Weed outrage FTW!

I do a column sometimes called “Defending my tweets”, where I post something I tweeted and basically explain myself a little deeper than 140 characters ever could do. I recently tweeted something that probably got the most blow back ever (which is saying a lot). Interestingly enough, the fury didn’t come on twitter. It came from the good people over on facebook. This isn’t shocking cause Facebook is the second only to Youtube comments in bringing out the worst in people. This focal point of all this rage? Rape? nope. Racism? Nope. Politics? nope.
It was weed. specifically, the celebration of 420. A holiday that somehow exists cause who gives a fuck?

420 was last week and as people tend to do on social media , they chose a path. The choices go: Celebrate it, make a joke about it, or ignore. Being the guy I am, I took the middle option.
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Now, I took this option for a few reasons.
1)IT’S A JOKE. A timely joke. It was 420. That was in the air so, you know, seemed like a good time for it.

2)I KNEW it would enrage some people and that’s exactly why I did it. For all the ideas of weed being a drug that mellows you out, for some reason, weed people are some of the most sensitive and thin skinned people on the planet. I mean, how many times have I met some hippie with rage issues? Too many times. It’s fascinating cause, you know, maybe they need to puff some weed to chill out but when you make a joke about weed they lose all chill. Vicious cycle, i suppose. But, full disclosure, this tweet was 100% baiting people and it worked like a charm.

3)I think people who get obsessed over 420 are kinda ridiculous. I mean, I get the excitement for celebrating something you love but, hey, chances are, if you are the type to celebrate 420, you smoke every day anyway. So, basically, you celebrate every day. It’s kinda like if a teenager boy were to celebrate “national masturbation day” by jerking off 7 times instead of 4 times. Hey man! it’s a real holiday!
In general, the whole “weed culture” movement is just kinda corny to me. Right now, if you are the reactionary weed smoking type, things are popping in your head (the medical advantages, the fight for it to be legal, “If they celebrated a “Vodka day” I bet you wouldn’t make fun of that!”, etc…) . I will get to these points but, off the bat know, when i say “weed culture” I’m not talking about people’s right to smoke it or the good it does. I’m all for legalizing weed. Not because I think of the greater good it could do but cause I don’t give a fuck. It’s not that big an issue to me. By all means, make it legal everywhere. But, when i talk about “weed culture” and the people who obsess over it, I’m talking about people who sit around with high times magazines, looking at pictures of furry nugz, talking about weed all day and who’s life is basically revolves around weed and weed based subjects. I don’t think it’s wrong or bad…i simply think it’s corny. Big difference. I feel the same way about people who are obsessed with wine or cigars or porn or even food. These are , in most cases, perfectly fun and enjoyable recreational things that I fully get the appeal of. But to live your life obsessing over them? Do you…but , personally, it’s silly to me. But, Who am i to say what is silly to another person? I’m no one. I’m not here to tell anyone what they should or should not do…but, guess what? i can make a joke about it and you’re just gonna have to deal with it. Why? CAUSE IT’S NEVER THAT SERIOUS.

For many of you that didn’t read that tweet or see the comment section, lemme break down what happened.
For the most part, people seemed to enjoy it. It got tons or shares, retweets and likes. Meaning, people got it. It’s a simple premise: 420 is dumb. That’s it. It’s not deep. it’s not even a good joke. Still, People are capable of getting the joke. Many of these people, I assume, smoke weed on the regular. Meaning not all people who smoke weed are fucking idiots. In fact, i can say with great certainty, that most people who smoke weed are cool and awesome people. But, this is the internet…where cool and awesome is drowned out by a handful of humorless dipshits with a desire to be outraged. So, what did these people have to say?
Well, first and foremost we had the people who were so enraged by my tweet (read it again and imagine actually getting mad at that) that they felt the need to inform me that they would be unfollowing me on social media. Yup. This is great on a few levels. For one, if a person is such a loser that they see a joke about 420 and feel like they need to unfollow me…it’s sorta like a self cleaning oven. I don’t need that person up in my world. Fan or not. That person sucks. Also, to announce to an artist on facebook “I’m unfollowing you!” is one of the lamest “look at me!” things you can do. It’s like getting in a huff at a party then yelling “I’m outta here!” to a bunch of people who didn’t know who you were in the first place. Real g’z move in silence. So, shout out to all the people who read my 420 tweet, said nothing to me and unfollowed me. You did it the right way. Granted, they’re probably not seeing this post but still, kudos to you for, while still being thin skinned and ridiculous, having the self respect to not feel the need to tell me. As if i’m gonna be like “Nooooooo!!!! come back! please! i promise! No more weed jokes!”.
Secondly, the rage. The rage of weed people. They take their weed very seriously. It’s the same as nerd rage or music purist rage. It’s the result of someone being so wrapped up in something they can’t see outside of it. With no perspective , people can gt easily lost in their obsessions. Like how can you love anything THAT much? It’s not your mom. It’s not your best friend. It’s a plant you smoke that gets you high. I had some responses that were simply “FUCK YOU!!”. While other went into more detailed reasonings of why I’m an asshole for writing that. Some of these reasons included:

1)Medical weed and the good it does.

Yes. Medicinal Marijuana is a great thing. A few people mentioned how it helped them get through their cancer treatment. In no way was I shitting on the medical benefits of pot. I’ve seen it work up close. At stated earlier, it was a joke…a short joke…about 420. To read that an extract “He’s belittling the benefits of medical marijuana!”, well, it’s reaching to say the least.
The funniest part of this one was that people tried to bring it back to 420 as if the majority of people celebrating 420 are doing it in the name of science. I’m sure a small handful of people do but..not you, dude. Not the guy sitting on his couch, ripping bong hits, perfectly healthy, arguing about weed on the internet. Nope, you smoke weed cause it gets you high and that feels good. Nothing wrong with that…but don’t try and sell me some deeper meaning that isn’t there.
But if you are one of those people who somehow think getting high at 4:20 every day is a political statement or you’re tipping your hat towards the medicinal wonders of pot, I’ll let you know when penicillin day is so we can throw a big old party together!

2)Legalizing weed.
Somehow me making fun of people who celebrate 420 made people assume I’m not some anti weed crusader. Even though, in my very tweet, I called it “just a plant”. Now, if I think it’s “just a plant” , do you think that means I want it to be illegal? Have you heard my “anti-fern” rant before? Perhaps, my point is WHO GIVES THIS MUCH OF A FUCK ABOUT A PLANT. Of course it should be legal. Why the fuck not? Booze is far more harmful and it’s been legal since forever. Not only that, the money this country could make off legal weed could fix a lot of problems as well.
So, yeah…if that was your angle of rage…you were off as a motherfucker. I don’t care what you do. Smoke weed. Snort coke. Shoot heroin. Inject cat piss into your eyeballs , for all i care. It’s your body. I’m in no place of power to regulate anything or anyone but myself.

3)”I bet if there was a “national booze day” you wouldn’t say anything!”
umm…yeah i would. I make fun of all things. Especially holidays and things that go with them.. This includes Christmas, St Patricks day, your birthday, my birthday, Santa-con (which is the closest thing to 420 I can imagine and THINK ABOUT HOW LAME THAT IS). I understand the nature of making fun of things is judgmental. But, you know what? We’re all judgmental. It’s our nature. And taking the piss out of something as pointless as 420 shouldn’t hurt your feelings. You’re an adult. You should have bigger fish to fry. It’s not like I made a “national breast cancer awareness” joke or shit on the civil rights movement. This is about weed culture. 100%. But you know what? Even if i did make jokes about anything…the fact remains…It’s a joke. Sure, there is some truth in jokes but the bottom line is they’re never that serious. Intention is everything.

So, yeah…Grow up. quit taking everything so seriously. Especially if that “everything” is your enjoyment of smoking weed. Learn that just cause you love something doesn’t mean another person can’t poke fun at it. Also learn that just cause someone pokes fun at something, it doesn’t mean they’re against it. Smoke your weed. Love your weed. I hope it makes your life infinitely better. I truly do. But, the next time you’re on facebook and feel the need to get angered over a joke, perhaps, sit back…light up a joint. Smoke that joint. Relax. And if you still feel some sorta way about it, let it rip. But don’t forget that you’re the guy/girl who flipped out over a weed joke on a niche music artists facebook page. congratulations on being “That guy”! Feels, good man!

Rogglecast 13- Pokin’ Po

This week, Pollyne and Tony Discuss how to remain a person of dignity while being on social networks. They also break down the top ten things we’ve learned about Pollyne since the inception of this podcast.
As always, if you’d like us to discuss anything particularly , let me know. Send me questions and ideas to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below.
Also, be sure to subscribe to this podcast on I-tunes. Cause, you know, it’s there.

A message to people being shitty on the internet

Are you an asshole on the internet? It’s possible. I’ve certainly been called that before and they’re not wrong. The way I see it, there are two types of assholes on the internet (this statement is 100% false as there are actually millions of different types of assholes but for the sake of this rant, just pretend it’s all black and white).
1) The people who say obnoxious things into the ether as either jokes or as provocateurs. These things are generally about people and things that person has no personal ties to and , in reality, don’t matter. The aim is to make a joke, for better or worse. I fall firmly in this group. Nothing I say on the internet really matters. Nothing I say on the internet is even that serious. These very words I’m writing right now included.
2) People who say shitty things of no comedic value directly to other people online when no one asked them for their input but they do it anyway cause…well…they’re bored or just contrarian assholes. Things like “You suck” or “I fucking hate you” you are examples. These people, in general, lack any creativity in their asshole-ic ways and serve only as frowny faced trolls to the entire internet around them.

Now, this is something I’ve harped on before so my apologies if I sound like a broken record. But I wanted to focus on one particular barb that I seem to get with some regularity that truly makes my blood boil. Not cause it hurts my feelings but cause , when a person says it, they’re just simply being lame as fuck.
Here’s what happens.
I make music for a living. This has been established. I also spend a decent amount of time online joking around. It’s fun for me. I enjoy it.
I write a tweet or a status update on facebook. This is always a dumb joke or maybe something slightly more observational. Regardless, it’s generally as harmless as a new born faun.
Then I get a response like this:
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I read this and think of how I should respond. The correct answer is “Not at all” but I’m simply not that strong willed a man. So, I consider writing “FUCK YOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!”. However, That’s a bit harsh, considering I know this persons intent wasn’t to elicit that response. In fact, I know that person is just busting my balls and, at the same time, strangely telling me they want to hear more music. (Side note: The dude who wrote this tweet and I exchanged a few tweets and they were totally cordial so , please, don’t be an asshole to him or whatever. I merely used his tweet as an example cause it’s the most recent “Why aren’t you making music constantly!?” related tweet i’ve gotten). Still, as someone who likes making jokes on the internet, being told to shut up and make music, as if both aren’t simultaneously possible is pretty fucking annoying. Especially considering I’ve been pretty prolific over the last few years and even have a new album finished at this very moment. If my joke/tweet wasn’t funny to you, fair enough. I’d rather someone write “Not funny” (which, by the way, would still be unnecessary and shitty to do) than to patronize me like I’m some worker bee that can only sit in a studio cranking out music 24/7 and do nothing else whatsoever. By the way, that’s not how making music works. Turns out, when you make music for a living, there’s tons of downtime. Why do you think every time you see a musician in the studio, they’re playing with their phones? but I digress.

This whole thing bothers me. Not cause it hurts my feelings but cause the person who’s writing it is 100% always and forever just being shitty. Without fail.This is not to say they’re bad people. This isn’t even saying that their intent is to piss me off. In fact, I’d venture to say that people who write that sentence are brain farting right back at me. But, you gotta understand…it’s shitty and shows a really poor instinct to be “That guy”. The guy who feels the need to respond to everything ESPECIALLY when they have nothing of value to add. This particular type of comment is missing the point on so many levels it’s hard to even begin to explain it. It’s like when a person asks a musician “Why can’t you make an album like your first one again?”. To truly explain that would take so much time, it’s never worth it. In the same note, for me to explain, in 140 characters or less, why I’m not making music all the fucking time and wasting my time writing a tweet that took 8 seconds to think up, is simply not worth the breath. In reality, 9/10 times, when I respond to these types of comments , with something snarky, the writer responds in a completely apologetic tone. Surprised I’d even respond in the first place. As if I don’t read my own twitter feed and have real human thoughts. In reality, they didn’t even mean to be shitty, They seemingly got caught up in a moment and couldn’t help themselves.

I’m not writing this as a “Leave Blockhead alone!!!” manifesto. Cause, truth be told, this is a minor annoyance at best. I’m more saying this to maybe make people stop and consider what they’re adding to a discussion when they write petty, short sighted and pointless remarks lacking any humor or value. It’s really that simple. Unless you have something constructive or funny to add, why are you talking?

The faceless nature of the internet has got us too comfortable. It’s like the world is one big youtube comment section. With twitter and facebook, people have access to musicians, actors, politicians, etc like never before. I could literally tell the president of the USA to eat a bag of dicks and dog shit right now if i wanted to (I would never do that though). It’s THAT open. While I do see some good in this kind of open forum, motherfuckers still should know their role. If I’m a celebrity that did something crazy…like Justin Bieber or Chris Brown. I’d fully expect a shit storm in my mentions on the regular. Same way I’d expect tons of support from fans and naked pics from underaged girls in my DM’s. It’s really par for the course. But if I’m me…a niche musician with a small fan base who’s biggest offense is making an album you didn’t like and making bad jokes on the internet, what’s the point of needlessly pushing my buttons? I mean, I see why people do it (trolls are called trolls for a reason)…but really…why? Is it fun? Hell, maybe it is. I’ve just never been the type who purposely says petty shit to people I don’t know with the sole intention to be getting their attention. It’s like the people who feel the need to correct grammar on twitter. It’s fucking twitter! Much like there is no crying in baseball, there are no grammar rules on twitter. It is the Deadwoods of grammar. Lawless. God forbid you have a typo! But if you see a grammar error, a typo or you just wanna be one of those people who vocalizes every stupid thought you have in your head directly at a person who has not addressed you even remotely, at least make it funny. Cause, otherwise, you’re just another voice from the peanut gallery saying something of no constructive value for the sake of hearing your own voice (or reading your own words, in this case).
If you’re offended by something I said, then I get it. I have it coming. Even if you are being an overly sensitive pussy about a joke…I get that. You ride razor scooters and I made a joke about them so you’re taking offense. That’s fine. you’re standing up for your razor scooter lifestyle. Do you! But , otherwise? Stop it. That’s my entire message. Stop it. In fact, I could have saved a lot of time writing this whole thing and just had those two words under the header but I’m a sucker for long winded explanations. Oh well, too late. But seriously, next time you (not anyone in particular) get the urge to write something shitty to someone else (be it a celebrity on twitter, a “friend” on facebook , a niche beat maker or President Obama) online, ask yourself “What good will this do?”. If the only answer you get out of it is “It will annoy the person I’m writing this to” then either don’t write it or accept that you are, in fact, an asshole who is shitty to people on the internet…and not that awesome first kind I described earlier either. you’re the second kind. Shame on you!

My “Photos with fans” Initiative

Whenever I do shows, I take a bunch of pics with people who come to those shows. 10 out of 10 times I make an asshole face and the other person is kinda drunk. In other words, it’s a good time. So, I was thinking, it would be fun to have an album of all those pics on my facebook page https://www.facebook.com/TheRealBlockhead
So, if you’ve got a pic with me from a show at any time in our lives, lemme have it. Either post it on my facebook wall or send it to me (phatfriendblog@gmail.com). Be immortalized in the least impressive way possible…by standing next to my dumb ass at a show. Lemme have ’em…

The Lonely hearts club: Facebook edition

The topic of Facebook and it’s many unintentional guffaws is nothing new. Lamebook has made an art of it and it’s rare to find a blog that hasn’t thrown their hat in to the commentary at some point. This blog is no exception as I’ve certainly taken my shots at the beloved website.
Well, allow me to speak on something I’ve noticed lately on the good old Facebook. I’m sure it’s been happening since the Friendster days but , for some reason, it’s been jumping out at me more and more lately.
This trend involves 30+ year old woman who are painfully single*. I’m talking no options beyond a few decade old booty calls. Gone are the years of their last long-term relationship and the free for all days of casual sex with no consequences. These ladies are now resigned to posting endless Facebook updates that read like white flags. Posts like

“My bed is so warm…to bad it’s just me in here”
“Boys Beware! It’s ladies night”

Both those are equally skin crawling considering the people saying them are about 6 years away from infertility. Seriously. These are adult women writing thing that should be questioned when written by an 18 year old child abuse survivor.

A great example of this is a girl I went to high school with. When I entered my high school, the 9th grade class had a serious lack of good-looking girls. There were maybe 4 cute girls and that’s being gauged on a “chronic masturbating 14-year-old boy” curve. This girl, however, was far and away the hottest girl. She was cute, but more importantly, she had body. Seniors spotted her quickly and it was established early on in the year that no freshman dude was even talking to her. So, that was that. She went to school with me for 3 years and I never said a word to her. LITERALLY , NOT A WORD. She was the epitome of too cool for school yet, obviously, every dude wanted to hit that. Well, 15+ years later, I get a friend request from her on Facebook. Keep in mind, a lot of time has passed. This former #1 draft pick hasn’t aged badly. She looks good. But, also, since that time, it’s a safe bet that my taste in women has become more refined. While she’s still attractive, she really isn’t shit on the larger scale. Regardless, out of curiosity, I accept her friendship. We have no interaction beyond that, and that’s totally fine with me. I really just wanted to see how she looked as an older person and keep it moving.
At first glance, her profile is a mess. It’s pretty clear that she has never been on anything like facebook/myspace and has joined due to pressuring of friends or desperate times. As the week passes, I notice her finding her groove with the status updates. Two weeks in, everything starts to become clear. This is a lonely girl who may have missed the boat. Every update is about single lady pride and cruising for boys. It’s like being at a Sex in the city script run through but on Facebook and it’s just beyond desperate. A few months have passed and she’s slowed down with the updates, but rest assured, when they do come, they’re of that same ilk.

The thing is , times have obviously changed and , thankfully, woman are no longer expected to be married with kids by the time they’re 28. This is a good thing. But with the times changing and the importance of media, things that are aimed at the youth have also been picked up by older people. I’d say facebook is one of those things. But, with Facebook, it’s really HOW you use it that speaks in volumes. For teenagers and college kids, it’s a perfect forum for soap box opinions or public moments of insecure self-realization. For people who are more on the full-grown adult side of things, it might be a good idea to move away from that kind of shit. Keep in mind, this is coming to you from a grown up child himself so, take it with a grain of salt. Also, to be fair, there is a male version of this but the main difference is the male prototype is simply just in it for the ass. Sure, they may be both pathetic in different ways, but a man in the lonely hearts club of facebook has goals that are quite shallow when compared to the ladies.
I think what it comes down to is have a speck of self-respect. I get the appeal of lightly whoring yourself out on Facebook. Positive feedback is nice. Especially when you’re feeling old and unwanted. There’s certainly no shortage of men willing to “like” anything a remotely attractive single girl posts or write flirtatious comments on the most benign of status updates. We all wanna fuck , right? And just cause you’re 35 and single doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a good shot in the pants. My advice would be to perhaps act more your age and just try meeting dudes at a bar. You know, real human contact. The irony is, men can usually sniff out desperation either way. but luckily for you ladies, we really don’t give a shit.

*not to be confused with happily single 30+ year old women. I know tons of girls like this and, contrary to what facebook may represent, they actually do carry themselves very well and still manage to get laid whenever they want. Cheers to you hoes!

So, I got a facebook music page…

For a while now, there has been a facebook music page for me but I have no control over it and it’s basically just a wall for people to post things on. SO, because I got a lot of shit coming up, I figured I make one myself to help promote and also use as an outlet to post obnoxious status updates. so, yeah, get on that shit!

Social networks


I’ll be the first to admit it; I was late to the game with social networks. It wasn’t that I didn’t know they existed or anything, I was just very skeptical. When Friendster came along it just seemed stupid. I didn’t get why anyone would want to be in a ‘social network’ and so, amidst endless invites, I ignored it. I actually just assumed it was a dating service. finally, One day, I got bored, joined, and immediately I became addicted to it and pretty much was glued to it for a few years.

Then, along came myspace, a slightly more ‘edgy’ network (by ‘edgy’ I mean you could use curse words in bulletins and girls truly whored out in profile pics). When people I knew started jumping off the Friendster boat, I held strong thinking it was just a phase but, as we all know now, the only people still on Friendster are…well…no one. At best, perhaps some Appalachian mountain person who just got their first computer.

(Side note: I was thinking about this the other day, Do you think there is anyone left on the planet who has a flourishing Friendster life? That would be so ill).

So yeah, when I saw that no one gave a shit, I moved over to Myspace…and it was great. It was the exact same thing as Friendster but with more bells and whistles…and I loved it. It even had music pages where I could whore myself out (which to this day I maintain with a surprising amount of activity for something as archaic as Myspace). I even began what would eventually become this blog on my personal Myspace page. Still, whenever I write new shit, I post it there first so the 7 people who still check their Myspace can read it. So, for years, I rode high on the Myspace, then I began to hear murmurings of ‘Facebook’. Everyone I knew was going over there and leaving Myspace in the dust. I couldn’t blame them because Myspace had truly been over run with spam and shitty rappers asking you if you wanna cop their new shitty mixtape.

For some reason, I held on for a loooong time to Myspace, I fought Facebook as long as I could. Eventually, Myspace was a barren wasteland of vacuous updates from lonely strippers and ad campaigns by worthless musicians, no real people. It got boring….so, once again, in spite of all the ridicule from my friends, I shamefully headed over to Facebook with my head down kicking rocks the whole way over.

That is where I currently reside, it’s fine, no complaints (well, obviously, I have complaints but we’ll get to that later). However, when I hear people shit on Myspace like it was never fun and rave about Facebook, it still kind of annoys me. The reality of it is; It’s not the website, it’s the traffic. If people still checked their Myspace and were active on it, it would still be fun, facebook isn’t THAT much different. Sure, it’s got more applications (the scrabble one is the best thing on the planet) but it’s still basically the same thing.

This also has to do with Myspace pretty much copying everything Facebook does but whatever, same shit. Now everyone tells me I need to join Twitter. This is where it ends; I will never join Twitter. Twitter is basically the worst part of Facebook and nothing else; Fucking status updates. The thing about Twitter is, if you have something to promote or like putting interesting and funny clips or links up — it’s awesome for that. If you’re just some fucking person who feels the whole world needs to know when you eat a bagel — you’re a dip shit. I see it on Facebook and that’s only one feature that Twitter actually offers. Unless you’re funny, famous, or that “most interesting man in the world” motherfucker, you do not need a Twitter. Straight up, you’re just not that important.

So, here’s my beef with status updates in a nice clean list form:

1.)Who gives a shit?
EXAMPLE “just finished my dinner and now i’m watching “lost” with my bf!”

You just ate dinner? Good for you. No one asked for a play by play of your boring evening at home. Did you just get gang raped and need assistance? Twitter that. Hopefully help will find its way. The thing about Twitter and Facebook status updates is that they feed into people’s already wildly inflated notions of self importance. In 2009, people are vapid, attention seeking, assholes and giving them an outlet is pretty much the worst thing imaginable.

2.) Overshare.
EXAMPLE “sometimes the pain i feel inside hurts so much, i doubt it will ever stop. why didn’t you call me back?”

I’m a man who can appreciate good gossip thusly, when people air their dirt in a public forum, it’s always great for me. However, with status updates people mostly opt to air their emotional dirty laundry. I have friends whose virtual meltdowns I’ve seen via status updates. Not only is that shit crazy embarrassing, but it also really just makes you like a person less in general. Like, if you’re “that type of person,” it’s a safe bet that you’re a complete disaster of a human and you’re life is falling apart for a reason.

3.) Who are you talking to?
EXAMPLE “I bet you wish you were doing what i’m doing! loll!”

One of the more embarrassing type of status updates are ones where you can tell people are baiting comments and no one bites. It’s a lonely person’s game and no one ever wins. It’s the internet equivalent of making a joke in front of a crowd and no one laughs. It’s the sound of crickets.

However, in most cases, if you actually know the person, it kinda makes sense that no one would respond to their shit.
Which leads me to…

4.) Who the fuck are your friends?
EXAMPLE “Only two weeks till the fun begins!”

There are a handful of people on Facebook that I’m friends with that I’m fairly certain are lonely friendless morons. However, whenever they post some dumb update about whatever they ate for lunch or some random shit like; “and you know that’s the truth! LOL! ROFL!” They get a ton of responses from people who are seemingly their close friends. It really confuses me because I know these people in real life and no one ACTUALLY likes them. By law, they’re tolerated by all those that cross their path, yet in Facebook land, they’re fucking prom queens and kings.

Go figure…I suppose it makes sense because losers tend to be way more tolerable on the internet.

5.) The fake poets.
EXAMPLE “melancholy melon balls lay atop the dusty table, but what do they know?”

Almost worse than giving vapid assholes a forum to write things, is giving artsy vapid assholes a forum to write things. Be it the people who leave one word updates that mean absolutely nothing to anyone or people who think it’s dope to drop some haiku hybrid they just barfed up about being at the beach. Either way, it sucks and makes you like that person just a little less with every typed letter.

I will say this about Facebook and status updates. I’ve learned a lot about people from them, for one, it turns out I don’t know the last name of tons of people I’m friends with. It also teaches me what people should not be on the internet as well as what people are just complete idiots in general. These are all valuable tools so I guess I should thank the wonderful world of social networks but I swear, mark my fucking words;

I will never Twitter. Seriously…never.

Or maybe I will. Fuck me. I just did.