So, I’ve been watching that show, ‘Big Love’, on HBO for a while now.. It’s about a polygamist family in Utah dealing with other Mormans doing some mormanly shit. Up until I saw that show, I never really thought of polygamy before. To tell the truth, I kinda assumed it was the type of thing that only happened in other countries where women were ranked slightly above donkeys on the respect totem poll. Apparently, I was wrong cause outlaw Mormons are all about it.

I think for men, polygamy falls into the “in theory, it’s a great idea” category but if you really think about it, what a fucking hellish life that would be. First off, I like sex a lot but I think after a week of that shit, I’d chop my dick off. I’ve been in situations where I’ve been hooking up with a few girls at the same time period (granted the relationships were no where near married status, that’s for sure) and that shit is stressful, ON TOP of just straight up tiring. Then take that to the level of a longterm relationship and you got a whole new realm of “fuck that!”.

Have you spoken to anyone who’s been in a 3 plus year relationship lately? Well, word on the street is the sex ain’t exactly the jump off. Try that with three different people at the same time and that’s just the sex! I’m gonna assume the sex isn’t even that big of a deal to these couples (err…double couples? Tripods?). Having a girlfriend/boyfriend is hard work. There are obviously a lot of great things about it too, but having three wives…man…I can’t even fathom the horror. Think of all the wack shit about relationships and multiply it by three.

You know when you’re signifigant other is just blabbing on about some bullshit you couldn’t care less about? Times it by three…

You know when you’re signifigant other is just in a shitty mood and you have to deal with it because you are the only person around that that person feels comfortable enough with to be a total piece of shit to? Yup..x3…

You know when your phone seems like its on fire cause that person is calling you so much? Yeah…throw in some kids and bills and you have me eating a bottle of painkillers and slitting my wrists while jumping off a cliff.

Relationships are complicated enough without having to designate nights to different wives and figuring out where everyone is gonna sleep. especially when you have 7-10 kids running around. (Those Mormons may wait till marriage to bone but once that ring is on the finger, there is some serious missionary position popping off.)

An interesting thing about it to me is that the women manage to curb the jealousy because the religion tells them it’s ok. I didn’t realize jealousy was something you could control that easily. If that’s the case, there’s a few people I know who would probably better themselves and be much happier people if they just became Mormons. But honestly, much like most things related to religion, I’m not buying that. I refuse to believe these women don’t harbor animosity towards the other women who are also married to their husband, jealousy is as natural a human feeling as being happy or sad. I know they’re supposed to be on some sisterly shit but gimmie a break.

Look at it this way; Have you ever met a couple who decides it would be a good idea to have a threesome? A boyfriend and girlfriend invite a third party in? I’d say 90% of the time that shit ends up completely fucking up the relationship because it brings up all the crazy issues that would otherwise not be there. Polygamy is that but to the tenth power cause sex is just one aspect of relationships. I can’t front though, it must work on some level cause it’s been a part of that religion for a long time. Either that or certain Mormons are completely lunatics.

Eh…it’s more likely the latter.

Also, where is the argument from the females for marrying multiple men? Are there no feminist Mormons? It’s always crazy to me how people who live in a civilized society blindly adhere to certain rules they are taught from their religions, regardless of who flagrantly wrong it is. There’s gotta be a point where you question what you’ve been told.

I wasn’t raised religious but I also wasn’t raised anti-religious. In fact, I didn’t question the existence of god till I was in my late teens. partially cause it never came up. Then, one day, I thought about it for about 5 seconds and thought; “Huh? The bible? God? Creation” And that was it. That flicker of thought was enough evidence for me to make my mind up. If I had been raised with a religion from a young age, I imagine I would have gone along with it for a while. However, eventually I’d have an epiphany that, perhaps, all this is completely made up bullshit. That said, there’s got to be a point in the life of a female polygamist mormons life where the thought, “This is god’s plan?” pops in to their head. You would think the percentage of defectors would be staggering. Then again, every Mormon person I’ve ever met has been so nice it kinda made me want to get them to do things like curse a lot and talk shit about people. I guess you can’t hate on people being nice…but still, it’s almost creepy how friendly those motherfuckers are.

On the bright side, ‘Big Love’ teaches us that polygamy is not for everyone…just for extra fucked up outcast mormons. It’s funny that within one of the most uptight and corny religions, you find polygamy, go figure…I bet their kids are the same ones who have crazy anal sex when they’re 16 so they can technically still be virgins for marriage. Oh wait, all crazy religions do that. Anyway, I think it’s a good show…kinda…I can’t even tell. when it comes down to it, all those HBO shows are the kinda same.