This may be casting a huge umbrella over a lot of things (but that’s kinda my thing, so , you should be used to it by now) but “tradition” and “traditions”, from marriage to manners to religion to clothing, are kinda bullshit. Now, obviously, I’m no scholar on anything and I don’t know the history of much, outside of a little music trivia and tv shows, but it seems to me that people don’t mind following traditions blindly. In fact, they fucking love it, ‘After all, it’s tradition.’

People have been doing it for years, maybe centuries! The thing is, anytime anything comes from a really long time ago (let’s say over 100 years), there’s always a good chance it’s ass backwards. That, or it’s simply some made up shit from that particular time that had everything to do with then and nothing to do with now. Sure, there have been countless things that have been both discovered and created in those times that are a necessity for us to this day but the traditions?

Marriage, for instance, I’m sure there’s some long winded story behind how marriage came about and I bet it’s fascinating. However, I don’t really care about how it started as much as I care that it’s made a huge deal of in our current society; People straight up base their lives around it. Having kids is one thing; It’s procreation, it’s what keeps civilization going (for better or worse). Marriage is just some fucking paper work. I’m not even opposed to getting married, I just don’t really give a shit either way. Marriage itself is one thing, I get it. People tend to need titles to feel comfortable and stable. But all the things that go with it like the rings, the vows, the father walking the daughter down the aisle, why? What does that have to do with anything? Is it a celebration? Not really. In fact, those traditional parts of a weddings are the least celebratory times on earth, they’re fucking boring. It’s some follow the leader shit that was probably created by some uptight retard who believed that the earth was flat. Comedian Doug Stanhope once said something like “If marriage didn’t exist, do you think we would invent it? Like ‘hey honey, i really love you and want to be with you for the rest of my life. is there any way we could bring the government in on this?”. Often when i say shit like this in real life people think it’s some anti-love movement of mine or just some “romance is dead” talk. But , to be honest, it just me not seeing the point of titles and traditions. Why can’t a couple just be together and that’s that?

Sometimes i think of what would have happened if our forefathers had happened to be on the zany side. Like what if it were tradition for the bride to chug a gallon of goats milk right before accepting the ring Or if the groom had to eat cake out of a filthy fisherman’s boot before saying “Aiiiiight!”. If that had been tradition for hundreds of years, would we question it? Probably not. Things you’re taught at a young age are pretty much programmed in and, if they’re on the harmless side, rarely questioned.

I think a great example of this is the engagement ring. I’d be hard pressed to think of something more bullshit then an engagement ring. 1/3 of your yearly salary for a ring that signifies you’re getting married? Really? How bout you should just be happy with the actual wedding ring and save that money for something important like food or clothes for your children. The funny things about engagement rings that I learned recently is that they are a newer “tradition” that was basically created by diamond companies about 100 years ago (I believe Debeers is the culprit but I could be wrong). Sounds like some conspiracy theorist shit but I’m gonna roll with it cause, otherwise, there is no logic to them what so ever.

It’s things like tradition that put marriage on a pedestal such to the point that people get upset about something as non-threatening as same sex marriages. People to the right of this topic will argue that marriage is a sacred tradition between a man and a woman. People to the right of this argument also have way to much time on their hands. WHO GIVES A SHIT? If you stripped marriage down of all the traditional bullshit, it’s simply an agreement by two people to be together monogamously. It’s a fucking “lifetime” contract and it should be no more traditional then an athlete signing to a team or a jail sentence.

On a side note; If you are really bothered by same sex marriage, get over yourself, it has nothing to do with you. Worry about your own problems and let strangers live their lives.

But back to traditions….

Another example is clothing, like traditional garbs and what not. Many of these outfits go back so far I’m surprised they’re not knit from wild boar hairs. In some places, traditional outfits are dictated by religion and obviously that’s a whole other bag of bullshit worms so I won’t even go there. But some traditional garbs, like any of those wind breaker raver pants from the Himalayan Mountains or berets on a French person or clogs on a Dutch person, don’t even make sense.

Nothing against any of that, but how they became the go to gear in these areas is beyond me. It’s not that they once were the go to gear, it’s that they have withstood the test of time. And those pants…lots of pilates popping off in the Himalayan Mountains? Obviously. Lots of free movement needed when slowly climbing or trudging through muddy mountain thickets? No doubt.

With traditional clothes, much like fashion fads of today, some things just should fade away. Once they cease to have a purpose, you’re really just wearing it to be wearing it, it’s not like any of that shit is particularly comfortable. Their purpose was at one point reasonable but now clothes are made better and you don’t HAVE to settle. Even broke mountain motherfuckers can afford jeans…those shit’s are like 7 bucks at Target and I bet they cost like two eggs and a bag of feathers in the mountains of Tibet.

Worse yet is the non-aboriginal people that revitalize traditional styles in non-traditional landscapes. They are pretty much just posers, but in a much grander historical and worldly sense.

These “set in stone” traditions imposed upon us by people we didn’t even know existed are no more valid then some random “traditions” you may have with your homeboys. What’s that? it’s a tradition that you eat 50 buffalo wings every sunday during football season? Go for it. That’s just as absolute as any crap your parents used to push on you cause it was pushed on them, the only difference is their tradition is older. They’re both equally pointless.

I think a lot of time people mix up traditions with common decency, like holding the door for someone or wiping your feet at the door. Any “tradition” that is simply just an act of politeness, isn’t really a tradition. No, it’s more just a sign that you weren’t raised by mongoloids.

So, yeah, just be cool, it’s not that fucking hard.

(Just a reminder: This blog has some serious generalizations popping off, please take it with a grain of salt. I don’t fact check. I don’t even look up half the claims I make. I’m pretty much winging it at all times. so, remember, I’m kind of an idiot.)