Poll: Men and shorts, what’s a bro to do?


I think it’s safe to say that , when it comes to fashion, men have it pretty easy. Sure, there are those guys out there who go to great lengths to gussy themselves up and look like masculine porcelain dolls but, for most of us, jeans, t-shirts and sneakers do the trick. Ladies, on the other hand, put themselves through hell to look nice. High heels, tight fitting clothing and all sorts of illuminati-based secret under garments that are worn to make everything look how it’s supposed to. However, there is one (sort of) equalizer: Hot weather. During the summer (or if you live in a warm area, year round) men are faced with the unfortunate choice of what to wear as pants. When the temperature starts hitting in the 80’s (or low 60’s if you’re one of “those” white dudes) it becomes shorts weather. That’s fine and dandy but , bro’s, did you know that women hate your shorts? Cause they do.

In general, most men choose comfort over style and it’s totally okay. But this isn’t one of those times. While most girls might get moist for a dude in a nice suit, those same girls aren’t gonna turn down a guy in decent jeans with nice sneakers. However, shorts are vagina dryers. It’s the one time our quest for comfort and simplicity does not work well with the ladies (well, I’m excluding wearing flip flops but if you’re a man wearing flip flops off of a beach, just stop it…seriously…fucking stop it). For instance, it’s hot as fuck in NYC right now. I know that if I go out , at night, wearing shorts to a bar, I’m pretty much giving up on the idea of being attractive to any girl over the age of 16. This is fine as I’m spoken for but it’s more a state of mind of “well…fuck it”. Meanwhile, girls thrive in comfort during the summer. Shorts, chucks, tiny shirts that aren’t tight but barely cover anything. All that shit. The good thing is, we men love that. Walking around the city during the summer, a dude might as well wear blinders on his dick just so he can get anywhere without being constantly side tracked by hot, dressed down and partially naked women. but us dudes? No one is clocking the guy in shorts. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps it dad-ifies all men? are out calves really that gross? I honestly don’t know. Personally, I think it makes all men look like children. Keep in mind, I wear shorts all summer, but I recognize this is not the move for any dude trying to maintain any level of attractiveness towards the opposite sex.
So, in a quest to understand both the guys and girls side of this, I decided to do two polls about. Perhaps, these polls will steer men in the right direction to where we can find a happy meeting spot. A type of shorts that men can feel proud to wear and that women can tolerate enough to let us have sex with them.
So, here are two polls. One for the bro’s and one for the hoes. For the sake of honesty, please refrain from answering the poll that’s not aimed at you. I’m doing my public service here.
Now, before we get into this, let me just clarify exactly what kind of shorts I’m talking about with the help of pictures. Here are all the types of shorts I can think of. I’m sure I’m missing some but, hey, I’m only human. consider this your glossary.
Cargo shorts:

Army shorts:

Dockers shorts:

Dickies/Carhardt shorts:

Basketball shorts:

Swimming trunks:

Jams:

Long pants/shorts:

Umbro’s:

Jean shorts:

Cut off jean shorts:

First off FOR MEN ONLY:

Now, FOR WOMEN ONLY:

The truth shall set us free…