Phat friend year in review 2012

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Yeah yeah yeah..year end lists are played out and all that. Instead of just giving lists, I’d like to use this time to take a look back at the year that was this goddamn blog. My blog. This is like my second job that i never get paid for. I do it for the love, man.
Anyway, if you got endless time to kill, this should be right up your alley. Links, links and more links. Fun things to watch, read, download and rub your genitals up against. Enjoy.

Top Five most read articles
These are the things I wrote that, for some reason or another, got read the most. In some cases it was the actual content, in others, it was cause some big website retweeted them…and in the case of the “Fuck/marry/kill” I’m assuming it had something to do with google and a word I happened to use in it. That’s the only realistic explanation.

https://phatfriend.com/2012/01/25/before-lana-del-ray/
This is about my brief experience working with Lana Del Ray before she was Lana Del Ray. Easily the most read thing of the year and, to this day, I get emails from crazy Lana Del Ray fans asking me for anything else I may have done with her. Which is nothing. Sorry guys!

https://phatfriend.com/2012/01/19/fckmarrykill-volume-8/
No clue why this was so popular…other than the game itself being so awesome.

https://phatfriend.com/2012/09/20/making-mixes-for-girls-part-1/
This got linked to the website Hairpin.com which is a huge website for stylish women. Thanks to my homegirl Jane Marie for that.

https://phatfriend.com/2012/08/16/my-case-against-men-wearing-open-toed-shoes/
This was the most controversial thing I wrote all year apparently cause, to this day, it still gets new comments from butthurt losers in sandals. Although it’s probably not the case, I like to imagine most of the traffic to this consists of furiously bitter dudes in sandals checking if any other furiously bitter dudes in sandals have commented on the post.

https://phatfriend.com/2012/07/05/behold-my-childhood-art-part-1/
I’d like to think this one got so many views cause it was so fucking awesome. Either that or Pedophiles googling game is slipping.

My personal favorites
These are the posts I wrote that I enjoyed the most. They may have slipped under the radar or just been not that interesting to people that weren’t me. Who knows? Whatever the case, give them a chance.
https://phatfriend.com/2012/11/29/things-i-once-believed-to-be-facts/
This is a recent one that is just me thinking back to some truly dumb shit I believed to be factual in my younger years. Very relatable stuff…kinda.

https://phatfriend.com/2012/08/30/the-opening-act-aka-eating-shit/
This was about how musicians all have to eat shit at some point as the opening act. It’s a brutal things but it’s also very necessary.

https://phatfriend.com/2012/01/04/the-friendzone/
This is about the realities of being in the friendzone. Not surprisingly, it fucking sucks.

https://phatfriend.com/2012/02/29/behind-the-electronic-curtain/
This is my ode to the faceless self promoters online and human spam machines.

https://phatfriend.com/2012/05/09/pussssyyyyyyy/
This is a a look at the pussification of the human race that’s been going on over the last ten years. Make it stop.

https://phatfriend.com/2012/01/11/i-used-to-love-h-i-m-pause/
This is a detailed breakdown of how I fell out of love with the music of the rapper Common. Shit’s deep, brah.

Mixtapes I made:
https://phatfriend.com/2012/11/28/mixtapes-for-girls-vol-4-the-close-it-out-mix/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/11/07/mixtapes-for-girls-vol-3-the-eclectic-guy-mix/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/10/10/mixes-for-girls-vol-2-the-im-sorryi-want-you-back-mix/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/03/21/some-good-old-album-tracks/

This year in Blockhead related free music::
https://phatfriend.com/2012/10/05/heres-a-remix-i-made-of-fiona-apples-hot-knife/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/09/11/new-illogic-blockhead-ep-preparing-for-capture-pt-2-available-now/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/06/21/peep-this-remix-i-did-billy-woods-dmca/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/06/05/preparing-for-capture-by-illogic-and-blockhead-is-here/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/05/23/peep-this-remix-i-did-freshkills-edition/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/05/03/throwaway-files-vol-5-2-0-the-final-installment/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/04/10/album-tracks-vol-2/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/04/04/throwaway-files-2-0-volume-4/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/03/13/throwaway-files-2-0-vol-3/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/02/28/peep-this-remix-i-did-2/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/02/23/throwaway-files-the-return-vol-2/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/02/08/throwaway-files-the-return/

Fun video related posts
https://phatfriend.com/2012/07/26/i-am-so-confused/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/06/14/some-videos-im-enjoying-3/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/04/23/getting-lost-in-youtube-old-rap-video-addition/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/03/28/move-over-grindtime-sir-jarlsberg-came-to-battle/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/02/07/necros-acting-reel/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/01/17/the-creepiest-2/

https://phatfriend.com/2012/01/03/the-machine/

Rants (on a monday)

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Some Good Old “What The Fuck?” Type Shit… 


Fruity Toothpaste
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For some reason I was in a rush the other day while buying toothpaste, I don’t know how that even happens but it did. Anyway, the next morning, I open it and brush my teeth with it. To my surprise, I had bought blueberry flavored toothpaste. Blueberry? It was like brushing my teeth with really shitty cake frosting. At the risk of sounding like every hack comic ever, what is the deal with fruity toothpaste? Who decided that fresh breath could be achieved by rubbing your teeth with lik-m-aid paste? This fruity toothpaste defies all logic. It would be like using soap made of ink or deodorant made from crystalized vagrant dingleberries. I get that it’s most likely for children (not the most apparent thing on the packaging, I might add) but still…give those fuckers some chewable vitamins and keep it moving. Keep the mint in toothpaste.
On a side note, It kinda remind me of people who chew cinnamon flavored gum to maintain good breath. to these people, you realize this makes your breath smell like a burning asshole, right? just checking.

Aesthetics: Art and Scenery –

This is going to be a huge generalization (not unusual round these parts) but I do not get aesthetics. I mean, I understand why people want their homes to look a certain way and why people dress how they do but in terms of nature and art…it’s all lost on me.

I grew up in and around galleries cause my dad was an artist. All his friends were artists and all they ever talked about was art. At a young age I knew that type of art was not my thing. I could never tell what made one piece of art great and what made one a piece of shit. 25 years later, I’m just as clueless. iIve always judged art on a “could I do that?” basis. If the answer is “yes” then it’s crap. Everything else falls into the “better then me” category which covers pretty much 99% of all paintings. But do I wanna look at it? Not really. Do I find nuances within it? Not at all. It’s just a painting to me. 


As for nature and all it’s beauty…eh…I’ll pass. The only times I’ve ever enjoyed nature and it’s beauty were when I was tripping my balls of on shrooms in the woods. Then, I got it, but otherwise, it’s just stuff. Trees, oceans, mountains, rivers…as vast and stunning as they can look, it’s just scenery. I’ve seen a homeless man shit on the sidewalk during rush hour. that was truly something to behold. A boundless mountain range buried in the clouds is cool I guess…but Bob Ross could paint that shit and have it look pretty much the same. I defy him to paint that shitting bum and truly capture that moment. Impossible.

Whenever people travel they come back with millions of photo’s. about half of them are usually some scenery. Shit that ,when they saw it, was breathtaking. So they took a shit load of pictures of it. Well, fast forward to the viewing of those pics and what do you have? A bunch of pictures of mountains and trees. ..or bodies of water…have fun with those pics. Those unforgettable moments of nothingness.

My girl and I recently began discussing moving in together and one of the first things she approached was the changes that would need to be made in my apartment. It was funny cause i think she thought I was gonna take some sort of stand about what needs to stay and what i’m willing to let her change. Little did she realize how little I give a fuck about how my apartment looks. My apartment doesn’t look the way it does cause I want it to look that way. It looks that way cause it was the easiest way to set things up. As long as the few items I actually use and need (Tv, computer, bed, musical equipment) are still there, i could live in a fucking paisley clown tent with lamps made of dildo bouquets for all i care.

Pundits –

Politics, sports, music, film…pretty much everything that has an audience has pundits. These are the loud mouth cocks who just prattle of their pointless opinions about whatever subject they’re deemed “experts” in (kinda like me but the only thing I’m an expert in is NBA2k 2 through 10).

I think the worst may be the sports pundits cause all they do is guess. Sports have no rhyme or reason. You never REALLY know whose gonna win (wrestling excluded). So all these douche bags giving their opinions really measure up to a big bowl of nothing. It’s completely arbitrary. I mean, in truth, all pundits are just talking to be talking. Nothing they say really matters and nothing they say holds any real weight. I’m all for debate on subjects but these people act like they’re speaking the only truth in the world. When, in reality, they’re guesstimating like a motherfucker.

Defenders of shitty music-

A common defense of people like T-Pain and other R&B singers who kinda suck is that they are also song writers. So, in some way, that excuses their less then adequate voices. I certainly do have more respect for people who write songs, however, just cause you write a song, it does not mean you’re talented. Fred Durst wrote songs. John Mayer writes songs. Sure, he can blues jam your face off on a guitar but every song he writes sounds like a slight breeze blown out of a floppy pussy. I think what I’m saying is that I’m sick of people getting credit for simply doing something, as opposed to doing something and doing it well. We’re all adults here. Give credit where it is due. The world would be a much better place if people just admitted that some things suck, but they have merit. It’s like a person explaining to me why they love Britney Spears. Just say it’s a guilty pleasure and keep it moving. Trying to give something artistic value that is so obviously devoid of anything remotely like that, is just making excuses for your own shitty taste.


Drama Lords
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We all need a little adversity in our lives to give us perspective. Some people who’ve never been through any real shit in their lives are truly setting themselves up for a meltdown. We all know people like this. These are the people who will lose their shit over common everyday mishaps and act like the world is ending. It’s fair to guess they’ve never been through any real tragedy cause, if they had, they might look at things a little different. Whenever I see people like this I always wonder what’s gonna happen to them when something real actually does go down? If you can’t handle the death of a pet or losing your cell phone, what are you gonna do when something that actually matters on a large scale happens? there’s a huge difference between tragedy and being inconvenienced or being sad…people recover from those things. Whereas tragedy has lasting effects that never really go away.


I often get shit from my friends for being somewhat of an emotional robot. I rarely get upset , I pretty much never cry and I seemingly don’t care about anything. While this is all pretty true, it’s not like my heart is a piece of coal. My theory is that there are very few things that happen in life that are life changing (in a bad way), things like the death of a close family member or friend, terrible physical damage, losing everything you own in a fire…stuff like that. All life changing shit that pretty much dictates your life from there on out. So, the way I see it, I’m saving whatever locked away emotion I have for when one of those things happens. Nothing else matters THAT much to beat yourself up over..or worse, shit on other people over. So, the next time you’re out and you see some sulky drunk bitch whining about her lame boyfriend like 9/11 just happened again, punch her in the face.

Then she’ll have a real reason to fucking cry.
(don’t actually do that)