Soundcloud messing with my shit…So i got free stuff for you.

So, every now and then, I get bored and amuse myself by remixing popular pop/rap songs. Often, the goal is to flip them on their ear and give people a different perspective on a song they , most likely, are completely tired of hearing. I gotta admit, I do generally like all the songs I remix though. You’re never too cool for a catchy pop song, breh.
Anyway, i got this email today from the good people at Soundcloud

As you can see…They got me (as is expected, legally) and threatened a 3 strike rule which would cancel my soundcloud. So, being the obedient pussy that I am, I preemptively deleted all the pop music remixes I’ve made to assure I don’t get the axe from soundcloud. While that’s a bummer for me (Soundcloud is an ideal place to post that kinda shit, outside the whole “It’s illegal” aspect) I figure I might as well throw them all in a folder and leave them here for any of you guys who might not have them.

As an added bonus, I remixed the Migos hit “Bad and Boujee” just now (literally just did it in the last half hour) cause, why not? It’s a curveball version , for sure. It’s in the folder below but, if you just want that song alone (or to just listen to is stream), here’s  a link to that:
So, here’s a little gift from me to you…It’s not much but it’s better than nothing, right? Enjoy!
1)Bad and Boujee- Migoshead

2)Bad Liar Remix- Selena Gomezhead

3)Classic man Remix- Jidennahead

4)Hot N#gga- Bobby shmurdahead

5)I can’t feel my face- Weekndhead

6)Panda Remix- Desiignerhead

I remixed this Selena Gomez song for shits and giggles

Lemme give a little back story on this…
I was coming back to my crib in an uber the other day. The radio was playing and it was some random top 40 station. Song after song of inane bullshit kept playing to the point where I just kinda zoned out. Towards the end of my ride, a song came on that felt vaguely familiar. I knew this song…somehow. Turns out, it’s the new Selena Gomez song. It was familiar to be cause a)It samples The Talking heads b)I had actually heard it a few weeks earlier and noticed it as something somewhat interesting.
Let’s be honest, the song is cute. It’s catchy and not in an annoying way. It’s a…dare i say…GOOD song. I don’t fight that reality. I know it’s easy to turn your nose up at all pop music but, when someone does something right, you gotta give credit where it’s due.
So, yesterday, I’m sitting around and that song popped up somewhere and I thought “hmm…surely there is an acapella for this somewhere”. I was not wrong. One thing leads to another and I’m looking through beats that might work with the tempo and pitch. Well, I found one.
Remixing pop music is a lot of fun. Taking something that’s made to sound one way and turning it on it’s ear gives songs a new dynamic you’d never expect. In the case of “Bad liar”, I went with a super slow, sludgey fuzzed out psyche kinda feel. More Portishead than anything else.
It’s a slapped together job and the mix is, well, slapped together but fuck it. It’s summer and let me have my fun. Enjoy
So, here ya go:


Bieber be Fuckin’

Listen, I know this whole “virginity” thing is a big deal for young pop stars today. If you’re making music for girls who may or may not be menstruating and you’re under the age of 18, you’re definitely rocking a purity ring. It’s the rules. Only young girls are allowed to be sexualized. Young men can only be sweet , boy next door types with a heart of gold and rainbows and a ken doll groin. But lets not kid ourselves. Bieber be fuckin’. In fact, Bieber BEEN fucking. I know dudes who looked like gargoyles that were getting laid at the age of 14. This dude is basically a pretty little girl with a penis AND he’s rich and famous. To put it in perspective, there is nothing more disgusting than a 13-16 year old boy. All they do is jerk off, eat and shit. If that boy somehow happens to be able to parlay some sex out of a girl, god forbid. That’s a normal kid I’m talking about. Your typical little dude going to school, doing his homework and busting 3-5 nuts daily just to stay balanced. You take that mind set and put it inside the head of a kid with a probable god complex, more money than he knows what to do with and thousands of willing ladies of all ages literally throwing their vagina’s on him, and it’s a wrap. I wouldn’t be shocked if Bieber has had so much sex he’s about to enter that weird “I’m over it” stage where he can only get turned on by strange fetishes. That’s old , weathered pro territory right there. The kinda shit drug addled pro wrestlers in their early 40’s, who live on the road , deal with. Bieber is basically a step away from being Jake “the snake” Roberts in the movie “Beyond the mat”.

I’m sure this comes as no shock to anyone with a shred of intelligence but it needs to be addressed in a public forum. That little shit is still pulling his bullshit purity angle when we all know , in real life, Beiber has fucked more girls that you and me combined. Honestly, I don’t believe he’s even religious. how can a person both follow the word of the bible and at the same time have a swagger coach? Yes, this kid has a swagger coach. That is, a person who teaches him how to have swagger. I know…I wanted to jump off a bridge too when I read that. I’m not a religious man but I just don’t see how you can closely follows the word of the lord while also upholding your swag. I mean, I guess you could have virgin swag but that kinda cancels it out. Virginity is kind of the opposite of swagger.

I’d like to imagine that the beibz goes into his swagger class , textbook in hand. The coach sits him down and the first thing he teaches him is “Get laid”. Nothing gives a person more natural calmness and confidence like just getting laid. Bieber is a 17 year old kid. His hormones are working on overdrive. I’m sure he’s jerked off with tooth paste out of desperation by this point so you throw some pussy in his face and he’s taking it. Hell, he’s been coached to take it.

Not to mention, he’s dating that girl Selena Gomez, She’s a former (current?) disney broad and we all know how those hoes get down. Disney actresses are like the catholic school girls of the entertainment industry. They’re created to rebel against their pure image. They may appear clean but more likely than not, if they’re not having tons of normal sex, they’re AT LEAST taking it in the ass (you know, to preserve the godly hole for their first husband or whoever).

I’m not naive. Neither are you. No one in their right mind thinks these purity rings actually mean anything. I don’t even know if Bieber wears one. If he does, there’s a good chance he’s lost a few inside some girls. I did some youtube research to see what the deal was but all I found were E! news clips and people commenting on how “Kissing, hugging and having fun” doesn’t equal them being impure. These people are obviously forgetting what being that age and having genitals was like. If you look at pictures of these two together at the beach, they can’t keep their hands of each other. You think that stops when the doors shut? Trust that, once alone, there is a whole lot of awkward finger banging, lame blow jobbing and short sex sessions popping off. The way it should be for two people their age.