the time of their love lives, fucking everything that moves, but at the same time I don’t want to throw it all away. My friend is telling me that cheating is the way to go, but I don’t really know, I’m afraid it would make me feel too bad and change everything, but on the other hand it might be the shit I need, just a little spark here and there (not too often), but it sound really wrong, plus I don’t want to hurt her (if she finds out somehow).
Thanks for advice, peace.

Well, welcome to the world of every guy ever who’s ever been in a long term relationship and owns a functional penis.
I’ve always been a proponent of people not really settling down till their late 20’s/early 30’s. For the very reasons you have discussed. However, I hate to inform you, these feeling don’t go away. There are certain dudes out there who get in relationships who seemingly resign their dicks and don’t even look at other girls or harmlessly flirt. But, the rest of us? It’s just something we gotta deal with. It’s the thing all people should consider when embarking on a new relationship: Is this person worth me not fucking other people for? It’s a real simple question and has many many complicated layers to it but that’s the basic gist of it. Are you willing to forfeit all other partners for this one person? It’s never an easy question to answer.
Look at it this way:
Sure, you could break up with this girl, get a few years of random sex in and then settle down with someone else. problem with that is, if this current girl really is all you claim she is, you will have regrets. Once you plow through a few hot yet moronic girls, it might dawn on you that , perhaps, you traded in something of real value for a few random busted nuts. OR it could work out fine. you sew your oats and meet some other similar perfect girl down the line when you’re ready. There’s no right or wrong in this scenario. It is what you make it.
As for the whole cheating thing, I’d advise against it. Some dudes are built to cheat, others are not. Your friends are just telling you to do that cause, in all likelihood, they want their single friend back. The fact you have reservations at all tells me you’re not bout that life. Even if you did do it, I’m pretty sure you’d feel like total shit about it and it would become an issue.
The only honorable way about this would be to suggest a “break” with your current girl. The only problem is that people don’t usually come back from “breaks”. But , hey, if that’s what you think you need to do…go for it. Cause, don’t forget, you’re a handsome motherfucka. Just remember while you’re you fucking all those girls, she’s also out there…sucking others guy off and telling them how much she loves their cock. If you can handle that, than maybe you guys are meant for each other.

Ok. There is this girl who I liked since the beginning of this year – haven’t always considered her on my radar, but she’s always been there. She’s young, was 17 earlier this year, and I didn’t know how I felt about that being in my mid 20’s. I live in a small town where everyone kind of knows everyone, from mid teens to mid 30’s, and my friends (guys and girls,) were supportive, like, “go for it.” I decided against though, hearing a couple horror stories from a friend about people he knew in the past that were like 17 and 18… + disgruntled parents = registered sex offender. So I hung back, still maintaining contact as friends, and we were both pretty close for a little while. At one point she was asking me where I lived and if I drove at 2 o clock in the morning. But I digress. We sort of faded in and out of conversations over the months, and she’s legal now though I’ve come to terms w the fact I’m not fit for a relationship w anyone at this point.

So as of recent, whenever I ran into her I could tell she’s genuinely happy to see me, and I’d text her, about once every two weeks, getting a response about half the time. She’s cute, and nice personality so of course she’s the center of attention, not necessarily by choice, but though she wasn’t too big on getting back to me.. i dunno, I figured she was maybe she was just like that, or playing games or something – but the other day I got the text back, “you’re making me uncomfortable” .. “I’m sorry, how” .. “you come into my work, text me all the time.” I forgot to mention that she works by my house and I had stopped in a couple times, just to say hi and stuff, didn’t think much of it – and I know exactly what this looks like. She had told me where she works, I didn’t stalk her – though honestly that’s completely how I felt, and was exhibiting that kind of behavior, in how i was a bit relentless making contact. I totally didn’t mean to, I just kind of had it in my head we still had that same connection as before + how she was when she’d see me, and I let that divert me from the feeling something wasn’t right. I said “I got ya,” in that text conversation and she said “sorry.” I said “no need,” being as I found it kind of insulting and implicative to me being weak. She wrote “?” and I was a bit confused, didn’t quite know what to say, so I said “because you didn’t hurt my feelings,” which wasn’t exactly true, but I meant that I didn’t need her to be sorry for me, and that would be messed up if i did … need her to make me feel ok when i was out of line.

After letting it swirl around, I decide to send her a message the next day (i know, i know,) only to tell her I understand how i was being, and to say there’s no bad blood from this end … I figured that would put her more at ease. And I mentioned cause it’s my birthday (25,) in a week or two, that I invited her, totally don’t expect her to show, but didn’t want to exclude her.. with everyone we know. Anyhow, she comes back to say why she can’t go, and gives the impression she’s bummed about it, which I was really taken aback by, cause one minute i’m like creepy-stalker-guy, and the next it seems like how it was before, no hitches – so I don’t really know who I am to her.

Granted she’s young, and on looking back at this point I really don’t feel too good about that, and perhaps I should persecute her for said interacitions .. plus I totally backed off since then, and though it’d be cool to still be friends, don’t have a problem with completely keeping distance, especially with the fact it’s better for me to be alone at this point. And definitely didn’t feel too good about this stalkerish behavior. The situation isn’t really a “problem” at this point, though kind of a loose end as to wondering what’s what. In general wanted to see what you thought. Hoping you won’t need to twist the knife much.

Eh, I’d say just fall back. She sounds like she’s either too nice, confused or flighty. All three of those things are not worth sweating over. She’s 18 dude…You’re 25. That age difference is okay when you’re in your mid 30’s and she’s in her late 20’s but 18 is YOUNG. If you just were angling to fuck her, that’d be one thing (although it is a little creepy that you’ve known her for as long as you have and seemingly have had her in your mental farm team this entire time) but it sounds to me like you don’t even like her that much. She’s kinda cute and nice? Well, how bout you find a girl closer to your age that fits those standards? I mean, it’s not like you sound like the pickiest guy on the block.
As for your stalkerish behavior, I feel like that was just some texting miscommunication. Times like that are when actually speaking to someone comes in handy as it leaves no room for misinterpretation. Still, for someone you’re not super interested in, it does seem kinda unnecessary that you stop by her job all the time.
is it possible all this has to do with you fulfilling this long term fantasy of having sex with the young girl? I mean, shit, it happens. I get that. It just seems like something you could take a step back from and realize that it’s best to just drop it.

So , yeah, fall back. If she wants to see you, she’ll make it happen. If not, you just saved yourself having to have extended conversations with an 18 year old. congrats!

Alright. So I’m in my younger 20s, stuck in a shitty place in America, and struggling financially. Awesome… What I have going for me with the ladies is purely personality, skill, etc. My history goes as such: made lots of mistakes with the females who were involved with me, but also was taken advantage of to the point of not believing any chick…really at all. So now I don’t seek relationships. I’ve been fairly unsuccessful playing the “careless” part trying to get with girls, but it’s anything but an act. Once you crossover to indifference…well I’m not sure if you can come back, but I think the answer is that your most likely not gonna give a fuck. Generally I believe that most people suck and if they have a vagina and expect shit…they qualify twice for sucking. Here’s my question. Yes. A very selfish thought. Seems to me as though girls(maybe just hoes…) are down with dudes in a relationship. Would it be so horrible to have a chick around (that I most likely wouldn’t trust…she most likely wouldn’t trust me either) so as to increase my chances of running into better ones? I know…total asshole thought but I’m not seeking something to last…too cynical.

Jesus christ dude. Get it together. You don’t sound like you’ve even experienced that much. I get a feeling one specific girl burned you pretty badly (recently) and this if your reaction to it. You just seem butt hurt and depressed. You can’t pile all women into one “type”. Sure, some of them are untrustworthy hoes. But there are plenty that aren’t.
so, you’re asking if getting a fake girlfriend will help you land better girls? No, man. It won’t. What might help you is to not be so cynical about the whole thing. Listen, I get it. I’m the king of indifference. But, the thing is, if you REALLY are indifferent, that would work in your favor. For some reason, lots of girls are drawn to the challenge of an indifferent guy. However, your “indifference” sounds more just like straight up bitterness and disdain. I’m afraid that’s not the shit that gets the panties moist. I dunno dude, I think you’re coming at this from a really skewed angle on every level. My advice to you would be to step back from it all and really consider what humanity is about and maybe try to generalize a little less. Yes, I just told someone to generalize less. That’s how deep this is.

Ask Dr. Tony Vol 21

The Doc is back again, in it to win it. what is “it”? That nobel peace prize they give out to people who dole out love advice on the internet. That exists, right?
Anyway, this is that thing where you send me questions about your fucked up love lives and I attempt to answer them with brutal honesty and an even hand.
As always, I’m not trained in this, I have no degrees and I am almost a robot on the inside but I am pretty level headed and honest. That’s all you really need to give good advice. But , still, take all this with a tiny grain of salt. I’d hate for any of you to ruin your life on account of anything I’d write on this fucking blog.
That said, if you have any questions like this you’d like me to help you through, send them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com. The doctor is always in…

Yo Block, this is gonna be a weird and probably long one, but I hope you’ll take it as a “challenge”. So, last year I went to spend one year studying abroad and out there I met a lot of people from everywhere. The thing is that, after three or four months, when I already had my group of friends defined and so on, I started to feel something weird about this girl (important note, I AM a girl). At the beginning I didn’t pay too much attention to this, but after Christmas holidays I was feeling the same so I started to think I could like her (which was weird because I like boys, but well, I’ve suspected for a long time that I was not 100% straight). I finally accepted that I did but that I had no chance so I had to be patient. The thing is, a few weeks later a friend of mine told me something that happenned one night that basically made clear that this girl was not completely straight either, and that was awful in the sense that it gave me hope and so on. From this point I started to figure a way to let her suspect about my feelings but always in a sutil way because she was one of my best friends there. Well, I started to notice some actions from her towards me that got me confused, they were like signs that she liked me but I wasn’t sure and there were A LOT (I explained these signs to some friends and they wanted to hit me for not doing anything). When the year was coming to an end the signs were clearer both from her part and mine, but nothing happened, probably because I froze and I was a coward. So the year ended and we all got back to out countries. We messaged thorugh fb sometimes but she was never online so it was hard to communicate. However when she writed me she was really nice and lovely in every sense, even invited me to go to visit (our countries are neighbours) but I didn’t have money enough and no way to get more so it was unfortunately impossible. Thing is, now it’s been like one month or more since the last time she wrote me something or I saw her online. I’m kinda frustrated because it could be for one thousand good reasons but the uncertainty is a really bad friend. It happened already once (she not writing in a “long” time) but it was for something reasonable. So I’ve been upset about this though now I’m starting to give less of a fuck, I mean, I still care about this and I still have these feelings, but… I’m just thinking maybe there’s no good reason and she just doesn’t give a fuck and doesn’t reply my messages because she just doesn’t want to. I shouldn’t really worry because even if she were answering me this would be a dead end, I’m not even sure that I want something (serious) and even if I wanted that, she is a fucking mess and kinda crazy so it would be hard, even more with the distance. I mean, if we lived close and had something it would already be kinda hard to handle (I guess, maybe not), so in different countries… no, it’s not what I’m looking for.

My question is… What should I do? Keep waiting for an answer that could bring me some hope? Contact her (I know I have other ways to do it but it would hurt my pride or put me in a weird/embarrasing situation maybe) and tell her how I felt/feel? (maybe I win something doing this) Or maybe I should just stop giving a shit and have patience until these feelings go away due to the fact that I don’t even know whem I’m gonna see her again? It’s just that it’s really hard for me to have strong feelings for someone and my instinct is telling me not to give up on this even if the situation is fucked up.

First off, as well all know, homosexuality is a choice. So, in order to deal with this, just go to that little button everyone has behind their ear and flick it to “Not queer”. I’ve accidentally flicked that switch a few times and ended up on month long gay boat cruises. At the time it was great but , since I switched that button back, I’ve been mortified. (I feel obliged to throw in a “Juuuuuuuust kidding” for all you truly dense people out there).

These problems of the heart that involve distance AND internet interaction are always tricky. Add on that you don’t really know if this girl is even trying to go down that path and I can’t imagine the confusion you’re feeling. I think it’s one of those situations that can’t be solved with coyness and feeling things out. You either got to put it all on the table for her or just leave it alone. The scary thing is that her sexuality might be such a touchy subject that even that may send her running cause she’s not ready to deal with it yet.
It sounds to me she’s one of those “off the grid” type motherfuckers who isn’t obsessed with facebook and emails like you and I. In 2012, those people are really hard to deal with. Especially when they don’t live in your town/city. I dated an “off the grid” girl when i was young and contacting her (after we broke up) was the worst. She wouldn’t check her email for weeks and I’d just be sitting on my hands like a dipshit. If that’s what you feel like you’re going through then just accept that this may be an all or nothing situation. Granted, you’ll probably have to contact her through the internet regardless but, whatever…If this is weighing on you like you say it is, you need to find out.
Look at it this way, if she rejects you, at least you know for sure and you can move on. If she does’t, you guys can totes bump clams for the rest of your lives. It’s a win/win.

Recently a new girl got hired where I work, and I really like her. A lot. It seems she’s into me too, she’ll come up with any reason to come up and talk to me, you know how people do that when they like someone? Anyway, we hung out after work one night drinking and smoking. It was cool and we seem to pretty compatible. We exchanged phone numbers and almost immediately started texting each other back and forth. Now, let me mention that this is the first girl I’ve been interested in even remotely since I ended a four-year relationship over a year ago. So, my problem? This girl has never been with a dude! She said she has nothing against dating a guy, she’s just never done it. Block, how the fuck do I approach this?

Do you mean she’s a virgin or a lesbian? Either way, the fact that she’s open about that and seemingly interested in you would almost make it easier. With that on the table, you can openly discuss these things and possibly segue right into hooking up with her. My only fear is that she’s telling you that cause she’s not into men and it’s a way to get you to back down sexually.
Honestly, I’d be more worried about hooking up with a virgin than a possible lesbian. That’s a lot of responsibility.
Regardless, you approach this sensitively. Be vocal about things and , hopefully, she’ll respond. She’s admitted the “I’ve never dated a guy” part so that’s a start. Get in a comfortable yet open convo about it and say corny shit like “But would it be weird if we kissed?”. Open yet direct questions like that will show you exactly where her head is at and you can act accordingly. Who knows? Maybe she just looks at you as her bro who she smokes weed with. You won’t really know until you go there.

Didnt really know if this question should be directed toward Dr. Tony or answers for questions, but here goes. I am 25 years old and after a series of 3 long relationships, I find myself single for the first time since high school. So to occupy my free time, I’ve been going to a lot of concerts and shows. (You should come play philly soon, by the way). Most of these are by local acts in small clubs, so socializing with the bands is really common. Recently, I’ve met a bass player in a local band, we exchanged numbers and seemed to hit it off. We have a lot in common, same tastes in music, movies, sports, etc. We flirt but right now its a friendly vibe. I’ve put it out there that we should hang out and get to know each other and we made plans to do that when he’s back from tour later this month. Even though he’s never said it (he’s actually been really nice and appreciative that my friends and i come to the shows), I can’t help but feel like I’m some groupie.(Maybe i’m making something out of nothing, but the feeling is still there regardless). But to be honest, if he had been just a random guy at the show and not the talent, I still would have approached him. The fact that he’s a musician just makes his life interesting and something for us to talk about. I figured i’d take a chance with this kid, what the fuck right? So here’s my question, as a artist yourself, what’s your take on dating/ being friends with your fans?

First off, as nice as this dude is, if he’s single, he’s angling to fuck. There’s nothing wrong with that but let’s just be honest here…that’s how this works. I’m in no way saying he’s not a good dude and that he won’t treat you with all the respect in the world but if you think , for a moment, that he’s just eyeing you as his new non-sexual buddy in philly, you’re being delusional.
As far as dating/being friends with fans, it’s a slippery slope. The problem is that there seems to always be a lack of equality in the relationship. It’s hard to both be on the level when one person is quietly obsessed with the other. Granted, this can change over time but the initial dynamic between the two people is going to be off balance. But, honestly, this is more about “new” friendships between men and women cause I’m guessing this dude isn’t really famous. He’s just some guy in a band. I know this is well worn territory and women hate to hear it but there are not many guys out there in the market for new , platonic female friends. Only dudes with girlfriends/wives and gay guys would ever seek that out. Single guys will accept them but they also will always have designs on that girl. They will sit on these feelings as long as they feel they have to. It could be years. But, eventually, they’ll try and hit it. It’s just how things work in the male brain. This isn’t a 100% science but it’s pretty damn close.
So, take that mind set, add on the guy is in a band and doesn’t live where you live…do you really think for a moment, he’s trying to forge a lifelong friendship? I’m not saying you’re a groupie but if you remove your earnest intentions, this is EXACTLY what groupies do.
But, back to the question, as an artist (I hate that word), ideally I’d wanna date a person who likes my music but isn’t a fan of it. I’m sure there are musicians out there who want to be worshipped by their girlfriends. But those guys are insecure assholes. A relationship has to be as much of an even playing field as possible. If one side has a shrine dedicated to the other’s talents, it’ll never last for a long time.

got a dr. tony question.
so this chick that i’ve wanted to bang since high school (i’m 23), hits me up that she’s in town. we get drinks, and she ends up back at mine- with her vagina in my mouth. well after looking like i just had rubbed vaseline on my face with my elbows, she decides to tell me “she can’t do this, she has a boyfriend”. cool, I know. however, the thing is she continues to send me messages basically asking to be fucked, y’know things like, “i want you to fuck me”, but then she’s too tired when i hit her up. Do you think I’ll eventually get to stuff her, or is she just a sociopathic, cunnilingus stealing tease?

Love the visuals.
Umm..yeah…i think you’ll eventually hit it. I think she’s just in total control though so all you can do is wait for your window. The more you press her to fuck, the less it’ll probably happen. I dealt with a girl like this a long time ago. My thirst to hit it was immense but every time I acted on that thirst, she’d play me out. It was only when she felt like it that we’d hook up. In fact, the less I jocked her, the easier it got. So, I’d say just play it cool. If you see her out, and you’re both drunk, don’t lay it on too thick. Just playfully acknowledge that , if she’s into it, you’re down.
I gotta say, the fact she stopped you mid-cunnilingus is pretty cold blooded though. Also, she kinda sounds like a piece of shit.

Ask Dr. Tony Vol.20


Awwwww yeah. Another chance for the good Dr. to dole out that unwanted advice. This is that thing where you guys send me questions of the heart and I try and tell you what’s wrong with you. I’m not a licensed anything but I’ve been told I’m a straight shooter who gives honest , unbiased advice. That’s better than having a degree, right?
Anyway, send me more questions like this to Phatfriendblog@gmail.com. I’m here to help.
Here are this weeks questions:

I have this friend i have been talking to for 7 months both on here and the phone, but here in the past 2 months she doesnt call like she used to. she told me the other day that i have the type of personality she is looking for and wants, and that we have alot in common. But so far for the past week or two, she has been seeing this guy, who she said she kinda likes, she said he isnt for her tho, and that he isnt her type, and that she wishes he had certain things in common with him that she does with me. she said he is conceited and kinda too manly for his own good…like and asshole and a nice guy at the same time and that her and i could have alot of fun together, and she feels that i would never hurt her, and that i want a family and im respobsible and not on drugs (shes right ). anyway……. i feel bad about this, because i want to be her friend still..but i feel like this isnt good…….i really like her alot, and i send her stuff all the time..(well as much as i can anyways), but anyways besides that……what do you think? she is 28 and im 39.(which i know should send a red flag right there)….she doesnt really ever seem to lie to me about anything (i guess ,even as stupid as that sounds), but i just dont know anymore. she said she still plans to come here and meet and hang out and see what happens between us, but that it will have to wait till she gets her school check and car in order……….. i would go out and about around here, but 10 years of living here..and the relations i have had……none of the girls around here dig me any longer than a few months till they used me up or some shit.. lol……………….i would love to think that me waiting on her is a good thing, but im just not sure….oh and we never met before lol..just here and the phone…but like i said she wants to come here……should i continue to believe that and be her friend and let her go out and get screwed haha…..or just stop all together? i know this sounds stupid and im old enough to know better from my past….but still it eats at me…….

Holy shit man. So many red flags here I don’t even know where to begin. You are getting strung along and played on an epic level. I’m assuming you have money (as you alluded to other girls using you before) and you live somewhere far away from this girl. What is there to gain by trying to date this girl? I’d bet a hefty wage that she’s out doing all the things she’s leading you to believe she doesn’t want (drugs, partying, fucking the guy who’s “Too manly” and loving it). It sounds to me you’re a back pocket exit strategy that she never really intends to use. I mean, perhaps, if something truly awful happened to her and she had to get out of town then, MAYBE, she’d come stay with you for a week or two. But there is no long term anything happening here. I’m not saying you should pull the plug on it totally (but it wouldn’t be the worst idea) But stop giving her gifts. Stop being her emotional tampon. See what happens after that. If she sticks around after the handouts stop then reconsider. But, I have a feeling, she’ll be long gone at the first sign that you have wised up.

what do you think about the girl next door? like literally the apartment next to you, worth a try or don’t even bother?

It’s definitely shitting where you eat. There’s an aspect to it that is fantastic. But, in order for that to work on any level , I’d say you either have to have long term plans with that girl or be a cold blooded vaginal assassin. Meaning, you’re going to see her ALL THE TIME. You either gotta wife her up or prepare for constant awkwardness whenever you’re walking in your door.
The thing about shitting where you eat is that it’s , at first, a lot of fun. There’s an excitement to the closeness of it all. But the second it grows thin or something goes wrong, you’re now stuck with a situation that’s pretty much unavoidable.
I’d say this is even worse than sleeping with a co-worker cause, at least, you can go home after work. In this case, that neighbor will be very aware of your dealings. You have a new girl over? She probably knows.
Best case scenario (outside of becoming a couple, I suppose) if having a playful one night stand where you’re both on the same page. Maybe have a casual hook up relationship with no strings attached. If that’s doable at a leisurely pace, you can ride that out until it eventually blows up in your face. Otherwise…just let it go. Maybe set your sights on a girl that doesn’t share a wall with you.

yo blockhead, i got one for you. so i recently got out of this relationship with this girl that i was really dependant on. like, i would literally text her everything from going to the store for a pack of reds to taking a dump. pretty strange no? anyway, it ended up badly cuz i guess i was too dependant and she decided she wanted her space. forever. so i dont know what to do anymore, and ive ended up going out everyday getting drunk. ive been mising a lot of my college classes and i think im going to drop out because of grades. however, i met this other girl recently(she speaks french, isnt that awesome?) and well, in a spawn of a couple days of knowing each other, she gave me gifts and i talk to her a lot. however, sometimes i see her talking with some other guy and (i know it sounds stalkerlike) i would deliberately pass her to see if she looks up like i would with her. question is, what should i do? im still hurt over the other girl and now i have feelings for this new girl. problem is, i dont know if this girl likes me enough to go out with me because shes interested one day, but ignores me the next.

First off, you gotta chill out dude. I don’t know if you’re naturally insecure, jealous or dependent (or all of the above) but those are not qualities you wanna bring to the table. I realize you can rationalize those things as being sweet and thoughtful but, to most girls, you’re gonna rub them the wrong way and they’re not going to want anything to do with you. Get some confidence in yourself. Why do you feel the need to smother these girls? Are you afraid if you let them out of your sight that someone else is going to snatch them away from you? There comes a time when “caring” begins to become “Obsessing” and that kinda shit freaks people out. Both men and women. So, first and foremost, either try to control that or go to a shrink and talk about it. It’s not healthy and you’ll find that , if not taken care of, every relationship you have will most likely end cause of your issues.
Now, as for the new girl, it’s hard to say what she thinks. I’m not her. Just judging from what you wrote, it sounds like she’s casually flirty. She MIGHT like you but she also might like a few dudes. It doesn’t seem to me that she’s committal to anyone so you freaking out over that and who she may or may not be hooking up with is pretty much a waste of time. Those other people aren’t your concern or your business. If you like her, act on it. But, also, keep in mind that you’re still hurt over the last girl and could be grasping at straws right now. It’s clear you need attention from women so it’s not impossible you’re reading into a few friendly conversations as something more.
Whatever the case, I can’t stress this enough. FALL BACK. The more you smother girls , the less they’ll like you. If you don’t stop, prepare for a life of scratching your head and wondering why all the girls you like end up with indifferent acting dudes who seem like they don’t give a shit.

Hey Dr. T,
This is going to take a while to explain but I feel like I could use your sage advice. Anyway, here it goes.
I dated this girl since my last year in high school. We got along great, she made me really happy and she was caring, non-judging, non-jealous, pretty much perfect girlfriend. We were head over heels for each other. Then we go to college, she goes off to the east-coast (ivy league) and I go to a CC and plan on transferring (not necessarily to a school near her just to a good school for my major). Needless to say, things got rocky. We would argue and fight over the dumbest shit and we both knew it was all insignificant stuff and would always make up afterward. After about a year of this we both feel worn out. On one of her breaks she comes to visit and we decide it would be best to “take a break.”
We end up hooking up the same night and stay friends with benefits. so basically nothing changes except we don’t have labels and there’s the possibility of either of us hooking up with another person. Both of us are kind of awkward about even getting to that point with someone else so this doesn’t ever really become a problem. Everything is fine for a while when I really start to regret being on this “break”. She hinted at getting back together but I always dismissed it because I didn’t want to have the distance push us further apart like it had done in the begining. I realize I’m in love with her and finally decide to tell her when she’s home on her next break (this is during her last year of school btw). When she comes home I’m all excited but she won’t even let me kiss her. she tells me she met this guy who she says she’s kinda interested in but nothing serious and that she doesn’t see anything coming from it except most likely sex and that he’ll be in another part of the country by the time school ends.
I tell her how I feel about her and that we should get back together but she says it’s not a good idea and gives me a flat out, “no.” She says the only way it might work out is if I give her some time (i.e. after she’s fucked this dude and comes home after this internship thing she’s doing). She says she trusts me with her life and that she’s still loyal to me (idk wtf thats supposed to mean since she’s obviously planning on boning this dude). So of course I’m heartbroken. I tell her to quite literally fuck off and I haven’t said a word to her since (its been a few months).
I was with her for about 5 years and we were each other’s best friend and supported each other through A LOT of shit. In many ways she was the only real friend I had.
So now I’m wondering do I just move on? Should i even try to pick up the pieces? I feel like a divorcee. I’ve been trying to talk to other girls but halfway into a conversation with them, I don’t really give a fuck what happens with them, I just want a love like the relationship I had with my ex and I know some random chick that wants to fuck is definitely not going to fill that void.

Teenaged(and college) love is a motherfucker. It seems so serious and important at the time. Like nothing else with ever come along again. But you’re young. Very young, in fact. This is one of those life experiences that makes you stronger. Everyone has that first love, they learn from it and it makes them better for the next person they meet (or worse depending if we’re talking about a single 38 year old who’s been through like 5 of these soul draining relationships).
I’m not saying give up hope on this girl. She sounds like she’s just trying to see what’s out there. I wouldn’t write it off that there’s a chance that she might come back around at some point. The problem with that is how long it might take. There’s no time limit on “soul searching” so this one guy could be the first in a chain of dudes for her. You’ll never know so sitting on your hands waiting for her isn’t going to help anything. My advice to you would be to live you life like you would if she wasn’t in it. If she comes back around down the line, assess the situation and make a wise choice. Don’t throw everything away just cause she texted you one day. Also, our minds do crazy things in situations like this. For some reason, when we’ve been separated from someone we care about, we only can remember the good parts. That person gets so idealized in our heads that , by the time they come back around, it’s not even the same person. So , look out for that. Keep a level head and don’t deprive yourself of living on account of what another person does. You may not be into it now but a year down the line, you’ll be back to normal and , possibly, enjoying single life. Don’t let your brain deprive your dick of the best years of your life.

Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 18


Good day. Have a seat on my couch. Tell me all about your shitty relationship. That’s what I’m here for.
Yes, this is where I answer questions about topics of the heart (and genitals) that were sent in by you, the readers. If you have more questions, send me them at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below.
As always, I’m not a trained or licensed anything…I’m just honest and will tell you as I see it. So, take it all with a grain of salt…but also now that I’m right about 75% of the time. I assure , that’s a better % than any of your stupid ass friends.

Hey blockhead me and this girl started dating about a year and a half ago. 6 months in we left for college but stayed together. a few months in we started fighting a lot mostly over me getting mad over her going out all the time not telling me who shes with blah blah blah. after about another six months of this constantly she broke up with me. 2 weeks later i fucked another girl then the girl that broke up with me ended up hitting me up and we hung out. i fucked her too. then the next day i told both girls about each other because of the guilt or whatever. after about a week of my ex girlfriend hating me she forgave me and we got kinda back together. she’s back at school now and i dropped out so im an hour and a half away from her. i have the same issues now with her going out and stuff but i don’t want to ruin it again. she sees nothing wrong with what she does because she legitimately says theyre only friends even though shes friends with mostly just guys. shes never actually done anything to make me not trust her except for a text or two from a random guy at her school asking to go to a party. she says she hasnt even kissed someone else even when we broke up. so do you think i’m being ridiculous? or do you think this is just a waste of time that will never work out?
also she doesnt give me shit or fight with me for anything i do, we never fought before school, she gives great head and we smoke a lot of weed together. I really love this girl but idk if these problems are solvable. she also doesnt want to be boyfriend and girlfriend right now because of all the problems it caused but she still talks to me everyday says she loves me and that shell stay loyal. what do you think i should do?

Hey, you know that saying, right? “couples who smoke weed and give head to each other, stay together.”

I got a few problems with this. First off , you don’t trust her for shit. I mean, damn dude…you’re seriously being that quintessential jealous boyfriend. I don’t know why you’re like that but it’s not a good way to be. Now, if she’s given you reason to feel unsure about how she acts when she goes out, then that’s one thing but if you’re just being an insecure pussy cause she has male friends, then get over it. Sure, these dudes probably want to fuck her. That’s how life works. But it really comes down to if she’s the type of girl who would fuck them. Now, considering she smokes weed and gives great head, I have my reservations. She’s also in college. College is when girls are free for the first time in their lives. This often means, they slut out a little bit. So, it’s possible she’s doing what college girls do. Unfortunately, most people aren’t as honest as you and , if she were to hook up with other dudes, she’ll probably take that to grave with her.
I dunno man. I believe this girl cares about you but I also think that a relationship that lacks trust will never work. It might result in great sex but it’s long term shelf life is never good. Especially considering she got back with you after you fucked some other girl. Even though you were single at the time, I gotta think that still pops in her head. So, I think you should cut it loose simple because you’re both young , you’re 1.5 hours apart and you don’t trust her. I honestly don’t understand why anyone under the age of 25 even considers serious relationships in the first place but I suppose hindsight is 20/20.

so…it’s 4am, and i’ve been tossing and turning in my bed thinking about this girl for a few hours! sucks. i even hung out w/ a bunch of sexy girls earlier this evening that were willing to come home with me…. yet here i am, alone, thinking about this one.

so this girl i’m talking about moved into my house last week. she’s a mutual friend among friends. i knew she was looking for a place to crash for a few months, because she’s moving to europe in january…..she was kinda like a vagabond during this time, just staying wherever she can….so she inquires about moving in for a few months and i say OK. she’s a cute lil thing, but i never really had intentions of making any moves before she moved in. we’re kinda like homies…buuuuuut if the opportunity ever arose i’d totally smash that.

the first night she crashes over she sleeps in my bed. we don’t do anything but spoon each other to sleep, but that’s still a boundary we’ve never crossed w/ each other. in my hormone driven mind i’m thinkin “alright, this might be interesting over time”…i guess i should also note that my homie knocked her up a month or 2 ago and she lost the baby and before that she got out of like a 7 year relationship, sooo i’m not really just trying to dick her down right away. i figure i’ve got 6 months, why rush it?

so she continues to sleep in my bed for a couple more nights (no sex), but she stays out a couple nights and…..i ended up MISSING HER….fuck. so much for no attachment. now it’s at the point where i think about her 24/7. she stresses the fact frequently that she’s single, but she hangs out w/ this dude a lot. they were hookin up before she moved in w/ me..i’m pretty sure he kicks her down $$$ and drugs.

problem: i like her a lot. pretty sure she likes me too, but since she lives with me i think we might both be a little apprehensive to make anything happen (and we’re both hella awkward individuals). earlier this evening when i was w/ those sexy girls, she was there with her sugar daddy. she’s with him now. that’s why i’ve been so restless.

oh yeah, and she’s got the herp…i know that should be a deal breaker right there, but i’m willing to work around that :/

i need to do something before this gets even more out of hand! what would you suggest the best c.o.a is???

You’re use of “Sexy girls” gives me douche chills. Who are you? Borat? Just saying…
As for this girl, there are so many signs in this that scream “Do NOT ENTER”.
1)She just got out of a 7 year relationship
2)She recently had a miscarriage and , thus, might be going through some emotional issues right now that a good fucking won’t help.
3)She’s seeing a guy who gives her money and drugs.
4)She’s got the herp

Maybe I’m a prude but those four things are just enough for me to step away from a situation. And you seem to not be hard up , considering all the “sexy ladies” you see so ,perhaps, following your heart on this one isn’t the best idea. At least not now. If you legit like this girl and want any sort of future with her, now is not the time to move forward. Let her get her bearings cause she sounds like a fucking mess right now.
However, if you’re just trying to hit it and you don’t care about the long term, I’m pretty sure she’s open for business. Granted, you’d kinda be taking advantage of some damaged goods but, hey, that never stopped every dude who’s ever taken a black out drunk girl home from a bar. Just know though, she’s very likely going to be in a much different place in a year. For better or for worse. The only thing that will remain for sure? THE HERP.

Alright, Block. I recently met this girl from class this semester and also learned that we work at the same office at school. So over the first few weeks, we’ve seen and spoken to each other plenty of times already. She’s pretty cool- we seem to chill the same way, which is to smoke mad weed and watch bad movies all day. She seems pretty smart, has a similar sense of humor. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in seeing this girl.

Anyway, she invited me to a party in Brookyn (with mad frail white dudes) this past Saturday, and I decided to go. When I got there, she seemed to be a little flirty with me–a little more playful. I took this for a decent sign, but when I came back to the dance floor a while later, I see this girl grinding on some other dude and the two kiss. So I’m kinda stunned by this for a moment and go get myself another drink. A while later, I rush out the party to get a cigarette at the store and clear my head. As I do that, the same girl’s outside talking to that same dude and I guess she spotted me. I get back to the party and this girl gives me all her attention, wondering where I went. She leans right on me and I grip her by the waist side and kind of feel up on her for a bit. She tells me the dude kissing her was her “boyfriend but not really.” I’m still kind of stunned by all this. I mean, I’m not opposed to an open relationship or a fuck buddy or whatever, but I didn’t think this was her style. At the very least, she should’ve said something about her boyfriend being here. But I don’t bring it up at the time and just maintain the vibe cause the shit feels cool. I think I rationalized by telling myself at least I’m the other dude and not the faulty boyfriend.

She ends up dancing with her boyfriend again for a bit and then the party gets crashed by the police. I think her boyfriend said he had to drive some friends back home and basically leaves her at the party. I end up walking with her to the subway, and we make out and touch for a while before splitting ways.

I get back by 3 am and around five in the morning, she texts me, saying “I’m glad you came!” I kinda didn’t wanna text at the time and end up just going to bed. Anyway, I check my phone around two in the afternoon and by then she sent a text saying “OMG I was so drunk yesterday.” So I tell her she was just fine that night and that I had a good time, and then she says she doesn’t remember much, which I can’t totally buy. She had no questions about the party and even remembered some details about the trip back home, but apparently forgot that we made out. So in a very bad turn of events (fueled by her and my own confusion about the night before), we have a painful text conversation where I recount what happened and admit to her that I was uncomfortable about her having her boyfriend at the same party without me knowing. She apologizes and tells me she’d just like to be friends, and I explain that I’m okay with her situation with her boyfriend and would be fine continuing things as when we last saw each other (which I consider friendly too but could possibly lead to some fucking). We basically end at expressing those two things.

So what should I make of this? Do I still have a chance of maybe keeping this girl around as someone to chill and fuck with? What are the ways that I should even go about that? Am I sleazy for still considering this girl at all? And are texts in the morning that important? I can’t help but think this all would’ve been different if I got back to her at five in the morning.

Thanks and sorry for the novel, btw!

Nothing makes me happier than when people who ask questions get all 50 shades of grey up in this bitch and start recounting sexual details. Soooooooo good.

Anyway, This seems like one of those situations that could linger.
My read on it is that this girl is A LITTLE into you. Not so much she wants to date you or even have sex with you…but enough that, when she’s drunk, she will sometimes make out with you. This can be frustrating cause it leads to bi-monthly drunk make out sessions that keep you think it’s something that it’s not. Meanwhile, she’s just acting on urges and nothing more. If I were you, I wouldn’t invest much time in this but also don’t turn it down when it’s offered. The worst thing you can do is waste your time , waiting for that “moment” every time you guys hang out , only to be disappointed 90% of the time. I had a situation like this when I was in high school. I was obsessed with this and we’d hang out as friends. but , in my head, EVERY TIME we hung out, I thought “maybe today is the day”. It never was. That’s partially cause I was an unprecedented pussy but still…it was a waste of time.

As for the more factual aspect of all this, she’s full of shit. she’s totally remembers making out with you and she just doesn’t wanna get into it. I have a feeling she has stronger feelings for her “sort of boyfriend” but you make a good stand by dude. If they break up, MAYBE she’s let you in. But, trust me, being that stand by guy is some bullshit. Avoid it if you can.

Ah, asking people over the internet for relationsip advice. What a pivitol moment in my life.

I didn’t date much in highschool but have dated my college boyfriend for four years and now we are currently “on a break”. Man, I can’t say that without thinking of Ross and Rachel, haha. Anyway, I guess you could say he is my first love and that would be the big factor in why I can’t seem to really break things off from him. I get a lot of “no relationship is perfect”, “your first love is always the best”, and “wouldn’t it be so cute to marry your first serious relationship?”. The feedback certainly makes me think.

Basically, I didn’t feel particularly connected to him anymore and was tired of his annoying crap. Maybe that’s selfish, but let me explain: The first three years of our relationship he excessively lied to me about going out and getting drunk with his friends and these chicks that hung around them. He lied about it literally every week because he knew I didn’t really like his friends. Really, I just didn’t like that he had to lie about being with them and did it so stupidly that I always caught him. For the past year the lying has stopped but then he just frustrated me in other ways. He finished college but said he wasn’t ready for a real job so continues to work at Costco and live at home with his mom. Costco is apparently so stressful that I wasn’t aloud to really talk to him for several hours after work and if he did work that would rule out all possibility to leave his mom’s house for the evening. I had my own apartment and offered him to live with me but he declined. I asked him to visit but he insisted I come to his mother’s house instead. His mom hates me. I decided to continue my education at a school an hour away and he said it was too long distance and threw a fit. He’s pretty codependant and often tries to dictate what I do, who I’m friends with, etc so it doesn’t interfere with me spending time with him. I had enough and insisted we spend some time apart. It’s nice being able to focus on myself for once and, if it’s not obvious, I’m a little bitter about all that’s happened.

We haven’t seen eachother in three months. I’ve honestly avoided seeing him again because I know it’ll be awkward and he’ll cry. I asked for complete space but he freaked the fuck out and still texts me everyday. I text back to avoid him calling me 15 times in a row until I talk to him. Sometimes I miss him/still think of him. He was a significant part of my life for quite some time. Since I started the break he has been much nicer, more respecful, almost annoyingly perfect in hopes of winning me back. He is truly going above and beyond to profess his love to me and I have to give him props for staying dedicated to me for months after I checked out. I’m not so sure any other guy would be that crazy about me. I also have insecurity in myself, afraid I’ll never find someone again.

Sorry for this novel but to wrap up this long story… Should I give him another chance? Clearly he loves me and is my first love (if that counts for anything). Also, I admit if I saw him with another girl my heart would break a tiny bit. Or, how do I finally cut the cord and move on with my life?

Man, I feel like a real negative nancy over here with all these answers but, i suppose that’s the nature of this…

Listen, this relationship has run it course. While he is your first love and there will always be a part of you that thinks about him, I’d say he’s past the point of fixing. He’s being all nice right now but I’d bet my life , within a month of getting back together, he’d be back to his regular self and you’d be miserable.
The thing about the term “first love” is that it kinda hints at more loves to follow. We all go through it. it sucks. You’re a mess for a bit but you move on and eventually find someone who doesn’t work at costco and live with his mother , who hates you. Question: Does he smoke weed and give good head?
Just kidding.
But, seriously, you need to be strong and stick to your guns. You made the right move by trying to remove him from you life now you gotta hold your ground. He’s gonna do anything to change this cause, well, he works at costco and lives with his mom. A man is typically only as great as his options are. It sounds like you’re going upward while he’s middling. It should no longer be your problem. Just suck it up and keep it moving. I guarantee you will find an upgrade in your lifetime.

Ask Dr. Tony vol. 17


Ahhh, it’s been so long. The doctor is once again back in effect , here to answer all of your questions concerning love and shit like that. As always, I’m not licensed in anything. Not even driving. But, I’d like to think I have a keen grasp on reality and the ability to tell you how it is with honesty and balance. So, if you have more questions like the ones below, send them my way: phatfriendblog@gmail.com. It’s anonymous and can only help in the long run.
Okay? great.

I gotta Que…I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple months. He’s a little more invested than I am and he’s starting to get pretty relationship-y. I like him a lot, but I want to keep it casual for now. He has a kid and I’m not quite sure yet if I’m down with that. I’ve been completely upfront with him on how I feel though. Anyways, we’ve started having deep convos about our past relationships and that. I find myself wanting to know more and ask questions. For example; he’s a super attractive/charismatic guy and I’m really curious to know how many notches he has on his bed post. What’s the etiquette on questions like this? And if I just want to keep this relationship casual, is it any of my business? He has no problem asking me these types of questions, and for the most part I’ve been answering them. But if I start asking them am I sending out the wrong message?

first off, LOL @ “for the most part I’ve been answering them”. You know you’re lying to him about your past! It’s all good, I just thought that was funny.

As for your question, personally, I don’t think peoples pasts are a big deal. I think asking about past sexual partners (in a “How many people have you slept with?” kinda way and not in a detailed “I need to know everything that your genitals has done” kinda way) is harmless and not that invasive to anyone who’s an adult. Seeing as he has a kid, I’d say the skeletons in his closet can only go so deep. If he fucked a 1000 girls, who cares? He’s got a kid now so things are probably different.
That said, some people like to play their cards close to their chest. Some people get offended at the idea of even discussing such matters. some people are over protective, whiny pussies.
I think if he’s asking you shit and you’re answering (even if you are bending truths), you can ask him right back. I mean, you’re curious, right? Technically, it’s not any of your business but if you think you can handle whatever info he gives you like an adult, then I don’t see why not. HOWEVER, if you’re just doing it to bait him into an argument or have things to possibly hold over him in the future, you should just not do it. Also, if you’re doing that, you’re the worst.
As for asking these questions and keeping things casual, I don’t think that’s a big deal either. I’ve asked girls i’ve never even hooked up with those questions. The key is keeping the dialouge casual and not making him feel like he’s being judged. I’d like to think your typical male doesn’t read too much into those type on inquiries. After all, what’s leading him on when you’re already sleeping with him? As long as you’re still fucking him, he’s gonna still think you like him at least a little. So, perhaps, if you’re worried abut that and not that serious about him, you should consider that before anything involving personal questions.

I know this guy who is my age, mid twenties, and he is dating this old woman (on her late fifties).
Man, I see the like every week partying or whatever and I mean, what the fuck????

That’s my question hahaha

yeah, pretty much.. young people with old people (I mean +30 years older than them)

Personally, I don’t get it. Whenever I see a couple like that i assume the older person is going through a stage and the younger person is dealing with some childhood trauma via their dating choices. Daddy didn’t love you. Daddy loved you TOO much. Mommy left. Uncle bobby was a piece of shit. Whatever the case, a lot of people have things happen to them that seems to suspend them in time, emotionally. To me, any person that’s willing to date someone so extremely older than them has issues. Even if they claim some bullshit like “You don’t find love, love finds you!” as an explanation, I’m not buying it. They’re either fucked in the head or devious.
That said, if it’s just some kinda sexual exploration thing on both sides, then I see no harm in it. I mean, shit, granny porn exists for a reason. If I’m a young dude who’s into old bags, why would I not have sex with them? And you can’t blame the old people for wanting to have sex with younger people. That’s pretty standard across the board. However, when i see some “deep love” shit between people of extremely different ages, I’m not buying what their selling. I buy that one of them is into it earnestly but the other is either waiting for money or enjoying the fruits of youth.

What do you/ most men think about female ejaculation or “squirting”? I’m a squirter (I absolutely hate that word) and I don’t know whether to flaunt it in bed or hide it. Sex is a huge deal to me. I don’t sleep with many guys, but if I find a person that I have great sex with, I want to make the most of it. I can be pretty shy, but I’m very outgoing when it comes to sex. The best sex I’ve ever had has been when I’ve allowed myself to squirt. I love it. But, is it a turn off? Or do guys like this?

I’d say there are two camps on this. The guys who like it and the guys who don’t (duh). However, I feel like most men are into it. Not even as a spectacle but as a source of pride that we can make a girl do that. The guys who don’t like it are gonna be the uptight guys who are weirded out by sex to begin with. The types who don’t REALLY like vagina’s but are still attracted to women. Does that make sense? I’m not talking about closeted gay dudes. I’m talking about guys who like sex and the act of putting their dick in a vagina but, beyond that, don’t really wanna deal with the vagina. Those dudes might be turned off by it. Luckily for you, they are the minority.
I’ve had a little experience with a squirter and the first time she did it, i felt like i had unlocked some magical rubik’s cube in her pussy. I was psyched. Sure, it was a little messy but I think most dudes will exchange that for knowing that they were able to make this rare thing happen with a girl. We are a very ego driven breed. Even in sex. So when we can achieve something that not every guy can, that’s a good deal for us. Just as long as it’s not spraying in my face like an open fire hydrant. Then i feel like it might get a little weird.

Alright Block, here’s what I got going on. I met this friend of my cousins a few months ago, and promptly told my cuz that i was gonna have to holler at her friend. She warned me to be careful, because she had gotten divorced not too long ago (bout a year) from a dude who turned out to have some secret drug addiction. So I got her to go to a few shows with me, led to dinner and a movie, which ended up in my bed rollin around till bout 5am. Good shit. so we’ve been kicking it pretty regularly since, and i can tell she genuinely likes me. I really do like her, but my emotions are a little harbored bc im not sure what to expect with this chick. She’s smoking hot, bangin body, great job, traveled the world, smart as fuck, listens to good music, has a great perspective on life, blah blah blah, she’s basically way out of my league. Obviously she had a rough, yet very short marriage. Here’s the kicker: I’m 27, she’s 39…. what should I be expecting out of this? I’m kinda looking for something steady, grown tired of playing the field lately. But I don’t know what to think about seriously dating someone who could’ve been my babysitter. I feel like I should just hold on for the ride and see how long it lasts. She’s already inviting me to things that are 2 months away. Hit me with your thoughts

Well, this relates to the early question. Personally, I would not put too much stake into the longevity of this relationship. I’d just enjoy it for what it is. The thing is, she’s 39 NOW. In ten years, she’s almost 50. Seeing as you’re 29 and not a recent divorcee of a drug addict, there’s no way your heads aren’t in different places. You might wanna get married and have kids one day, right? Well guess who won’t be able to have kids? Also, You allude that that divorce being messy so I can somewhat assume she’s been through some shit. She might be simply having fun with some young dude or she might be clinging to anything she can cause she was so devastated by her divorce. Regardless, i don’t see room for long term stability in a relationship like this, considering the details. She’s wounded. It’s not her fault but she is. If i were you, I’d keep enjoying her time but know that , eventually, it will have to come to a close.

What’s with “girl talk”?? When a group of guys are talking and a girl they are friends with walks in, even if it’s some greasy / deeply offensive talk, they may pause for a millisecond but will generally carry on. When a guy walks in on a bunch of girls talking, even if he’s good friends with them, a lot of the time they will zip it up and look at you like they were just about to solve world famine but you farked it up by walking in. What is with that?

I don’t think it’s that black and white. I think, on both sides, there’s a time to zip it up and time to open up a conversation between the sexes. Chances are, if a room or girls clam up when you enter the room their either in the midst of discussing some salacious shit they did or they’re talking about you (or someone you know). As a self appointed and un-educated sociologist, I’ve been privy to all sorts of girl talk. I’d like to think I’ve sat in on the real thing more than a few times. I can tell you that it’s never as fucked up as what guys talk about but it’s far more detailed. The things they care about don’t even register on our scale. I’m not saying girls are sitting in salons talking about their feelings. Not at all. They’re talking about the same shit we are, just completely differently. For every frank discussion of dudes dick sizes (which they do talk about, sorry!) , there’s a whole other side of them explaining minute details that made huge differences to them that I’d venture to guess most men didn’t even realize existed.
I think it all comes down to women just being more sensitive to the situation. Even though what they’re talking about might not bother the man walking into the room, they might assume it does. So the talk ends. But, honestly, I think it’s more a case of “This motherfucker that owns a dick does not get to hear this info”. Regardless, let the bitches talk, bro.

Ask Dr. Tony Vol 16


What’s up? The doctor is back with that advice that will one day save your life. Well, not really but perhaps I can at least give you some perspective on your shitty love life. As always, I’m not a licensed anything but I do have an uncanny ability to give you the honest truth (as I see it) in respect to your romantic debacles. If you have more relationship questions, email me them at phatfriendblog@gmail.com Send them whenever as I’m always taking submissions.
Anyway, on with this weeks bag of issues.

ok, here’s what i’m dealing with….i was in a relationship with this girl from a little before new years until the end of march. we were started off as friends of friends until she sent me an email that said she wanted to hang out exclusively. at first i was on the fence, bc i wasn’t entirely attracted to her, but ended up hangin out with her anyway. she’s a cool chick! great taste in music, outgoing personality, really sweet….well, we ended up smoochin and cuddlin after a month or 2 and started dating. she became really attached, said how much she was falling for me, and was always very affectionate. i’m a little wary about falling for people so quick, so i wasn’t as into it as she was….but as time went on i felt myself drawing closer. SO here we are, luvvy dubby and shit for a few months, things are going swimmingly…i like her a lot at this point (really close to loving her)….until one day she decides she isn’t happy with me. it seemed completely spontanious! she literally uttered those words “i love you” for the first time just a couple nights before introducing this epiphany to me! needless to say, she broke up with me a few days later and i was left heartbroken. we didn’t see or speak to each other for about a month. we hung out together w/ some mutual friends one day, and that was ok. we didn’t interact so much, but i was fine with it. i think about her a lot tho, and i told her (my intention wasn’t to get her back). and she gave me the usual “chinup!” rundown.
so here’s where the situation gets a little sticky….we have a mutual friend that was moving to michigan, and i’m pretty tight with this dude. he hung out at my place a few days before he left. well, apparantly, my ex moved WITH him! i found out a few weeks after the fact from somebody else. i was shocked, confused, hurt, upset, and most of all just down right pissed off. i kind of went off on her and said some things i probably shouldn’t have said (quote: called her a heartless bitch) and it’s just been boggling my mind.
so here’s the question…..do i have the right to be mad??? i kind of feel like an asshole. from an outside perspective, they’re doing no wrong. they’re both really happy in a new place, and that’s a good thing. all’s fair in love in war, right? but people still get hurt. i’m hurting pretty bad. i was thinking about calling him mono-a-mono to just talk about the situation. i’m very pro Bro’s over ho’s, but that’s kind of a dick thing to do to your homie, aint it? and also i should be happy for my ex because she’s happy, right? BUT she did kind of fuck me over….twice….2nd time feeling a little worse than the 1st…. i don’t know dr. Tony, how would you feel??

Dude, you have the right to feel however you wanna feel. If you want to never talk to either of those people again, you’re justified. If you want to be the bigger man and just move on without making any drastic declarations about how this all hurt you, then you can do that too.It really depends if you’re a grudge holder type. But regardless of that, you 100% have the right to feel like you got shit on here. There’s obviously more to this story than you know and I’m guessing, if you found out, that stirring of rejection and anger will probably explode into full on rage. Something isn’t sitting right with me about this and all I did was read two paragraphs.

If this girl was THAT serious about you, something pretty intense must have happened for her to just drop everything and bounce with that other dude. I don’t wanna say that kind of thing is unheard of but it’s certainly rare. That is, of course, unless there’s more of a history between the two than you are aware of. Whatever it is, it’s gonna suck when you hear the truth about. But beyond that, you might of dodged a bullet cause any girl willing to drop everything and move all of a sudden is lacking in some serious logic and definitely is only thinking about herself.

I’m all for being the bigger man in this situation but no rationalizing of “bro’s before hoe’s” is gonna make you feel okay about this. You got played. The only way you should feel is shitty.

I’m in my late twenties, been in a relationship for over four years and it’s something I definitely could see turning into marriage. I’ve never been a socially awkward guy and never had an issue talking to girls, I also know I’m a good looking guy at least at this point in life before time and alcohol catch up to me. The Girl I’m with is cool, hot, and shares a lot of similar interests with me as well being able to hang out with the guys and not be annoying, not to mention being able to put up with me being a moody bastard.

Long story short, before my current relationship I had dated a girl for quite awhile, was a complete mess of a relationship that drug on too long (Last yr of high school-First couple years of college) and about half way through college I broke it off. I had a good year and a half as a single guy before hooking up with current girl and never thought much of it. Even when I was single I would hook up with girls but for whatever reason I never really went too far with any of them (except for one 1 night stand) even though I easily could have. Basically once I figured out I could hook up with the random girl I lost interest and most of it didn’t go much further than making out, etc.

After doing this for a awhile I started dating current girl and for years as far as I was concerned I had a pretty awesome relationship and never considered the fact that I should be out slaying hoodrats or else I would be filled with anguish and regret in my later years. Most of my friends (maybe cause I live in a major city?) are similar to what you’ve described, they’ve hooked up with a ton of girls (though my friends have zero standards and have banged tons of more than questionable broads that I’d never even think of hooking up with if I was single)

So considering this long ass, novel like story, is there something wrong with me and am I gonna horribly regret this decision later in life? Should I get out of the relationship now and hook up with as many girls as possible or something? I definitely see the appeal of the other side, but I’d hate to throw away something great for just random hook ups. At the same time I don’t wanna be one of those guys who ends up cheating on his wife/girlfriend constantly because he feels like he missed out on something when he was younger.

It’s clear you’re a relationship guy. You’re not the same breed as a typical guy who just wants to get his dick wet. Because of this, I don’t see any reason to break up with a girl just to sew your wild oats. Your oats ain’t that wild, bro. Sure, there will be times when you’re married and bored and all you can think about is that girl you should have fucked but the reality of it is that you’re not that type of guy. And, in my experience, guys like that don’t do well under those “single guy” circumstances. They fuck a few randoms, are never really comfortable with it and end up settling down with someone fairly quickly.
Put it this way…You know those types of girls who ALWAYS have a boyfriend? Like they break up and then talk about how excited they are to be single but, within a month, they’re “In love” again? You’re the guy version of that. There’s nothing wrong with it but you can’t turn that into an international playboy. Honestly, you should be relieved. Most dudes I know in relationships , regardless of how many girls they bedded prior to that relationship, are in a constant state of regret about what could have happened and what would be happening if they were single. To not have that as a prominent thing in your life, I’d say you’re one of the lucky ones.

I am sending this super late b/c I LITERALLY cannot sleep…I’m shook.

(I’m gonna try & make this as short as possible)

Ok, so I’m in a committed monogamous (to my knowledge anyway) w/ the most amazing man. Nigga is perfect and I am totally in love w/ him.
Anyway, I just recently met his friends. Well, turns out I used to fuck one of his best friends…often. This was roughly 4 years ago.
His friend was visibly like “wtf this bitch” when he saw me, but he didn’t say anything to me or my SO about our fling or w/e you wanna call it.
I did not know they were friends & honestly, if I had known they were friends…I would’ve never gotten involved with my SO b/c being known as a homie hopper is not the move you know?
I’m one of those honesty is the best policy type of chicks BUT I know how men’s egos/pride are & all my guy friends are like “don’t say shit” or “he gon dump you yo, I would dump you” or if he asks you, “deny deny deny!”
Obviously, my question is should I tell my SO or carry the secret to my grave?
And how should the conversation go? Should I have a convo w/ his friend first or should they both be present?
If you were in this situation, would you want to know/would you forgive your girlfriend?
Your advice is greatly appreciated!! ❤

This is tricky cause there are a lot of variables. Is the current man the jealous type? Some dudes are either totally rattled by shit like this or it doesn’t phase them. If he seems like the type who would be horrified by hearing this, I suppose you can’t really tell him. However, if he’s not a bitch made , insecure kinda dude, than it might be for the better cause , if you guys stay together, he might find out on his own eventually.
I’d say you should contact the friend and fuck him more…just kidding. But I do think you should contact the friend and ask him what he thinks. See if he’s comfortable with it. If not, than you know it’s a secret that will keep and it’s safe to lock it away. If he’s okay with you telling him, then you should do it. It’s best to just air that kinda thing out sometimes.

Just a word of advice, if you do tell him, be mindful of how you do it. Don’t make a huge deal about it. The more of a “I have to tell you something serious” moment you make it, the harsher is gonna seem. I’m not saying just mention it in passing but downplaying it is the route to go. If he wants details, be vague. He doesn’t need to know you fucked the dude 59 times. Just assure him that it was a long time ago and he’s all that matters now.
You’re right about male insecurity and beyond telling him about how his friends dick is bigger, something like this will inevitably tap into his ego…you just gotta hope he’s the type of dude who can handle it. But, considering this all happened before you knew him, if he gets really upset, fuck that dude. If he cares about you, he will just accept it, deal with it and move on.
No guy should be naive enough to think there were no dicks before him and no guy should get mad at those dicks as long as they remain in the past. If he cares more about his pride because someone he knows also had sex with you than he does your relationship, it’s a pretty shitty relationship.

So I crossed the forbidden “friend zone” line. I’ve been friends with this girl for 7 years. We did everything together, all the time. We slept in the same bed many times, but never cuddled or anything like that, mostly just tickling and play fighting. I always wanted to kiss her, but never thought I would and I was completely fine with being her best friend.

Last winter when she came home for the holidays is when things changed. One night we went to a club, where my car was broken into and her laptop was stolen. All her pictures and 400 gigs of music was lost (I told her all the time to back that shit up). She was vulnerable and I was there to comfort her. We ended up going back to my house, split a bottle of wine and just cuddled all night. We both knew things changed between us, but I still didn’t really think anything would happen between us.

Then last week, we were hanging out and when she left we flirtatiously alluded to us being together through texting. I kind of took this as my “in” to make a move. Two days later I was at her house. When I had to leave, I called her outside to say bye. I walked up to her and put my hands on her face, but she pulled away because her front door was open and her dad was watching t.v. close by so we went out more. She was saying this is too quick and she wants to go slow. I said we can start slow with a kiss, so she pulled her hair back and lifted her chin and I kissed her. I left right after, she then texted me she was COMPLETELY SHOCKED and had no idea what just happened. She was flustered and said no one has ever surprised her like that.

Later that same night at about 10 she asked me if I wanted to get a beer with her. So, we met at a hookah bar and smoked and drank. We acted as if nothing happened earlier that day, we were laughing and joking just as much as ever. We left and went to Taco Bell to eat and hang out in her car. At about 3am I decided to get out and “leave”. I went to her door and opened it. She knew what was coming and was hesitant. She was nervous, so I pulled her out and we kissed again. We ended up making out in the back seat of her car till 6am. We both thought this is crazy and the one thing you’re not supposed to do with your best friend. She’s nervous and scared about this whole situation, and I have no idea how to handle it because I’ve never even seen others in this predicament. Both of us haven’t been in serious relationships in about 4 years.

This is completely new territory for me and my plan is to just go as slow as she wants and not force anything. Or should I? Should I wait for her to figure out what she really wants?

50 shades of grey ass dude…Those make out descriptions were HAWT!
Anyway,
This is a tough one cause I don’t get a 100% feeling that she’s signed on for the ride. Granted, I’m just going off what you wrote but her hesitance makes me think she’s mulling it over. This could honestly go either way. I get it though. As close friends , turning a friendship into a relationship is tricky. It could all backfire and you’d both be out of a friend…but, on the same note, it’s kinda impossible to truly be friends with someone who you desire more than just a friendship from. I mean, you can do it, but there will always be that cloud of rejection and inequality in the relationship.

Because I feel like she’s undecided, you should definitely take it slow. As slow as she wants you to take it. I’m guessing she needs to get her bearings and figure out where she stands in all of this. The shock of you actually viewing her like that and not just your pal probably confused her a bit.

All in all, be patient but also don’t get your hopes up. The friendzone transition is never easy and rarely works out how people envision it to. Also avoid Taco Bell if you’re gonna be hooking up all night.

Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 15


Good day everyone. Have a seat on my couch. Tell me of your romantic failings. This is a safe place.
As always, I’m not a licensed anything, so take every word I say with a grain of salt. That said, I’m usually sort of right. If you’ve got more questions or need advice, send them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com. I will make it all better.

My ex and I broke up about 7 months ago and have had zero contact since then until just recently. I often questioned her morality and sensed that she was and always had been a lying cunt.
She had some serious daddy issues, as in, never had one, and for the last 5 or so years of her life went literally right from one relationship to the next. This happened with the guy before me, and even though she claimed not to be seeing anyone upon us breaking up, came to find out that she intact did have a boyfriend shortly after. Cunt.
Like I said, no contact for 7 months and out of the blue recently, she texts me saying, “I know you hate me, but I hope you are doing well.”
My first though was, bitch, followed by if she REALLY hoped I was doing well, why not sooner when I was still torn up about this shit?
She’s not the nice kind of girl unless its toward something that will fully benefit her, the true definition of a cunt. Yet, I still think about her often, all cuntyness aside, and a part of me wishes I was still with her.
It’s hard to recognize the shitty aspects of a person when things are good, but when they’re bad, every little cunty aspect of her personality was brought to my attention. It was a constant struggle between absolutely despising this bitch but also loving her more than anything. Now I sound like the nutjob.
I guess my question is, why would she text me if she knew that I hated her, which I do and as far as I know, has/had a boyfriend. I did respond and opted to fully be an asshole basically telling her to leave me the fuck alone.
Should I have taken a different route since I still obviously care about her for some sick fucking reason?
Thanks Dr. Tony

Wow. So, uh, she’s a cunt, huh?

Dude, you sound beyond butthurt over this girl. I know breaking up can be brutal and some of these wounds take time to heal but it’s been 7 months and you obviously knew the girl was not the one for you. You should probably be thanking your lucky stars it’s over cause , had you stayed with her, I’m pretty sure she’s be walking all over you right now.

As for the question, it could be a few reasons.
1)She could be feeling guilty and just wants every thing to be “okay” between you two. I certainly can relate to the idea of wanting all my former relationships to be civil. Perhaps she was opening the door for a greater apology? I really don’t know how/why your relationship initially ended, but gauging from your vitriol towards her, I’ll just assume she tied you down and fucked your entire family in front of you while your pet cat was cooking in a microwave.

2)She could be on the outs with her new man and, as you said, she always has a boyfriend. Perhaps she hasn’t had time to set up her next relationship so she’s going with what she knows. You were the last guy before her current man and she figures, at worst, she can buy some time with you and no be alone when the inevitable break up happens. If this is the case, you could either ignore her (WHICH YOU SHOULD) or milk her vindictively for sex for as long as she lets you, until she finds her new man and breaks your heart again. I dunno why, but I get a feeling a big part of why you like her so much is cause you and her have/had great sexual chemistry or something. That’s the type of thing that will keep a dude in a shitty relationship with a person he knows is wrong for him. I could definitely be wrong, but it’s a hunch.

3)She could earnestly be asking how you are out of real human compassion. EH…it’s possible, right?

Whatever the case, I think your answer was the best idea. Sounds like she’s a toxic force in your life who still has some grip on your emotions. It’s best to just shut the door on that one and keep it moving.

So, Dr.Tony, since you seem like a knowledgeable man, and since I met you the other night, I thought that maybe you could help me out.
Earlier in the school year, I have to admit I was kind of a weirdo. I wasn’t like a creep or anything, I just had a problem fitting in. The big problem was I tried to be…different.
Well since then I’ve normal’d up, and I’ve got some good friends. The only real problem is that it left a lasting impression on the women.
Now note, I’m not going for the dumb ho’s, I’m more into the cute ones, but, I kinda want to be able to rest assured that nobody has any real problems with me anymore. Any advice?

I think this is the type of thing that takes time. You can’t just switch up your style one day and expect people to accept that. Trying to be different is part of growing up and finding your niche but when people do so in an over the top fashion, it screams of huge insecurity issues and makes them look like a poser. You’re still really young though and this will all change. Ideally, you should stop trying to impress (or whatever) the people who are gonna think of you as that same weirdo and just move on to different social circles. Get a fresh start. Just be sure to not try too hard to be “Something” cause all this could just end up repeating itself. A cliche as it sounds, be yourself. If you haven’t figured out what that is yet, just don’t force in on yourself. Have some patience.

yo doc
so I got class with this one chick. its a small group communication class and were in the same group. shes sorta cute but nothing to write home about. she was dating some dude for four years, but they broke up. shes a big fan of dessa from doomtree. she wasnt real flirty in class, but we talked a lot, particularly about music. she had tickets to see dessa on 420 for her and her bf, but since hes past tense she asked me to go with her, but wanted me to drive. so I go to pick her up, and shes already got a new bf. some cat ive seen her with around school. shit was weak, but she was mad flirty at the concert. shes also been progressively more flirty in class. is she a slut? I mean, it took her like a week to get over that 4 year relationship. did i get played for a ride to the show? would you guess im friend zoned or is she trying to hit it?

Here are the facts: you’re in college, which means you’re young. She just got out of a four year relationship at that same young age, which means she’s probably never been really single as an adult. She quickly got into a new relationship.
From where I stand, I read it as she’s doing the rebound thing with whoever the new bf is. After 4 years of commitment and , in that time, becoming an adult, she might be realizing the freedom she has. It’s all contextual but I get a feeling she’s figuring out that , if she’s single, she can do whatever she wants and she might be ready to have some fun. Was she flirting with you? Probably. Are you friend zoned? I doubt it. The way I see it, you will probably have a chance to get with her down the line. If you even want to (which I’m not quite clear that you do). All that said, she’s not a slut. She’s a girl who’s been sleeping with the same dude for 4 years who’s probably coming to terms with the idea that she can have as much or as little sex as she wants with as many or few partners as she likes. It’s an awakening of sorts.
You know how people always speak of their crazy years in college? This is the beginning of that. So, you can be a part of it or not. Ride or die, bro.

When I’m going up the stairs after getting off the subway, I tend to be in a mass of people like anyone else. Sometimes the woman in front of me well, smells kinda good. I dunno. It’s not like I’m sniffing for a nice smelling female or anything, but we tend to be just mashed together on the stairs and one can notice smells like that. So, the thing is, if she smells good, well sometimes I kind of inhale again through my nose, a little stronger this time. KEEP IN MIND: I’m not being creepy or weird, or stuffing my face in the back of her blouse. Honestly, I’m 100% sure no one notices me doing this, I don’t change body language, or anything like that. I just kinda “go for seconds” without adjusting my movement in any way. I’ve explained this scenario to some people who say this is on some serial killer weirdness-type shit. I venture that the act is a passive one, hurts no one, although I agree that it IS kinda weird. I’ve never gone for thirds really, if you’re wondering. And it’s not like this is jerkoff material. It’s just a random, private small thing that I noticed that I do sometimes. Is this fucking completely batshit insane and weird? Should I make a point to NOT smell the person directly in front of me? Is this some kind of bizarre intrusion, even though no one else can really notice it? Just weigh in if you don’t mind.

As a person who’s taken the train his entire life, I think you may be walking a little close to people in general. It’s a subway station. It stinks. You’d have to be WAY too close to a person to be able to admire the scent. I’d understand if you did this in a packed subway car, but on the stairs? You’re literally an ass sniffer.
Now, is this weird? Yeah. Is harmful? Not really. It’s funny cause I’m just imagining a dude closing his eyes and inhaling on a girls neck with a creepy satisfied look in his eyes. Like a commercial for fabreeze or something.

Just know, ten years down the line when you’re sewing together the skin of the 7 women you killed, this was the starting point. If nothing else, I know you will preserve their scent.

Ive got a Dr Tony one for ya,
MY boy was dating this fine but crAAAzy 19 year old a while ago, long story short he fell completely in love with her and she just didnt give a shit. One halloween when we were all hanging out he ended up passing out, i was macking it to his gf’s friend who she brought along in his living room. Anyway she ended up coming out mid bang and joined in, SCORE! we were all rolling and I feel bad about it but but really how could I say no. we never talk about it and she ends up hookin up with another of his friends later on (a few weeks) then they break up. Fast forward a year or so and shes trying to get back with him, hes talking to me about how he loves her and he knows she only cheated on her once and asking my advice. Should I tell him that no shes a filthy slut and we had a threesome while they were dating, MY gut tells me no! God No! But he should def not date her again, and he wont listen to my advice otherwise ( ive tried telling him to just leave her be, shes craazy) what would u do?

Hmmm…that’s tough. I mean, you’re kinda damned if you do, damned if you don’t. You could tell him, and he’d probably diss her but he’d also probably be furious at you too. I mean, he knows she’s cheated on him once already so it would appear his mind is made up. Sometimes, you gotta just let a dude flounder in this situation. It’s not like they’re gonna get back together and it’s gonna work. The foundation of their relationship is already tarnished so it’s only a matter of time before it falls apart again. So, I guess I’m saying, take the cowards route and just keep your mouth shut. Hell, he might find out anyway. Explain yourself then. The bottom line is there is apparently nothing you can say to this dude to sway him away from this girl. Let him learn the hard way.