A brief rundown of my uneventful weekend AKA That’s so Ravin’


I had a show in Pittsburgh this weekend. Instead of just telling a meandering story that really has no point, I think I’ll just ring off some bullet points. Mostly not related to each other. Some, even , just random thoughts I had during this trip.
Let’s see how this new free form style thing works…I might be applying it to my tour later this week. Who knows…

1)Jet Blue airlines>>>
When I get flown out to do shows, it’s pretty much always on some crap airline that has the cheapest tickets the promoters can find. This is fine as it is par for the course. This week, however, I was lucky enough to fly on Jet Blue. It blows my mind that their type of service has not been enforced as the norm amongst all airports. First off, their terminal at JFK is like some straight up Jetsons shit. If it were a mall, I would go to it. Free wireless. Places to plug in everywhere. Actual decent food (by airport standards). Everything looks new and all the furniture they have looks like it was made for wind resistance. Pointless, yes, but kinda cool none the less.
Secondly, as every knows, they have personal TV’s on very flight and they give you good snacks. Not some dried up old almonds or a 5 dollar cheese and cracker box filled with a Trisket and some Diet Jarlsburg cheese.
Also, the seats are actually comfortable AND the employees are actually friendly. They’re like the opposite of every other shitty airline around.
Not to mention, Jet Blue is relatively cheap.

2)The people of Pittsburgh
Ok, Big generalization coming up…
Is there some sort of law in Pittsburgh that all men over the age of 30 must have thick goatees (with the extra neckbeard extension) , huge guts and wear Jorts?
It’s fucking uncanny.
This is gonna sound like some NYC elitist shit (but if the shoe fits…) but often times when I travel to smaller cities in the mid west (or even semi west coast areas) I feel as if I’ve stepped into a time warp to about 8-10 years ago. Everything is basically the same but slightly off. It’s as if it’s a Wes Anderson movie but with wardrobe done by Blossom. Obviously, I’m not speaking of everyone out there (and in other places) but your average working class person walking the streets en rout to Chili’s.

3)Raves still exist.
Because my solo music is this weird in-between genre type thing (I’d say it hip hop but the lack or rapping changes everything and I perform with a laptop so who the fuck knows), I’ve done lots of shows with all sorts of electronic music people over the past year. Dub step, Break beat stuff , jungle and electro all the way to straight up rave dj’s. I’m pretty much anxious every time I go on stage in these situations cause I know what I’m about to play is nothing like the music these people are here to see. That said, it’s all gone over fairly well thus far so I can’t really complain. Let’s just say, for me, it’s odd. Simply because all these different mini genre’s are very particular and I’m completely clueless about all of them. On many occasions , I’ve opened for people I’ve never heard of who are 50 times more popular than I ever will be. Not a diss to these acts at all, I simply just don’t follow new music. Anyway, All that brings me to that this show in Pittsburgh this weekend was a rave. I’m talking Glow sticks, Colored whistles, Girls dressed like pixies on ecstasy, candy necklaces , Intense sweaty drugged out dudes dancing their balls off and endless under age girls running around half nude making my penis scratch it’s own head. These are things I saw when I was 15…in 1991. Serious time warp. And had it not been for my recent shows, I’d be clueless to this kinda shit still existing. I gotta say, that scenes longevity is pretty astounding.
PS:Motherfuckers were wearing JNCO jeans and chain wallets…IN 2010!!!!! So ill.
PPS: There is no place on earth that I feel older, than at one of these raves. My initial reaction to being at these things is to tell the girls to put some clothes on and stay as far away from the bug eyed, sweaty males as possible.

4)I didn’t do a show this weekend
So, when at a rave, there arelots of things that can go wrong. Over crowding. Over heating. But most of all, young motherfuckers who can not handle their drugs. This rave was all ages and everyone was fucked up. I walked through the crowd at around 10:30 (doors opened around 8ish) and saw a grey faced , barely conscious girl being carried out by security. AT 10:30! jesus christ…get your mind right, bitch! She didn’t even last past the opening DJ. She was attended to by the paramedics and everything seemed fine. That is, until, some dude on a mystery drug started flipping out in the crowd and getting violent. I didn’t see it but apparently he had to be removed by 3 security guards and he was still whyling out when he got outside. Because this was drug induced ($1000 bucks on PCP being that dudes drug of choice), they were forced to call the paramedics again which, in turn, led to the party getting shut down around midnight. It was pretty fucked up cause one bad apple really ruined it for everyone. That shit ended before any of the headlining dj’s (myself included) got on. I felt terrible for the promoter, who had actually done an amazing job on every other level. That shit was sold out before 11. They had to turn away 500 people. Not too shabby. But cause of one dumb kid who got out of hand, the night was a wrap.

5)Whipped cream flavored vodka?
Yes. This exists.
The promoters girlfriend , who was very sweet and accommadating, did me a solid and purchased some vodka for me to drink backstage. That is aways appreciated. Earlier that day, she was driving me from the airport and mentioned whipped cream vodka. In response, I made the fake barfing noise as that sounded like the worst idea on the planet. She insisted it was awesome some more but the topic eventually drifted elsewhere and I pretty much forgot all about. Lo and behold, backstage she had copped me the fabled Whipped cream vodka. And what’s there to mix it with? Kool aid, of course. Feeling an extreme need to not be sober at this insane rave, I made myself a drink. And you know what? It really did taste like whipped cream…mixed with vodka. And you know what else? it tasted like Willy Wonka’s asshole. So, just a heads up , anyone ever wondering what it might be like to felch Willie Wonka, you can now find out. Cheers!