A friendly heads up to my touring companions

First off, I just wanted to remind you all once again that I’ll be on tour with Emancipator as of tomorrow for a while. Two weeks now and then 10 days in late February. In case you’ve missed it, here are those dates:
1.25 Milford CT @ Daniel Street Club
1.26 Burlington VT @ Higher Ground
1.27 Boston MA @ The Church
1.28 NYC, NY @ Music Hall of Williamsburg
1.29 Buffalo, NY @ Soundlab
2.01 Asheville, NC @ Stella Blue
2.02 Charleston, SC @ The Pourhouse
2.03 Athens GA @ New Earth Music Hall
2.04 Tallahassee FL @ The Engine Room
2.05 Gainsville FL @ The Venue
2.06 Atlanta GA @ King Plow Art Center
2/21Aspen, CO@ Bellyup Aspen
2/22Steamboat Springs, CO @ Ghost Ranch Saloon
2.23 Fort Collins CO @ Hodi’s Half Note
2.24 Boulder CO @ Fox Theatre
2.25 Dallas TX @ Tree’s
2.26 Austin TX @ Aces Lounge
2.27 New Orleans, LA @ The Hookah
Please come out. We’d love to see you. I got all sorts of merch goodies and it should be a good time.
The only downside to touring is that this blog takes a slight productivity hit. I’mma try and post stuff as much a possible but I make no promises. I’m sure I’ll pick up on my “Notes from the road” posts that I did last time. Those were fun and educational.
Anyway, now that that’s out of the way, I figured now might be a good time to give a heads up to my travel companions. Let me explain. This is a small tour. 4 dudes in a van. Me, Emancipator (which is two guys for the tour even though he’s actually one person) and a tour manager. I’ve never met this tour manager but I will be sharing a hotel room with him for the better part of the next month or so. I figure now would be a better time than ever to just let him know to expect when it comes to bunking with me on tour.
First off, I’m a very easy going person when touring. My whole mind set is do what you gotta do and get through it. I rarely complain about anything and , in general, keep an upbeat mood. So, that’s good right? Yeah. However, like all humans, I have my idiosyncrasies. I figure the honorable thing to do is just let you in on them now (even though, in reality, you will never read this blog and have no clue I even have a blog).

This is gonna happen. A lot. Especially considering the kinds of food people tend to eat when on the road. Allow me to just apologize in advance for that. They will be loud and they will smell. I wish I could control either of those things but , unfortunately, that’s impossible. Early in the tour, I may try and hold some of them in out of respect but I’m sure by day 4 , all hell will break loose. Just know it’s nothing personal. My stomach just hates me.

I’m a terrible sleeper in general but, miraculously, I tend to sleep ok when on tour. Feel free to watch Tv while I drift off. In fact, I like a little background noise. I’m not a snorer so that’s a plus. However, there is something you might wanna know about me. I’m a sleep rapist. Just kidding. No, I’ve been told that , particularly when I’ve been drinking, I talk in my sleep. Here’s the thing, I’m always super jovial when I do it. From what I’ve been told (by my girlfriend who has had to actually endure this shit while in the same bed as me) , my sleep talking consists of me giggling uncontrollably, speaking complete gibberish but in a very funny way and , on occasion, making clear statements that make no sense in any context whatsoever. So, yeah, heads up on that. If you hear me exclaim “That barn door was no under the moon stencil!” , just know it means I’m enjoying my dreams.

3)My addiction
I’m not an addictive person. I don’t have many vices. I drink on occasion but you’ll never have to deal with a belligerent drunk that needs tending to. I don’t smoke weed or do coke so you’ll also never have to deal with me either fiending for anything and bothering you about helping me get it. That said, there is one addiction I can’t deny. Internet. I need it. I want it. All the time. The Irony is that my phone is from the 90’s and does not have any internet access. I’ve done that on purpose cause I’m so internet reliant , I prefer to not have it on my phone so I can function when out of the house. I need the break. However, on tour, shit gets real. 6 hours drives with no internet to venues with no internet to hotels with shoddy internet. All I’m saying is that when you see me scramble for my computer at the first sign of Wi-Fi, don’t be alarmed. It’s my addiction at work. I’m checking E-mail , writing a blog, looking at facebook, making fantasy basketball moves or twittering about whatever the fuck pops in my head. So, be aware. In reality, this doesn’t effect you that much but know when I’m connected to the internet after 18 hours of non-connection, I’m dead to the world and trying to communicate with me is futile. unless you wanna send me an E-mail. I’ll answer that right away.

4)Feed me
I’m not one of these people who can not eat for long periods of time. I’ve toured with tons of people who can wake up at 7 am and just not be hungry until noon. While I envy these types, I’m simply not a part of that gang. No matter how tired or hungover I am, I need food within an hour and half of waking up. ALWAYS. If I don’t, I get nauseous and rattled. It’s literally the only time on any tour you might see me freak out a little (not counting when hotel internet doesn’t work. In those cases I might act like someone killed my newborn child in front of me). But don’t fret, this isn’t as big a deal as it seems. While I’d always prefer a meal, I also understand that time is of the essence when touring. We stopping at a gas station? Cool. Beef jerky for breakfast it is. I’m flexible. I just need to put some crap in my stomach. One time, while on the road a few years back, we stopped at a gas station at 7 am after getting about 3 hours of sleep. I was starving and purchased a corn dog and a piece of friend chicken that had been sitting under a heat lamp for probably 12 years. It wasn’t my proudest moment and I paid for it later “fecally”, but it was what I needed at the time. So, yeah, let’s eat.

That’s about it. Not that bad right? Other than all that shit, I’d say I’m a dream tour companion.