Recently, I was on JetBlue flight enjoying 30 plus channels of pure television goodness. However, it was sunday, and all that was on was football. I’m not a big football fan so I found myself watch a marathon of the TV show “Ghost Adventures”. This is a show on the Travel channel in which three guys go to different “known” haunted places and try to get footage of all sorts of crazy paranormal shit. Every show, they lock themselves in a dark , scary place and literally yell at ghosts. Of the three guys, the leader and host is this buff meathead named Zak. Zak, dipped in his tight T-shirts with dragons on them and baggy jeans circa 1997, travels from room to room in these notorious places, trying to raise the dead. He sets up infrared cameras, has super-duper recording devices that are able to capture ghost sounds and he even has some sort of meter that reads the temperature as well as the electromagnetic fields (or whatever it is).
For some prime examples , here ya go:
Now, I’m a fairly skeptical person in general. There was really no point , during my viewing of this show, that I was really buying what they were selling. They make a compelling argument but , the thing is, everything they do can so easily be disproven, it’s pretty much a waste of time bothering. But, because the internet is a known time waster, allow me to go for it.
Here are the things that happen on the show and how I think they are bullshit:
1)Disembodied voices/ghosts talking
This is the funniest one to me cause they REALLY try to sell this shit. The voices are never clear, They’re always fragmented and their attempts at translating the words the catch on their recorder into shit that might have meaning is laughable. Obviously, I would dispel this one as post production. You pretty much never hear these voices during the filming. It’s almost always “caught on their super voice recorder” and , even then, it’s still a long shot. At best, this is some deep ouija board shit. However, if any of this were actually true, it proves a few things about ghosts: They’re all english as second language speakers and they have trouble expressing themselves. If ghosts can communicate, who do they have to be so curt about it. Dropping arbitrary one word answers all over the place. thye’re ghosts, not 2 year olds with learning disabilities. They’ll ask shit like “Why are you here?” and the ghosts will respond “Glargullll” , which they then translate to the ghost actually saying “Farm work” cause, after all, the ghost died in the fields blah blah blah.
But really, the explanation isn’t even worth it as I’m sure whatever sounds they’re hearing are either wind or sounds manufactured by people involved in the show
I noticed that everything that moves in this show is either off camera or caught on one of their still camera’s when they’re not in the room. To me, that’s pretty clearly just some tricks they’re pulling. Not to mention, weird shit sometimes happens. I’ve certainly heard things fall for no reason but that doesn’t mean that a ghost is being a prick. It just means some shit fell that you didn’t realize would fall.
They freak out all time over thumps in the night. Most of the places they go to are old ass houses or places that no ones lived for decades. Old houses make noises. Loud noises. They’re fucking old. I used to go to my grandfather’s house when I was very young and ,during the nights, that shit sounded like a factory at work. Not to mention, perhaps there are other living things in these abandoned areas. Rats could make some noise. Really, any animal bigger than a large roach could cause some sort of noise to happen. But, again, I think it’s just some dickhead in the other room throwing marbles at the wall.
4)Sudden temperature changes/energy being pulled from the ghost adventurers
I pretty much just chalk this one up to the dudes acting or being hypochondriacs. They’re constantly speaking of bad vibes.
Like “this room man…really bad vibes. I can feel a presence”.
Hey, you know what has bad vibes? A pitch dark scary ass room. That doesn’t make it haunted. Man, you put me alone in any forest on the planet during nighttime , trust that ,by sun up, I will shit in my pants so much i’ll be on a dung heap tall enough to see over the trees. Pitch dark, strange places are scary. Obviously. But I suppose that kinda what this show banks on. The typical fears of everyone. I don’t care who you are, I put your in an abandoned mental hospital at night and turn out the lights, you will be shook. Unless you’re Zak. In which case, he’s more concerned than scared.
5)Actual attacks by ghosts on people.
I only saw one of these. They were popping off at these particularly bad ghosts and Zak all of a sudden felt a burning on his back. They listed his shirt up to reveal three scratches on his back (BTW, three marks is the sign of the devil or some such bullshit) . Of course, no ghost would ever wanna harm his face, so he went for the under the shirt scratch. Why would he not? He’s a violent ghost but he’s not a coward who attacks a mans face. This one reminded me of some David Blaine shit , when he would burn a cigarette on his arm to reveal some words that meant something of importance to the person he was doing the trick to. Only, that Blaine shit seemed way more believable and far less explainable.
6)Unexplained lights shooting from all places
Every now and then, they will show a random light shoot across the room. Keep in mind , while they are working with night vision cameras, they also have all sorts of electronics in the room at all times. Perhaps a dust particle cause light ray. Who knows? But these passing light often attributed to spirit moving, are the weakest of the weak, in terms of hard evidence. Shit looks like some asshole moving a flashlight…which it probably is.
The creepiest thing they show is the rare lurking shadowy figure. You never see a face or any features, but it’s definitely something moving in the distance. I can only say this is just the production crew doing it. Never do these figures look anything but human and they’re never caught in a way that could prove or disprove anything. as far as I’m concerned, they’re P.A.’s getting Zak his late night Redbull.
Now, If I’m wrong and any of this is real, it sheds a lot of light on ghosts. Apart from the already mentioned poor communication skills and weak word pronunciation, apparently, ghosts never go anywhere. Where ever you die, that’s where you remain. This is kinda hard to swallow for me cause, if that was the case, wouldn’t every hospital on the planet be overrun by ghosts and they’re lame passive aggressive behavior? Tons of people die in hospitals…from old people to new-born babies. All just chilling and floating about , knocking scalpels off tables when no one is looking and knocking on walls every now and then. Oh , those pesky dead cock suckers!!!
My biggest beef with this shit is that , in order to really believe in ghosts, there is a certain amount of other things that have to be believed to really make sense of any of it. To me, it always comes back to religion and god. If ghosts exist, then, through the domino effect, you will eventually find your way back to a higher being , in the sky controlling everything…and i’m just not buying that shit.
If the two are not related that, man, what a fucking bummer. Imagine , just dying and for eternity, you just kinda float around your immediate area and annoy people. There is no heaven. No hell. Just the same old shit as before but with less power , no attention from anyone and nothing but time. That would be awful.
So, as you can guess, I rule “Ghost Adventurers” to be pure, unadulterated bullshit.
However, make no mistake about it, the alien attack is coming and may buddha have mercy on our souls. 4 REALZ YALL!