Old virgins are creepy

(for some reason I can’t figure out the embed function…so you’re gonna have to click it…sorry!)

If you’ve been on the internet for the last week or so, you’ve very likely seen the clip of the two virgins sharing their first kiss over , after taking each others hands in marriage. While the kiss itself is more uncomfortable than a thousand erotic back rubs from your drunken uncle , there is a certain sweetness to it. It harkens back to a time when you were younger…you know, like 12 or 13 years old. When the playing field was even for all cause the majority of kids that age are virgins with little or no sexual history. I remember that moment of teeth banging into each other as I nervously fumbled through my first kiss. It was horrible and beautiful at the same time (more relieving that anything, really). But here’s the thing, I was a child. Childhood is all about these kind of discoveries. It’s during that time when people learn the most basic parts of sexual interaction. Granted, that interaction eventually will often turn into all sorts of foul shit, but it’s beginnings are basically innocent.
This is why I’ve always been bugged out by old virgins. It’s like people who didn’t have a childhood. Now, there are a few exceptions to this rule where being an old virgin is not totally strange:
1)If you’re religious and think you should wait till marriage, more power to you. i think you’re crazy but you 100% have the right to live you life the way you see fit.

2)If you were sexually abused or raped as a child. I can easily see how this might turn one sour to all things intimate. while that kinda thing tends to work the opposite and these victims often act out the other way, there are other girls/boys who just go into a sexual cocoon after something as horrible as that happens.

3)Some medical condition like your vagina is inside out or something. I dunno if that exists but I know girls and guys can both have problems down there that are beyond their control.

4)You are just really terrible looking and no one will fuck you. If this is the case, I’m sorry. But, at the same time, there comes a time when you just gotta bite the bullet and pay for sex. If you’re 30 years old, desperately wanting to fuck someone (anyone) and it’s looking bleak for the future, make an investment in yourself. There’s no shame in that. You deserve it.

Other than those four reasons, any other one I can think of is rooted in fear and insecurity. I can relate to this. I lost my virginity when I was 16. A good amount of my friends had already done it and I was eager to just get it out of the way. Granted, I was also a living and breathing boner (as most 16 year olds are) but the idea of going through with the act was both exciting and terrifying. When I eventually did it, i was pretty drunk and the girl who did it with me was no novice. I’d be lying if I said it was very special but , hey, it counted and that’s all that mattered to me.
The thing is, I feel like those kind of emotions are normal for teenagers. It’s like you gotta just get things out of the way so you can eventually enjoy them later. For girls, this is especially true. Losing your Virginity for girls sounds like hell. I was always bugged out by guys who prided themselves on taking a girls V-card. That’s the last thing I’d ever wanna do. It’s like “what’s that? really awkward sex where the other person is whimpering in pain and you have to stop and start a lot just to eventually bust a nut of despair? SIGN ME UP!”.
All these feelings are part of growing up. So, when you take someone who’s like 25+ and has never had sex, things get weird. First off, that pressure you once felt as a kid about sex was never released. It’s just been building more and more over time. This only gets worse the longer they wait. These people start to gather all these negative feelings towards sex that they can’t even really understand cause they’ve never done it in the first place.
Basically, they make it more important than it needs to be. In most cases of people I know who lost their virginities late the response has been either “Oh, that’s it?” or “why the fuck did I wait so long?!?!”. I don’t think I’ve ever met an old virgin ,who was a virgin for no reason, who was like “phew, glad I wasn’t doing this thing 5 years ago!”. It’s one of those things , like getting drunk or smoking weed for the first time, where you do it and , all of a sudden, everything makes sense. Now you see why certain people act the way they do. Now you understand why people are in shitty relationships or why people do down low things. Cause sex is awesome. Sex is a powerful thing while, at the same time, really not that serious. I suppose it’s only as serious as you make it. It dictates many things we do in life (and makes babies) but the act itself is just some carnal desire being acted out. Basically, like the great Ray Parker Jr. once said in the theme to “Ghostbusters”- “Bustin’ makes me feel good”.

If it feels good and isn’t harming you or the person involved, why deny yourself that? I know there are plenty of reasons people might give me in response to that question but I still contend they’re mostly steeped in fear and emotional weakness. If you can’t “handle” the idea of sharing something that intimate with another person, fine. But realize, you’re kinda fucked in the head. It has everything to do with your problems and nothing to do with the act of intercourse.

Explaining this to a virgin is like trying to explain why hamburgers taste good to a lifelong vegan. It’s something they’re not gonna understand until they actually try it for themselves.

So, to all you old virgins out there, what are you waiting for really? You’re not special. Your penis or vagina is also not special. Put that thing to work and stop being a little hoe about it.