The Friendzone


Let me begin this by openly admitting that, at age 35, I still do occasionally watch some embarrassing MTV shows. I say that more to just pre-empt all the holier than thou dickheads out there who write comments like “Why do you even watch that crap!?”. I watch it because it is crap. At times, I like to bask in the stupidity of the world we live in. It’s entertaining to me. It’s humorous. Also, those shows also feature a brand of embarrassment I can only stomach if it’s happening to strangers on a television screen.
So, with that said, let’s discuss MTV’s new dating show “Friendzone”.
Here’s a link to a trailer for the show , in case you’re an adult and have missed it:
http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/700576/friendzone-trailer.jhtml

Over the years, MTV has taken many stabs at the dating show format. 9/10 times, the result is watching two people with tribal tattoos flirt/grope on a level that would make their parents commit four way suicide if they ever saw it. With “Friendzone” we get something new.
The idea of the show is they take two close friends. One of whom secretly loves the other person. Basically , the person who’s in love tells the friend they love that they’re going on some sort of blind date and they need them to help them prepare. Once they do all preparatory crap, the in-love friend stops the unsuspecting friend right as they part ways to begin the “blind date” and tells them how they feel. All with hopes of being removed from “The Friendzone”.

Depending on the reaction , this is either a very sweet moment of young love OR the most brutal rejection you will ever see. I’d imagine you can guess which one I prefer watching happen.

I think this is something almost everyone can relate to. Who hasn’t been on the shit end of a “friendship” with someone they wanted to , at the very least, have sex with really badly. The great thing about this show is that it really gives you a nice insight into the differences between men and women. In most cases, where a girl admits she loves the dude, he will usually go along with it, even if you can tell from his body language that his plans are strictly to hit it and never speak to her again or just dog her out for a month. The reality of it is that most male/female friendships are pretty delicate. Meaning, most guys will always wanna fuck their female friend or, at the very least, the would if it was offered. It doesn’t matter if they’ve known her forever, or two weeks. The thing is, dudes are capable of taking those feelings and just sitting on them. Unless we actually like the girl more than just as someone we would want to bone, we tend to be good with just laying back and seeing what happens. The friendship is fine. Nothing weird. But , you best believe the dude is rarely holding that female up to the same standard he is his male friends. He’s grading on a curve cause , no matter what, there is always a sexual element involved. Obviously, there are many exceptions to this but , in general, this is how we, as men, view male/female relationships. Yes ladies, your great male buddy that you don’t even see as owning a penis would surely put his very real penis inside of you if given the chance. Would he date you? Probably not…but he’d fuck you. Believe it.

On the flip side, when the in-love person is the male and he’s pouring his heart out to the girl on “Friendzone” the results tend to be a little more harsh. Inevitably what happens is that the girl initially goes along with it out of sheer embarrassment and kindness, to eventually break it to the guy that she really only wants to be friends. The guy sulks away and weeps like a bitch over something he should have seen coming. I appreciate the honesty of the women. It’s painful but it leaves not room for misinterpretation. From that moment on, the dude knows for sure that it will never happen. It’s right about then that he cuts ties with the girl he was in love with, partially cause he’s humiliated, but also cause he realizes “who needs her?”. That’s the fragility of male/female friendships at work. If a guy really thinks about it, if the girl he “loved” were a dude with all the same personality traits, he’d never hang with that person as a friend. That’s a stark difference between the sexes that this show puts on blast. Most the girls who do the rejecting still maintain they want to be friends. The guys, on the other hand, wipe their hands clean of the whole situation and keep it moving. Why? Cause , in all actuality, they were never “best friends” with this person. If they had a rift with their close homeboy, you best believe it would get resolved. But with the “girl who’s a friend” that they want to have sex with? Probably not. Once the possibility of sex is removed, so is “friendship”

I’ve been on both ends of this.

Being the one who’s admired is both flattering and awkward cause you’re dealing with very deep emotions from another person being thrown at you against your will. Maneuvering around that without really hurting their feelings is no simple task. This has happened to me maybe 3 or 4 times in my life and I can honestly say I only ended up sleeping with one of them. I’m just not that reckless I guess. Needless to say, it didn’t pan out too well for the girl but, hey, a man can only turn down so much and women can be very persuasive, especially then their ego is at stake.

As for being the guy in the friendzone,
When I was in high school I was straight up in love with this girl my senior year. Back then, when it came to girls, I was a mess. I couldn’t get pussy for the life of me and I caught feelings for pretty much anyone who’d let me. That’s kinda par for the course with 16-17 year old boys though. As hormone driven as they are, they’re also the most vulnerable for “sucker for love” type actions. So, this girl I loved was “My friend”. But, to be honest, I legit liked her. She was very cool. She was also really good friends with my ex-girl. That was also an issue. Anyway, I spent the majority of that year hanging out with her. Every time we’d hang, I thought it might be night. I’d make her mixes. walk her home at night. have movie nights at my crib. The type of shit I barely did when i was actually a girl boyfriend. Honestly, had I made a move, something might have happened…but I was too much of a pussy to get out the friendzone. Shit, she even went to my prom with me.
Bask in my embarrassment:

(this was in 1994 so cut me some fucking slack…)
That night was gonna be it. The prom went smoothly. She was gracious but noticeably not very flirtatious. Never a good sign. When it came time for the after party where I was gonna finally make it happen (via the help of heavy drinking on both of our parts), she “felt sick” and went home. After that, I pretty much accepted defeat and recoiled. Summer came and went…I went away to school and she had one more year of high school. She ended up dating my best friend for 3 years and that was that…until I randomly boned her like 5 years later. The feelings I had were long gone but I’d be lying if I said i didn’t feel some selfish retribution.
On a bright note, my good friend and I got past the whole “I boned your ex-girl” thing and remain close friends to this day. Just a case in point of , if you’re really friends , you can get past most things. And that, my friends, is something very few people within the “friendzone” will ever understand.