Tag Archives: things you shouldn’t do

Revisiting rules for people over 30

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When I turned 35 (this was 4 years ago) , I took it upon myself to write a blog post about things people over the age of 30 should and should not do. this was met with mixed responses. For people who were avid readers of my blog, they kinda got it. I wasn’t making a definitive rule book but more just a list of things that, hey, maybe you shouldn’t really be focusing your energy on. Things like starting new drub habits, getting into fist fights and going clubbing. I think all three of these things are reasonable. I mean, sure, you can start doing coke at age 35, get in fights and go clubbing all you want but, my point is , perhaps, it’s not a good look.
There are few posts I’ve written over the years that have gotten constant feedback, even though they’re old as fuck. This one, one about how men should not wear open toed shoes and another about how Yung Lean fans are morons. A couple of those were written over 5 years ago and I still get comments on a weekly basis from people who act as if I took away their guns. If anything, it shows the power of google searches. Like, that means, there are people googling “What i should and should not do after the age of 30” and “should a man wear open toed shoes?”. People are fucking insane. The responses I got/get were/are mostly livid people telling me age is just a number and that there isn’t a rule book. True and true but , at the same time, if you can’t see that your life is different in your mid 30’s than it is in your mid 20’s, you’re probably somewhat of a mess. Or you were REALLY mature at 25.
Anyway, I wanted to take a look back and , perhaps add on to this list. As i get closer to 40, it’s clear that aging is a process of growth and perspective. It never ends. 5 years makes a huge difference. more than you can imagine. So, perhaps my tune has changed since i wrote this original post. Let’s take a look at the original list and where i stand now, almost 5 years later
1) Starting new drugs
My stance has softened a bit on this. In a way. While I still think a person who has reached 30 and never done cocaine or heroin should just keep with the program, those are two particular drugs. Other more mind expansive drugs have their place and, perhaps, may be even better cause you are older. Mushrooms or acid are the obvious choice. Mind expansion , when you’re a 20 year old is cool and all but that egg is barely even boiled at that point. Taking an evolved and often complicated mind of a fully formed adult and throwing it into a whirlwind via hallucinogenic drugs can be truly enlightening. Even something like Molly, which is a kids drug at heart, can be fun. i don’t recommend it on the regular but for special occasions? Why the fuck not. just don’t die, old man.

2)Getting is fist fights
Still dumb and they get dumber. A 30 year old getting into a bar fight is dumb but a 39 year old? jesus chrst dude…get it together.

3)Facial/body piercing
Thinking about it now, I guess it’s fine…in the sense that it’s your body, you’re old now and you may do with it what you please. But i still feel like piercing is a youthful form of expression. A 38 year old getting a tongue ring is weird. But things do happen later in life. You know how many people I know that have discovered they are gay or bi in their mid 30’s? Things come to the surface when you start to understand yourself. So, in the same way, maybe some person had a boring ass youth, got married young and had a few kids. In their early 30’s, they got divorced and met someone who took them to a swingers party. All of a sudden, they’re immersed in a world they would have never even considered and it was totally bought on by meeting one person. Next thing you know, that same former boring married person is now 40 and single. They have sensual oils by their bed, own a bag of dildos, wear a copious amount of scarves and have performed oral sex on someone of the same sex , even though they don’t consider themselves gay. If that can happen (and it does), surely someone could decide to get a septum pierce at age 37.

4)Going to clubs on the regular
This was short sighted on my part. Not cause clubs are great and a good time for people over 30. Clubs suck. If you go clubbing, you’re probably a cornball or a girl who “loves to dance!” and drink $18 beers purchased for you by creepy persian guys with cocaine. That said, i feel as though i overlooked the post 30 year old party life style. It goes strong. Sure, you may not be able to pull a 4 day bender like a 22 year old but, if you’re still a social being, you’re going out. You’re getting fucked up. You’re having fun. Now, I wouldn’t go to a club…but I wouldn’t do that shit when I was any age. But the point is, the party don’t stop at 30. If you got the time, money and social circle, it can go as long as you want.

5)Taking leisurely sports super seriously
Still dumb. Much like fighting, this is based on a weird chip on the shoulder of males. To me, this is really something all men should have under control by their early/mid 30’s. Their temper, their competitive streak, their realistic view of what sports means to them. You’re not a pro. This isn’t for a ring. This is for exercise and fun. I play basketball 2 or 3 times a week and it’s truly my favorite part of my week. Better than partying, better than sex , better than making music.
That’s cause it’s fun and it’s my only form of exercise. Two things that don’t share the same space very often. So, it seems silly to enter this thing that I truly love and look forward to with a shitty attitude. After all, IT’S FUN. That’s like going to a party and getting angry immediately for no reason. If you’re not a pro and the games don’t mean anything (when do they ever, really?), calm the fuck down and just enjoy yourself.

6)Blind musical idealism
I stand by this one deeply. Recently, one of my favorite rappers (Vince Staples) got shit on by a bunch of bitter old rap fans cause he said he didn’t care about 90’s hip hop. Staples was born in the mid 90’s and raised on post 2000 stuff. But, for some reason, people were up in arms like what he thinks about the music we grew up on matters. It’s not his to care about. But , still, people got all offended. Part of aging gracefully is letting go of extreme feelings that don’t do us any good. I love my old school hip hop, cause it’s what I LISTENED TO. But if a 22 year old wants to tell me that Young Thug is a better rapper than Rakim, what can I really say to them? It’s impossible to quantify and silly to even think about. Things have changed so much since we (my age group) were young. The internet! That didn’t fucking exist when i was buying tapes at tower records every week. how can we even begin to compare or think the current generation would have any idea what that was like? And, really, if i was them, I wouldn’t give a shit either. When i was a kid, i wasn’t bumping Grandmaster flash and furious 5. I was bumping Big daddy kane. Cause that’s what was popping then.
So, yeah, take it easy with the musical platitudes and just accept that you have your taste and other people have theirs.

7)Dressing like an 18 year old
I think the best thing a person in their 30’s can do, fashion wise, is take a little of the youth culture and apply it to their own, older, fashion sense. Like, you think those crazy space kicks look good? buy them and wear them with you not so skinny jeans and a nice jacket. But emulating exactly what’s hot with 21 year olds as a 35 year old is weird and feels like pandering. Kinda like puffy saying “swag!” or a 38 year old who’s “finna get turnt up!”.
Remember how people dressed in movies about the future? Like all shiny, with no buttons. Lots of silver. Or, if the movie is slightly more depressing, people from the future look kinda like fashionable bag ladies. Well, it’s funny cause the future is now. Like, you could take Bushwick , Brooklyn and dump all those people into Blade runner and no one would blink. The future is now!

Well, those were what I had before but I’d like to add a few more for good measure.
More things you shouldn’t do past 30:
1)Stop being so mad about Drake.
Let it go. Yes, I know he offends your fragile purist soul but he makes some good music and isn’t hurting anyone. Trust me, it gets MUCH worse. In ten years we will look back fondly at Drake. Kinda like how I do Mase, when I think about him now. But Drake is much better than Mase so wrap your head around that.

2)Be a prude
if you’re single and past 30, you should be fucking. I don’t mean whoring around putting your genitals all over anyone but, if you’re on a date, you are attracted to that person and you get along well? fuck that person. Literally.
Listen, we’re not in high school anymore. If you’re over 30 and still think girls who have sex on first dates are sluts, grow up. If you’re a girl over 30 and think there should be a definitive time line for when you allow the man to go inside you, grow up. It’s sex. We’re both adults. We both enjoy it (hopefully). beating around the bush is for nervous kids who can’t fuck anyway. You’re down? I’m down. And when it’s over, we can both act like adults and life will go on.

3) going to music festivals…a lot
This will get me some heat but let me explain. There’s nothing wrong with going to music festivals at any age. Do you. you love live music and the outdoors? Go nuts. i’m speaking more of the people who’s life is based around hopping from festival to festival. Like deadheads but ravers…and old. it’s just not our game to play, guys. going to a few select festivals a year is totally reasonable but if you’re packing up your 1985 Volkswagon bug and traveling across the country watching the same dj’s play in some fucking field, while you got bills to pay and maybe some kids? GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER. That’s the thing, there’s nothing inherently wrong about most of these things but, after a certain age, you must be responsible for yourself and those who rely on you. All that said, if you’re a single person, with no job, no bills and an endless flow of money, I guess you’re the exception to the rule.

4)Posting meltdowns on social media
To be clear, NO ONE should do this but i give some slack to people in their 20’s and younger. At that age, you’re dumb and your emotions are even dumber.
But, yo…if you’re a 36 year old and going off about “Your haters!” on facebook or spilling the beans about how you thought about killing yourself the night earlier…get it together. This is social media. Save that shit for your actual close friends. When you post that, realize that, while your good friends will see it, so will that rando you fucked in mexico and that girl you hated from high school. For no other reason than that, you gotta chill. Write a diary or something. Diaries are great cause they won’t judge you and screencap your meltdown. That’s nice of them.

5)Have relationships constantly blow up
I don’t mean dating. i mean friendships. If you’re over 30 and constantly getting into arguments with friends and burning bridges, one of two things is happening
a)you have shitty taste in people and it’s becoming clear
b)you’re the problem
Either way, real friendship is one of the most important thing people can have. We all have acquaintances and social friends but I’m talking actual close friends. There is no reason that 2 adults in their mid 30’s should be fighting like petulant children and storming out of rooms in a huff. Well, there are many reasons, to be honest, but none of them are actually good. We all make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. In fact, we’re all pretty flawed to the core. But , at some point in life you either gotta cut the fat or just deal with it. fighting with friends over petty bullshit is not something an adult should do with any regularity. That’s some “real housewives” shit and those hoes are emotionally stunted morons with way too much money. If anything, a person over 30’s mantra should be “Don’t be like a real housewife”. That’s actually a perfect guideline to live by.

Whelp…that’s all i got at the moment. I look forward to your rage. just take it easy, your old and your heart isn’t what it used to be.

Things you should not still be doing past age 30

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AUTHORS NOTE: This was written along time ago and has since been updated and reflected on here: https://phatfriend.com/2015/10/30/revisiting-rules-for-30-year-olds/ So, instead of reading this and getting you panties in a bunch about what some stranger said 8 years ago, read that…and perhaps still get your panties in a bunch but, also, feel free to blow it out your ass. Thank you and good day.

Initially, I was gonna make 25 the cutoff age but then I realized I’d be limiting myself. The fact is that 25 years old, while fully adults, are just not quite there yet (neither are 30 year olds either but they’re closer). This means, they still don’t really know shit yet and are prone to still do stupid things that , in reality, only teenagers should be doing. That said, I think if you’re over 25 and doing the things I list below, you’re kind of a dipshit but all hope is not lost. We all make mistakes. You got 5 years to the right the ship. You 30 year olds though? Inexcusable.
Let’s see…

1) Starting new drugs
I don’t mean your meds or things that will make your heart/dick/stomach work better. I’m talking about illegal substances. If you’re 30 plus and have never done coke, why start now? Most drugs are for children. Well, maybe not children but young people. People with nothing to lose and few responsibilities. People who don’t have a career or a family. That’s why, whenever I see some drug addled 22 year old, I don’t really worry about it. But when you see a 35 year old smack addict who’s been doing it since his late teens, it’s a forgone conclusion that that dude is a wrap.
If you’ve always done these drugs, it’s a different story. Granted, I think there is a wall for hard drug usage that most mindful adults should hit. But,if you’ve made it out your 20’s on these drugs, I suppose you’ve somewhat mastered your high (or you’re one of those functional junkies I’ve heard about). That said, 32 year old cokeheads are fucking idiots no matter when the started doing the drugs.
So, if you’re 30 plus , have avoided all that shit in life thus far , you’re doing fine and feel like you need to make your life more extreme, stop what you’re doing and go change you kids fucking diaper or fill out a tax form. You know, boring shit that adults have to do cause they’re adults. Trust me, the hangover for stuff like that is way more tolerable.

2)Getting is fist fights
When you’re young, you’re stupid. You have too much pride and too much energy. You also get too drunk so those three things tend to unite with your ego and form into an asshole version of voltron that results in random scraps with people. That’s fine. Fist fighting is pretty moronic in general cause 9/10 times it’s over some completely pointless thing. But it happens sometimes. Usually to the same people. Anyway, once you reach the ripe age of 30, it’s time to learn to just let things go. Sure, if some dude slapped your girl or did something personally or potentially harmful to you, by all means, beat his ass. But if some dude bumps you at a bar by accident and doesn’t apologize or a pointless conversation elevates into an argument, let it go. Health insurance is still expensive and I doubt you have it anyway. Not to mention, we live in a day and age where it seems like everyone knows some form of martial arts. The MMA craze will result in you getting your ass kicked by some little dude who happens to know brazilian Ju-jitsu.
The real question to the fighters is “what are you proving”? You might as well and go to the bathroom with the guy and measure each others dick cause it’s about the same thing and way less dangerous.

3)Facial/body piercing
You ever see a random old dude who decides to get his ear pierced? He’s like 60 and obviously just hit a wall in life. So he gets a blingy piece of shit in his ear that looks more like something your grandma might wear around her neck. Well, people who feel the need to get weird piercings (anywhere not on the ear) past the age of 30 are no different. While some could say the same for tattoo’s , there’s a difference. Tattoo’s can be cool and actually mean something, where as facial/body piercing has pretty much always been stupid. Also Tattoo’s are actually art. Piercing is just a piece of metal pushed through your skin. By that logic, everyone who’s ever been stabbed to death was simply a beautiful canvas for a murderer/artist.
I’ve played at my fair share of music festivals and this is where this is most common. i’ll see a 40 year old dude with a fresh cheek pierce , earlobes stretched wide enough to make love to and barbells in his nipples.
This kind of self expression is the body modification equivalent to a teenaged girls high school poetry. It’s all heart , no thought and always shitty. I’m not mad at people who get this shit done, I just quietly judge them as the adult children that they are.
Now, if you’ve got pre-existing pierces, that’s different. While, I’d personally say take them out, at this point you’ve probably had them for a decade and they’re a part of you. So, you know, do you. Well, except those huge , stretched out earlobes. They make me wanna barf and look terrible. Please take those out.

4)Going to clubs on the regular
I’m not saying you shouldn’t party after 30. Not at all. Partying after 30 is fun. It’s just , as you get older, the settings of social gatherings change. When you’re 18-23ish , you go to clubs (i guess, I always hated those shit holes but it seems to be still be a thing people do). At that age, it’s exciting and new. Eventually, the clubbing dies down and it turns into bars or mellow house parties. I’d say hitting bars is something you can do forever. Though, as everyone you know gets married and has kids, that slowly transforms into shit like dinner parties, couples nights and the horrific “Game night”. But I digress…
Clubs are for people who care way too much about pointless things. Things like being seen or social status They’re crowded, expensive and full of shitty people and shittier music. On the upside , clubs are where you go to meet a random person to sleep with, without having to do all that “talking” bullshit you might have to if you were in a bar. It’s a great source of one night stands or perhaps laying eyes on a celebrity from 50 feet away…or hell, fucking that celebrity if you’re attractive enough. I refuse to believe anyone ever has actual fun at clubs unless they’re gay dudes dancing all night in chelsea. From the looks of them when they’re walking home at 5 am, those motherfuckers have an amazing time, everytime.
When you hit 30, not only should you not go to those types of places, you should not WANT to go. It’s just straight up unappealing. Not to mention, the famous old “You don’t wanna be the old guy at the club” joke , that will always hold true.

5)Taking leisurely sports super seriously
It’s truly a spectacle to see a 45 year old man scream to the point of a near stroke over a foul call in pick up basketball. I know some people are hyper competitive and that never goes away. But I’m more talking about the rage. Rage has it’s time and place…and it’s not during a game of beer league softball. Relax, dude. No one here is getting paid and there is no glory to be had. Just use this as a fun way to exercise so you can eat some unhealthy shit later that day. That’s all we really have when we’re not professional athletes. The hope that we can not get really fat but still eat food that tastes good by exercising in a fun way. Winning is cool and all but really, I’d rather just get to eat the unhealthy food.

6)Blind musical idealism
It saddens me when I meet a dude well into his 30’s that’s complaining about commercial hip hop or whatever. That’s not his fight to fight. Really, it’s no one’s fight to fight but he should be old enough to see that. We all value music and want it to keep its ideals (that we have created for it). Unfortunately,music is just gonna keep changing while we get older and more removed from it. The same way some old rap guys are looking at someone like Tyler the Creator in disgust, is how your parents parents were looking at the Beatles once they grew their hair long. Not comparing the two, I’m just saying, as people over 20, It’s not our game to officiate. We’re entitled to dislike all of it though. It’s just the complaining part that’s a waste of time.

7)Dressing like an 18 year old
Nothing wrong with being a fashionable 30 plus. As someone who’s basically dressed the same since I was 12 (albeit with varying sizes of jeans and types of t-shirts), I’m really in no position to scold a 30 year old for how they dress. I’m more talking about these youthful fashion trends that pop up. Like when REALLY Skinny jeans were the look. They were basically denim spandex. To see grown, out of shape 30 somethings clinging to their youth by wearing those things, was heart breaking (not really, but it made me think they were dickheads).
There are some styles that will pop up that are strictly for the young. Much like music, it’s not our 30-plus year old job to contend or stay relevant in that type of realm. All we can do is dress how we see appropriate for someone who is no longer doing tons of drugs, going clubbing, getting into fights and arguing the tenants of true lyricism.

I think what this all comes down to is , as you get older, you realize how little most things matter. Things that really used to rile you up now bring about a feeling of utter indifference. That’s a big part of getting old. Some would say that a person losing their fire and inspiration but I see it more as just settling down. Becoming grounded and more logical in your actions.
As those trite things fade to the background, the few things that do matter actually become your main focus. Making a living. Your family. Your friends. You’re own mental stability. Everything else is just some kiddie shit. Except blogging, of course. That’s some grown man shit right there.