(Just a little heads up, this is obviously dated. No one uses Myspace anymore. But i was sifting through all my old blogs and i found this.I think it’s kinda funny so i’m gonna throw it up here anyway. If it makes you feel better, feel free to replace the word “Myspace” with “Facebook”. Whatever is comfortable for you)
This is a pretty broad stroke but there are some fucking crazy people out there. I’m not talking about your delusional people like the myriad of “models” on myspace who think just cause they’re half naked, they’re sexy. While they’re kinda crazy, they just more full of shit then anything else…
Nor am I talking about the homeless guy screaming conspiracy theories to himself while he takes a dump on 5th avenue at noon. He’s as crazy as it gets but he’s not functional enough to really effect anyone beyond..well..being gross. I’m speaking more about the people that go through life, being somewhat normal but, on the inside, live in a completely separate reality from the majority of mankind.
Much like half naked whores, Myspace is full of people like this. Before I got on the internet I never really gave these types much thought cause, in most cases, when I’d meet them, I’d realize right away they were nuts and avoid them for the rest of my life. But, in the case of Myspace, they’re on parade. Nothing has exposed me more to this then my music page on MYspace. The things that people write to me are pretty baffling. Partially, cause it often makes no sense but also cause I can’t figure out how these motherfuckers figured out how to even use the internet in the first place.
Here are some examples of crazy types:
1.) Hippies –
While they fall heavily under the delusional category there’s something about them that is otherworldly…literally spacey. I got a message from a hippie the other day saying;
“Hello my brethren of earth”
Then he left some youtube video of some queer claymation hippie shit that I stopped watching after 8 seconds. His profile pic looked kinda like if Waldo (from Where’s Waldo) got eaten by a rainbow flag then put some leg warmers on his arms and grew a beard. He is truly in his own world.
Acid casualty? Very likely. He’s also bat shit insane yet probably has a job and friends. That’s the most confusing thing about it these are functioning social beings who ,when considering their level of crazy, shockingly DON’T live in a pile of wet leaves. Their existence on the internet defies all logic.
2.) The Bad Poets –
I was talking to a friend the other day about this. Sometimes seemingly normal people, when given a chance to write out their thoughts, as opposed to saying them, take that as a chance to make everything they say “poetic”, or as I like to call it “complete gibberish”. Everything they write seems like it should mean something but when you break it down, it’s just a bunch of words in no particular order. Judging from many Myspace messages I’ve gotten, this is a highly girl based phenomenon. Maybe they think they’re being whimsical or perhaps they fancy themselves to be the next Shakespeare (which is fitting cause I would need cliff notes to even begin to fathom what the fuck these people are talking about) but in reality, they’re just crazy people who can’t write.
3.) The Erratic Writer –
AnY ONE whO WrItES lIKe thiS iS bOtH An ASshoLe AnD InsaNE.
Seriously..what’s up with that shit? I’ve never typed like that before but just writing that sentence was fucking annoying and tedious. Every time I see that, it reminds me of a girl I once knew back in the day…
She was a fucked up drug addict/raver/musician type who used to date an old friend of mine. Beyond just being crazy, she was also completely annoying and for that reason, she vanished from my social scene. Anyway, she found me on Friendster (yeah, remember that place?) about 8 years ago and the crazy kicked back in, to the point where I had to block her. I’ve always been against that kinda shit but, whatever, she was stalking. EVERY message she would write me was in that upper/lower case O.C.D. font. On top of that, the shit she was writing was all in ebonic spellings like “Yo gEEz sHouLD bE chiLliNZ mOnEYzzzzzzzz”.
Yes, she sucked. It was when I noticed that her messages struck an eerie resemblance to those a serial killer might write that I decided to cut her off and block that bitch. Haven’t seen her since but I honestly think if I did, she might kill me…or just be mad annoying. The point is, people who write in that erratic font, are probably just as erratic in real life.
4.) The Avant Retard –
These are the people who just leave some cryptic two word message like ” until when….” or “now and then” They kinda freak me out…They kinda share the same space with the faux poetic writers but they’re so curt and out of nowhere, it’s a different beast altogether. I always imagine these people talk how they write and conversing with them would be like talking to a shy foreigner.
5.) The Obsessive –
I’ve blocked one person ever on Myspace and it was this girl who would attack my music page all day and night. She’d leave messages, comments and blog replies EVERY DAY. It got to the point where she was inventing fake conversations in my comment section. She’d write shit like “lol! totally, I’m the same way…” in reference to NOTHING.
This shit is extra scary cause it really sheds light on how delusional some people can be considering the crazy realities people invent in their heads. I’d say in most cases, these people need some serious therapy and a lifetime worth of hugs from their dad…wherever he may be.
As much as I have love Myspace for it’s promotional usage and Stalking capabilities, it certainly breeds (and creates) a certain type of mania that only exists cause of things like Myspace. It’s that same as internet anonymity that makes someone act like a tough guy on a message board when in reality, they’re soft virgins who are scared of their little brother. The crazy aspect is different cause everyone has some crazy in them. Shit like Myspace allows that to come out in ways it was never meant to be.
But who knows, maybe all this online venting will eventually save us all from a few bell tower attacks or high school massacres…that would be nice.